Waking Up (21 page)

“Why are you telling me this?  Won’t she be upset?”  I should have asked Alahna this, too.  Doesn’t this go against some code or something or is it just guys who don’t talk?

“Why you ask?  Let me finish and you’ll understand.  I hope.  She thinks she fooled us all with her act.  I’m a therapist and she thinks she had me fooled,” she scoffs in disgust.  “I’m a fucking therapist, but I still couldn’t help pull one of my best friends out of her darkest hour, the time she needed the most help.  She invites a complete stranger to stay in her home without talking to anyone she’s close to for an opinion, totally out of her character.  The therapist in me wanted to commit her.  But, I watched her for a little while tonight and I changed my mind.”

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I can’t look Mickayla in the eye.  Afraid she’ll see my exposed emotions.  Afraid she’ll see too much.  “Wh-Why’d you change your mind?”  I want to know and I don’t.   Not ready to hear another friend say I’m saving her, but hoping I’m affecting her like she’s affecting me.

“She talked about Alex.”  It always goes back to him, doesn’t it? I think pettily.  “But, it wasn’t just that she talked about him, she got animated.  She smiled when she talked about him and didn’t look like her world was crumbling.  It’s the most alive I’ve seen her look since he’s been gone.”  She stops.  It seems like she’s trying to find the right words.  I take the reprieve to check in on Adriana.  Instantly, I’m caught up in the sound of her laugh, how her face lights up when she smiles.  As much as seeing her with her friends makes me realize how lonely my life is, it makes me happy that she’s surrounded by all this love.  I don’t know how I’ve allowed myself to feel so much for her so fast.

Mickayla’s talking again and it takes me a second to catch up.  “She stopped living in a sense.  Without Alex, life didn’t work for her, wasn’t worth anything.  Tonight, though, I saw a spark of life in her.  I think you shocked her, gave her the jolt she needed to kick start her life, make her wake up, look around, and see it’s worth living again.”

I’m staring at her incredulous, mouth hanging open.  How the hell can she think I had any part in this?  Are all the women around here fucking nuts?  Running my fingers through my hair, I let out a long sigh and get ready to confess my frustration.  “Mickayla, I appreciate you and Alahna thinking I’ve helped Adriana open up or whatever it is you think I’ve done, but you ladies are so wrong.  I showed up in her driveway unannounced.  Yeah I brought her groceries in, but then she cooked for me, I ate a shit ton of her food creating dishes for her, used her laundry facilities, tried to help her get ready for the cook out but just slowed her down, took a nap on her couch while she busted her ass, crashed her cook out, and weaseled my way into staying at her house.  I haven’t helped her.  Don’t you get it?  I’m a fucking nuisance.”  I rush the words out trying to make Mickayla see the truth about me.  I’m not a good guy.

“Don’t you get it, Hot Stuff?” she asks, putting extra emphasis on the word you, a cheshire cat grin on her face.  “That’s obviously what she needed and what we couldn’t give her.  Maybe she didn’t know she needed it herself,” she says, shrugging.  “Enough mushy shit already.  I deal with that at work all week.”  I laugh.  I really am going to miss her.  “As much as I think a steamy roll in the hay with a fine piece of ass such as yourself is just what she needs to get her motor started, if you hurt her, I’m going to shove your balls up your ass.  Make sure you fully comprehend the definition of shitballs.  Have a fun night,” she says, giving me little tap on the cheek.  “Hope to see more of you, Hot Stuff.”  She eyes me from head to toe and turns her back to me, winking at me as she starts to walk away.  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she calls over her shoulder, sashaying all the way to the group of friends, leaving me speechless.

I think she enjoyed that talk a little too much.  Definitely going to miss her.

Chuckling, I watch Mickayla walk around pinching everyone’s ass before grabbing Blake’s hand, telling him to take her home and have his wanton way with her.  He’s got his hands full with her, but somehow I think he’s more than willing to accept the challenge.  It might be the big ass smile spread across his face.  Adriana hands them their food and I wave as they walk away, hands in each other’s back pockets.  I chuckle again as Mickayla looks over her shoulder shooting me another wink.  Firecracker.

Still watching them walk away, I notice Preston walking my way.  I square my shoulders, body tensing, I get ready for threat number three.

Shock must be apparent on my face as he extends his hand to me.  “Tucker, man, it was nice to meet you,” he says with a small laugh, a genuine smile breaking out across his face.  I’ve had a lot of practice with fake smiles over the years and this one isn’t.  

