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I don't remember what happened next. Just that I was tired and the ache from remembering that day was as strong as ever. But I had someone with me this time. Keara held onto me until I fell asleep and she stayed by my side until I woke in the morning.

I didn't dream. I didn't wake once throughout the night. My mind didn't let me come back to reality until I was ready.

And when I woke the next morning to see the sun shining through my open window, I felt different. I'd let some of it go and even though I still longed for my baby, the burden was a little lighter.

Merrick

Grace lost her child.

I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.

I should have been worried about eavesdropping on such a private conversation. It was obvious Grace had never truly shared what she went through. Keara was her best friend. How did she never know the storm brewing in Grace's mind this whole time?

And for me to invade the moment she finally gave up a little of her burden; I really
was
an asshole.

I spent most of that night trying not to think about how it must have felt for her to lose her daughter. I didn't sleep. The need to be there for her, to comfort her, was just too strong.

Now it all made sense.

The suffering I could feel in Grace, the loneliness she tried to hide with everyone else. Maybe she'd let her guard down because I was just the blind man she was taking care of, but I knew it was another connection. Something meant for me. If anyone could understand that kind of pain ...

"Merrick? I'm here."

Grace's footsteps moved swiftly down the hallway and into the kitchen. I stayed seated at the table, keeping a neutral expression. Pity was the last thing she needed to see.

"Good morning. Sorry I'm late. Keara stayed the night since Josh got called in and I think I had a little too much wine."

Her voice was light, an obvious smile in her words. Was she faking it like she did so well, or did she truly feel better?

"Good morning," I mumbled, clearing my throat when the roughness surprised even me. "Don't worry about it."

"You look pretty beat. What time did you get home last night from your parent's?"

She moved into the chair across from me, and that sweet smell she owned, hit my nose. I drew in a long breath and savored it.

Don't be creepy.

Rubbing my sweating hands on my thighs, I cleared my throat again. What was the question? The time I got home.
Shit
. What time was it when she was talking to Keara?

"Umm, not sure. Late. I hit the sack almost immediately."

"How did it go?"

Dad's words slid through my mind.
Use it.
The things my father said to me were like a light switch, turning on something inside me. Fear was never allowed to guide my decisions. Not until recently. It was time to grab life by the balls again.

"It was really good," I smiled.

"Well, I hope you're ready for today. I found some new exercises I want you to try out. I think they'll help with that stiffness you've had in your thigh."

Stiffness. God, I'd played that off for the last week and thought she decided to give up on it. The stiffness wasn't in my thigh, but it was the only explanation I had to physically hide how much she affected me.

I just nodded my head and curled my lips into a grin. "Sounds great."

She didn't say anything for a full minute, then I heard her sigh and stand. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, I wasn't really hungry."

"Well, I'm starving. I'm making pancakes and eggs. Oh, and bacon."

My stomach rumbled loudly, making her snicker.

"I bet you're hungry now, huh?"

I listened to her move around the kitchen, guessing exactly where she was every time she moved. It was a game we'd started playing a couple weeks before. Something to help me pass the time and keep me aware of everything around me.

I didn't realize it at the time, but the game helped ground me more than being able to walk. That feeling of helplessness lessened each day. My ability to stay alert to what was happening around me helped with the shakiness I'd experienced early on. I didn't feel like I was locked up in the dark anymore.

Grace moved again, her steps light. She was humming today.

"You seem cheery," I pointed out. "Stove."

"Right," she confirmed and moved a pan onto another burner. Those sounds were becoming more and more familiar to me. "I slept well for the first time in a long time. I feel a lot lighter today. Fresher."

"Good. Any particular reason?"

She moved again. "Not really."

"Sink."

The water turned on and I gave myself a mental pat on the back. That one was difficult since it was so close to the stove.

"Right. You're getting really good at this."

"I've learned to listen."
In more ways than one.

Minutes passed and she shut the water off and moved again.

"Counter."

"Which side?"

