Waking Up (7 page)

“Fuck!” Tucker blurts out, surprising me.  I drop my hand to my side as the smile slips from my lips.  I’m not sure what to do, so I stand there staring up at him.  “I was really hoping that bitch’s name wouldn’t come up. But, since it did, and since you were so honest with me about your husband, I’m going to be honest with you.”

Huh?  I obviously said something wrong.  I’m not sure what it is, but he’s angry and I don’t think I want to be this close to him right at this moment.  I try to inch away from him, but he catches my movement.  He must sense my hesitation or fear or whatever emotion I’m throwing at him because he smiles and puts his arms on the counters on both sides of me, effectively caging me in place.  Well shit.  Guess I’m a captive audience now.  Even though he’s still smiling at me, I can see raw pain on his face and I know I don’t want to hear the story he’s about to tell me.

Or, do I?

I just don’t want to see this beautiful man in pain.  A face this beautiful should only smile.  But then, life doesn’t work that way, does it?  “The real reason I left Vancouver was to get away from the bullshit.  That was the truth, but that was only a small part of the truth.”  He hesitates, looking like gaining his next breath is torture.  I want to tell him he doesn’t have to do this, but I can’t find my voice.

“It was the last day of taping before break.  I was doing my last scene and then I was supposed to meet Vic for us to go out to dinner and celebrate.  We always celebrated the last day of taping.  It was tradition for us, even if we were only getting a couple day hiatus.  When the noise died down from filming… that’s when I heard it… that’s when we all heard it.”  Again, he stops and I’m nervous he won’t continue.  He hangs his head down like he’s broken. I want to hold him, comfort him, but I’m a stranger.  I don’t know what to do.  When he looks back to me, my heart breaks for him because I see a pain so intense, it feels like it’s my own.

“We all hear the moans of sex.  The crew starts laughing about someone having a good time and being excited for break to start.  Everyone is laughing except me.  I know those moans.  Christ, I’ve made her moan like that more times than I can count.  People slowly start noticing that I’m not laughing or maybe it’s the look on my face or my fists clenching and unclenching.  I’m not sure what, but it becomes clear to everyone that the moans they hear are coming from Victoria.  I was supposed to meet her in my trailer at the end of my scene, but I’m thinking this is bad enough.  She wouldn’t really.  Would she?  Feeling numb, I walk toward my trailer with the entire crew on my tail and, sure enough, there she is in my fucking trailer with the door open, her dress pulled up around her waist, bent over with Grant Andrews plowing her from behind.”  Involuntarily a small gasp escapes my lips and I bring my hand to my mouth to cover the sound.

“I’m so sorry, Tucker.  You shouldn’t ha–”  

“I’m not finished yet.”  Dumbfounded that there’s more, I stare at him wide eyed wondering why he’s pouring his heart out to me– he doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall.

“I stand there saying nothing for what feels like an eternity.  I can tell by the sounds she’s making that she’s getting close to her climax.  That’s what gets me out of my haze.  I step into my trailer and calmly ask Grant if he’s enjoying himself.  That’s it.  That’s all I say to him.  You would think they would both say they were sorry, but no.  He zips himself up.  She pulls her dress down.  All like it was nothing while my world is crumbling around me.  Grant walks out of my trailer through the crowd of people watching my pain with his head held high like he was a fucking king or something.  That’s when I exploded.  I started screaming at Victoria.  I didn’t ask her why.  I wanted to know, but I couldn’t ask in front of all those people.  I screamed at her to get the fuck out of my house.  I let her know I was leaving for a while, but that she damned well better have all her shit out before I got back.  She started crying then, begging me to stay and talk, but I couldn’t even look at her.  There was nothing she could say that would ever make me look at her again.  I walked out, got in my truck, went home, grabbed enough stuff for a week, and hit the road.  I called my agent to explain the situation, told him I wasn’t available until taping resumes and here I am, in your house.  That’s the whole truth.  I’m sorry that I didn’t give it to you when you asked before.”

Against my better judgment, I place my hand against his cheek because I feel he needs some kind of comfort, some kind of contact.  “Tucker, you don’t owe me any apology.  I asked why you were in New Hampshire.  I’m a stranger.  You don’t owe me anything.  Least of all baring your soul.  I’m so sorry for what she put you through.  No one should ever treat another person like that.  She obviously doesn’t deserve you.  Would you like me to act like a crazy fan right now?  I can send her threatening messages on Twitter or tell her she’s a shit-ass actress, which by the way she is, or I could just go to Vancouver and kick her ass for you.”

