Vital (11 page)

Landen shook his head, feeling frustrated that every time he found a reason not to use this porthole, a path was paved for him. “No, man, it didn’t make a difference. I mean, we may even be early; August said we may not need it until the Mars trial.”

“Landen,” Marc said, looking at him like he was crazy, “this is Mars.”

“No, this is Earth – a precursor,” Landen said, looking down and squeezing my hand as we all began to walk closer to the passage.

“Really?” Marc said, looking to his side at me.

I shrugged my shoulders. At that moment, I saw Olivia and Chrispin step through the passage. They were surprised to see us all so close. I felt their intent to go home and avoid everyone, but now they had no escape. I let go of Landen’s hand and walked faster than the stroll he and Marc were pacing. I saw Chrispin stopping to talk to August and Stella. Olivia walked past them to me, holding her arms behind her back and looking down. I saw her solemn face and felt her impending dread, and around her I could see a light purple haze; fear began to rise in me.

“What happened?” I asked bleakly.

“Nothing. Why do you ask?” she muttered, glancing up at me.

“What are you hiding behind your back?” I demanded.

She shook her head no but didn’t utter a word.

“Olivia, why did you go to Franklin? Say it...what did you dream?”

As she shook her head again, I felt her prepare to fight with me. I didn’t understand what would cause that. I was sick of fighting today.

I stepped forward and pulled her arm from behind her, but there was nothing in her hand. She looked boldly up at me, still holding her other arm behind her back.

“Olivia,” I said firmly, “what?! I can feel you – what have you done that you think is going to make me mad?”

“Willow, I did what I had to do, and you’re going to have to get over it because it’s permanent.”

“What’s permanent?” I said, rolling my eyes, knowing I had more on my mind than this.

She slowly reached her arm out to show me her wrist. There was a white bandage taped to her skin.

“Did you get a tattoo?” I asked.

She nodded, then pulled back the white cloth; underneath it, I saw an Ankh with a star in its loop.

“Have you lost your mind?!” I yelled.

“Nope,” she said shortly, prepared to ignore my rage.

By that time, Landen and Marc had reached us. I felt their confusion as they saw the fresh tattoo. Chrispin started to walk to her side to defend her if needed.

“You just take off, don’t tell anyone why - and come back with this?! Do you not realize that you look too much like me – that there are insane people looking for me? Why? Why would you give me something else to worry about?!”

“Since when do I have to ask permission to leave? You aren’t the queen of Chara – of me!” she shouted.

Anger coursed through every part of me. I felt Landen’s hand on my shoulder, but I pushed him off. I wanted to feel angry; I was sick of pushing my emotions down and looking calm and balanced all the time.

“Permission? I didn’t say that. Excuse me for giving a damn if you’re safe or not. You didn’t tell me because I would have stopped you, because you know it’s wrong. You know you’ve made yourself a target? What are you, suicidal? Need some attention – is that what you want? Take it. I don’t want it. Do you want my name, too? Why don’t you tattoo that across your chest so when those devil-worshiping bastards come for me, they’ll have no doubt!”

August and Stella had started to approach us cautiously. I felt everyone’s intent to let this play out and only step in when they had to; it was like they were relieved to see me mad, and that infuriated me even more.

“Get over yourself, Willow,” Olivia said, rolling her eyes and covering her tattoo again.

“Over
myself
?!” I bellowed, offended by her words.

“You heard me. All you care about is you, what you have to do. Poor, pitiful Willow with all her insights, two boys that want her heart...my oh my, what a tragic life.”

I felt Landen step closer, fury coursing through him. I looked over my shoulder to tell him to let me handle this. Marc had his hand on Landen’s arm in some vain attempt to hold him back.

I turned back to Olivia. “Really? Is that how you see me?” I looked around at all of them “Is that how all of you see me – like some drama queen?! I don’t want any of this. I don’t
need
it. I’m not some lovesick girl who can’t decide what she wants. I’ve always known – but to get that, to just live my life in some kind of solitude, I have to face a demon!” I looked back at Olivia “Good luck. When you have to look him in the eyes, I can only hope you fare better than I did, that you find the courage to face him and not give up and end your life.”

