Waking Up (9 page)

Damn, that’s hot.

Even though I’m about to tell her about one of the bigger, not the biggest, heartbreaks in my life, I’m turned on and would much rather kiss the ever living life out of her.  But, somehow, I think she’s not going to be down with that option.  Guess it’s option number one.  Bare my soul.  How do chicks do this shit all the time?

Locking onto her hazel eyes I know my face changes when I start to tell the story.  I’m not trying to act or hide how much it hurts.  I tell her I’m going to tell her the truth about my bitch of an ex.  I hear my voice crack as I begin.  I start to tell her the real reason I left Vancouver.  I tell her I’m finishing my last scene.  I tell her how we always celebrated with dinner.  That’s the easy part to tell.  The part before the sounds makes a difference.  How quiet it is for a whole second before the moans start.  I can picture it all while I’m standing here telling Adriana the truth of why I left.  How everyone was turning around in circles, looking for the source of the moans, laughing, giving each other pats on the backs, saying they wished they were celebrating already.  Only I knew who it was already celebrating and I was devastated.

I have to stop for a second.  Knowing what I’m about to tell her is going to open my still festering wound so wide it can gush and the hurt can multiply till I’m not sure I’ll be able to breathe.  It’s just a moment, but it’s long enough to take a couple deep breaths.  Long enough to steady my voice so I don’t seem like a pussy.  Why that’s important to me, I’m not sure.  But, I need this woman to see me as a man.  Oh God.  Here it comes.  
Stay strong through this part, Tucker.  Just say it and be done.  Grams always says talking about it makes you feel better. Maybe she’s right.  
My all-knowing Grams.

“When the noise died down from filming… that’s when I heard it… that’s when we all heard it.”  I have to take a break again.  Dropping my head to look at the floor, I just need a minute to think about how to phrase this next part.  Instead, I’m thinking how I really explained the last part wrong.  It wasn’t noisy really as we were filming.  It was noisier as we finished.  Everyone gave a cheer and then the cameras and lights scraped the floors as they were moved away.  The split second of silence seemed deafening right before the moans started.  I guess that’s where I need to start back up with this story before she thinks I’ve forgotten how to speak, but I know when I look up I’m going to see pity in those beautiful eyes.  I don’t want her pity.  I don’t want anyone’s damn pity.  This is fucked up.
 Just breathe, Tucker, and start talking.  It’s that simple.
 Raising my head, she’s standing there patiently waiting for me to get on with it. Okay then.

“We all hear the moans of sex.  The crew starts laughing about someone having a good time and being excited for break to start.  Everyone is laughing except me.  I know those moans.  Christ, I‘ve made her moan like that more times than I can count.  People slowly start noticing that I’m not laughing or maybe it’s the look on my face or my fists clenching and unclenching.  I’m not sure what, but it becomes clear to everyone that the moans they hear are coming from Victoria.”  I could really use a break at this point, but I know I need to just get this part out fast before I lose my nerve.  Does she really need to hear the rest?  That Vic was in my trailer, my fucking trailer, door wide open for everyone to see Grant Andrews plowing her from behind?  Does she need to know that they didn’t care enough to apologize?  That he walked by me smiling like he thought he was a king.  No, she probably doesn’t, but I tell her anyways.

When Adriana gasps and brings her hand to her mouth like she’s going to be sick, I want to comfort her.  Even though it’s my pain, she seems to feel it for me. And, just like that, I know I want her in my life.  She tries to apologize, but I stop her.  If they didn’t feel the need to apologize then I don’t want her to.  I don’t want this angel dirtied by their taint.

“I’m not finished yet.”  I’m not trying to be rude, but now that I started telling my story, I need to finish it.  Grams was right.  It did feel better to talk about it.  Somehow this tiny, beautiful, woman I knew almost nothing about had made me want to tell her a very personal moment in my life and it was making me feel better.  Watching her eyes widen, knowing she was shocked I would tell her, somehow made it even better for me.  This woman expected nothing from me and that is exactly what I need right now.  No expectations.  Why I tell her this next part, I’m not sure.  She seems so innocent, but I still tell her I knew Vic was nearing her climax and that’s why I snapped out of my stupor, why I asked Grant if he was enjoying himself.  I can still see the smug look on his face.  How satisfied he seemed looking at me.  Like I had somehow done him wrong and he just got his payback on me.  No embarrassment from him.  No apology.  Thinking back as I’m telling this to Adriana, I have a moment of clarity.  Grant didn’t say anything to Vic either.  He simply pulled out of her, zipped himself back in his pants, and walked out of my trailer.  Proud of himself.  He wanted to be caught.  Still angry by what happened, I can’t be bothered to care.  I go on telling Adriana that Vic pulled her dress down and I lost it.  I yelled and told her to get out of my life.  I couldn’t handle that so much of the crew saw them together.  

