Up High in the Trees (18 page)

I got in trouble because of Halloween, he tells me. I can't have any of my candy for two weeks.

How did you get back here? I ask. I know he had to walk through the whole house to come out the back door.

The front wasn't locked, he says.

Dad forgets to lock the door sometimes, so I have to remember.

I have a cat, you know, I tell him.

Jackson's looking down at his red boots. He squats and rubs away a scuff mark with two fingers.

Let me see it, Jackson says.

I take him inside the house and we go to the kitchen but the cat's not under the table, so I go upstairs to ask Dad and Jackson follows.

Dad's lying on his back on the floor with his arms folded under his head. The cat's sleeping on Dad's stomach. I know the song playing. Dad has it turned down low because he's listening to the Beach Boys. I go sit by him and pet the cat. I look at Jackson to see how he watches me. He watches with his arms crossed, wrapped tight around him like a hug. I listen to the song. It's about the sun staying in your body and keeping you warm at night.

When the song's over, Dad looks at me and then at Jackson.

What're you boys up to? Dad asks.

Nothing, says Jackson.

I keep petting the cat. He's stretched out long on Dad's stomach.

You can pet him too, I say to Jackson.

Jackson shakes his head no. I have stick bugs, he says.

Oh, I say.

Jackson unwraps his arms. With one hand, he pulls on his bottom lip. He keeps pulling it out and then letting it go.

Do you want to see them? he asks.

Yes, I say.

Then Jackson runs back downstairs. Come on! he yells at me.

I gotta go, I tell Dad.

All right, Dad says.

Bye, I say and run down after Jackson.

He's outside already, waiting for me on the sidewalk. He starts walking when I get close, so I have to run again to catch up with him.

I keep them in a jar, Jackson says, they like to eat blackberry leaves. They're Shelly's too, he says, but mostly mine.

We don't talk for the rest of the way. I've never been inside of his house before and I wonder what it looks like. In my head, the inside is all blue like the outside, but I know it won't be like that really.

Jackson starts running then and I don't want to run, but I do anyway. He runs right into his house, so I do too, and we go all the way up the stairs to a big room that's got toys all over the floor.

I sit down next to Jackson and we look at the stick bugs in their jar. They're hard to find.

See, Jackson says, and he grabs a spray bottle. This is how you give them water.

He sprays two sprays in their jar.

They drink up the drops, he says, but you have to be careful when you spray, because if you squirt the water right on them, they'll get sick and then they'll die. Jackson licks his lips and he looks at me.

You can't spray, he says, because you don't know how to do it right.

I don't care about spraying.

The room where we are has brown wood on the floor and walls that are light yellow and over in the corner, there's a pillow fort with the plastic mat from Twister for a roof.

Is this your room? I ask Jackson and he looks around like he's looking for something.

There's no bed in here, stupid, he says, it's the playroom.

Shelly comes in then pushing a small baby stroller that has three Barbie dolls sitting in the baby seat. She stares at me but doesn't say anything and then she pushes her Barbie dolls over to the fort.

Shelly already killed one of the stick bugs, says Jackson.

You are a liar, Jackson Josiah, she says and runs out of the playroom, pushing her stroller with her. The wheels are loud on the wood floor.

It died on its back on the bottom of the jar, Jackson tells me. We had five and now we only have four.

I don't think it was Shelly who made the stick bug die. I can hear her pushing the stroller back to the playroom. She comes in with their mom.

The baby's sleeping, their mom says, and I'm going to be very upset if you wake him up. Their mom has red hair that's darker than Shelly's and I look at her feet because she doesn't have any shoes or socks on and her toenails are painted pink.

I didn't do anything, Jackson says. He's not looking at his mom or Shelly. He's looking at the stick bugs.

Hello, their mom says to me and I put up my hand to wave. She picks up one foot and leans against the wall. The pink on her toenails is pale, like the inside of seashells.

Shelly pushes her stroller over to where Jackson and I are.

You're a liar and an idiot, too, she says to Jackson.

He still doesn't look at her and doesn't say anything.

Shelly, please, their mom says. She stands there and watches us for a little bit. Then she goes away.

What's your mother's name? I ask.

Alison, says Jackson.

Shelly pushes her stroller so that it runs into Jackson's back.

Dad's name is Rockney and the baby's name is Baby Chester, Shelly says.

Shut up, says Jackson. He turns around and shoves her stroller backward.

Hey, Shelly says, but she goes away then. She pushes her stroller over to the corner with the fort.

That's my fort, says Jackson.

Shelly doesn't say anything. She takes her three Barbie dolls out of the stroller and goes into the fort with them.

Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Jackson asks me. His face is serious.

I don't know, I tell him.

Do you like Bill Clinton or not? Jackson asks.

