Violated (34 page)

His partner responded. “All set. Does anyone else need to go in the ambulance?”

“The other guy has a broken arm, and he’s pretty banged up.”

“I don’t wanna go in the ambulance,” Derek said dully. He didn’t want to be anywhere near Victor, unconscious or not.

The EMT said, “You need to have that arm put in a cast. All I’ve done is immobilize it.”

From behind him, Derek heard Russ say, “I can take him in.”

R
USS
COULD
instantly see what the EMT and Officer Wallace seemed to be missing—Derek was dissociating. Not that he was qualified to diagnose anything. He wasn’t a psychologist. But he’d read about how people could shut down during and after traumatic events to protect themselves. And God knew what Victor had done to Derek before Russ arrived. Just thinking about it made Russ wish he’d let the bastard drown.

Wallace and the EMT—Alice—knew Russ, at least in passing. But, as Alice pointed out, they still couldn’t leave Derek in his care. “I’ve already begun treatment,” she insisted. “I have to oversee him until he reaches the hospital.”

Russ turned to Wallace and asked, “Can’t we all go in your cruiser? Mr. Salko—the guy your partner just helped load into the ambulance—attacked Derek. They shouldn’t be in the same vehicle together.”

Wallace sighed and spoke into his walkie-talkie. “George?”

“Here!”

“Take that guy to Manchester. The rest of us will follow along in the cruiser. Alice needs to stay with the other patient.”

“Roger.”

Russ told Derek, “Gracie’s down at the cabin with Max.”

“Gracie!” Derek gasped, his eyes widening.

“She’s fine. She came to get me while….” He was afraid anything he said might trigger further trauma.

But Derek continued to stare blankly at nothing in particular. Russ wondered if the events of the evening were replaying over and over in his mind.
What am I supposed to do now?

“We should go,” Alice said.

D
EREK
DIDN
’
T
register much of the ride to the hospital or the time he spent in the ER. He was conscious of Russ at his side the entire time, making sure everything was handled properly, growling like a watchdog when things took too long. He seemed particularly distressed when the nurses insisted upon removing Derek’s sweatpants, and they discovered he hadn’t been able to put underwear on. Derek might have been upset himself, but everything felt so distant. He was vaguely aware of someone covering his crotch with a towel while the nurse cleaned and bandaged the gouge in his hip. She did the same to his scraped knees and other abrasions all over his legs and torso. He was aware of the pain, but it didn’t seem to bother him.

On the other hand, the pain in his arm was intense. But they put something in an IV that soothed it and made him feel even further removed from everything, floating and peaceful. He remembered being rolled into a small room for X-rays, but he had very little recollection of the cast being put on.

The hospital insisted upon keeping him overnight for observation. He slept, thanks to whatever drugs they’d pumped into him, but woke with a cry of anguish late in the night. His arm and hip were throbbing. The room was mostly dark, though there was a night-light, and the door was half open onto a lit hallway. A nurse must have heard him, because she rushed in to check on him.

“Russ!” he called out.

“Your partner’s been in the waiting room all night,” she assured him in a quiet, soothing tone. “Do you need anything?”

Derek was unable to articulate anything, apart from murmuring Russ’s name again. He was dimly aware of the nurse checking… whatever it is that nurses check… before she injected more painkiller into his IV and he drifted off again.

He woke again to find sunlight peeking around the edges of the window blinds and the room in shadow, but no longer dark. His arm was still throbbing, but it seemed less painful than it had been the night before. His head, on the other hand, felt swollen and tender, if that was possible. Every heartbeat made his temples ache.

“Hey,” whispered a soft voice.

Derek flinched, but when he lifted his head, he found Russ sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed. He let his head fall back onto the pillow, causing it to throb painfully.

“They say you’re all set to go home,” Russ told him, “as soon as the doctor signs off on it.”

“My head hurts.”

“I’ll call the nurse.”

