Violated (30 page)

D
EREK
FELT
like a complete ass. As soon as Shannon mentioned sexual assault, he’d panicked and bolted out of the house. He hadn’t even thought to grab his jacket. And now he was freezing his ass off. But something inside kept pushing him forward along the road, refusing to let him turn back even though he was probably in danger of hypothermia.

Stop being a fucking baby! Aren’t you man enough to handle being a little chilly?

He wrapped his arms around his body and plowed ahead. It wasn’t like it was snowing or anything. He still had hiking boots on, so he wasn’t faring too badly on the road, even with the packed snow the plows had left behind. Still, another voice inside him warred with the first, berating him for storming out like a child. Shannon was probably disgusted with him, and Russ would be humiliated.
Great way to ruin your boyfriend’s holiday, you ass
.

He couldn’t explain why he’d bolted like that. He barely remembered doing it. One minute he was comfortable and content, feeling welcome, and the next, Shannon was going on about what a freak he was.
Were you sexually assaulted?

Jesus Christ! Was it that obvious? How had she known? Was it branded on his forehead or something? She’d said something about how he didn’t like to be touched and having to sleep with the door open and a night-light.
Who over thirty sleeps with a goddamn night-light?

He was a freak, and she’d probably wondered why her brother brought a nutjob into her house. Was he safe to have around her kid? She probably didn’t think so now—not after he got up in the middle of a conversation and walked out into the cold without his jacket. Who did that? Sure as hell not somebody with his head screwed on right.

While these dark thoughts roiled around in his head like bloated earthworms struggling to break free of the mud, he became dimly aware of his shadow sweeping across the road in front of him. There was a car coming, and he was caught in the headlights. He whirled around, prepared to jump into the snowbank to get out of the way, but the lights weren’t heading directly for him. They slowed and moved to one side until Derek recognized Russ’s Outback.

Fuck
.

He wasn’t sure he could deal with Russ right now, so he turned and kept walking. It was no use. The SUV kept pace with him, and the passenger side window rolled down.

“Derek! Get in the car!”

R
USS
DIDN
’
T
want to yell at him, but goddammit, he was pissed! He’d been doing his best to make Derek feel safe whenever they were together, and now the guy was trying to give himself hypothermia.

Fortunately, after a brief hesitation, Derek stopped walking. Russ stopped the SUV, and Derek climbed in. Neither of them said a word as Russ cranked the heat and pulled forward, searching for a place on the narrow road where he could turn around. Even if Derek insisted that they leave right away, Russ wasn’t willing to do that without collecting their stuff and saying good-bye to Shannon and Bill. Derek could wait in the car, if he wanted.

At last Derek spoke, hesitantly… quietly…. “You deserve better.”

“Will you stop that?” Russ snapped. “Just because I’m annoyed at you for running off like this, doesn’t mean I wanna end our relationship.” He saw the way Derek flinched at his tone, so he forced himself to speak softly. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell. I was just worried about you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m acting like a little kid.”

“Will you please tell me what happened?”

Derek shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

“Shannon said something to you,” Russ persisted. “She told me that much. But I don’t know what.”

“She was telling me what a freak I am.”

Russ gave him a sour look. “Okay, I know she had to have said
something
, but that doesn’t sound like Shannon at all. She really called you a freak?”

Derek snorted, a hint of humor creeping into his expression. “No. She was talking about how I don’t like to be touched, and I can’t sleep without the door open and a night-light….”

“Yeah?”

His expression darkened again. “Then she asked me if I’d been sexually assaulted.”

“Look,” Russ said slowly. “I didn’t tell her, if that’s what you’re thinking. It sounds like she just put two and two together—”

“And figured out I’m a total fucking freak,” Derek said vehemently.

“You’re not a freak.” Russ felt his anger rising again, but he clamped down on it and forced himself to speak calmly. “You’re someone who got raped, okay? You’re the survivor of a crime. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t something you did. It was something that happened to you, like it happens to way too many people all over the world.”

