Unspoken Abandonment (5 page)

March 2,
2003
:

It was a very quiet night again; long, dark, and cold.
The lonely quiet
gave me a chance to talk with Massoud and learn more about him and his people. Massoud said he was a
mujahedeen
fighter from an area called the Panjshir Valley.

Massoud said the word
mujahedeen
means “holy warrior,” but the true
mujahedeen
think of themselves as freedom fighters. When the Russians invaded Afghanistan in the 1970s
,
they planned to make Afghanistan free of religion and ban Islam. The people resisted and the
mujahedeen
fought a long, bloody war against the Russians. After many years of fighting, the
mujahedeen
triumphed and the Russians left Afghanistan.

Shortly after the Russians left, the Taliban rose to power. Massoud described the Taliban as a group of men who hid behind the religion of Islam and used Islamic law to control society, although their true motive was not religious. Massoud claims the true reason for having complete control of the people was so they could also have complete control of the money, guns, drugs, an
d territory in Afghanistan. The
mujahedeen
rose again and fought the Taliban, with many being either killed or captured and subsequently tortured. This time the
mujahedeen
fighters had far less success than against the Russians.

Massoud
then described
to me a new breed of radical Muslim fighters who are declaring a jihad, or holy war, and are also calling themselves
mujahedeen
fighters. Massoud said these men are not freedom
fighters;
they are killing innocent people with car bombs, rockets, landmines, and drive-by shootings. These men torture, maim, and ruin lives; they destroy the lives around them, rather than protect. According to Massoud, these new
mujahedeen
fighters are not, and never will be, true
mujahedeen
warriors.

He also explained terrorism in Afghanistan. Massoud said the terrorist leaders try to justify their actions by calling it the poorest nation in the world striking out against the wealthiest. The fact is however, the terrorist leaders are actually very wealthy. Massoud said they are really trying to serve their own selfish motives and use the most impressionable people they can manage to
manipulate. Massoud
sadly
said
there are many people in Afghanistan who have never had an education, and they quickly follow the false teachings of these
self-proclaimed
leaders. Most Afghans do see through the lies, but many do not. As a result, violence has become a way of life in this country.

Other than talking with Massoud, not a thing went on last night.

March 3,
2003
:

The night shift was very slow, it seems like a pattern is developing. Sometimes I actually enjoy the silence of sitting all alone in the OP at night; all you can do is think. I think a lot about myself and my life. I think about who I really am, where I
a
m going in life,
and
what I a
m
actually
accomplishing
right now. I ha
ve never really stopped to do that, and it
is actually very nice to
like
the answers that you
find. I think a lot of people should do this more often
. If you like what you find, it is wonderful. If you do not like what you find, it i
s never too late to start making changes.

I ha
ve been wondering a lot about what will happen w
hen I go home. I wonder where I will live, what I wi
ll be doing, and other things like that.
We got our first chance to call home last night. I called my wife, but there was no answer. Hopefully
she will be there
next time.

As the morning rolled around, I did
n
o
t get to go to bed;
instead
,
we went out on a mission. Last night, a British civilian was shot and killed
,
and as a result we
a
re going to be putting a lot of military presence in the area of the shooting. A total of ten of us loaded up into two Suburbans, and rolled out of the compound and into the Kabul madness.
I call it that because the traffic here is absolutely insane. Just like every other aspect of life here, there are essentially no rules. People drive on whatever side of the road
they choose,
and
they drive as fast or slow
as they want. There are no stop signs or traffic lights, and the right of way basically goes to whoever has the biggest balls. To top it all off, the streets are filled with a medley of every mode of transportation imaginable, with no one giving a shit about the others.
The bicyclists are the worst as
they are everywhere. On our way out
of the compound
, we hit one guy with our mirror so hard it knocked him off his bike. I felt bad, but we
can
not stop for anything.

We got to the area of Kabul we were patrolling, and it was relatively calm. There were a lot of people around, but nothing seemed like trouble
, and
everyone
was
just going about their
daily
business. When we parked and got out of the Suburbans, no one approached us, and there were no beggars. It was
strange;
people would
n
o
t even make eye contact.
As the day went on, we learned that the rumor on the street was that an American was killed and not a British civilian. The locals were scared that we were there for revenge. I think they viewed us as being angry and armed, and no one wanted to give us an excuse to fire.

