Vampire Taxonomy (11 page)

If approached, it’s important to maintain a level head and not get sucked into the sad sob stories of this vampire’s life. Stay stoic and withdrawn; show no interest, but be polite. Even the smallest drop of kindness can be viewed as an invite into the safe confines of your fleshy arms, and we all know how that will end. It may also do you some good to remind the vamp that you are a family person and have people that depend on you (even if you don’t)—such a comment may trigger old memories and guilt, and send the vamp reeling for the horizon in a cloud of his own self-misery.

Sadly, there are plenty of Tragic Vampires who aren’t fully committed to their vegan diet. These are the types who swear they’ll never drink another drop of human blood again, and then minutes later they’re fang deep in someone’s neck. Sure, they feel terrible about their slipup, but that’s what’s so tragic about this particular group: their inability to use self-control.

These vampires live a life with bouts of happiness followed by plummeting depression. They seek comfort and companionship from others but often end up murdering their loved ones or letting them die a slow and painful death. If this group could learn to come to terms with their past, love themselves, and be able to live on their own or become willing to explore fulfilling non-dependent relationships, they could be much happier vamps.

This group of Tragic specimens knows that killing is wrong, and yet they do it anyway. They make no bones about trying to stop or pulling back on their needs. But they do go to meticulous lengths to make sure their victims’ lives are ended in a painless way, unless you piss them off or kill their handlers.

The rough-and-tumble human freedom fighters you see here are always battling for the human race, be it with science, smarts, detective work, or deadly hand-to-hand combat. They may not win all the battles, but if their hearts could beat, they’d thump for humankind.

Stuck between the world of the undead and the world of the living, Halfies are unfortunate and miserable creatures going through an extended period of vampire transformation. Whether it’s a full-fledged viral takeover of a human body or a suspended Vampire Interrupted phase put on hold with pills and a prayer, the process is unpleasant and often humiliating.

It is important to educate yourself on the many different signs of a person going through an undead transmutation: first and foremost for your safety, and second in order to identify and address what can (and sadly can’t) be done for them.

Most of the Halfies seen mucking about in public are those stuck in midtransformation. Sadly, because these beings often appear more human than the rest (because they are), it’s difficult to spot a Halfie by attire alone.

A few comical vampire portrayals have depicted a protagonist once bitten scuttling about, draped head to toe in all black.
⁶³
Although the all-black garb is a cute notion, most victims waging the battle against the undead transformation appear rumpled and wrinkled. This group is now tossing and turning through sleepless nights and spending the days cowering in the shade, hardly leaving any time for laundry. Most
Hemophage dimidium
look how they feel: confused, in pain, and tired. Until they come to terms with what’s going on inside them, their clothing is usually the first to suffer.

It’s important to distinguish looking like a tortured hell beast and just being dirty. If you have a friend who has been showing off vampiric tendencies and all of a sudden shows up caked in dirt, pretending to be your buddy, he’s no longer straddling the divide between human and vampire. He’s gone through one of the many vampire siring traditions, which include being buried in the ground.
⁶⁴
So if you run into a buddy who’s been hanging out with the late-night crowd, and he’s covered in dirt, run, because chances are he’s hungry.

Halfies who have managed to exist in between life and death usually have obtained a drug that hinders the venom coursing through their veins from turning them into a full-fledged bloodsucker. Any good Halfie won’t be caught out of arm’s length of his medication, as it’s the only thing keeping him human. Meet someone who looks like hell with a pill-popping problem and a penchant for super rare steak, and there’s a seven out of ten chance that you’re dealing with a
Hemophage dimidium
.

Those who have been bitten are in a sense dying right in front of you. Their skin generally reflects their distressed physical state, usually presenting a sallow tone, especially if they don’t feed. This class shares many similarities with the Tragic Vampire because both groups tend to refrain from drinking human blood. If they don’t feed they will begin to display hollow cheeks, bags under their eyes, and clammy skin.

Also important to know is that once bitten, the body will slip into defense mode and react to the venom or virus similarly to how one responds to an infection—with fever. Subjects may complain that they’re burning up and sweat profusely, but their skin will be cold to the touch.

What’s happening inside a Halfie during transformation is not a pleasant experience for friends or victim. Possibly one of the better and more gruesome examples in the media is the experience Corri goes through in
Club Vampire
. After coming home and feasting on a hamster she begins to lose her gruesome lunch and, with it, a lot of her internal organs.

What a Halfie’s body is going through is the ultimate shutdown; the body is essentially withering away and becoming something new. Even if you’re unlucky enough to be bitten by a vampire and find yourself pulling organs out of your body, remember that it could be worse. You could be turned by Guillermo del Toro’s
Strain
beasties, in which case your privates wither up into nothing.

The vampiric eye won’t emerge in most cases until much later in the Halfie’s transformation (if he is not on vampire suppressants). But if the victim is angered, scared, or placed in a situation with any sort of an adrenaline rush, there is a great chance for his eyes to change a shade or two.
⁶⁵
This is usually an instance of deep shame and embarrassment for a Halfie, and it’s good to minimize your shocked reaction if you witness this occurrence. Normally these transformations occur moments after an instinctual lunge toward a loved one’s neck, by which time the Halfie is already feeling pretty ashamed.

Halfie canines (if they are infected with the bloodline that mutates the jaw into a vampiric fang) do not fully develop until the victim has completed transformation. Consider the appearance of the fang the final sign of development.

What you will see on
Hemophage dimidium
are fang buds
⁶⁶
or the beginnings of the nosferatu tooth. These baby teeth sit in the back of the mouth, waiting to take full shape. While in bud form the little teeth are not particularly good at piercing the skin but are still sharp.

The growing of fang buds is another uncomfortable aspect of the Halfie’s plight, and you’ll constantly see them tonguing away at their gums trying to soothe the two new teeth growing through their jaw. It’s a continual throbbing pain, like a cavity located in the front of the jaw, and just another reason Halfies often struggle with headaches and mood swings.

Halfies live one of two ways. If they have a handle on the disease, many
Hemophage dimidium
continue on with their current lives, whether it’s in a high-rise condo in a big city or in their parents’ basement. The other half usually hits the road looking for answers, possibly taking up with a band of slayers or hacking it out on the lonesome road alone. Rumors have it that if a Halfie kills the vampire that sired him or her, the infection or possession (depending on who you are or what bit you) can be reversed. Needless to say that puts a lot of oomph in their step. But, not everyone wants to become a hero and set out on a lonely journey across the world looking for vampires to slay. Many Halfies just want things to go back to normal; sadly, there is no lifetime guarantee on many of the scientific concoctions, and scientists aren’t remotely close to a cure yet. Eventually those living with the disease will turn completely, despite their best efforts to keep living relatively normal lives.