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"Are you saying ... Merrick, are you suggesting that things might change for
you
?"

"No," he emphasized, then paused, his brow furrowed with uncertainty. "I don't know."

It was a direct blow to the chest. I thought he was different. I thought he wouldn't let anything come between us, not after everything we'd fought through together. All the shit I went through with Jason came swiftly crashing back into my mind. Clanging around every memory until the only option was to believe that it was happening again.

All the effort to tell myself otherwise no longer mattered.

How quickly it happens. The hurt from the past rising up to take control. It wasn't because I was weak, just human.

"I see," I said, deadpan.

"Grace, that came out wrong. I'm not saying anything will change for me, I just don't want you to get your hopes up. I don't want you to get hurt because I–"

"Stop. Please. I don't want to hear anymore," I interjected.

"Grace–"

"No, I get it."

"No, you don't." He started to sit up, reaching for me, but I was already off the bed. "Where the hell are you going?"

I shoved my legs into my pants and yanked my shirt over my head. "I need to go."

"What? Why? Come back here and let's talk about this. You misunderstood."

"Maybe, but I still need a minute to think."

He was scooting to the edge of the bed, his muscles flexing like they always did, distracting me from my eminent escape.

I turned and hurried to the door.

"Grace, stop! Please."

I didn't. I made it out into the hall and almost fell over from the dizziness swarming my head. I leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths. His steps followed me and I glanced back to see him reach for the door frame. He wasn't paying attention to his steps so he couldn't find it and he ended up catching his foot on the edge.

I wanted to cry. This was just cruel. Leaving like this. But if I didn't leave now, I'd end up right back in a place I didn't want to be.

I continued down the hall only to stop when he shouted. "Damn it, Grace, will you just listen to me? I can't chase you, but I'll fucking try."

I turned to face him. He stood in his doorway, clad only in his underwear, that glorious chest heaving and the worry on his face clouding his features. When he didn't hear me move, he stepped forward.

I took a step back and that super hearing of his caught it and made him freeze.

"Baby, don't do this."

I sucked in a breath, holding back the damn tears that were begging to fall. "I'm sorry, Merrick. You needed a few days to think and you got them. It's my turn."

"Why won't you listen to me?"

"Because I already know what's going to happen!" I screamed.

"Really? You think I'm
anything
like that fucker?"

I refused to answer that because I knew he wasn't, but it didn't change the fear I had that he would be. Eventually.

"Maybe that's what the problem actually is, then. Maybe it's
you
with all the issues. Not me," he snapped.

Another blow to the chest.

"You're right, Merrick. It
is
me. So, maybe you should just let me go before you get stuck with a head case."

He flinched, as if I had physically slapped him across the face. Then his expression twisted, pained and full of regret."This isn't over, Grace. Not by a long shot."

I wanted to believe him, but after the hurtful things we had just said to each other, I couldn't. People changed all the time. They changed their minds, their beliefs, and they were unpredictable. Life was unpredictable. That's what made it so difficult to survive without a scratch on the surface. Or even deeper.

I spun away, steadying myself when the lightheadedness took over. The enormity of what just happened didn't actually hit me until I'd made it to Keara's, twenty minutes later.

That's when the tears rushed out and my chest cracked open.

My best friend opened the door to find me on my knees, gasping for air that just wouldn't come.

"Grace!"

Her arms came around me as I buried my face in her shoulder, immediately soaking her shirt with unending tears.

"Oh, God. Please tell me you're okay, sweetie."

I shook my head and let out another sob.

"Merrick called me," she whispered.

That just made it worse, because that's when I knew ...

I
was the one that had changed in a matter of seconds.

Merrick

I had somehow fucked up and there was no way for me to fix things. Not when Grace refused to answer any of my calls. I spent three days trying to reach her, but no one could help me. Or they just
wouldn't
.

I couldn't control anything anymore. I was miserable and desperate one minute, then moody and abrasive the next. By day three, the numbness had taken over. Then, without warning, regret and shame.

I replayed our conversation, over and over again. To anyone listening in, it was clear that Grace had misunderstood me and she was too upset to give me a chance to explain. But I didn't blame her.

When she asked if I was worried that things would change for
me
, I immediately said no. Then, something came over me and I really couldn't be sure.
I don't know.
It came out of my mouth so damn fast, I had no chance of stopping it.

I
didn't
know if things would change for me, but those things had nothing to do with Grace. It was me I was worried about. Whether or not I would regress back to the pitiful excuse I was before. I was scared that everything I had worked for, would just disappear in a heartbeat.

And suddenly, being in the dark this whole time, didn't seem so bad.

What I should have said ... it doesn't matter anymore because she wouldn't let me say it.

I got angry again, careless. I drank anything I could get my hands on, then when I couldn't even hold myself up, I promised myself I'd fix it.

Grace stayed away. The only person that had seen her was Mom and she didn't think she would be able to help without making it worse.

No, I needed to do this myself. I needed to show her how sorry I was for even
thinking
that she was the problem. It was a moment of insecurity and impulsiveness, and I didn't mean it.

