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"Grace."

I pulled away and smiled.

"Grace."

Dream Merrick wasn't the one saying my name, even though it sounded exactly like him. His lips weren't moving, but he
was
smiling at me and I all but melted in his arms anyway.

"I hate to do this, but you need to wake up, Grace."

My eyes popped open to find Merrick sitting on the bed, facing me. The smirk on his face was suspicious, but damn, he was so sexy.

"Sorry, I'm awake now," I said, stretching my arms above my head. The pain in my neck and back was a clear indication that Merrick's desk chair was
not
a good sleeping chair.

"That's unfortunate," he chuckled.

"Excuse me?"

"You seemed to be enjoying whatever you were dreaming about."

I froze.
Oh shit.
"Ummm."

He laughed and shook his head. "Whatever it was, it was driving me crazy. I had to wake you."

I couldn't tell if it was an annoyed crazy he was talking about or the kind of crazy I felt every day from being over aroused.

God, please be the latter.

"Sorry?"

"Don't be," he muttered hoarsely.

Okay so maybe it
was
the latter.

Then again, his voice was probably rough from sleep. Then I finally noticed that he was dressed and his face was bright and awake. He'd been up and moving for a while, apparently.

"So, I don't really remember much, but I know I've been out for at least a day," he stated. "You haven't been here the whole time, have you?"

I nodded absently, not realizing that he couldn't see me until I'd already felt like a moron. "I have. I didn't want to leave you alone and Micah had a night shift last night, so he couldn't stay."

"Micah was here?" he asked, a little panic in his voice.

"Yes."

"Oh, umm, what did he have to say?"

A whole lot, but I'm not telling.

"Not much. We just kept an eye on your temperature and he brought food."

"Oh. Okay. Good."

Odd.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, standing to move in front of him. I was just barely above eye level with him when I reached up to feel his forehead. He was still a little warm, but his fever was almost completely gone.

Instead of answering me, he lifted his hands to put them on my waist, pulling in a deep breath. His eyes closed and I couldn't resist combing my fingers through his hair. I didn't even realize what I was doing until he softly groaned.

"Grace ..."

His breath was minty and I closed my mouth, hoping mine didn't smell awful.

"That feels good," he mumbled.

"I'm glad you're feeling better," I said, a little breathlessly.

His eyes stayed closed as I kept running my fingers through his hair, over his forehead, and down his cheek. The prickle from his shadow of a beard was rough against my fingertips.

"Can I touch you?" he asked, roughly.

"You are."

"No. Not the way I want to."

My pulse started to race, my breaths quickening. "How do you want to?"

Those strong hands pressed firmly into my waist and tugged me forward until I was standing between Merrick's legs. I couldn't pull my eyes away from his face. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed. Then his lips parted on a sigh.

"Any way. Every way."

His breath tickled my chin and the room was suddenly on fire. I raked my fingers through his hair until I was cupping the back of his head.
What am I doing?
The grip around my waist tightened, his thumbs starting to move in circles around my stomach. I rested my other hand on his shoulder to keep my balance. Otherwise, I would have fallen over from the dizziness invading my head.

"Okay," I stuttered.

Those big, strong hands left my waist and lifted so slowly until they ever so gently cupped my face. I closed my eyes, soaking in the feel of his warm skin against mine. His eyes stared straight ahead, as if he were staring at my lips. I knew he wasn't seeing them, but my breath still quaked with each inhale.

His thumbs drifted over my cheeks, lingering there a moment before moving up to my eyes. His touch was gentle and hesitant, but determined. He wanted to see me any way he could, and this was the only way.

Our breathing was the only sound other than the hint of a slight sizzle from the electricity in the air around us. It felt like the room would burst into flames. Then the sound of the front door opening zapped it all away.

"Grace? You still here?"

Micah.

Merrick sighed and dropped his hands to his lap as I took a step back. "My family has the worst timing," he growled.

A nervous giggle bubbled up my throat as I took another step back, trying to catch my breath and calm the butterflies in my stomach.

Micah walked into the room and came to an abrupt stop when he saw us. A slow smile stretched across his face, and he winked at me, leisurely backing up into the hall. With a tip of his head he let me know he'd be in the kitchen before he quietly walked away.

