Vampire Taxonomy (13 page)

Oh, the horror of a life spent shopping among the toddler or “little miss” sections of department stores. Can you imagine ripping through hanger after hanger of tops bedazzled with little pink bunnies, flowers, and baby chicks? It’s no wonder these kids seek revenge upon the living.

There are two distinct styles of Child Vampire attire. The first are for those who embrace the unending torture that is a life trapped inside a tot’s body and decide to dress the part. On the plus side, dressing like an adolescent is effective camouflage as well as a potent lure—the sight of an adorable lost child easily attracts potential unsuspecting victims—there’s nothing terribly suspicious about bunnies (unless you’re a vengeance demon). Children out and about at night bring out the helpful Samaritan in us all.

The second style mimics that of a preteen adult wannabe. The vamp dons adult attire in an attempt to blend in with an older crowd. This approach usually results in one of three outcomes: They stick out like a sore thumb and get unwanted legal attention; they attract possibly wanted attention from a nefarious pedophile and it ends quite gruesomely for the adult; or they’re awkwardly ignored and generally avoided. Either way, should you spot a tot wandering about alone in clothes not quite appropriate for his age group, keep a distance.

Child Vampires share the same fanged or unfanged tendencies as their makers. But most important, they seem to remain physically as young and immature as they were when they were created. They’re frozen in time, or possibly growing at a grossly stunted pace.

Because of the circumstances of their creation, these children normally take on the best possible qualities of every Gerber baby. Their chubby cheeks, glimmering eyes, and flawless, baby-soft skin all remain intact for centuries. Just as older vampires often transform into the most beautiful possible version of themselves when becoming vamps, so do Child Vamps turn into the best-looking version of a child possible.

It is exceedingly difficult for vampire children to live on their own. If they’re spotted out and about driving, shopping, walking, and hunting alone, it will raise suspicion, which could mean an annoying phone call to social services, followed by home visits and possible government action. Most vampirekind, be they living within a community or outside one, chose to avoid any sort of legal issue at all costs.

So what is
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to do? Many decide to build up family units, often by siring their own Father and Mother and building their own unholy little family. Others have found humans who don’t mind taking in a vampire or two and have made a happy home leeching off their blood supply. Either way, Child Vamps should not and usually cannot live on their own. So should you meet a homeless Child Vampire, be on your highest guard. As mentioned before, it is a great taboo to create a Child Vampire; if whoever sired this creature is not around, you can go ahead and assume one of two things: one, that the vampire maker was a bloodthirsty mongrel who didn’t care who or what he fed upon, or two, that the vampire who had to jump through great social hoops for his creation has now perished, by the hand of either the vampire government or their own little creation. Either way, a missing vampire family is another red flag; you don’t want to be the replacement the little
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selects to fulfill the role of its missing family members.

Even as Child Vampires age internally, they continue to visit the same favorite spots, including toy stores, playgrounds, late-night puppet shows, and other child-friendly arenas. For one, these are safe places where Child Vampires can feel protected and accepted. Plus child-oriented locations make easy pickings for the hunt. Not that this type of vampire has anything to worry about. Finding prey is as easy as lying down in the middle of the road. A child in distress will always draw in unsuspecting do-gooders.
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Other strange places where you may stumble upon Child Vampires are late-night schools. Just because the Child Vampire was sired at an early age doesn’t mean he would stop going to school all together. On the contrary, many
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continue their education for years and become accomplished artists, musicians, and scholars. The library isn’t a terribly social place, and a Child Vampire can easily spend countless hours there under the radar. Plus, if money isn’t an object, a well-paid private tutor rarely asks a lot of questions about maturity and family. Often the child is simply assumed to be an oddity or prodigy when he begins to truly excel.

Some of the younger vampires have also been blessed with an assortment of telekinetic goodies. They’ve been known to read people’s thoughts and put humans in a trance; some can even project thoughts into others’ minds. It’s one of the small blessings behind becoming an undead child of the night. In fact, many of the vampires cursed with eternal childhood are selected by other vampires, or by fate or circumstances, because of these abilities. Becoming a vampire only strengthens and heightens their powers. Again, this is only for some, not all. Some kids just wind up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Vampire children are unnerving, creepy specimens who can turn their malevolent charm on you at a moment’s notice. Even the world outside the undead-obsessed knows this. They are an accident waiting to happen. While their bodies remain frozen at whatever age they were turned, their minds continue to mature. But no matter how many years tick by they will forever be looked upon as children, even by their so-called peers. This is enough to make Child Vampires storm clouds of unpredictable anger. Don’t engage a Child Vamp in an argument or attempt to cheer up a gloomier than average
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; you’ll most likely end up with fang marks all over your legs.

Getting out of a skirmish with a Child Vampire is a difficult situation. There are so many negatives stacked against you. For one, what if you’re wrong and your pint-sized opponent is mortal? Congratulations; you’ve just beaten up a child and you’re going to jail. But even if you’re correct, if you’re spotted by an ignorant Good Samaritan passing by, you risk being interrupted, giving the Child Vamp the perfect opportunity to escape or gain the upper hand. The best thing to do when coming into contact with a tiny vampire is to stay far away at all times.

The Child Vampires’ biggest issues are their stunted height and limbs. They need to find a way to draw you into attack range. This can all easily be attained by tricking their prey into helping them carry things, assisting them from a fall, or even comforting them—who can resist a little lost child with tear-filled eyes and beautiful skin? The second you’re within arm’s length, you’ll be locked in their steel jaws.

An unfortunate side effect to turning a Child Vampire is his general lack of willpower combined with his smaller stature. Inject an adult-sized dose of vampire DNA into a child’s body paired with a lack of self-control, and you’ve created a single-minded eating machine. He’ll kill whatever is in his path for food; sustenance and self-satisfaction are the most important goals in his life.

A slightly less volatile group than the “Wild Child.” These vampires have ancient knowledge hidden behind their cherub cheeks and tiny smiles and often possess massive inferiority complexes as well. They’ve lived for years, some for centuries, and in that time the little buggers have become aces at manipulation and murder. Some are good, some are bad, but all of them are smarter than they look and rightly inspire fear.

Special attention should be paid to certain members of this society. Often Child Vampires are created as part of a spiritual rite that can elevate them to almost evil godlike status. Some young vampires are actually super evil reincarnations of ancient baddies, and for some reason the unholy powers find it particularly clever to have the exterior be that of unassuming youth. The cleverest Child Vampires survive for centuries thanks to the pity they can inspire in other vampires and humans alike, and they can often amass great power as they get older, rising to the upper echelons of vampire society. At this point, they must also invest in powerful bodyguards to avoid a potential mutiny.

These creatures are few and far between. This kind of Child Vampire actually acts like a child and lives a virtually stress-free existence. They don’t kill, and they don’t hurt others. This group is as close to a real child as you’re going to get for vampires. But sadly they’re not easily stomached by hardened bloodsuckers and vice versa. They’re usually represented in the media in cartoons, sitcoms, and Disney movies. They are not harmless, as they still possess two canines twitching for blood.

Sadly, in the world of baby vampires, some poor creatures never turn fully and live their in-between stages as someone’s assistant or lackey. Although they still struggle with cravings and seem torn between two worlds, they are still very much little kids and will age (very slowly) until they give in to their carnal desires for blood. But more on Halfies in Chapter 5.