But it was too late.

Her father called me on day four and asked if I had made my decision. He didn't bring Grace up and when I tried to, he knocked it down.

"These things have a way of working themselves out, son. Plus, we're men. We're allowed a free pass now and then, you'll see."

He waited for my answer. It only took me a minute to lock it in.

Yes. I was doing the surgery, risks and all.

But not because I deserved to see again.

I was doing it because I wanted to fix things with Grace, and since it had come to chasing her down, I kind of needed to be able to see out of at least one eye to do it.

He scheduled it for that Monday. I had two days to prepare for a surgery that might change everything for me.

Mom and Dad stopped by that weekend to celebrate with me, but I begged them to just go away.

"We don't know, yet," I insisted. "So, I'm not going to hold my breath."

I spent Saturday night planning out how I was going to convince Grace to hear me out. It was perfect. No way she would reject what I had in mind. I even called Micah to make sure he could be available to help me if I needed him.

He was hesitant, but my brother knew how much Grace meant to me. He'd seen what her light had given me.

Sunday morning came and the doubts crept in. I was an idiot. A woman like Grace didn't deserve to be hurt the way I hurt her. Why the hell would she ever take me back?

So round and round it went.

Hope. Doubt. Hope. Doubt. Anger. Depression.

I was starting to think I was never a real man with the drama playing out in my mind. Ryan posed the same question when I told him what was going on.

"You're a dumbass, Merrick, but you're too strong to give up," he encouraged. "Plus, you've got two working hands and ten working fingers. And if you really know how to use them, no way she'll stay away."

It was the first time I had smiled since Grace walked away from me. But by Sunday night, I was a mess and decided to just leave it up to fate.

I sat at my window, like I'd done every night since she left. I waited for her each night, but there was nothing. No music, no talking. She was never there. When I wouldn't hear anything for a while, I called Keara who confirmed she was at home every time.

Every night for six nights, it was the same thing.

She was making it a point to avoid me.

I would be doing the same thing.

My head started to fall from the lack of sleep. After accepting that I would just have to wait until after the surgery, I started to stand so I could get in bed. The procedure was in just a few hours. I couldn't do anything until then. Until I knew I could find her myself.

A soft click resonated in my ears and I froze. Footsteps, the closet door opening, a loud zip. Wait. That sounded familiar.

"Grace?"

Silence. Not even a breath.

I started to wonder if she had already walked out of her room. My hearing was good, but even I could have missed that with the staggering effort she was making to stay away from me.

"Answer me, baby."

A sigh. Then, "Hi, Merrick."

Relief, unlike any I ever felt before, surged through me. "I'm sorry."

"Merrick–"

"Please, just listen."

She hesitated, then there was the sound of her door clicking shut. I knew she hadn't left because I could practically hear her heartbeats. It could have been in my imagination, but it was enough to convince me to keep talking.

"I didn't mean the things I said to you. And what I was trying to say was that I'm absolutely terrified to have this surgery. I'm terrified to see again and worried that, if it works, I'll go right back to being the fucked up mess I was before you came into my life." I drew in a long breath, my racing pulse urging me forward. My plan was to tell her how I felt, then leave the decision up to her. It was her life I actually cared about and I just wanted her to be happy.

"I've been overwhelmed ever since I found out there was even a possibility. The first thing that ran through my mind was that I'd finally get to see you. I'd get to see your smile and what your eyes looked like when you do. I'd get to see those eyes I've dreamt about so much.

"Then the possibility that it wouldn't even work made me feel like I'd already gotten it back and lost it again. It was depressing and infuriating," I admitted.

It was hope torn to shreds.

"I didn't want you to have to see me at my worst. Believe it or not, I was a lot worse before you showed up. I don't even know why my family still even talks to me. And I'm ashamed to even consider the chance that I might go back there. To that man that truly
doesn't
feel like he deserves you."

I heard a sniffle and my stomach dropped. I didn't want her to cry. Not when I couldn't wipe away those tears myself.

"I love you, Grace. I'm not leaving you. I'll be here. Blind or not, I'm yours and nothing will change that."

Another sniffle, then a quiet sob.

"No, baby. Don't cry."

"I can't, Merrick."

"Can't what?" I asked, swallowing thickly.

"You were right. There are things I need to fix in my life, to get past. You have enough to worry about without me. So, I can't do this right now."

My mouth went dry. I couldn't even think of a response that didn't involve getting on my knees and begging her.

"You deserve better, Merrick."

I shook my head, resolving to give her the distance she thought she needed. At least until I could do something about it.

"Funny, that's how
I
always felt about
you
."

***

Two weeks, and still, I just couldn't get used to it.

I could see.

My depth perception was shit, but I could finally see.

Once the cover came off, I was completely lost. Months of nothing, then suddenly, everything. Light hurt, color hurt, and without Grace ... everything was meaningless.

It was the first time since that day Grace showed up at my door, that I didn't really want to try. But I had to. For her.