I grip his hand and shake it, trying not to show that he intimidates the hell out of me.  “What, no threat from you, too?” I joke.

“Do I need to threaten you, Tucker?”  He doesn’t raise his voice nor does he stop shaking my hand, but his grip gets a fraction tighter.  Bad joke on my part.  “Just kidding, man.”  He laughs again.  “The girls around here are hardcore.  If they’ve warned you already, there’s nothing I can say that will top it.  All I can do is ask you to be careful around Adri.  Please.”

He’s pleading with me and my heart goes out to him.  I shake my head, needing a second to find my voice.  This guy lost one best friend physically and the other emotionally.  I totally respect him for continually looking out for her no matter how much she pushes him away.

“It was good meeting you, too, Preston.  Think I’ll go clean up so you guys can say your goodbyes and Adriana can relax.”  I don’t know what else to say.

He gives me a slap to the shoulder, probably a little harder than necessary.  “Good man,” he says and heads back to the girls.  I start doing just what I told Preston I would.  Cleaning up, my intention when I was stopped by the girls earlier.  This night has been so unexpected.  This whole day has.  From finding this neighborhood, to the force that had me pulling into Adriana’s driveway, to breakfast, to her inviting me to stay here, to meeting her friends and feeling like part of their group.  They treated me like part of their group.

I was part of a group.

I’ve never been part of a group.  Always been a loner.  Preferred that over cliques.  Over being told how to act.  Who to hang out with.  What was cool.  How did I end up in the profession I’m in?  It represents everything I despise.

For a little while tonight, I forgot who I am and had fun.  No stress.  No worries.

Within a few minutes, I have everything cleaned up except the desserts.  I’m not sure how she wants these packed.  Adriana is yelling her final goodbye to Preston and Alahna as she walks over and stands by my side.  I stand with her and watch the couple walk to the path that connects the two yards, the path Preston told me he and Alex built so their girls could walk back and forth anytime safely.  Their girls.  Not mine.  Preston may not have meant it that way when he said it, but I’m telling myself to take it that way.

“Thanks for picking up, Tucker,” she says shyly.  “You really didn’t have to do that.  Guest, remember?”  Why she’s suddenly shy, I don’t know.  She’s been talkative and fun, feisty, and sexy.  Not this shy girl wringing her hands, unable to meet my eyes.

“It’s not a big deal, Adriana.  I wanted to give you a few extra minutes with your friends.”  I’m surprised at how soft my voice is.  By the way her head jumps up and she’s looking at me now, she seems surprised, too.  The blush creeping over her cheeks has me wondering what thoughts are roaming through that beautiful head of hers.  “Why don’t we finish up?  There’s not much left.  You must be beat.”

“It has been a long day,” she admits.  We both reach for the key lime pie and our eyes shift to the one missing piece.  Her friends’ odd reaction to me having a piece and them avoiding it like the plague slams back at me and my eyes find their way to her face.  Her breath hitches and I can only explain the look in her eyes as pleading, begging me to let this go.

I wish I could, but she’s squirming.  We both stand there one hand on the pie plate, eying each other, not moving, not saying anything.  I’m not sure we’re even breathing.  I wish she would tell me the story on her own, but I know that won’t happen.  Why should she?  She doesn’t know me.  She doesn’t owe me any answers.  My resolve is slipping.

“I can get this,” she whispers so low I barely hear her.  I see her flight instincts kicking in.  She’s trying to walk away.  I would have let it go until she did that.

“Adriana, wait.”  Her shoulders droop in defeat.  “Why wouldn’t anyone else eat the pie tonight?  I seriously doubt they thought you poisoned it.”  I try to make light of things, ease some of the tension.

She slowly turns back around and I wish she hadn’t.  Vacant Adriana is back.  In a voice I haven’t heard before and never want to again she says, “It was Alex’s favorite.”  She sounds so somber.  Like all the sun has been removed from her life and only darkness remains.

I’m confused and sad for her.  Wouldn’t she know how they would react?  Do they normally like it?  My brain is a tornado of thoughts I can’t process.  All except one.

Why’d you make it?

“T..Today would have been his birthday.  I always made him key lime pie for his birthday.”  The despair in her voice yanks me out of my racing thoughts.

“Huh,” I ask confused.

“You asked why I made it.”  Now she looks confused.