I turned back to Merrick, whose eyes were pointed right at me, a wistful expression on his handsome face.

I couldn't believe it. He actually wanted me. But knowing that just wasn't enough.

"Why?" I asked.

"Hmm?"

"Why me?"

He hesitated and my stomach rolled with frustration.

"I don't know, Grace," he whispered and lowered his head. "But I really don't care about the why anymore."

But
I
did. I didn't want him to start something with me just because I was the only one around. I didn't want to pour my heart out to the man without knowing he wanted this, too. Without him knowing
why
he wanted this.

After the heartache I went through before, I had to be sure. Jason stayed with me because of the baby, even though he would have eventually walked away anyway. I know that now. What would be the reason for Merrick to stay with me? Because he couldn't see anyway?

No.

It just wasn't enough.

"I'll start some breakfast," I said, deadpan.

"Grace."

I refused to look at him, knowing the expression he was giving me would break me. "I'll meet you in the kitchen."

Then I walked away. It was the only way to protect my heart when the slightest shake would shatter it.

Merrick

I'd messed up somehow.

Before I even started, I'd fucked something up with Grace and I had no clue what it was.

Why me?

Did she really even
need
to ask that? Why
not
her?

She was a diamond in the rough. A woman like Grace is hard to find, I know that now. My fears about not being enough for her suddenly stopped being important. I just wanted her any way I could get her and I was going to do my damndest to make her happy, if she'd have me.

She'd taken care of me when she could have left me with my brother or anyone else. She stayed.

It shouldn't have surprised me how deep my feelings for her had become. It wasn't because she was just there, it was because she was everywhere.

I couldn't stop thinking about her and I didn't want to. She brought me peace without even trying.

"Looks like you're back to normal," my sister remarked when I stumbled into the kitchen later that night.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, hello to you, too." I didn't need to see her to know that whatever expression was on Mary's face, it was filled with sarcasm. "Micah had another shift and Grace asked me to come."

"She did?"

Mary sighed long and loud, just to make a point. "Yeah, she did. She was here for almost three whole days with barely any sleep, no thanks to you two idiots. I don't know why nobody called me, but whatever. You honestly think she'd just ditch you at the first sign of you feeling better?"

I carefully found my way to the table as she spoke, counting my steps as I rocked on my crutches and put more weight on my left leg. Every day I was stronger, but today felt like I'd taken ten steps back. In more ways than one.

"I guess not," I answered, settling into a chair. My head was still fuzzy, but I needed to be up and moving as much as possible. It chased away whatever this was.

"Well, she wouldn't. She's exhausted and still worried about you. I wouldn't be surprised if she was already asleep, though."

"What time is it?"

"Seven o'clock. You've been hiding in your room for a few hours."

After an awkward breakfast, I had retreated to my room, falling asleep for a couple hours until Grace woke me in the afternoon. We didn't talk much. Not with Micah sticking around most of the day. I didn't get a chance to ask Grace what I did wrong.

"Did she seem upset when she left?" I asked my sister, a little too transparently.

"No, just tired. A little quiet."

I nodded, thinking of that short conversation from this morning. Searching for any reason why Grace might be upset because of what I said.

"What happened this morning, Merrick? Micah told me you two looked pretty deep into something when he showed up and then suddenly, neither one of you was speaking to the other."

"I honestly don't know."

Another silent moment passed before Mary knocked on the table, getting my full attention. "Well? You going to tell me what the conversation was at least?"

I bowed my head and raked a hand through my hair, remembering how good it felt when it was Grace's hand. "She asked me a question and I guess I gave the wrong answer," I mumbled.

"And what was the question?"

"Why do you care?"

"Umm, was that the question or are you being a dumbass again?"

"Mary."

"Merrick."

"God, you can be really annoying these days."

There was a smile in her voice when she said, "I know."

I leaned forward and rested my arms on the table, smoothing my fingers over the hard surface and feeling some of the scratches made over the years. Why couldn't I be that sensitive to what Grace needed? Touch, smell, hearing ... it all came so much easier, but I still had no idea how to talk.

"Why me?"

"Excuse me?"

I sighed, suddenly embarrassed that I was relying on my sister to help me figure out how to speak to a woman. "She asked,
'Why me?'
."