T
HE
NURSE
gave Derek more painkiller, so by the time he was helped into a wheelchair to be taken to the hospital exit, he was pretty loopy again. He was only dimly aware of being lifted into the backseat of a car.

He must have napped, because he awoke to Russ opening the car door. “Wake up, hon. We have to get you inside.”

The painkiller they’d given him in the hospital was wearing off, so he was able to take in his surroundings. They weren’t in Russ’s Outback. It was a sedan. Derek glanced forward and saw Officer Chavez at the wheel. She turned to look at him and gave him a half wave. “Mr. Sawyer.”

“Officer Chavez is going to check on the dogs for us,” Russ said to Derek, sliding one arm around his waist and the other up under his right armpit.

He had to be careful of Derek’s arm even with the cast on it, but he managed to get enough leverage to heave him up out of the seat without twisting or banging anything. When he had Derek reasonably stable on two feet, Russ leaned down and said, “Thanks, Romina.”

“No problem.”

Then Russ closed the car door and guided him to the cabin.

“I’
M
GOING
to stay with you for the rest of the day,” Russ told Derek when they were inside. There was no way he’d leave him unsupervised while he was this doped up and in a sling.

Fortunately Derek didn’t argue.

They went into the bedroom, and Derek sat on the bed while Russ found some boxer briefs in his dresser. “You wanna change into your underwear before bed?”

Derek nodded.

“Do you think you can do it? Or do you need help?” He figured Derek wouldn’t like it, but he didn’t seem capable of wrestling clothing on and off one-handed right now.

“I need help.”

“All right. Why don’t you stand up and brace yourself here on the dresser.”

Derek did so, with some help from Russ. Bending his legs seemed to be difficult. Russ kneeled in front of him. He reached up to grab the waistband of the sweatpants, but deliberately looked down toward Derek’s feet. “Are you ready? I won’t look. I promise.”

“Okay.”

He pulled the sweatpants down as gently as possible, keeping his eyes lowered. Derek hissed quietly as he pulled them over his thighs. The knees, at least, were covered with bandages. Russ dropped the sweats all the way to the floor and let Derek step out of them. Then he held the legs of the briefs open for him to step into.

He slipped the briefs up over Derek’s legs until Derek was able to grab the waistband with his left hand and pull them up the rest of the way. But then something odd happened. Derek slumped forward and leaned heavily on Russ’s shoulder. Russ felt his arm quaking, and before he knew what was happening, Derek collapsed. Russ grabbed him around the waist, barely preventing him from falling onto his injured knees. Derek cried out in pain.

“What’s the matter?” Russ asked in alarm. “What’s wrong?”

There was no answer, so he guided Derek to the bed. He tried to lower him gently, but Derek was trembling all over and no longer holding himself up. They both fell onto the mattress. Russ was terrified something was physically wrong—a symptom of hypothermia the ER hadn’t caught or a seizure.

But when he looked up into Derek’s face, he discovered Derek was sobbing.

Russ had no idea what to do. He wanted to reach out and pull him closer, but he was afraid that would make everything worse.

Derek solved his dilemma by curling his body around Russ and clinging to him, physically closer than they’d ever been before. His body shuddered as he sobbed and moaned, tears flooding down his face. “I thought he was going to kill me! I thought he was going to…. Oh God! Oh God! Help me!
Help me!
”

“He’s gone. I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”

“
Help me
….”

It went on and on. Russ soothed him as best he could, tenderly stroking his skin wherever it wasn’t scraped or bruised. He cooed into Derek’s ear, telling him everything would be all right, he was safe, Russ loved him and would never let Victor—
anyone
—hurt him again. He didn’t know if Derek believed him—probably not. How could he?

But he meant every word.

D
EREK
WOKE
hours later feeling like shit. His arm throbbed and itched in the cast. The cast itself was something of a surprise—he barely remembered anything after the attack. He did remember Russ yelling and getting Victor off him. Then he and Victor fell into the water, and… somehow they were out of the water, but Victor was… dead? Maybe not. There were EMTs and something about him being taken to the hospital. Then Derek had gone to the ER with Russ. And…. Officer Chavez wanted to play with the dogs?