I’m still trying to work through this next part as I’m explaining it to Adriana.  I was screaming at Vic.  Screaming for her to get out of my house.  She was crying then.  Begging me to stay and talk.  I couldn’t.  Couldn’t even look at her.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at her again.  She had the nerve to ask me where she would go.  I didn’t think about it at that moment, too hurt by what had happened, but thinking about it now I realize she didn’t ask me to stay because she loved me.  Guess she had me fooled the whole time.  She never cared about me.

Walking away from her was a smart decision.  Who knows who else she was sleeping with hoping to further her career.  I don’t want to think it, but obviously I didn’t know her at all.  I finish telling Adriana about walking out.  About the call I had to place to my agent.  I leave out how much I hate that leach and tell her I only packed enough for a week.  I really wasn’t thinking straight.  I had no plan of where I was going or for how long.  I just hopped in my truck and drove.

“Here I am, in your house.  That’s the whole truth.  I’m sorry that I didn’t give it to you when you asked before.”

Looking her in the eye when she places her hand on my cheek isn’t like looking at the crew of the show.  She is comfort, not pity.  It feels like coming home with her.  She is warmth and I know what she’ll say before the words leave her mouth.  I know she’ll tell me that she’s a stranger and I don’t owe her any explanations.  I’m not expecting her to joke about crazy fan threatening Victoria online or going to Vancouver to kick her ass.

It gains a small chuckle from me.  This woman is so unexpected at a time in my life when I need that.  What had Grams said to me just this morning?  Leave yourself open to possibilities…  Well, I don’t know how someone from New Hampshire could be a possibility for me when my life is in Vancouver, but I’m hoping to find out.  Placing my hand over hers, just so I can see if her skin is soft, I give her another small smile.

“You’re pretty easy to talk to.  You know that?”  I can see she’s about to say something.  I’m hoping it’s something sassy because she seems to be good like that, but before she gets the chance my ringtone for Eddie starts blaring from my pocket and I have to excuse myself from the room.  “Eddie, tell me you have good news for me.”  I’m hoping that the meeting went well and that Victoria will truly be a thing of the past for me.

“Ding, dong the witch is dead,” Eddie cackles into my ear.

“Okay,” I say trying not to get too excited.  “Spell it out for me, man.  What exactly does that mean?”

“Good news or bad news first?  Because there is a little bad news and when I say little, I mean little, but I have a fuck of a lot of good news for you.  More than I intended.”  Hearing Eddie getting amped up, the hope that had deflated moments ago pumps back up.

“Bad news first.  Just get it out of the way.”

 “You will still have to do some shows with her.”  Hearing me swear under my breath, Eddie laughs out loud.  I want to tell him to fuck off, but I remember that he has lots of good news for me so I bite my tongue.  “It’s only two episodes that you have to have her as your mate.  That’s it.  If we can pull those scenes off quickly, it’s minimal exposure for you.”  Holy shit.  This is great.  “It gets better.”

“Better?”  I gotta hear this.  I know I must be beaming from ear to ear at this point.  Although I can hear Adriana banging around in the kitchen, I’m so distracted by Eddie that I can’t even take the time to check out her fineness.

“Episode three you find out she’s betrayed you to Grant’s character.”  Hearing Grant’s name makes my stomach cramp and I feel the anger creeping into my whole body.  “Calm down, Tucker.  I can feel you squeezing your cell all the way here from wherever you are right now.  It takes till episode six, but you get to kill her off.”

“What?  But… how will that work?  We’re supposed to be recreating the vampire race and he hasn’t found another female vampire.  If he kills her…”

“You find another female.  Don’t sweat it, man.  We have that covered.  You want the more good news yet?  It does come with some bad.”  Eddie sounds hesitant.

“Uh sure.”  When Eddie is hesitant to tell me something it’s because he’s afraid of what I’ll do.

“You get to kill off Grant’s character in the finale,” Eddie blurts it out so fast I’m sure I hear him wrong.