I know that Cass's bumper stickers have the words
CLINTON GORE
.

I do like him, I say.

Then you're a Democrat like me, Jackson says.

I'm a Democrat, too! Shelly yells from the fort.

At the end of the pier, Mother dropped her favorite thing. It was an owl that she carved out of pink soap. She dropped the pink owl in the water to see if she would jump in to save it and she did.

The owl was different afterward because it was soap, so the water made it smaller.

First, I have to find my favorite thing.

In the closet, I find the box that says
LOUISE AND ALEXANDER
. I want to see a picture of Mother. I want to see her face. Most of the pictures are all the way down at the bottom of the box and there aren't people in them, just things, like a beach or some trees or food on a table. I keep looking. I open a yellow brown envelope and inside is a picture of Mother. She's holding a baby and laughing. You can see her face, but you can't see her eyes because they're closed. I slip it back into the envelope and then put that in my candy bag from Halloween.

I pick out two more things from the box. I choose a tiny umbrella—the kind they put in drinks at fancy restaurants. It's green and can open and close, but I only open and close it once, because I know it's old and maybe will break. The biggest thing in the box is a record. It doesn't have a case like all of Dad's records do. The record is black and yellow in the middle part and says, Steve Martin—Let's Get Small. I don't know who Steve Martin is. Maybe I will ask Dad.

I put the record in my candy bag and the tiny umbrella, too. Then I fold over the top of the bag so it's closed and slide it under my bed.

When I go back downstairs, the front door is open and Dad's outside on the porch steps. I go sit next to him.

Dad, I say, it's cold.

I'm working on my breathing, Dad says. The cold air helps. He takes a deep breath and then blows out all of his air until he coughs.

I put my hand on his back. You're okay? I ask.

I'm fine, says Dad.

I see then that he's not wearing any socks. His feet are long and skinny and the cold is making them purple blue. I touch his foot.

Dad says, I can't feel it—they're numb. He picks up one of his feet and shows me how the bottom is cut up and bloody.

I can't feel it, Dad says again.

What happened? I ask him.

I went for a walk, he says, I just wanted to walk.

Come inside? I ask.

He doesn't say anything.

Please, Dad, I say, and my voice sounds like I'm going to start crying, so Dad says okay.

We go in and I lock the door behind us. Then we just stand there together at the bottom of the stairs.

Dad says, Go get me a pair of socks.

I run upstairs and bring them back to him. Dad's sitting on the floor by the fireplace. He puts the white socks on his dirty, bloody feet.

We sit by the fire for a long, long time, not talking.

I want to say something, so I ask Dad, Who's Steve Martin?

Dad says, He's a comedian. You've seen him in movies. He's the guy from
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
.

I found his record in Mom's box, I tell Dad.

Your Uncle Alex thought he was funny, Dad says. I can play it for you later.

Okay, I say. I want to know if Dad can feel his feet now and if they're hurting. I stare at his socks.

The cat is mute, Dad says. He doesn't meow or make any noises or anything.

But, I think he meowed at me once, I say, in the nighttime.

Really? asks Dad.

I nod.

You have to stay inside, I tell him. I keep looking at his feet.

Then I take off my glasses so everything turns blurry and the room looks softer.

Jackson tells me he will give me five dollars if I run all the way to the end of the pier that says
DANGER NOT SAFE
. I have a fat, black marker in my pocket. Jackson gave it to me so I can write something when I get to the end of the pier. The writing is for proof that I was there.

He's saying doll hairs, Shelly says. Listen to him.

I'm saying five dollars, says Jackson and he takes the five-dollar bill out of his pocket and holds it in front of us.

Where'd you get that? Shelly asks him.

Shelly's face looks different. I keep looking at her.

What? Shelly asks me.

He's looking at your funny face, says Jackson. He wipes his nose on his sleeve. She shaved off all her eyebrows with Mom's razor, Jackson says. She's a freak.

Shelly looks at me with her big moon face.

I like you, she says.

She's looking at me. I know I'm supposed to say something.

Thank you, I tell her.

Jackson pushes Shelly back, away from me.

I'll count to ten, says Jackson, and then you go. Ready? he asks.

Count to twenty, I tell him.

Okay, Jackson says and starts counting. His voice sounds far away.

I'm looking all the way down to the end of the pier.

Jackson says, GO, so I go.

It's easy to run. It's like it's not me running. I can't hear my feet on the old, soft wood. At the end of the pier, I take the marker out of my pocket and write I WAS HERE. I look at my writing and I like how it looks. Then I run back. I'm running as fast as I can and in my head is just quiet. When I get to Jackson and Shelly, I fall down and lie there breathing.

The quiet in my head goes away and then I can hear Shelly.