Olivia raised her arm and pointed at me. “That right there, Willow, that’s what I’m talking about. Do you think I don’t care about what you’ve gone through? What you will go through? I can only imagine having to do what you do, feel what you feel. I’m just telling you that you’re losing your grip, that your twisted perception - thinking that all of us revolve around you, that our only purpose is to help you - is wrong.”

I threw my hands in the air as the adrenaline from the rage I felt soared through me. “How is that wrong? I have that perception because I was told that, not only by some stupid scrolls, by Pelhen and Aora - but by you! By everyone!”

She shook her head like I was completely oblivious to what she was saying. “Do you honestly think that out of the billions and billions of people in this world, this family is the only thing that can stop this demon – this darkness? That it all comes down to the choices of one girl and one boy? Have you ever stopped to think that you’re only a part of it? That each of us feel a call that only we can understand? That when you tell us to go here or go there – basically make us ask you for permission to help you - that you’re smothering us from what
we’re
supposed to do?”

“What has gotten into you?!” I said as I glared at her. I pointed at my chest. “I didn’t ever say or think any of that – not at all. I felt guilty, guilty as hell that because you were friends with me, you were taken by Drake and lost your sight. But then, as you say, ‘ I got over it.’ I got over it because I saw that it had to happen for you to find your way here – because unless something insane like that happened to you, you never would have believed that this place existed, that this war between light and darkness is going on. No, you’d be working in some theater, lost in some book, not daring to look up.”

This was the last straw. I’d been through too much and hadn’t taken a single moment to let it out; I just pushed it down, hid myself from the emotions I should be allowed to feel – then had the nerve to think that painting some picture would solve my issues. I glared at her, waiting for her comeback.

“Oh,” she said as a fake smile came to her face. Her eyes were cold, and I could see the same frustration and rage that I felt swarming through her. “So I should thank you for bringing me here because I’d have no purpose without you – is that what you’re saying? OK, thanks for letting me come along, Willow. Oh yeah, thanks for Chrispin, too; that was a nice bonus. I don’t know how I’d put one foot in front of the other without you. Thanks,” she said sarcastically.

I shook my head, rolled my eyes, and started to walk past her. I knew if I didn’t walk away now, I would say something I’d regret.

She put her hand on my shoulder to stop me, then rushed in front of me. “Where are you going? This isn’t over. Do you even care why I got it – why I went?” she asked in an angry tone, glaring at me.

I put my hands in front of me. “Get out of my way before I make you. I don’t care. I’m not gonna tell you to stay here, to follow me, to help me. I’m never gonna ask anyone to help me again. I’ll figure this out on my own – you know, since I need to get over myself.”

She started to say something, but I raised my hand and walked past her. I didn’t look up at Chrispin as I passed him. I could feel his anger; it was almost a betrayal. I felt a horrible weight on my chest, and I struggled not to look weak or hurt as I pushed past August and Stella.

I stepped into the string, feeling the sting of pain because Landen wasn’t at my side. I leaned forward, closing my eyes as tightly as I could, too stubborn to turn back for him. A second later, the pain evaporated and I stood up straighter, knowing that he’d stepped in. I felt his arms go around my waist and him lean his head against mine. I leaned back into him, and he just slowly swayed us both back and forth with the flow of the energy. He wasn’t sending me a calm emotion because he didn’t have one; he was mad, too. I felt him push it down. I felt us both burying the stress we were under, the fear that they were all being taken away from us.

A second later, Marc and Stella stepped in. Marc had his arm around Stella so he could guide her through the darkness. He looked down at me and nodded. I felt him torn between his emotions; he didn’t want to take sides, but he felt called to follow Landen. I shook my head and looked down, knowing that that was what was so frustrating about this: that they felt called.