“How many men have reported being raped in your precinct?” Derek demanded.

“I don’t know.”

“Have you seen
any
?”

Russ shook his head. “Not until you.”

“Because it
doesn’t
happen. Not to men!”

“Yes,” Russ said patiently, “it does. But men hardly ever report it. They’re too ashamed. Just like you.”

Derek didn’t respond to that.

Russ pulled the Outback into the driveway and put it in park, though he left the motor running to keep the heat on. He could tell Derek wasn’t ready to go back inside and face Shannon again—not after feeling he’d humiliated himself in front of her.

Russ took a deep breath and told him, “Shannon was raped when she was in high school.” He saw Derek blink in surprise, though he stayed silent. “I think that’s why she started poking at you. She thought she could offer you… some support, maybe. It sounds like she fumbled it, but I don’t think she was mocking you. She was just trying to help.”

Derek sighed. “Jesus…. She must think I’m a total fucking douchebag.”

“Will you
please
…? No, I doubt she thinks that. She just….” He grunted in frustration. “I couldn’t tell her about you, and I couldn’t tell you about her. She hasn’t even told Bill yet. So all the signals got mixed up.”

“You’re telling me about her now.”

“She said I could.” At least, he hoped that’s what she’d meant.

After a long moment, Derek opened his door and got out. Russ was afraid he’d try to run off, as ridiculous as that would be this far from anyplace he could grab a bus or a taxi, but he walked toward the house. So Russ shut down the engine and followed him inside.

T
HINGS
WERE
awkward when they returned, and it wasn’t only because of what had happened between Derek and Shannon. Bill had apparently refused to be brushed off until Shannon told him what was going on. In the process, she’d broken down and told him about what happened to her in high school. He didn’t take it well.

Derek was kind of on the outside of this, but he got a brief explanation when he went into the kitchen with Russ to apologize for his behavior.

“It’s fine, hon,” Shannon told him. “Really. I shouldn’t have pried.”

Bill was leaning against the sink, his arms crossed in front of his chest, glaring at the floor. “It’s okay,” he mumbled.

“Are
you
okay?” Russ asked him.

When Bill didn’t respond, Shannon said, “I told him… about Marty. Now he’s angry at me.”

“I’m not angry,” Bill growled. “I’m hurt. That my own wife didn’t feel she could tell me about something… like this!” His voice was low but trembling with barely restrained emotion.

“We’ll leave you guys alone for a bit,” Russ said gently.

Shannon nodded.

Back in the living room, Russ and Derek sat on the couch and Russ said quietly, “Maybe we
should
go home tonight.” The original plan had been to stay for a couple of nights, in order to give Russ time with his sister and his nephew.

If they left, Derek knew, they’d most likely have to find a hotel that took dogs, if that was even possible. Or they’d have to stock up on gas for the generator at Russ’s cabin. It was unlikely power had been restored yet. The last news report had given them an estimate of a couple of days for Rockford and the surrounding towns.

Even though he knew Russ would deny it—and probably be pissed at him for suggesting it—Derek felt responsible for fucking up their evening. Shannon had been trying to have a private conversation with him, and his overreaction had blown everything up in her face. Now her husband knew something she hadn’t wanted to tell him, and they were fighting.
I’m such a fuckup
.

But he and Russ couldn’t just walk out without telling their hosts, and neither wanted to go back into the kitchen. So they just sat there. There was enough tension between them to make conversation difficult, so Russ found the TV remote and found a channel playing a Thanksgiving movie Derek had never seen before starring Holly Hunter, Charles Durning, and a fairly subdued Robert Downey Jr. as Hunter’s gay brother. It was near the tail end of the film, and by the time it wrapped up, Shannon and Bill had migrated out from their kitchen to join them, the fight apparently over—or at least shelved for the time being.

Shannon picked up the remote during the end credits and muted the TV. “So… sorry about that, guys.”

“Yeah,” Bill agreed. “We don’t usually fight in front of guests.”

Russ smiled at both of them. “No problem. But I’m thinking maybe we should go home.”