“Oh God.  I’m so sorry, Adriana,” I rush the words out.  I hadn’t realized I asked the question out loud.  Asshole.  “I didn’t mean to.  I’m really sorry.  I keep asking you uncomfortable stuff.  I’m the worst house guest ever.”

Her giggle stops whatever else I was going to say.  The sound going straight through me.  I love the sound.  Unfortunately, all parts of my body love the sound and my jeans are getting that all too familiar tight feeling again.  Thank God I don’t blush like her.  I’d be red all damn day.

“Thank you for having a piece of the pie.”  I see the tears she’s trying to hold back.

“It was really good.  Gave my grams a run for her money, but I’ll lie if you ever tell her I said that,” I smile.  “Why didn’t you have a piece?”

A look of disgust crosses her face.  She squinches her nose and purses her lips.  It’s fucking adorable and has my lower half dancing in my pants.  “Are you kidding me?  That shit is gross.”  I laugh as she makes “akking” sounds.  It’s childish and it makes me want her even more.

“What?! Key lime pie is one of my favorites,” I protest.

“Well then you can eat the whole disgusting thing,” she says making fake puking faces.

“Gladly,” I laugh at her.  “You want to bring it in or does the mere thought of holding it make you want to vomit?”

She giggles.  “I got it, smartass.”  

“I’ll grab the rest of this and meet you inside.”  She doesn’t say anything else, no more jibes or puking sounds, but she does give me one of her heart stopping smiles before heading in.

I take a second to calm my lower region that’s been dancing the libido limbo every time Adriana is around.  Staring at the stars, I’m blown away at the intensity of them, the brightness.  I’ve seen the stars before, but not like this or maybe I didn’t pay attention.  There’s no street lights, no smog, no billboards, or skyscrapers to hinder the view.  It’s breathtaking.  I’d love to lay in the grass side by side with her, holding her hand, looking up at the stars, kissing her under the stars, making love to her under the stars.

Whoa, whoa, whoa– hold up there, lover boy.  She’s not yours.  You’re leaving in the morning to prevent her from getting hurt.  Keep your game face on.

Grabbing the last two plates, I head into the house, help Adriana box the last of the desserts up, and say good night.

I know I won’t sleep tonight, but I need to be alone.  Need time to think.  I walk away from her, feel her eyes following me, sense there’s something she wants to say.  I don’t give her the chance.  I know she felt the difference in me when I came in the house, the distance, but I couldn’t explain that it’s best for her.  I walk up the stairs never looking back and close myself in my room.

Three doors down from her.

Fuck!  This is going to be a long night.

Chapter Nine

Preston & Alahna

“I don’t fucking like it.  I don’t like him over there with her.  I should have stayed there or you should have.  Shit.  Why the hell did we leave her alone with him?”

“Calm down.”  Feeling arms wrap around my waist, I turn around to see blue eyes staring into mine.  Blue eyes I love more than life that normally fill me with peace.  But, right now my mind is too turbulent, my emotions on overload.  I just left my best friend with a fucking play boy.  What was I thinking?

Removing her arms from my waist, I step back and recoil when I see her eyes ice over from hurt.  Hurt that I caused.  I want to take it away, take her back into my arms, show her how much I love her, but I have the overwhelming urge to punch something and I don’t want her too close to me if I explode.  I’m shaking inside and I don’t know if it’s evident on the outside, but she backs up a step and wraps her arms around her midsection.

“Talk to me, Pres.  You’re scaring me, baby.  And we promised on our wedding day we’d never shut each other out.”  Her tone is coaxing, practiced.  After years of practice to get through the scars of our pasts, we did promise not to shut each other out.  I just need a few more seconds.  I begin my mental count.  One.  Two.  Three.  Four.  Five.  Oh, fuck this, it never works.

“I can’t.  You saw her tonight, Lana.”  I purposely use the nickname that only I can call her.  I need her to see how messed up I am.  Need her to know that she has to keep some distance right now because I’m a volatile mess and God only knows what I’m capable of.  “You heard her.  She talked about Alex… and she didn’t cry.  She didn’t even start breathing funny.”  I hear how my voice catches and I hate the weakness, hate how much I’ve missed Adri and how I worry I’ll lose her all over again.  I don’t know if I can handle that.  I’m afraid of the breakdown that will ensue.  “She hugged me.  She fucking hugged me.”  I can’t stop the tear that falls down my cheek.  “That Hollywood motherfucker is going to break her again. I’m just getting her back.”