“Eddie that doesn’t even make sense.  Grant is the alpha of the werewolves.  He has a huge fan following.  That could potentially tank the show.  I wanted Vic gone because almost all of my scenes are with her.  The fans don’t like her.  Grant’s a different story.  Don’t do this because of me.  You need to do what’s best for the show.”

“Ok ego-maniac.  One, we’ve written it so the fans will love how it’s done and will be ready for him to die and see another wolf take over the pack.  Two, this is best for the show.  Three, you obviously haven’t been in any stores, have you?”

“No, I haven’t.  Why?”

Eddie sighs.  “The tabloids have gotten a hold of the story, Tuck.  I’m sorry, man.  It’s out there that Bitchtoria cheated on you with Grant and that you’re MIA.  That’s the other bad news.”

“It’s not really bad news, Eddie.  It was inevitable.  My agent knew so I’m sure he’s working whatever angle he can.  The guy’s a mastermind.”  He truly is brilliant.  That’s why I pay him a shit ton of money.

“You sound better today, Tuck.”  Eddie isn’t questioning me.  He’s stating a point.  It’s one of the reasons he’s my best friend.  He says it like it is.

“I am.  I’ll fill you in later.  So, you know the tabloids are going to ask you where I’m at.  Watcha gonna tell em?”  I love hearing the shit that Eddie can come up with.

Quiet for a minute, I know Eddie’s thinking.  “Let’s see.  I think I’ll tell them being the gentleman  you are you went away for a few weeks to give Bitchtoria, the skank, time to get her stuff out of your house.  While there, now that your eyes are finally open for the first time in nearly two years, you met the woman you are destined to spend your life with.  You know crazier shit could happen.  They’ll eat it up.  Just when they think it’s true, I’ll tell them I actually sent you out scouting new movie locations for me till she has her stuff out of your place.  I got your back man.”

Laughing, I bark out, “Eddie you’re the fucking man!”  I hear Adriana giggling in the kitchen and she must be muffling her snorts even though I think they’re cute as hell.  Wanting to get back to her, I finish up my call with Eddie.  I keep thinking about what he said.  Eyes finally open for the first time in nearly two years… woman I’m destined to be with… crazier shit could happen.  I think I’m officially losing my mind.

Caught up in the euphoria of the moment, I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I pick Adriana up into a bear hug.  I feel a twinge of regret as she tenses up, but then she surprises me by loosening up and throwing her arms around my neck.  Holy shit.  I want more of her.  This feels so right.  A laugh rumbles from my chest causing her to laugh.  She doesn’t cover her snort this time which causes me to laugh harder.  I feel so alive around her.  So free.  No one is chasing me.  No one is asking me questions.

“Today has been a fantastic day, Adriana.  It just seems to keep getting better.  Can you think of any way I can make it better than that phone call I just got?”  Barely catching the blush on her face before she looks at the floor, she shyly whispers out , “H-how about some more home cooked food?”

Come again?  Did I just hear her right?  And why the hell is she looking at the floor.  With the breakfast she made me there is no way she has any reason to be shy about her cooking skills.  “Are you serious?  I eat like a fucking horse.  Maybe even a bull.  And, don’t you have a cook out to get ready for?”  Partly needing to touch her again and partly wanting to see her angelic face, I place a finger under her chin and bring her face up so she’s looking at me.  I’m not sure, but I think she’s scared of my reaction to her, so I’m happy I’ve gone with humor.  I know I have a goofy grin on my face, but I’m so glad that she’s asking me to stay around. Even if it’s just for lunch, I feel like I might explode.  I’m quick to tell her no sane person would turn down her cooking if she’s offering.  I don’t think the smile has left my face the whole time I’m saying this and my finger is still under her chin.  I want her to see I’m telling the truth.  I want her to see me.

The smile that comes across her face is my undoing.  I have never seen anything so lovely in my life and I know I will do anything… anything to see this smile again.  I will walk across nails, step in front of a bullet, jump through fire… anything… just to see that smile.  I never knew what a beautiful woman was until now.

Walking into the kitchen behind her, she seems lost in thought, kind of looking around at the room with a small smile on her face.  I can’t decide if it’s a happy or sad smile, but I know not to intrude on what’s happening.  In a moment the look clears and she’s all business.  She has the brisket dry rubbed and the ribs marinated and sways past me to get them into the smoker.  Yes, she sways.  It’s the only way to describe her walk.  It’s not an “I’m trying to be sexy, throw them bad girls side to side” sway.  It’s a natural, this is how I move grace that simply adds to her beauty.