"And?"

"And ... I said I didn't know and that I didn't care about the why."

"Hmm, that's interesting," she muttered.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, hoping she had answers for me I knew I'd never figure out on my own.

"Do you know what happened to her? With her ex?"

I nodded, remembering the conversation she'd had with Keara a few nights earlier. I still didn't know what to think about it. "The asshole left her after ... she lost her baby."

I expected surprise from Mary, but instead, she seemed to be all too aware of Grace's past. "Jason cheated on her a lot," she informed me. "Why she was with him, well, she's too good of a person. When he got her pregnant, he promised he'd stick around for the baby. Then, when the baby was gone, he was gone, too."

"How do you know all of this?"

"I listen to the gossip around the neighborhood sometimes," she said, a small chuckle following that little bit of information. "People talk. Some of them knew Jason and some of them have seen him since he left Grace. They put the pieces together. I just overheard them."

"How is this supposed to help me?" I growled. "It just pisses me off that she went through that."

"Well, if you paid attention to those small facts, you might understand the very important question Grace asked you in the first place. He didn't have a reason to stay anymore."

I felt like a child being reprimanded. I was too angry about what happened to Grace to really understand what it did to her. "So, he left her as soon as the only reason he stayed was gone," I stated.

Mary's chair screeched across the floor when she stood. "What does that tell you?" she asked.

Her footsteps moved to the fridge, leaving me to think. I heard her gasp before she shut the door. "God, I'm starving," she groaned.

"Help yourself."

"I certainly will. So?"

"It tells me Jason Reed is still the asshole he always was," I grumbled. I knew I should have kicked his ass back in high school. He was always playing the girls I knew, making them hate all of us anyway.

A few beeps on the microwave and then Mary was back at the table. "That's the obvious part. You think that might have had an effect on Grace?"

"Of course it did. I can already tell that she tries to hide it, but it's there. She didn't deserve that."

The microwave beeped and the smell of pizza filled the kitchen. Mary moved around the room for a minute before placing a plate in front of me. Then it finally hit me.

Why me?

"I want her for
her
. Not any other reason."

"So you
do
know why then," she said.

"There really isn't a
why
. It just
is
. I can't picture myself without her anymore. I don't want to." I thought of all the things I discovered about Grace since she started coming over. All the things I couldn't get out of my mind. "She's kind and compassionate, but she has a spark when she needs it." I smiled. There were a lot of arguments we'd had that ended with me needing a cold shower. "She's smart and funny. She's beautiful in every way that matters and even though I know she's beautiful on the outside, I don't care. And not because I can't see her. Every time she walks into the room, I feel her. Everywhere. Not seeing her ... it sucks, but I don't have to see her to know I'm in love with her."

Mary cleared her throat. "That's a pretty good answer. Why didn't you go with that?"

"Because I'm an idiot."

"No, you're not. You're just a man."

I gave a bitter laugh. "That doesn't really help."

"No, but it's necessary," she chuckled. "She wants you, too, Mer. She just wants to protect herself from another heart break."

"How do you know all of this?"

"I'm a woman," she said, as if that was supposed to answer all questions in the known universe. "Remember that and you'll be just fine."

I pushed away from the table, suddenly needing to fix things before Grace had a chance to think about it too much. And she
would
think about it.

"Where you going?" Mary asked when I stood and fumbled with my crutches.

"I'm going to talk to her."

"You should really let her sleep."

"I know, but this can't wait. She needs to know."

"Okay, okay," Mary said. Nobody realized that I knew exactly when someone was smiling when they spoke. Voices changed with expressions. It was one thing I learned early on and only got better at recognizing. My sister included.

I started for the front door, miscounting my steps and accidentally bumping into the wall a couple times.

"You've got two options," Mary called behind me. "I can take you over there or you can attempt it by yourself."

I stopped, panting for breath from the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I had no idea how to get to Grace's house. It wasn't far, but it had been too long since I'd seen the surroundings.

"Will you tell me where to go?" I pleaded.

Her footsteps started up the hallway and stopped beside me. "Of course, little bro." Another smile.

We made it out the front door and the nervousness suddenly overwhelmed me. Rejection. It sucked and it was always a risk.