My intended humor hit the mark because he lets out a small laugh. Not a belly laugh which I would have preferred, but enough to get a smile from him and take some of the pain out of his eyes.  Placing his hand over mine that is still resting on his cheek, he smiles again.

“You’re pretty easy to talk to.  You know that?”  Before I can answer, a muffled Bon Jovi song starts playing from his pocket.  “Excuse me,” Tucker says pulling his cell from his pocket.  I quickly recognize
Wanted Dead or Alive
now that the phone is in the open.  Love that song.   “Eddie tell me you have good news for me.”   I hear Tucker say into his phone with a smile on his face.  I like this smile.  It’s the one that shows off his dimples and makes him look carefree.  While he talks, I head to start getting the food ready for the cook out.  And, now that I know Victoria is out of the picture, the plan is definitely back on and a bigger one is starting to form.  I might officially be going crazy, but there is only one way to find out.  Jump in with both feet.

Trying not to eavesdrop on his conversation, I get both crock pots out and start the preparations for the pulled pork and beer dogs.  Pulling the other meats from the fridge, I dry rub the brisket and marinate the ribs.  I still need the smoker from the shed.  Good thing Tucker is here.  I won’t need to call Preston over today and, with Tucker here, I don’t want to.  Call me selfish, but I want him to myself.  I don’t know how long he’ll be here.

Hearing Tucker yell out, “Eddie you’re the fucking man!” has me giggling and trying not to snort.  How I hate that I do that.  I’m guessing that it’s a good conversation.  Curiosity is getting the better of me, though.  I want to know who Eddie is.   
No asking, Adriana.
  That poor man already poured his heart out today.  Give him a break.  Tucker laughs and tells Eddie he owes him one before ending his call.  Looking over at him, he has a full beaming smile showing off his perfect teeth, both dimples in full effect.  
Breathe, Adriana…breathe.
 

Walking over to me, he pulls me into a bear hug surprising me.  I tense for just a second, but the feeling of being touched, hugged, after going so long without allowing people to touch me, overwhelms all my senses and awakens a need in me to reciprocate.  To touch him back.  Before I can stop myself, before I can think, I throw my arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of his body go through me.  Oh, how I’ve missed being in someone’s arms.  Feeling connected to another person.  His laughter brings me out of my moment of serenity into a fit of giggles I can’t stop.  Yes, I snort too which makes him laugh a full belly laugh.  I’ve never heard such a wonderful sound and would really like to hear it again.  It rumbles all the way to my toes.  “Today has turned out to be a fantastic day, Adriana.  It just seems to keep getting better.  Can you think of any way I can make it better than that phone call I just got?”

Strip me naked and have your way with me right here on the floor.
  Oh, wait– that would be better for me, I think.  Blushing, I look at his incredible smile as he places me back on the floor.  “H-How about some more home cooked food?”  I look back down at my feet because I’m sure he’s going to think I’m crazy and say no.

“Are you serious?”  Yep, he thinks I’m crazy.  “You want to cook for me again?  I eat like a fucking horse.  Maybe even a bull.  And don’t you have a cook out to get ready for?”  Did I hear him right?  He’s not saying no.  Placing his finger under my chin, he forces my face up.  I’m trapped in a sea of blue, lost in his stare.  “Are you asking me if I’d like you to cook me more food? Because if you are, I don’t think I could say no to that.  No sane person could say no after the breakfast you fed me.”

I think my face will break I’m smiling so big.  Tucker fucking Stavros just gave me an amazing compliment.  
Ask him.  Ask him, girl, before you lose your nerve.
 “Yes, I have a cook out tonight.  All of my best friends are coming over.”  Seeing the look on his face drop, I quickly continue.  “It’s not as big as it sounds.  It’s three couples.  They’re great.   Alahna and Mickayla both love the show and Deidre loves your movies.  You’d be doing me a favor if you stayed for the cook out as well as getting some good food.”

“A favor?” he asks, his brow raised.   God, he’s sexy when he looks at me like that.

“Yeah.  You see, Mickayla kind of scares me,” I say with a smirk.  “I love her, but if she finds out you were here and I let you leave without her meeting you she might kill me.  So, you could very well be saving my life.”

