Until the Sun Burns Out (19 page)

I wasn’t planning to come back, and yet here I was standing on the same beach where I first met Austin. Everyone thought the only reason I came was for my dad’s wedding. And that was definitely part of it. Mom told me I’d never forgive myself if I missed it, and she was probably right. Besides, I knew it was important to Dad that I was here.

But ultimately, Austin was the reason I came. Ironic that he was the selling point of Inland Cove when he was alive, and he still was even in his death. This beach, this town, this ocean – it all represented him to me. In my mind there wasn’t Inland Cove without Austin.

I’d met him in my first week here, and he’d been a fixture ever since.

Austin had taught me to live life to the fullest. I hadn’t even realized it at the time. He probably didn’t even mean to. It was just who he was. He was full of life. Adventure pumped through his veins. He bled competition, and it was one of the things I loved most about him. Even when he’d lost someone he loved, he mourned it and then moved on. He didn’t let it weigh him down. Didn’t let it define him. It was the same way with his parents and his heart condition.

I knew he wouldn’t like to see me sad the way I’d been since he died. The way I walked around, blanketed by a dark cloud, as if I could no longer see the sun shining.

After Austin passed away, I’d been plagued with all the things I never said to him. All the things I wished I had. All the things he deserved to know, deserved to hear. Now they sat in my chest, bubbled up in my throat. And I longed to let them spill out.

But there was no point. Austin wasn’t here for me to say them to.

This was why people visited the graves of their loved ones. It was so they could say good-bye, speak their piece. It had never been about the dead. It was about the living. A way to process and move on. Dad had tried to help me do that up at Serenity Hill, the same way I had tried for Austin. But it wasn’t enough. Maybe because at that time I didn’t know all of the things I wanted to say. Now I did.

And even though I couldn’t visit Austin’s grave, I had the next best thing – this place.

It was early morning and still cool out. This had been Austin and my favorite time to come to the beach. When it was quiet and mostly empty. We’d walk along the shore, allowing the frigid water to splash over our feet. Or we’d search for seashells. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the last one he gave me. Normally it sat on my dresser, greeting me every morning and every night. A constant reminder of Austin and what we had. Today I held it in my hand, stroked its shiny exterior.

A dog barked, and my head snapped up. A man ran with his dog. I smiled when they passed. Then I stretched out my legs until the tips of my toes hit the ice cold water. Goosebumps rose on my flesh, a shudder running up my spine. Raising my head, I allowed the warmth of the sun to wash over my face. It felt like a caress, the wind a soft sigh. And I imagined it was Austin smiling down on me.

“I keep replaying our last night together,” I spoke softly into the air, my eyes still tightly closed. “And I think about all the things I should’ve said. I don’t know if I ever made it clear how much you meant to me. How much you changed my life. I was a different person before I met you. I was insecure and needy, unsure. But you gave me self-confidence. You made me stronger.” My voice broke. “I never told you that, and I should have. But I never imagined you were going to leave me the way you did.”

“I didn’t leave you, summer girl. I’m right here.”

I flinched at the sound of his voice, my eyelids flipping open. And there he was. Standing in front of me in his swim trunks, bare chest gleaming in the sunshine, just like I remembered him. I sat perfectly still, afraid if I moved even an inch the mirage would vanish, and I’d be alone again.

“I wish that were true,” I said.

“It
is
true.” He smiled that heart-stopping grin of his. “I told you that you were my forever girl, and I meant it.”

“You have no idea how good it made me feel when you called me that.”

“Forever girl?” He asked, cocking one brow.

I nodded.

“I know, because it meant the world to me when you called me your forever boy.”

“I should’ve said it more than just that one time.”

“One time was enough.”

“Really?”

He lowered down next to me, our gazes colliding. “You’ve got to stop beating yourself up. None of this was your fault.” A smile spread across his face. “And for the record, you didn’t need me to help with your self-confidence. You were strong when I met you.”

“But you made me better.”

“We made each other better.”

Nodding, my lips twitched slightly.

“You were the best thing that happened to me, Mina.”

A sob tore from my throat. “Then why couldn’t you stay with me? Why did you have to leave?”

“Sometimes people are only meant to be in our lives for a season.”

“Like the summer?” I asked bitterly, my hand sweeping in the sand. One tear trickled down my face.

“Yes. Like the summer.” His eyes twinkled. “But they were some amazing summers, weren’t they?”

“They really were,” I agreed.

“I didn’t have a long life, Mina, but I had a full one. And you played a big part in that. How many seventeen-year-olds can say that they experienced the love of a lifetime?”

Another tear dropped, and I brushed it off.

His hand extended to me, and I stared at it. I knew he wasn’t really here, but the temptation to try to touch him was too great, so I lifted a shaky arm. When his fingers closed around mine, I sucked in a ragged breath.

“You’re still alive, and it’s time you acted like it,” he instructed.

It was such an Austin thing to say, and it made me smile. I allowed him to guide me up to a standing position. When his hand dropped from mine, I longed for his touch again. Feeling cold and empty, I hugged myself.