Don't be a coward. You've been through hell, what's a little rejection going to do?

"Turn left and move slow," Mary directed. "When you hit concrete again, that's the sidewalk leading to the porch. Turn left and follow it to the door. Two steps, I think, is all there is."

"Thanks, Mary."

Her hand touched my cheek, patting softly. "Don't screw it up. Just be honest. That's all she wants."

I nodded. "I will."

"Good luck."

Then she was gone and I was alone, outside, for the first time in months, no more ready for this mission than I was weeks ago.

***

I stood at Grace's door for a good five minutes before I finally reached out and knocked. My heart pounded in my throat, my hands sweating, but I finally figured out what I needed to say to her.

The sound of the deadbolt twisting, reached my ears before the door creaked open.

"Merrick?"

"Grace." I cleared my throat and tried for a lighthearted tone that sounded more droll than anything else. "How are you?"

"Umm, fine. What are you doing here?"

Good so far.
"I needed to talk to you."

"About?" She sounded apprehensive.

She
had nothing to be afraid of because it was
my
entire self-worth she held in her hands.
That's stupid, Merrick. Be a man.

"You asked me a question earlier and I'd like to tell you the answer."

"Merrick, I don't think–"

"Please, Grace. Just give me a few minutes and if you want me to leave after, I'll go."

I held my breath, waiting for her to tell me to take a hike. She didn't and my relief almost made me fall over on my crutches.

"Come on in," she relented. It almost put me out of my misery, but there was so much more to say.

I rocked forward on my crutches and stepped into the house. Grace shut the door and guided me over to the couch.

"Do you want anything?" she offered.

Just you.

"No. Thank you."

To my surprise, she sat next to me, making the cushion sink beside me as her leg brushed up against mine. The room was suddenly stifling.

I tugged on my shirt collar and swallowed the fear down. Way down. "Thanks for letting me in. I was expecting you to shut the door in my face. I deserve it," I said, forcing a weak smile.

"Merrick–"

"Sorry. I just, I'm really nervous."

"You are?"

I chuckled and dropped my head forward. Honesty would go a lot farther in this situation. "Yeah, for some reason I feel like if I could see your face, I'd know if you were mad or not. I can't tell right now and it's killing me."

"I'm not mad," she denied soothingly, then placed her hand on my arm.

"Good."

Several tense seconds passed as I gathered what courage I could find. Never in my life had I been this on edge. Not even on the plane to Iraq. That was child's play compared to this.

"What did you want to tell me?"

I swallowed thickly and drew in a long breath. Her hand slid down my arm and wrapped around my fingers when I started tapping my leg. I wanted to just blurt it out right then and there, but I had some explaining to do.

"I was in charge of my men," I began. "First Lieutenant. My team relied on me to know what to do at all times and they trusted me. I always felt like I let them down, even knowing I had no control over what happened. It's just something I can't fight hard enough."

It's also the very thing that kept me going those first weeks of hell, after the attack. Thinking about my men was all I had and seeing them in my head, over and over again, was the only way I could cope. It kept me grounded in a strange sort of way.

Grace squeezed my hand tightly, her soft skin engulfing mine. I lifted our hands and pressed my lips to the back of hers. It was instinct. Pure, natural instinct to touch her like that. Her gasp made me close my eyes, but she didn't pull away. I pressed my nose to her skin and inhaled that sweet smell of hers.

"You're so soft," I whispered, mostly to myself, and kissed her hand again. It took a few long moments to finally drop them back to my thigh, then I forced myself to get back on track.

"I was in the Army National Guard. We were brought in to train the Iraqi military, teach them how to do things right so we could get out of there. It wasn't the most ... vigorous job, according to few, but it was important. I wasn't sneaking into buildings or capturing prisoners, but I was doing something that would hopefully end the need for those men to even be there doing that shit.

"We'd travel to small bases to train, sometimes spending ten days at a time there. We were surrounded by Iraqi soldiers and we'd spend the nights smack dab in the middle of the compound."

I took a deep breath, remembering how nervous I was that first night I stayed on a foreign base. It wasn't active, but it was still dangerous. Men are capable of anything when it comes to their beliefs and protecting their families.