“No, please don’t do that,” Shannon said. “We want you here. And you can’t have power back yet.”

“Seriously, dude! We’re done hashing it out. We just wanna have a good time with you and Derek for the next couple nights.” Bill still looked broody, the boisterousness he’d been displaying all day gone now, but he was clearly making an effort.

So Derek made an effort too. He pasted on a smile and said, “Sounds good to me.”

Russ looked at him carefully. Then he said, “All right. You guys wanna drag out some board games?”

A
S
MUCH
as he’d hoped to never see Tim again, Derek knew that was unlikely—especially since Tim’s name was on the mortgage to the cabin alongside his. That alone meant they’d have to deal with each other, sooner or later. So Derek wasn’t too surprised when he showed up at the cabin one Sunday in December.

Derek was in the kitchenette, fixing himself a cup of coffee, when a loud knock on the door startled him. The windowpanes had been fixed by then, and he could see Tim peering through the glass.
Terrific. I haven’t even had my coffee yet!

“Come in!”

Tim opened the door and looked at him with disapproval as both the dogs jumped up and went to check out the visitor. “Nice underwear.”

“You’ve seen it before.” Truthfully Derek felt uncomfortable. He no longer liked anyone ogling him. But Tim was already pissing him off, so he resisted the urge to run into the bedroom and grab his pants.
Fuck him. Why can’t I be comfortable in my own house?

Though of course he
wasn’t
comfortable, and technically it was still Tim’s house too. Derek was even less comfortable when Tim entered, shooing Gracie and Max away from him, and a stranger followed him in.

The new guy wasn’t exactly intimidating. He was even thinner and lankier than Tim and at least five years younger. He looked just out of college, if that. Not bad-looking, Derek supposed, but he wasn’t Derek’s type—freckled and baby-faced, with spiked red hair and eyeliner rimming both green eyes.

“This is my boyfriend, Evan,” Tim said, waving a hand at the young man. Then he waved the hand languidly in Derek’s direction and added, “Evan, this is my ex, Derek.” He pronounced Derek’s name as if it produced a sour taste in his mouth.

The look Evan gave Derek was lascivious, to say the least. Derek could practically see images of a threesome dancing through his mind.

Fine
.

“I’ll get dressed,” Derek muttered, setting his coffee down loudly on the countertop.

When he entered the bedroom, Russ was just crawling out of bed. He gave a Derek a look of sleepy confusion. “Is there someone out there?”

“Tim and his new boy toy,” Derek replied. He grabbed the jeans he’d shucked the night before from the floor and stepped into them.

“What do they want?”

“I don’t know yet.” The long-sleeved pullover he’d worn yesterday reeked of underarm odor, so Derek dropped it back on the floor and grabbed a clean T-shirt out of his drawer.

He turned and watched Russ fumble into his own jeans. Russ’s dark hair was sleep-tousled and adorable, and his muscular torso had a faint “crease” running up the belly where he’d bunched the bedsheets underneath himself as he slept.

“Do you mind not putting a shirt on?” Derek asked.

“Why?”

“Because you look really hot like this, and it will drive Tim crazy.”

Russ smirked at him and scratched at the mark on his stomach. “Are we back in high school?”

“Yes,” Derek replied. “I want the guy who dumped me to see I have a hotter boyfriend than he has.”

“All right. Just so we’re clear.”

I
T
WAS
awkward, to say the least. Russ could feel Tim’s glare boring a hole in him as he retrieved a mug from the cupboard and poured himself a cup of coffee. And the oversexed twink Tim had brought with him wasn’t making any attempt to hide his interest in both Russ and Derek. Russ was pretty sure the kid was hoping for an orgy. But that wasn’t likely to happen. Even if Russ were game—which he wasn’t—Tim and Derek looked as if they wanted to kill each other.

“We have to talk about the mortgage on this place,” Tim said abruptly after everyone had been introduced.

“I’ve paid it,” Derek said. “Both last month and this month.”

“What about next month?”

“What about it?”