Russ was in bed with him. He was curled up on his side, pressed close to Derek’s shoulder, one hand resting on his arm. Derek remembered something about collapsing in his arms last night, crying until he was too exhausted to cry anymore. Then he’d fallen asleep. Russ must have undressed and climbed into bed with him. But it didn’t feel threatening or make Derek nervous. It felt as though he were being watched over.

He sat up, careful not to wake Russ.
God, my arm hurts!
They’d given him something for the pain last night, but he didn’t remember getting a prescription or anything. Maybe he was just expected to take ibuprofen or Tylenol? That would suck. He doubted they’d make a dent in the pain.

As he got up from the bed, Derek noticed he was wearing a pair of boxer briefs, when the only thing he remembered wearing was sweatpants—with nothing on underneath. In the back of his mind, he wondered,
Did he strip me without my permission?
He had a hard time believing Russ would do that. Then he remembered standing at the dresser, Russ kneeling at his feet, head lowered as Derek stepped into the briefs.
I won’t look. I promise.

And he hadn’t.

Derek looked back at Russ’s sleeping face, puffy and openmouthed and absolutely beautiful, and he knew this man truly cared about him. Not only had he tackled Victor to save him—something a lot of guys wouldn’t have had the courage to do, considering Victor could break most men in half—he’d always put Derek’s needs ahead of his own. He’d gone without sex, without anything more than an occasional handholding or light kiss. True, they’d only known each other six months, and they’d been dating for just a couple of months. But Derek was already sensing a subtle shift in the way he thought of Russ.

I trust you
, he thought.
I know you won’t hurt me. I know you’ll protect me
.

He’d never had that with Tim. He’d certainly never had it with Victor, despite having known him for so long. Their relationship had been based upon a mutual need for power and dominance. Their “friendship” had resulted in scars, broken bones, and trips to the hospital.

But Russ was different. Russ had his back. Even though Derek had pushed him away. Sure, he could be overprotective, and that was a problem. Derek didn’t want or need coddling. He wanted to get back on his feet. He wanted to feel strong again. But this was something they could work on together, wasn’t it? He didn’t have to close Russ out.

He stood and went to look in the full-length closet mirror. Just as in Tampa, he was surprised at the disparity between the image he had of himself in his head and what he saw in the mirror. The Derek looking back at him was taller than Russ by an inch or so, broad-shouldered and muscular.
Powerful
. But inside, he still felt frail and weak and…
tiny
.

But you fought back this time
, a voice in the back of his mind told him, for once not condemning or belittling.

I failed
, he told the voice.
I got in one good hit, but I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off
.

You got in three good shots
, the voice reminded him.

Victor still would have won if Russ hadn’t come along
. Derek wasn’t sure what that would have meant, exactly. Had Victor wanted to rape him again? Kill him? Or just beat him to a pulp and force Derek to drop all criminal actions against him?

You told him no.

So I
did
deserve it the first time
. He hadn’t said no the first time. He hadn’t hit back.

He saw the image in the mirror quirk up his mouth in one corner, as if the more confident Derek from his past was looking at him through a window and finding him exacerbating.
Nice try.
But you didn’t deserve it. Nobody does.
How about you just give yourself a break, for once?

Derek stared back at the image, not really sure he could do what it was asking.

Another voice behind him said, “I agree.”

Derek turned and saw Russ watching him from the bed, looking groggy and adorably sleep-tousled.

“What?”

Russ yawned and stretched. Then he said, “I assume you were looking in the mirror and thinking, ‘Wow! This guy is amazingly handsome!’ I agree.”

Derek laughed, feeling self-conscious. But he couldn’t resist turning back to the mirror. “Am I?”

I
T
WAS
over two years before Victor ceased to be the focus of Derek’s life, and even then, Derek knew the bastard would always be there, lurking in the back of his mind, coloring his relationships with Russ and every other man he knew.