Vivid (26 page)

Damn him for making me forget everything.

"Will we see you tonight, Grace?" Emma asked cheerily.

"Of course," I replied, suddenly feeling a little bit awkward, knowing they were all hiding something from me.

Tonight
, I kept telling myself.

Merrick gave me another quick kiss and climbed into the car.

I stood on the sidewalk and watched them drive away, the pit in my stomach telling me that if I wasn't careful, things could go very wrong.

***

There were ten of us sitting around the table, eating and laughing. For once, not worrying about anything but the present.

After the trial – which ended fairly quickly once the judge saw pictures and blood work – Emma and Nathan stopped at a barbeque joint in town and provided dinner for all of us. Mom and Dad were closer to them than I had assumed.

Watching them talk like familiar friends made me wonder how much I'd actually missed over the last few years.

Mitch provided the entertainment by being his usual carefree self and Mary kept her brothers in check when she wasn't laughing hysterically from their antics.

Sam, Mary's husband, fit right in with the rest of them. He made it a point to tell me that once I was a part of this family, there was no getting out. He'd meant it playfully, but I was more nervous about the suggestion than the actual warning.

Mitch spoke briefly about the trial, filling me and my parents in on the details. It was sad to think that such a horrible accident caused weeks of pain and the justice took just as long. He didn't seem overly upset about it, though. The carefree, younger version of both Merrick and Micah wouldn't let something like that – and I quote – 'kill his vibe'.

Micah started arguing with Sam about which one of them would make a better lawyer. I couldn't help but laugh when Mary stated that both of them would be just awful.

Dinner was long since over and I could have stayed there for hours, laughing and chatting with all of them. That is, until Merrick's hand slid up my leg and between my thighs, hidden underneath the table.

I had to slap his hand away a few times, which did nothing but spur him on.

I'd never seen him smile as much as he did at dinner. His blindness didn't change the way his family interacted with him and I clearly saw the peace he felt being surrounded by all of us.

It was pretty late by the time everyone started to trickle out of the house. Emma wanted to stay behind and help clean up, but there wasn't much to clean except a few plates. I told her to go home and I would take care of it.

She hesitated, looking between me and Merrick before she relented. "Thank you for taking such good care of my boy, Grace. I knew you were someone special. Just stick with him, okay?"

I found the request extremely odd, especially for someone like Emma Thatcher. Knowing it had something to do with what I overheard that morning, I let it go.

"I'm not planning on going anywhere, Emma," I confessed, then absently added, "Not unless Merrick wants me to."

She glanced over my shoulder and I followed her gaze. Merrick was standing behind me when I spoke and he didn't look too happy about what he heard.

"What makes you think that would ever happen?" he grumbled.

Emma smiled sweetly, but her voice was saturated with sarcasm, clearly scolding her son when she said, "I just can't imagine what would make her think that, Merrick. Sounds like you two need to clear some things up."

That made his mouth snap shut and I couldn't have loved the woman more.

We said our goodbyes, then it was just me and Merrick. I was nervous. I didn't know when it would happen, but I knew something would.

I started scrubbing the dishes and humming to myself, trying to maintain the contentment of the night. A minute later, Merrick's arms came around my waist, startling me.

"You're stealthy."

"Of course I am. I'm like a cat."

I smiled, loving the feel of his arms around me. He kissed my neck, sending tingles down my spine. His hands moved to my hips and he pressed his hardness against me.

The plate in my hand went tumbling into the sink and I closed my eyes. I never thought it was even possible to feel like this. Loving someone so much and feeling such passion for them that it makes everything else fade.

Merrick continued to kiss my neck, licking and nipping while turning me into a heaping pile of mush.

"I need you, Grace. I need to feel you, be inside of you."

He pressed against me again, making me moan and press back.

"Fuck, I can't wait."

He spun me around, crushing his lips to mine and spreading his fingers over my ass. He dug in and lifted me to wrap around his hips. Stepping to the side, he roughly dropped me onto the counter. My fingers found the waistband of his jeans just beneath that hard stomach. I curled my fingers inside while his hands roamed my body, kneading in those places that drove me wild.

I couldn't get enough of him, not when everything about him exuded strength. His chest, his stomach, that V at his hips. The scars that covered his left side did nothing but make me want him more. When his hands covered my breasts, I didn't hold back the whimper, wanting more but not sure how to get it.

"You need me, too, Grace?" he said, gruffly. "I'll take care of you. I promise."

His hands dropped to my thighs, sliding inward until he touched my center, massaging me until my hips thrust wildly against his hand. I fumbled with the button on his jeans and suddenly I was on my feet again, unsteady and panting. He made quick work of my shirt and pants, then lifted me back to the counter, removing my panties in the process. His hand came back to where I needed it most and when his fingers found my center, I cried out. "Merrick, please."

He pushed a finger inside of me, setting my skin on fire while he dropped his lips to my chest.

"So wet for me."

Seconds later, he was positioning himself and surging forward.

It was like finally coming home. This connection was like nothing else in the world. Of that, I was completely sure.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" Merrick rumbled in my ear. He drew me closer to the edge of the counter, sinking deeper. When he was fully seated inside me, he stopped. "Tell me you know," he whispered.

I knew. I knew he loved me. I felt it every day. Those days without him, however, made me doubt.

"Merrick."

He dropped his face to my neck. "You have to know, Grace. I can't do this without you, so you have to make sure you know."

I closed my eyes, a sigh leaving my lips when he pushed forward. His tongue slid over my skin and it didn't matter
what
I knew, I wouldn't have been able to tell him anyway.

"Do I need to show you again?" he demanded.

He started to retreat. My eyes popped open in a panic while my legs tightened around him, refusing to let him leave my body. He was too strong. Suddenly, he stepped back from the counter and took me with him. The second my feet hit the floor, he spun me away from him.

