Unfiltered & Unlawful (The Unfiltered Series) (9 page)

“He
can’t
be dead. It’s a mistake.” I tried to pull my hand out of Adam’s, but he didn’t let me go. “No.”

“There’s no mistake, Sasha. I saw him.” Adam squeezed my hand. “I’m sorry. I know you thought he wasn’t in trouble, but—”

“
He
wasn’t the one in trouble.”

It hit me then, like someone had punched me in the stomach. The awful truth made me feel like puking. Tommy was dead because of me. Whether it was because he was trying to sell the coke I gave him or because they realized where the coke came from, it was my fault.

“You need to go,” I blurted out. “It’s not safe to be around me. They’ll kill you too.” I used our clasped hands, since he still held mine, to try to pull him, but Adam Bradbery was a wall of muscle. I couldn’t budge him at all.

“I’m not going anywhere without you,” he said.

“You aren’t listening, Adam! They
killed
Tommy. You need to get out of here before someone realizes that you were here. You can’t be near me.” My voice was bordering on shrill, but I couldn’t stop it.

“No.”

“Don’t be stupid!” I jerked my hand out of Adam’s grasp. “I need to get into his place to see if he left… anything there. You need to go. Just leave.”

He grabbed me as I tried to stand up. “We can stop at his place if you really want, but you’re not staying here
or
going there alone.”

I couldn’t pull away from him, so I didn’t even try this time. I twisted so I was facing him. “I’m
not
staying here. After I check if he left anything at the apartment, I’m going to get out of Rio Verde. I told you I was leaving. I was just waiting on—” I cut myself off and shook my head before I could continue. “You just stay away from here and from his place and… just stay away from anything about us. That’s the only safe—”

“No,” he interrupted. “I’m here with you. I’m staying with you, Sash. Wherever you are is where I’ll be.”

When I didn’t say anything, Adam wrapped his arms around me and held me. I let him. It was selfish, and I knew it, but I was terrified. Four days ago I was worried that a stranger was going to kill me. Four days ago I was an accomplice in hiding a murder and stealing from the dead. I hadn’t meant for any of that to happen, but it had. I thought the money was a chance for a future, a chance to start over somewhere else. Now Tommy was dead. I couldn’t let anything happen to Adam too.

“We’ll get this sorted out,” he said.

I pushed myself out of his arms and whispered, “It’s my fault, Adam.”

Adam ignored what I said. He just kept on with his plan as if I hadn’t spoken. “I’ll drive you to Tommy’s place, and then we’ll come back here and load up whatever you need.” He stared into my eyes and said, “I’m coming with you wherever you’re going. I can work anywhere, and I have money put away. I’ll take care of you, Sasha.”

There was no other way to make him understand that he couldn’t be around me. I knew he hated drugs. I had to tell him the truth—or as much of it as I could. I didn’t look away as I confessed, “I came across some money and two kilos of cocaine. Tommy was selling it for me. I doubt there’s any money or coke at his place, but even without that, I have plenty. I don’t need you to take care of me. Tommy tried. He’s dead now. He’s dead
because of me
.”

I wanted to curl up and cry about that, but I couldn’t. I needed to stay strong until I was far away from here. Then I could fall apart. Not now. I sat down again though. I might be able to hold off on the tears, but I felt like grief and fear were stealing my strength.

Adam came to crouch in front of me. “Tommy’s the one who got you started on drugs. Not the other way around. You’ve only known him a couple of years, but I
know
my cousin. He was mixed up with all sorts of stupid shit for as long as I can remember. That’s why I came to Rio Verde, to check on him for my Aunt Grace.”

Adam looked away for a moment, and I figured he had to be thinking about his family. I didn’t ask. I couldn’t yet. I’d never met any of them other than Adam. I wasn’t sure if Tommy had even told them about me.

After a moment, Adam cleared his throat and continued, “If it wasn’t this, it would’ve been something else. We all knew it. If not for Aunt Grace’s constant badgering of God, I’m pretty sure Tommy would’ve been in jail or dead years ago. That woman prays so much, I think God’s probably been afraid to tell her no, but even all of her prayers could only buy him so much time.”