I spent two weeks making sure I wasn't going to have a mental breakdown. I still felt all the heaviness I knew would only go away with time. The squeal of tires, the slam of a door, even the sound of a diesel passing by the house; it all sent my pulse racing, but it wasn't any more than before.

I still felt the day to day frustrations. Maybe even more now that I could see, but I had them under control. Or at least, I knew they were
out
of my control. Knowing that made accepting them a whole lot easier.

Watching a person run by the house in the morning, just for exercise, was like seeing that look on Eric's face all over again. When would it all come crashing down? It was difficult, but it was something I knew I could face head on with the intention of fighting through it.

Grace gave me that. My family gave me that. Hell,
I
gave me that.

It also helped that I kept myself preoccupied with trying to catch a glimpse of Grace in the morning or at night. I had given her the space she needed and I was about to reach the end of my rope. When I didn't even get a peek at her in the two weeks since my surgery, I knew I needed to act fast.

Keara and Josh kept in touch. Unfortunately, it was without Grace's knowledge. Something I would have to make up to them at the first opportunity. Keara informed me that Grace had actually moved out of the house the day of my surgery.

I knew something was suspicious about her sudden appearance that night. She was packing to move to some apartments not too far away.

Keara, bless her, 'accidentally' told me the apartment number and I was going to see her. Today.

I just had to get this follow-up appointment over with. The last one for my arm.

It was only the second time I'd driven and I did so without having permission. Dr. Samuelson was still waiting the regulated amount of time before he gave me the go ahead for restricted driving. With one eye still out for the count, it was a little riskier.

I was done inconveniencing my mother, though. Driving sucked, don't get me wrong. I twitched more than I actually drove, but I could
see
. That was better than nothing.

One step at a time, with a gracious outlook on the future.

I didn't miss reading. Magazines were full of lies and crap that didn't matter and finding a book to read that didn't give me a headache was ... well, a headache. I tossed the dreadful magazine down on the table and sat back in my chair, rolling my shoulders to release the tension of being inside the hospital again.

Grace was here every day, but I didn't give hope to the possibility that I might run into her. Not unless God had a hand in that.

I missed her.

Life just wasn't the same without her voice, her laughter. I didn't want to think about what the next months would be like if I didn't see her. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. I had a plan. It wasn't a very good plan, but it was a plan.

Alaina might get annoyed, but it didn't matter. If Grace refused to see me, I was going to see her parents every day, maybe even several times a day, and even at night. If I could get them to convince Grace to give me another chance, then just maybe I would get one.

Today.

I would go for it as soon as I left this cold, unforgiving building.

"You ready to go home?" I heard a nurse ask.

I looked up, quickly realizing that no one was actually speaking to me. I dropped my head back and closed my eyes, smiling when I could still see the presence of light in the right one. Then I prayed that the doctor would call me back soon.

"I think so. Just have to fill out a few charts and I'm out of here."

Every muscle in my body tensed.

That voice. I knew it better than I knew my own voice.

Grace.

My eyes flew open and I frantically searched the room. She was here. So close to me. I was going to see her for the first time. Dizziness swept over me, but I pushed it back. My first impression as a blind man wasn't the greatest for her. This one
would
be.

I caught a glimpse of two women at a desk. One behind it and the other leaning against the front of it. The nurse who was seated, was blonde, a bright blonde that hurt my eyes, and her lips were a deep red.

The nurse who was standing, had dark brown hair with strands of gold shining throughout. The exact color I pictured on Grace. Shiny and vibrant. Thick enough to bury my fingers in. She was short, no taller than five feet three inches. Her hips flared out in the most sensual way and her neck ... it looked delicious.

I couldn't see her face. Not yet.

"You've had a long couple of weeks. You sure you're alright?" the blonde asked, frowning worriedly at the other nurse.

She sighed and combed her fingers through her hair. I swear I almost felt those fingers against my own scalp. "I'm fine, Cindy. Just got a lot on my mind."

"You need to take a vacation," Cindy said with a sweet smile.

Wait a second.

Cindy.

I recognized the name from so many conversations with Grace. I quickly glanced up at the sign over the desk.

Homecare Department.

Fuck me.

I was going to start praying more often.

The nurse dropped her head and rubbed the back of that beautiful neck with her hand. A hand I knew had touched me.

I didn't know I was moving, didn't even know I was standing until I was a few feet behind her. She turned her head to look at a clock on the wall beside her and I caught the first glimpse of her profile.

A small nose that pointed up slightly. Full lips, the lightest shade of pink. Long eyelashes that almost brushed her cheeks when she blinked. Rosy cheeks that would definitely brighten with pleasure and a chin I knew only too well. It was a profile I had memorized eagerly, over and over again, and it made my fingers twitch.

I took another step forward, hearing a gasp come from Cindy. I didn't look away from Grace. My Grace.

She was so fucking gorgeous. I knew she would be.

I stood directly behind her, inches from her back. Her spine instantly straightened, her shoulders tensing. I watched goose bumps rise on the back of her neck, savoring the moment, and held my breath as she turned to face me. So slowly.