Unfiltered & Unlawful (The Unfiltered Series) (4 page)

The cocktail waitress came back around with another round of drinks. Tommy patted her ass again and over-tipped her. He didn’t need to tell Adam that he’d turned a deal of some sort. He always waved his money around when he did.

Adam silently accepted the drink and pretended not to notice the way the waitress was cozying up to Tommy now. Maybe he’d leave early with her, and that way if Sasha showed up there wouldn’t be a scene. She and Tommy were on the outs, but with the way he was pouring drinks down his throat and the twitchy gestures, he was already jacked up. Coke, booze, and a willing girl were Tommy’s standard good night, but if he could mix in a jealous Sasha, he’d call it a great night—and she might very well walk out with him.

“Lila,” Adam said, having heard her name called by another patron, “have you met my cousin, Tommy?”

She smiled at Tommy. “Not officially.”

“Tommy, this is Lila. Lila, Tommy.”

The two exchanged appraising looks, and Adam figured that he could expect Tommy to leave whenever Lila was done for the night. He hoped that they’d leave before the bar closed. Hopefully, they’d go before Sasha showed up… if she was going to show at all.

While Tommy and Lila bantered, Adam tuned them out and wondered what else he could do to make Sasha understand that he was interested in her. He’d never had to work for a girl’s attention, and he felt almost embarrassingly unsure of how to do so. He didn’t want to come on too strong because he knew she was still tentative after her back and forth with Tommy.

Adam’s attention returned to the bar when he heard Lila say, “I can probably take off since we’re so dead.”

Tommy dropped two more twenty dollar bills on the table. “Get us another round first.”

Adam tried not to let his disdain show. Tommy wasn’t a bad guy. He just lacked common sense.

When Lila returned a few minutes later, Tommy slammed his drink, looped an arm around her, and they left. They weren’t even out the door when Adam’s shoulders relaxed. Being around Tommy always made him tense. The boy drew trouble as easily as he breathed, and even when Adam was ready to smack his cousin up alongside the head, he wasn’t going to let anyone else do it. Family stuck together.

Now that he was alone at his table with one more drink than he needed, he settled in to wait and hope.

He knew that The Coffee Cave closed soon, but he figured it was crossing a line from friend to stalker if he went back there now. He glanced at the door furtively and scanned the bar again. If she didn’t come soon, he was going to have to admit defeat.

For tonight.

The others handled the body and the car. I walked away with the cocaine and my share of the cash. It wasn’t the same sort of risk… but bodies and kilos of cocaine were both the sort of evidence that led to felony charges if the police noticed them. Time in prison orange wasn’t high on my list of life goals.

It wasn’t any wonder then that I was shaking when I left The Coffee Cave. I was shaking a hell of a lot worse when I got to my place. I stashed the money and the coke, took a quick shower, and grabbed a few necessities. I left my hair hanging loose around my face and shoulders to hide the already forming bruise from when I was punched. In less than a half hour I was ready to walk back out my door. I knew Tommy was likely asleep, but I still hurried like he was awake and waiting. He wasn’t. We weren’t together anymore, but I needed him tonight.

This was so far off the path I wanted to be on. I’d moved to Rio Verde because that’s where my money ran out, and I hadn’t really had a destination in mind beyond “not in Ohio.” My parents weren’t awful. They just drank and didn’t have much use for a kid. I could’ve stayed with them when I turned eighteen, but paying rent to live in nowhere, Ohio seemed stupid. There was nothing for me in Ohio. So I left. I stayed in touch some at first, but five years later, I was in my own dead-end life in Arizona and hearing my mother mock me sent me into spirals of bad moods, so I stopped calling.

I
wanted
a better future, a little house, a good man, and maybe a bit of travel. I could even deal with a meaningless job if I had the house and the man. That’s all I really wanted out of life. It sounded so simple, but it seemed as elusive as a mansion in the sky.

Or maybe I just didn’t know how to get it. What I knew was mostly things that were bad for me—like Tommy. He was like a big plate of dessert. I knew he was bad for me, but sometimes in the middle of the night, I still ended up wanting a piece more than anything.