A hand pressed at the center of my back, pushing my chest down to the counter while his other hand pulled my hips back. I lost my breath, heat claiming my cheeks when that hand sank between my legs. Back and forth, he touched me with a purpose.

"Oh, God."

"I enjoy showing you, baby, but I need you to really understand."

Understand what?

I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying. Not when his talented fingers kept me on the edge. Without warning, he pulled his hand away.

"No."

"I can't wait," Merrick confessed, then slammed into me from behind.

"Yes!" I shouted.

He took me hard against the counter, supporting me with a hand cupped over my breast, controlling every movement.

It didn't take long at all. He'd barely gotten started when I threw my head back and cried out his name. His answering gasp told me he was right behind me. "Grace."

He spread himself over my back, kissing my neck tenderly while we both caught our breath.

"I love you," he breathed. "Don't forget that."

***

We eventually ended up in bed, me sprawled out over Merrick's chest while he quietly caressed my skin. It didn't take long before he slid down the bed and circled his arms around my waist. I closed my eyes as he tucked his face against my neck, giving me a quick kiss before settling in.

"I could stay here forever, you know that? Right here," he sighed, nuzzling my neck.

I reached over and combed my fingers through his thick hair, feeling the vibration from that delighted hum against my skin. "It would get awfully boring, wouldn't it?"

He shook his head, pulling me impossibly closer. "No. It's safe here. No decisions to be made, no stress or worry. Just safe."

His breath tickled my skin, sending a shiver over my body. He burrowed in deeper. I wanted to stop time. Just stay right in that moment and forget the rest. He was right. It
was
safe.

But my curiosity wouldn't let it go. "Will you talk to me now, Merrick? I know something's going on."

He sighed and kissed the sensitive spot where my neck and shoulder meet. When he pulled back, I slid down to eye level with him. Those bright blue eyes took my breath away. Even broken, they were one of the most striking things about him.

"I'm sorry, Grace. I was confused and scared, I didn't want to bring that on you," he began. "Everything happened all at once and it just overwhelmed me. There were things I needed to take care of before I made a decision and one of them was seeing Ryan."

"I understand, Merrick. I was worried about you, though."

"I know, baby. But you've got to realize that worrying about me won't make things easier for either one of us."

"You're right," I whispered, chagrined. I was disappointed in myself for not trusting him enough. He loved me.

"Doesn't mean I shouldn't have talked to you, though, and I'm sorry for that," he reassured.

"Does that mean you're going to finally tell me?"

He rolled onto his back, bringing me with him. His hold around me was tighter than normal, almost like he was scared I might run away. That didn't help my already frayed nerves.

"Your dad had some surprising news for me."

"Are you okay? Is it bad?"

He chuckled, kissing the top of my head. "Not bad, just unexpected." He drew in a long breath, tickling the top of my head when he blew it out. "He said there's a chance I might be able to see again."

"What?" I exclaimed, pushing myself to sit up so I could see his face. I wasn't expecting that at all. "Really? How?"

He raised his hand to my face, fumbling for a second until he was cupping my jaw. "My left eye is hopeless. I already know that, but he said a more complex cataract surgery on the right eye is a possibility. And the odds are pretty good."

"Merrick. That's incredible!" I said, a beaming smile on my face, ignoring the niggling feeling of nervousness at the thought of him actually seeing me.

"Yeah, it is," he replied, a little dejected and maybe even a little frightened. "What do I have to lose, right?"

My smile faded as I got a good look at his expression. There was something wrong. "What is it?"

"I don't know. I can't figure out why the decision is so difficult. I mean, I should have said yes right away."

"You didn't?"

He shook his head slowly. "I needed to think."

Completely reasonable when I thought about it. How does one suddenly make a decision like that when the chances had been so impossible before? Then again, this was Merrick. Since the very beginning, he felt so much anger about not having his sight. I never would have guessed he wouldn't immediately say yes to the surgery.

"I don't understand."

"The odds are good, Grace, but they aren't certain. What happens if it doesn't work?"

I sat there, just blinking. Confused. "Is that what you're really afraid of?"

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.

"Is that why you didn't tell me?"

His hand dropped away from mine and rubbed down his face. "I didn't want you to have hope when it isn't a for sure thing, but I couldn't keep it from you forever. I just didn't know how to say it or if you would even understand why I can't decide."

"Is it worth the chance for you? The
possibility
that you might see again."

He shrugged. "I just don't want anything to change."

My heart started to race, all those insecurities I locked away breaking out. "What would change?"

He didn't answer for a long moment, his expression blank. His eyes normally made an attempt to point toward me, always trying to find me in that darkness he said was always there.

But for the first time in a long time, he actually moved them away from me.

"Merrick, what would change?" I demanded, my chest tightening with emotion. That empty pit in my stomach was growing every second that past without an answer.

"Me. You. I don't know. Everything."

I sat up all the way, hugging my legs to my chest as I scanned his expression, searching for the actual answer. Then it hit me.

"Do you honestly think it matters to me whether you are blind or not?"

He frowned, lines forming between his brow and his eyes coming back to where I was sitting. "Doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't."

After that whole episode in the kitchen – reminding me that he loved me, that he wanted me – he actually had the nerve to forget how
I
felt.

"Merrick. I'm with you because I love you."

"What if things change? What if I have to fight through all the shit I've overcome these past few months?"

"Then I'll be here. Yeah, it'll be hard, but that's what this is all about. I wouldn't leave just because things got tough."

"But
what if
, Grace?"

Why was he arguing with me about it? Didn't he know I loved him? That I would stand by him no matter what? Unless ... unless it wasn't
me
he was talking about.

Suddenly, the whole idea of what happened in that kitchen made me nauseous.