We waited a second to see if August would come, but he didn’t. I felt his curiosity and the desperate desire to explain coming from Chrispin and Olivia. I didn’t care to hear it, though, or have August tell me I needed to apologize to her, too. I started to walk forward.

We didn’t say anything on the way there; Landen just held my hand, and we both struggled with the way we felt about what had just happened.

Marc and Stella didn’t wait for us as they went through the passage.

“Perfect timing,” Landen said, nodding forward.

In the distance of the glow, I saw two images coming toward us. Not being able to feel them led me to believe that it was Alamos and Drake. When they emerged from the glow, Drake locked eyes with me, then his eyes seemed to search over every part of me; it was like he could see me falling apart. We waited for him before we stepped in. When he reached the passage, he gently urged Alamos through, then put his hands on his hips and tilted his head. His magnetic, dark eyes begged me to tell him what was wrong. I squeezed Landen’s hand, not wanting to talk, wanting him to talk for me - but he didn’t say anything either.

“Did Dane do something? Did he say something to hurt you?” Drake asked as he tightened his jaw and balled his fist.

“No,” I said quietly, looking away from the pull of his eyes. “He’s the only one I’m not fighting with.”

Drake raised his eyebrows and looked between me and Landen. I knew he was looking for a flaw in our relationship, and that infuriated me. It would be so easy to explode on him, to blame him for everything, but I let it go, shook my head, and pulled Landen’s hand to me as I stepped through the passage.

Alamos had walked on. I let go of Landen’s hand and walked forward without him. I was so anxious, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t put one thought in front of the other. He didn’t try to keep pace with me; he knew I needed my space.

Just before I reached the door to the study, I looked back and saw Landen and Drake talking quietly a few feet behind me. I really hoped he was talking about the fight and not the other thing we did at home; I remembered August telling us not to think or speak about it here. I twirled my ring on my finger, wanting to just start this day over. I had never had so many fights in one day, and I had never once fought with Olivia. I felt horrible for it; furious, but horrible.

I walked into the study to find Alamos, Perodine, Ashten, and my father at the table. I didn’t see Marc, Stella, or Brady, but I was sure I could feel them close. Perodine looked up at me, questioning my composure. I locked stares with her and held my blank expression.

“Are you alright?” Ashten asked, looking me over, then to my dad beside him.

As my father’s eyes looked over me, I felt his concern and knew he could see my stress. I sighed and tried to send everything down deep inside. He shook his head at me. “Let it out – not down,” he said, standing to come to me.

I looked down, frustrated. He reached for my hand and said, “Let’s go for a walk – just you and me, like old times.”

I looked over my shoulder to see where Landen was, and he walked in at that moment with Drake at his side.

“I’m going to take Willow for a walk, alright?” he said to Landen, clearly not asking for permission.

Landen smiled sardonically, and I felt a gratitude rise in him. He walked to my side, pulled my chin up, and kissed my lips tenderly, sending what calm he could manage to find through me. I smiled slightly and glanced into his perfect blue eyes before I looked down and turned to walk to my dad’s side. I didn’t look up at the others as we left the room.

My dad led me to the stairs, then down them and out the wide, elegant entrance. Outside, the sun was starting to descend and gardeners were turning on the water for all the flowers and trees they’d planted. I pulled my arms to me, feeling the cool rush of the sprinkles mixing with the winter air. My father walked at my side as we slowly made our way to the gate. I kept my eyes down, feeling everyone outside gazing at me; they kept their distance, as if they could feel the boundary I wanted.

When I was little, when I used to fight with my insight, my emotions, my dad would take me on these silent walks through the streets of Franklin. We’d walk for hours without words; it’s strange, but at times we said more when we didn’t say anything at all. I would struggle with what was bothering me and find a way to put my raging emotions into a simple question for him, and he’d always have a simple answer that would make me feel better. Looking back, I felt a gratitude for having such a patient man for a father. Most of my friend’s dads seemed to shy away when their daughters started to display erratic emotions.