Not that my own actions tonight were the sort that were
good
for me. A man was killed. Twelve people were complicit in hiding the death of a drug dealer and theft of what was undoubtedly drug money. Oh, and I had what I thought was about fifty thousand dollars of cocaine in my possession. If I got caught by the cops, I would go to jail for a list of felonies, and if I were found by the owner of the drugs, I’d be dead by morning. In a few short hours, everything had changed. Now, it wasn’t Tommy that was the danger to my freedom and life.
I
was the problem.

Which gave me a good excuse to ignore every reason I had to stay clear of Tommy. He was no good for me for so many reasons, but right now, I needed his help desperately. I didn’t love him, but I cared about him a lot, and I trusted him. There was no one else I could go to with what I had found tonight. I’d stashed it at my apartment before I came here—to him, to the apartment that used to be mine too.

Right now I needed to see Tommy.

I needed a friend tonight, so I could forget that terrible few minutes earlier. Having a pile of cash wouldn’t do anything to make me forget that just a couple of hours ago, I thought I might die. There was a man, a gun, and a fist. Cash, even over a hundred grand, didn’t make that okay with me. I wasn’t close to my parents, and the only friends I had were Tommy and Adam. I needed to be around someone I trusted, even if it was just for one night. Then, after I got rid of the coke, I needed to get out of town.

I pounded on the door, not caring if anyone heard and pretty damn sure that the only way he’d bother answering was if he thought there was something in it for him. “Open up! It’s Sugar!”

A few minutes of yelling and pounding on the door passed before I heard the locks slide and click. Then the door was open, and he stood there in front of me. He’d obviously been sleeping. No shirt. No shoes. Pants slung low on his hips. Nothing but dark tattoos, tight muscles, and bare skin—it didn’t help that he had the same deep blue eyes that lit up Adam’s face. Like I said, he was dessert I shouldn’t have. It took my few remaining threads of self-control not to launch myself at him.

“What the fuck, Sugar? It’s the middle of the night and—”

“Are you alone?”

He ran his hand up his cheek and rubbed his face. “Yeah.”

I pushed past him into his tiny apartment. A few empty longneck bottles rattled as they fell and rolled across the coffee table I must have bumped. Behind me, I could hear the door close, and the locks engage.

“So you get an itch in the middle of the night and figure it don’t matter what I’ve got going on?” He flopped down on the battered sofa and grabbed a pack of Marlboro reds off the table.

I didn’t answer. Not yet. I’d let him have his say before I told him how severely I’d fucked my life tonight.

The familiar click of his lighter was followed by the glow of a cigarette he didn’t bother to offer me. “What if I had someone here? You say you’re done with me, but you still storm in here at all hours. Maybe you ought to take your key back if this is the way it’s going to be. There’s a hell of a lot nicer ways you could’ve woken me than banging on my door.”

“I need to move something,” I blurted. “Big.”

He stared at me silently then. The only noise was the soft crackle of burning tobacco and the quiet whoosh of him exhaling smoke.

“Some guy left his bag in the shop and… I figured you could help me. I’ll give you as much a cut of the sale as you need.”

“How much are we talking about?”

“Two bricks.”

“Damn. How pure?”

I shrugged.

“That’s right. You’re ‘clean’ again.” He shook his head at that, but his voice was bitter. My decision to stay away from him was all tangled up in my decision to stay away from coke. Tommy wasn’t very happy about it. Every time I’d run into him the past few months, he’d mentioned it. It didn’t stop us from fucking like we’d die if we didn’t, and it didn’t stop him from offering me a taste of the coke he always had on hand. So far I’d always said no to the coke every time, but yes to the cock several times. I wanted both, but I was trying to stay quit of both.

“I can’t sell what I can’t taste, Sugar Girl,” Tommy said.

I pulled out the tiny bag that I’d shoved into my purse before I’d left my apartment and dropped it on the table in front of him. Neither of us mentioned the way my hands shook when I did so.

“Doesn’t look like there’s much here.”

“I hid most of it.” I shrugged. I wasn’t going to carry thousands of dollars worth of coke around if I could avoid it.

He licked a bit of the cocaine from his fingertip, looked up at me, and then got to business. I watched him as he poured it out, lined it up, and inhaled. Somewhere in those few moments, I’d crossed my arms. I didn’t even realize I’d done it until I felt the edges of my fingernails dig into the skin of my arms.