We were in a part of Kabul that is very badly ruined and extremely impoverished.
Most of the buildings had heavy signs of war with walls blown
apart
, bullet holes, and collapsed roofs. Even the road
and sidewalk had craters from
pa
st explosions. The main street,
if you
want to call it that,
had numerous narrow alleyways branching off of it. The alleys were littered with garbage
,
and each
alley
had families living out of makeshift shelters. Many of the “homes” within the alleys were just old boxes covered with plastic.
The most
shocking thing was to see
how many children
seem to be
l
iving in these alleys all
alone.

The children were all very dirty, and their clothes were absolutely disgusting. The amazing part though, these kids were still kids. I saw a lot of them playing with what they could, and they actually seemed to be enjoying
themselves
.
I saw one group of kids laughing and giggling while they were playing with an old
,
deflated soccer ball. When no adults
are
looking the children
will
sometimes give us a smile and a “thumbs up.” No matter how much life sucks for them, kids are kids.

To see a kid living a life like that and still able to smile, it sparks an emotion inside of you that is impossible to describe with words. Part of me wishes more than anything that these kids could have a better life, but I know
the reality is
a quarter
of them w
ill not
even be alive in five years
;
yet, they smile.

March 4,
2003
:

After the midnight to eight shi
f
t in the OP, a group of us loaded up and went back out to patrol again. Driving through Kabul is one thing, but when you
stop and get out of the vehicle,
you are in a whole other world. Twelve of us went out, and we walked in three-man teams. It
i
s a voluntary mission for me today as it was another squad’s assignment. Walking around, patrolling this area is such a
rush;
I can
no
t get enough of it. After yesterday’s patrol, I laid in my bed in total darkness for a few hours before OP duty. I could still feel the adrenaline that had built up in my body, and
its
rush was amazing.

During today’s patrol, there were a lot more people out on the streets
,
and
there were
a lot more guns.
I know that if shit goes down, my body armor will stop one or two rounds from an AK47, but after that I
woul
d be in some serious shit. I tried not to let that thought run through my mind, but when you see so many rifles out in the streets, it’s hard to ignore them. You see men who look as old as sixty
,
and boys as young as twelve
,
carrying a rifle. It
i
s freaky.

All of the little kids really seem interested in us. When we walk past
them,
they smile and wave or give a “thumbs up.” The older kids on the other hand, teenagers seem to hate us. They
wi
ll tell us to go home, give us the finger, or spit towards us. They do
n
o
t speak English, but a very common phrase we keep hearing is “America no good. America go home.” I
t does stand to reason; they a
re teenagers and
need to rebel against something:
us.

The streets were very tense today. During the patrol we had to check a lot of people, a lot of veh
icles, and a lot of storefronts
for anything suspicious or dangerous. Our current orders are not to take weapons from civilians as long as they are only in possession of a single rifle. We were told that order will be changing soon, but for now it is what it is.

Stopping and searching civilians is
n
o
t very stressful, but
searching
cars get very nerve
-racking
. Car bombs are the weapon of choice for the Taliban in Kabul
. W
hen a car is left unattended for too long, or a driver is acting strange, it
becomes our job to make sure it i
s safe. Checking vehicles can only be described as absolutely, fucking terrifying.
With each
second
that passes by
, you
r
ass puckers tight
er
,
and you pray the thing does
no
t explode on you. The only thing that keeps me going is
to
constantly
tell
myself that if it does explode
it will be quick
,
and I w
ill not
feel a thing.
The adrenaline
really is
one hell of a rush
,
though!

Another amazing thing is how hard the Afghans work. I watched a group of men working to remove the rubble from a blown out building. They were
n
o
t using heavy equipment and
machinery;
instead
,
they were using spade shovels and a wheelbarrow. All of the w
ork here is done by hand
or
,
if they
a
re lucky, with the help of a horse or donk
ey. Most of the people here canno
t afford a donkey
,
so
it is
very common to see a man pulling a c
art filled with rock and debris rather than
an animal doing the job.

Most of the workers are very beaten and worn by a brutal ex
istence. They
a
re all very dirty
,
most
with long
and
mangy beards. Many
of
the men
are even working without shoes. I could
n
o
t help but wonder
:
if that was me
,
and
I was
being
forced to
work that hard, how would I look at life?
My view would p
robably
be
a lot different than what I see today. I feel absolutely terrible for these people
,
and even after the adrenaline fades, that
sadness
only grows stronger
.
I
ha
ve se
en things that have made me sad
and people that I’ve felt sorrow for, but never anything like this. We have all read about poverty and starvation around the world, but I never imagined I would be witnessing it first
hand. On one hand I wish I did no
t have to see this, but on the other I hope it causes me to never
again
take anything for granted.
I hope this makes me appreciate every last thing I have been blessed with in life.