“You should go home,” I said. “There will be a funeral, and—”

“
No
. I already told them I had to handle some things because of how he died. They didn’t ask, but they know I won’t be home with the body.” Adam paused again. “I said my goodbyes to him. Now, I’m going to get you out of here. I just need to grab some clothes and my work stuff, and then we’ll get you packed—”

“I’ve been packed for two days,” I interrupted.

“Good. That makes it quicker.” He stood and pulled me to my feet. “If you want, I can go over to Tommy’s place to look around on my own.”

“No.” I stepped around Adam and grabbed my purse. “Let’s go.”

Downstairs in the lot, we both pulled out our keys.

Adam frowned. “I don’t think you should drive.”

Even though I wanted to argue, I knew he was right. There weren’t a lot of people on the road, but there were enough that I wasn’t going to endanger them to try to prove that I was calmer than I really was. I dropped my keys back into my purse. “Fine.”

“Are you okay on the bike or do you want me to drive your car?”

“Bike.”

Adam motioned me toward his Harley. It wasn’t a chopped out beast with ape hangers, unusual tires, or an overload of chrome. It was a classy looking, solid machine with a silver dragon detailed on the body and matte finish pipes. Those pipes were just this side of legal, and I’d listened to Adam’s Harley growl enough times that I was almost smiling at the thought of being on it. It was a beautiful bike.

“Just hold on and follow my body when I lean,” he ordered as he straddled the bike.

I didn’t tell him that his wasn’t the first bike I’d been on. I didn’t mention that I’d spent a few months with the sort of guys who thought Harleys meant that if you weren’t their “old lady” you needed to pay with “ass, gas, or grass.” I just threw my leg over and settled in behind him on the tiny, uncomfortable seat that made it quite clear that there wasn’t a woman who sat here regularly.

I thought back to the times I’d seen Adam out and about. I don’t remember many girls being allowed on his bike at all. Under different circumstances, I’d feel special for being on his Harley.

I knew that he didn’t carry a helmet, so I didn’t bother asking for one. Riding without it was far from the most dangerous thing I’d done that week. Pressing my chest up against Adam’s back and wrapping my arms around him was more dangerous than the lack of helmet—probably for both of us. I closed my eyes as he started the bike and rested my face against the back of his shoulder. Riding together was somewhere between dancing and sex. Two bodies had to move like one. The minute adjustments, the speed, the vibration of the engine and wheels churning over the road, all combined to create a sort of symbiosis that few other experiences could.

I lost myself in the feel of it.

Too soon, however, we were stopping. Worse yet, I was walking into a building I’d really rather not enter today… or ever again. It felt wrong to be there with Adam. It felt even worse to realize that since Tommy walked out of my apartment on Sunday, the only times I’d smiled were thanks to Adam.

I pushed away that guilt-inducing thought and walked toward the building. Adam was at my side. I noticed him scanning the area, but he didn’t stop me from opening the door to the stairwell.

When we reached Tommy’s apartment, I lifted my hand to knock before I remembered that he wasn’t there. He’d never be there again. Tommy was dead, and it was my fault. If I hadn’t taken the coke, he’d be alive. If I hadn’t brought it to him, he’d be alive. If I hadn’t gone to work that night, he’d be alive. There were a million things I could’ve decided differently, and he’d still be alive.

“Do you still have a key?” Adam asked, startling me a little.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d stood there motionless.

I shook my head. Tommy and I had fought over that damn key more times than I could count. Sometimes we’d fought because he thought I should keep it because it was my home too, and sometimes we fought because he thought I shouldn’t have it in case he was with someone else.

Adam reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a pocket knife, except that when he opened it, it wasn’t a blade that extended. This was a multi-tool of lock picks.

“I’m not going to ask,” I said.

“Good idea.”

After a couple moments, Adam unlocked the door, and we went inside the apartment.

I was pretty sure that Tommy had to have had either the drugs or any money he got for them with him when he was killed, but I still had to check. Anything he had left of either would be here. “Start in the kitchen,” I said. “Check all the boxes in the cupboard too.”

“I know the drill for finding a stash of money or drugs,” Adam said. “Freezer, pantry, and cupboards.”