Tommy leaned back on his sofa and watched me. “Someone’s definitely going to be missing this.”

“Will you sell it for me?”

He nodded.

I forced myself to stare only at him, not on the remaining three lines he’d drawn on the table. I knew the smaller one off to the side was for me if I wanted it. I could say no, and he’d be fine with it. I also knew that tonight of all nights I wanted that bliss more than ever. Still, I reminded us both, “I quit.”

He smiled at me. “You quit a lot of things, but you don’t stay quit.”

“I quit,” I repeated.

“You want it or not?” He nodded toward the table. “Say the word.”

I swallowed. Of course, I
wanted
it. Tommy was one of those weird people who could do a bump here or there, but stop. He had a lot more control than I did.

I swallowed again and shook my head. I couldn’t speak the lie aloud tonight.

“I’ll help you get rid of it,” he promised. Then he was standing beside me, arm around my waist. He pushed my hair aside and, almost at the same moment, had his lips on that spot on the side of my throat that he knew I liked too much. I didn’t even try to say no. I might resist the line on the table, but I’d never even once resisted him when he touched my skin. One touch, and I was done. He was better than drugs.

“Tomorrow,” I said. “You can’t keep this very long, Tommy. It’s got to get gone as fast as you can.”

“I want thirty percent for selling it.”

“Done.” I glanced back at the line on the table. It was ridiculous that a tiny white line was that hard to look away from, but it was. I pulled away from Tommy. He needed to finish that before I gave in.

He bent down and inhaled one of the remaining lines. “It’s barely cut. Purest I’ve tasted in a while.”

“I quit.”

“Your choice, Sugar Girl, but”—he yanked my shirt off—“I’m not going to be sleeping, not after that, so
you
aren’t going to be sleeping either.”

“I didn’t come here for that.” I paused, met his eyes, and admitted, “I just needed a friend, someone I can trust.”

“You can trust me, Sugar.” Tommy wasn’t one for wasting time or using words when actions would do better. He already had one hand pinching my bra open and the other unbuttoning my jeans. I didn’t protest. I should’ve. I knew it.

“I’ll take care of it… and you,” he murmured.

My bra was trapped between us, unhooked but caught on my arms.

“Just tonight.” I needed to forget, to feel alive, to not be afraid for a little while. I wanted Adam, the man I dreamed about, but I wasn’t good enough for him. I had done so much wrong, and tonight… tonight, I’d been there when we hid the shooting of a drug dealer. Being with Tommy was a mistake, but I wanted to be held. I wanted to erase the fear of being killed that kept threatening to rise up and drown me.

“This doesn’t mean we’re back together,” I added.

Tommy didn’t argue or agree. I knew it was his way of postponing the conversation again. It didn’t matter as much this time. After I got rid of the drugs, I was leaving town. This was our goodbye.

I stepped back and let my bra drop to the floor.

Even now, I couldn’t stop looking at the line on the table. Even now with him touching me, I couldn’t ignore it. If I was going to give up on the rules, why not go all in? Tonight, I needed everything. I’d already hate myself in the morning. What was one more mistake? The cocaine would make me feel invincible tonight. I wanted that after feeling so powerless at The Coffee Cave.

“One bump,” I whispered. “Promise me you won’t let me have any more tomorrow.”

“Promise.” Tommy bent his head to capture my nipple in a gentle open-mouthed kiss. He was only gentle for a moment before he pulled back and scraped his teeth over me.

I kneeled down. He stood at my side and gathered my hair in his hand, holding it back while I inhaled the line he’d left for me. My eyes closed as my entire body came alive. It was like my nerves multiplied. I could feel everything, and it was amazing. I could do anything. No one could hurt me. Nothing could stop me. I fucking
loved
this feeling.

I didn’t bother opening my eyes when I felt Tommy move to kneel naked behind me. He still had my hair in his hand. An amazing high and on the precipice of amazing sex—I had everything I could ever want in that moment.

Not everything,
a guilty voice reminded me. I didn’t have Adam. I didn’t have the fantasy that I had started to dream of more and more.
I don’t deserve that though.

I felt powerful, and I wanted it to last forever. It was a sort of perfect lie that I’d willingly die for when I was in it. Tomorrow, I’d remember why both the sex and drugs were a bad idea. Tonight, all I could say was, “More.”