My mind flew through the categories of sound I had stored away. Distance, volume, whether or not it sounded like she was behind the counter by the fridge or in front of it, closer to the stove. "Fridge?"

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner."

I smiled and shook my head. "You're on one today. You
must
be feeling good."

"Why do you care so much about how I'm feeling?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and tapped my fingers on the table, a nervous tick I'd somehow developed when I was around her. "No reason."

"Well, since you look exhausted, I'll let it go for now."

She moved across the kitchen and the sound of glass clinking together reached my ears. "Island."

"Right. So, tell me why you look like you didn't sleep a wink last night. Did you have a nightmare?"

Grace tried to get me to talk about my dreams; the ones that woke me so violently. She heard them. Hell, she nearly experienced them with how close we actually were to each other when we slept.

"Actually, I didn't sleep much at all."

"I thought you hit the sack when you got home."

"I did."

"Then why didn't you sleep?"

"I just didn't," I replied a little too harshly. My neck strained when I dropped my head forward. The guilt must have been plastered all over my face at this point, but she didn't acknowledge it.

She moved, her footsteps getting a little closer. "Where am I now, Merrick?"

My ears perked, sensitive to every movement of her clothes and the sound of her breathing. "Past the island."

"Mmhmm, and now?"

I swallowed, my fingers tapping a little faster on the smooth surface of the table. "Closer."

Her sweet vanilla scent lingered beneath the smell of the bacon and the pancakes she must have been carrying.

"And now?"

She was right beside me. Her warmth spread across my shoulder and neck, and my fingers suddenly froze. Without thinking, I lifted my arm and found hers, wrapping my fingers around her slender wrist. She set the plates down on the table and stayed there, not pulling away like I expected her to. Letting me touch her. Her breaths quickened as mine did, and it took all I had not to yank her against me.

Knowing my luck, we'd smack foreheads and that would end the moment completely.

"I didn't sleep, because I was thinking about you."

"About me?" she quaked.

"I was thinking about ..."

I stopped, trailing off and finally coming to my senses. Who cared
why
she was feeling happy today? She was having a good day. I wasn't going to darken that by bringing up what I heard through that window.

"I was thinking about maybe going out today. Getting out of the house."

"You were?"

"Yeah, I want to go somewhere with you. Anywhere."

My fingers were still wrapped around her wrist and the pregnant pause made me release her.

"Okay. Let's do it."

I couldn't stop the dirty thoughts that came to my mind. A grin pulled my lips up, and I quirked an eyebrow.

"I mean– shit. Why does that always happen?" she grumbled.

I threw my head back and laughed. That deep laugh that works the stomach and rises up through the chest. The kind that makes all your worries disappear.

Grace couldn't hide anything from me these days. I knew, without a doubt, she wore her emotions on her sleeve. Her face must tell people everything.

Then how? How did no one know what she went through?

The nightmares Grace was always so worried about were nothing compared to the anguish she was feeling.

How did
I
not know?

Because Grace handled life with ... well, grace. She was strength and hope all in one, and even with the weight of loss so freshly on her shoulders, she found the ability to bring light to a man that could have cared less in the beginning.

A man that would blindly give her anything now.

"Where should we go?" she asked as we dug into our breakfast.

"Where do
you
like to go?"

"Well, anywhere I can think of is too far."

"Why?"

"You don't like being in the car, so I don't want to make you–"

I raised my hand in front of me and shook my head. "No. Anywhere. I can handle it today."

I took another bite of food, closing my eyes and chewing slowly. She really was an amazing cook. Pancakes weren't supposed to taste that good.

"Let's go to lunch then. There's an awesome sushi restaurant in Ogden. We can get it to go, then drive up the canyon. I know a place we can just sit and relax. Since it's getting kind of chilly outside, we'll need our jackets."

I'd never had sushi before, and the thought made my stomach turn. Raw fish just wasn't for me.

Didn't stop me.

Not today.

"Sounds like a plan."

***

I was scared. Terrified, in fact.

What was in the takeout box in front of me ... well, if I could see it, I know it would look suspicious.

"I don't think you could look anymore disgusted," Grace said with a laugh.