“Well,” he says slowly, a slight smile curving his full lips, ”I’d feel bad if someone murdered you because of me, so I guess I could stay for the cook out.  Besides, it looks like you’re making one hell of a spread.  Anything I can help with?”

“Could you help me get the smoker out of the shed?  It’s too heavy for me to bring to the patio by myself.  I normally call Preston over, but I think I’ll introduce you to everyone at the same time, if you don’t mind.”  I have to admit to myself that I’m nervous about everyone seeing Tucker here.  Outside of signing up for an online dating service to get the ladies off my back, they haven’t seen me around any man since Alex.  I don’t want to get their hopes up with him.  He’ll be heading back to Vancouver soon. Probably later this evening, unless I find some incentive to keep him here a little longer…

Nodding his okay, we head out to get the smoker.  After setting it up and getting the meats going, we head in for me to get the other foods started.  I love my kitchen.  Alex made this kitchen for me.  It’s spacious with lots of cabinets and counter-tops.  I love that there’s a stove in the island and one with double ovens in the counter spaces.  He designed it with double sinks and lighting everywhere.  The refrigerator is huge so I never have to worry about not fitting all the food in there.  I think he partly did it for him, too.  He had a never ending appetite.  Not that you would have known it from looking at him.  Alex had the perfect body.  He was lean and toned and just beautiful.

Looking back at my kitchen, I sigh and silently thank him again for the wonderful gift he gave me when he designed it.  Heading to the stove with an armload of pans, I can’t help but smile.  One of my favorite features is my pot filler he installed over the stove and let me tell you, it’s coming in handy today.  After getting the water for the potatoes, pasta, and eggs boiling, I head to the fridge to pull out the veggies for chopping.

“Please tell me there is something I can do besides stand here and watch you work and be in your way.”  He’s cute standing there looking like he’s afraid I might actually give him a chore.

“I’m sorry.  I’m so used to just going that I kind of just step on anyone in my kitchen.  Let me turn on some music and then we’ll talk about what you can do.”  
Besides me.
  Chuckling at myself, I walk into the living room and hope he doesn’t see me blushing again.  “Do you mind 80’s rock?”

“Not at all.  It’s better than most the shit they call music nowadays.”  I like that response.  I love 80’s rock– big hair and all.  Turning the receiver on and connecting to Pandora, I scroll to my favorite station– Skid Row.  With a smile on my face, I crank it up and walk back into the kitchen.

The smile drops from my face and I almost stop breathing when
I Remember You
starts blaring through the speakers.  Why did this have to be the first song?  It’s like Alex is coming back from the grave to punish me for having fun today; for talking and being attracted to another man.  
I’m so sorry, Alex.  I’ll be better.  I promise.
  All of my happiness from the morning starts fading away and the pain I’ve been engulfed with for months wraps itself back around me.  It’s better this way.  Tucker could never be a part of my life.  Our worlds are far too different.

“So, what can I do to help?  I know I can at least chop vegetables.”  Somehow I find that funny and giggle at him.  I show him which vegetables I want sliced, which ones I want diced, and leave him to have fun.  He even prepares the cabbage for the coleslaw.  Impressive, a man who doesn’t mind helping in the kitchen.  Mom always said those are the keepers.  
Oh, Adriana, you need to stop these thoughts.
 

Def Leppard’s
Photograph
starts playing and I can’t help but to sing along and sway my hips.  I love this band and this song is just ironic.

“Like this one?” Tucker asks

“I do.  It should be my theme song,” I chuckle at myself.  Somehow, I always find myself humorous even if no one else does.  Another bad habit of mine.

“Inside joke or can you let me in on it?”  I like when he smiles at me.

“I’m a photographer.  My friend Alahna and I have a studio together.  Every time I hear this song it just makes me happy.  Always has.”  

“A photographer, huh?  What kind of stuff do you take pictures of?”  He’s focusing on the veggies, but the tone of his voice echoes true curiosity.  Warmth spreads through me at the thought of him wanting to know about me.

“This time of year we’re mostly handling senior pictures and weddings, but we handle anything we get contracted for.  It’s mostly this kind of work and family related stuff, but we sometimes get contracted for businesses as well. We photograph all of Prestons’ homes after they’re built for his brochures.  I like the family stuff better, especially the newborn and first year pictures to show how the child changes.”  Talking about this always makes me think of the family that Alex and I will never have and the secret that haunts me every day.  Trying to shake off the melancholy overtaking me, I quickly say, “You must be used to being on the other side of the camera.”