“Bet I can beat you into the water.” He winked. “I’ll even give you a head start.”

“You know I don’t need a head start,” I reminded him.

He clucked his tongue. “Always so much trash talk for such a pretty girl.”

“Fine. Let’s do this.” Chuckling, I took off running, Austin at my heels. The water was even colder than I expected, but it was okay. I welcomed the way it woke me up, got my heart pumping. It made me feel alive. More so than I had in months.

Diving into it, I allowed it to wash over my head, soak my hair. When I came up for air, I heard Austin’s voice.

“Look alive, summer girl. A wave’s coming.”

Spinning around, I saw the wave just in time. Lunging forward, it caught my body and carried it forward. The wind whipped in my hair, the sun swept over my face, wiping away all traces of tears. Adrenaline pumping, I felt on top of the world. When the water took me under, I held my breath and swam to the surface.

After my head popped through the water, I glanced around looking for him, but he was gone.

At first the loneliness engulfed me again, but then his words rattled around in my mind.

I didn’t leave you, summer girl. I’m right here.

With tears in my eyes, a smile leapt to my face. When Austin died, I thought he left me. But he hadn’t. He was in the sky, he was in the waves, he was winking at me from behind the clouds. All of the moments we shared were tucked away in my mind, and I could conjure them up at any minute. Austin had given me his heart, and nothing could take that from me. Not even death.

I splashed around in the waves a little longer, picturing Austin beside me. It was the most free I’d felt in a year, and I didn’t want to let it go. As the water swelled around me, I recalled all of the times Austin and I played around in the ocean, from that first moment I saw him laughing at me to the last day we’d spent at the beach. When my limbs tired, I headed for the shore.

People were starting to show up, and a few of them glanced at me curiously. They were probably wondering why I’d been swimming in my clothes. But I didn’t care. What happened this morning was strictly between Austin and me, and it was worth every moment.

Walking up on the sand, mud caked my heels, splattered the back of my calf. In the sand was a stick, and a thought struck me. Bending down, I snatched it up. Hunched over, I drew two hearts linked in the sand. Then I dropped the stick and stood back to admire my handiwork. I was no artist. That was apparent. If Austin were with me now, I was sure he’d make some quip about it. Probably try to draw a better one and then compare the two.

But that was okay. I knew what it represented.

Lifting my gaze to the heavens, I closed my eyes and whispered, “Until I see you again, my summer boy.”

An amused expression cloaked his face. “You’re coming back next summer, right?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

Smiling, he lifted his hand one last time, skimming his fingers over my cheek and chin. “I’ll see you then, my summer girl.”

THE END

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Usually the book idea comes first and then the cover is birthed out of that idea. But not with this book.  The idea for this story came to me after seeing a premade cover designed by the incredibly talented Alivia Anders. I loved this cover so much I paused, staring at it and wishing I had a book for it. As I looked at the four photographs, three of the couple and one of a drawing in the sand, it hit me. I was flooded with the story of Mina and Austin. Also, fun fact: You might have noticed that the couple on this cover is the same one I have on THE SUMMER WE FELL.

As a reader I love ugly cry books. I love novels that make me feel something, even if that something is sadness. But as a writer, I’ve been reluctant to write a novel like this. I’m not sure why. I think part of it is that I worry about alienating readers who expect HEAs from me. But probably the bigger reason is that I get attached to my characters and I don’t want to kill them off.

There were moments while writing this book that I had second thoughts about the ending. I loved Austin. He’s one of my favorite guys I’ve ever written. And I wanted to keep him with me. To keep him in Inland Cove. To keep him with Mina. So the ending was just as gut wrenching for me as it was for you.

But I hope you enjoyed your trips to Inland Cove with Mina. I hope you enjoyed her story because I really liked writing it.

As always, I have many people to thank:

My graphic artist, Aliva, thank you for not only designing the perfect cover, but thank you for inspiring me to write this story! Your amazing work is what made Austin and Mina come to life.

My editor, Lisa Richardson, I can’t tell you how much it means to me that I have you to count on. I would be lost without you.

Andrew, Eli and Kayleen, thank you for your constant, daily support of my career.

Megan Squires, thank you for reading this as I wrote it. Your feedback was invaluable.

Cambria Hebert and Cameo Renae, as always our daily chats keep me sane. Well, somewhat anyway. Ha ha!

Alyssa Quilala – Thank you for your suggestion of Inland Cove. It was perfect for the town.

My fan club, your supports means everything to me.

And to god, all I do is for you! Thank you for allowing me to live my dream.

Amber

Amber Garza is the author of the bestselling
Playing for Keeps Series,
as well as many other bestselling young adult romance novels including
Tripping Me Up
and
The Summer We Fell
. She also has several new adult and adult romance novels including
Break Free, Star Struck
and
Head Above Water
. She has had a passion for the written word since she was a child making books out of notebook paper and staples. Her hobbies include reading and singing. Coffee and wine are her drinks of choice (not necessarily in that order). She writes while blaring music, and talks about her characters like they’re real people. She currently lives in California with her amazing husband, and two hilarious children who provide her with enough material to keep her writing for years.