“Right,” I said, and I had to wonder what all I didn’t know about him. Most people didn’t think to look inside food for a stash unless they’d lived in Tommy’s world for a while. Adam wasn’t straight-edge or anything, but the hardest things he imbibed were whiskey and gin. No cigarettes or drugs. He didn’t smoke
any
thing. The only needles he’d touched, as far as I knew, were tattoo needles. Maybe someday, I’d ask Adam how he knew where all to look.

“I’ll take the bedroom and bathroom while you do the kitchen.”

“Check inside the TP holder,” he called as I walked away.

Yeah, he knew far too much. There were secrets there. Maybe those secrets explained why he stayed to keep an eye on Tommy or why he was so proud of me for getting clean.

I walked into Tommy’s bedroom… and stopped. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Just a couple of days ago, we were here together.

I didn’t cry. I couldn’t. I
wouldn’t
.

Maybe it was stupid, but I grabbed one of Tommy’s shirts from the floor and changed into it. I wanted to smell him against my skin while I still could. Before I could think too long on it, I scooped a few more of his shirts and shoved them into a duffle bag. Then I started going through all of the drawers, the laundry basket up against the wall, and the pockets of his jacket. I felt underneath the dresser for anything taped there, and I did the same for the bed and the closet shelf. I knew that some of these places were too small for the amount of cash or drugs I was hoping to find, but maybe there would be a key or a note. Tommy and I had both hidden things in the apartment before, mostly when I was looking for drugs he wouldn’t give me.

By the time I’d searched the entire bedroom, I’d found no trace of drugs or money. I grabbed a few pictures of us, a necklace he’d bought me that I’d thrown at him in one of our uglier fights, and a few more pieces of clothing—mine this time. I tossed it all into a duffle bag.

Then I went to the living room to search there.

It was stupid, I guess, but kneeling on the floor near the coffee table and sofa to look under the sofa was what did it. I finally started crying. It wasn’t like the sex I’d had there just a couple nights ago had been romantic or anything, but it was where our last night together had started.

I was gasping in grief a few moments later when I felt strong arms wrap around me.

Quickly I jerked away. Having someone else touch me was wrong when I was kneeling
there
thinking of being with Tommy.

“Don’t,” I said. “Just don’t touch me.”

Adam didn’t say anything. He just lifted the sofa cushions and checked under them. He didn’t put them back down, but moved on to the next thing. I looked toward the kitchen and saw that it was all out of order too. The whole place was starting to look like there had been a shakedown, and I guess there sort of had been.

“Are you ready to get out of here?” Adam said, breaking into my thoughts.

I turned to see him standing beside me. He looked about as comfortable as I felt. I knew he and Tommy had their share of differences of opinions, but they’d been family,
and
Adam had had to identify the body. All of that was after he’d asked me to leave Tommy. I couldn’t imagine how awful today had been for Adam.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“For…?”

“You’re probably upset too, and you’re having to deal with my shit.” I closed the drawer.

Adam laughed, not in amusement but bitterly. “Sweetheart, I’ve been cleaning up after Tommy since we were still in middle school. It’s been what I do for so long that it’s not even worth mentioning.”

I opened my mouth, thought better of the things I wanted to say, and closed it. It hit me with a disturbing amount of clarity that Adam had been looking after Tommy all along. He had told us both that we were bad together. I’d thought that he was trying to protect me too, but as I looked at him now I changed my mind. How far was he willing to go to keep Tommy safer? Were the things he said to me at Sinners Ink about me at all? I wasn’t ugly. I wasn’t a model or anything, but I was pretty and my body was enough to make people look more than once. Still, Adam hadn’t ever said anything to me that made me think he was really interested until this week when I showed up covered with Tommy’s fingerprints and obvious proof of a fist to my face.

He must have thought Tommy had started hitting me, and he was trying to keep Tommy out of jail for assault,
I thought.

He’d come to Rio Verde to protect Tommy, and I guess that somewhere along the line, Adam had decided that part of that was to keep me away from Tommy. I had thought that he cared, that we were friends. I was a fool. All I had in my life were casual acquaintances. It was ridiculous to think that someone as wonderful as Adam would want to be more.

I didn’t want to know how far Adam would’ve gone to keep me away from his cousin, but I was suddenly extra grateful that I’d stepped away from him instead of giving in to the lust I’d felt.