"I'm not sure that I was prepared for this. I normally don't eat raw fish."

"Well, what you've got there isn't raw. In fact, it's deep fried. You'll love it, I promise."

"If you say so."

I didn't want to make her think I was doing this just for her, even though I was. Never thought I'd be eating fish rolled in rice and seaweed, on a picnic bench, at a rest stop in the middle of a canyon. The sound of rushing water from the Weber River made the whole thing kind of ... peaceful.

I slowly rolled my fingers over the contents and discovered that the pieces were big enough to just pop one in my mouth.

Quick and easy, Merrick. Don't be a sissy.

Grace was watching me. I knew it because of the laugh she was clearly covering with her hand. I heard the tiny snort when I leaned down and sniffed the food.

"You think it's funny, Grace, but you didn't experience what I did overseas. Some of the food ... well, it was questionable," I informed her.

"I promise, what you're about to eat will not only awaken your taste buds, but you'll be begging me to get sushi every night from here on out. That, or you'll absolutely hate it. There's really no in between."

I drew in a long breath, letting it out slowly as I lifted the small piece of foreign food to my lips. "If I hate it, don't take it too personally."

She laughed again, only this time, she didn't hold it back.

God, you're beautiful.

If her laughter sounded that breathtaking, I could only imagine. Did she toss her head back, raising her face to the sky, when she laughed? Did her eyes sparkle?

I shook my head and tossed the piece of sushi into my mouth, chewing slowly at first and waiting for the urge to spit it out.

"Holy shit!" I gasped, almost choking on the succulent rice as I did. "This is delicious."

The flavors bounced around, each one better than the last, and the subtle taste of the seaweed brought it all together. I reached for another piece while I continued to chew.

"Don't go too fast or it'll be gone before you even get a chance to enjoy it," Grace said, an apparent smile in her voice. "Believe me, I know."

"You like it that much?"

"Mmhmm," she replied, chewing her food and letting out a small moan that sent the blood in my head rushing downward. "Mmm, that was a good one, and yes, I love it. At first, it was just a special treat now and then, but over the years, it was the only thing I could really enjoy. Keara and I used to go crazy for it and Mom has a knack for ordering surprises
off
the menu."

"I get the hype now. It really is pretty good. Why haven't I ever tried it before?" I asked myself.

"Well, it's not really something you decide to just try one day. Everyone I know started eating it because someone told them how good it is and convinced them to go for it."

"I can understand that," I nodded.

We ate in silence after that, the cool air settling over us. Autumn was close. I fought back the disappointment I felt at not being able to see all the colors I'd taken for granted all these years.

I finished my food before her. Grace was right. I ate mine too fast and wanted more. She laughed and smacked my hand when I reached over to try and take some of hers. I couldn't be as stealthy without seeing where it was, but I still tried.

When we were finished, she gathered the containers and tossed them in a nearby garbage can. When she settled beside me on the picnic bench, I sat a little straighter and took slow breaths. Even with the undertone of near-autumn leaves, I could still smell that sugary scent. Like she spent her days baking cookies instead of helping a blind man get by.

She pressed a little closer, her thigh brushing mine. Then she shivered against my arm and let out a harsh breath.

"You cold?"

"A little. Guess I should have thought about that before we came here," she chuckled.

I felt the cool air against my cheeks, but the nearness of her didn't let me feel it anywhere else. I couldn't be near her and
not
feel like I was on fire.

Poor choice of words.

I did the only thing I could think of; I raised my arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, gently pulling her closer. God help me, but it felt right holding her like that. As if I was actually human again.

Grace didn't argue. In fact, she squeezed in even closer until she was nestled against my chest, shivering and sighing.

"You're really warm."

Tell me about it.

We sat at that picnic table for a few minutes longer, just listening to the river and breathing in the fresh air. I hadn't left the house much in the last few months. Hell, I'd only left the house to satisfy my mother under the threat of starvation or for doctor's appointments. I never went out just to go out. Never felt the need for fresh air until recently.