Waking Up (4 page)

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the urinal that Alex was so determined he had to have in his “kingdom” bathroom.  Laughter explodes from my chest.  Before I know it, I’m on my backside staring at the urinal laughing so hard tears are pouring down my cheeks, snorts flying from my lips… anxiety attack forgotten.  “This is why I love you so much, Alex.  A simple pisser makes it all better.  If only for a little while.  I miss you so much.  Happy Birthday, baby.  Bet you thought I forgot.”  Standing up, I towel off and head for my closet.

“Okay, what to wear today.  If Alahna were here, what would she pick out,” I ask myself with a smirk.  “Oh yeah, this is perfect.  She hasn’t seen this one yet and will be so jealous she doesn’t have it.”  I giggle to myself as I slip on my t-shirt, looking in the mirror it reads
Save Chase.  
Turning around, I giggle again as I can barely make out
He’s A Dying Breed.  
Man, I love that book-even though I know how it will end-it makes me cry every damn time.  “I swear, one of these times it will all be a dream.  Harper will wake up and it will all be a dream.”  I giggle again at my blabbering.  It’s such a bad habit, but I’ve been this way since I was a kid and I’m not about to change now.  Throwing on some cute butt-hugging denim shorts and black flip flops, I head back to the bathroom to slap on a little make up and dry my hair.

“Girl, you need some concealer under those eyes.  You look like a damn bag lady with what you got going on under there.”  Chuckling at my own joke, I make quick work of my simple make up job and dry my hair till it isn’t dripping.  I don’t care if it isn’t fully dry.  Giving it another brush through, I decide it’s good.  Looking myself over one last time, I figure I don’t look like death anymore and won’t make any little kids cry.

Hopping down the stairs, I walk into the kitchen, grab my purse, keys, list, and head for the store.  Time to get the supplies for tonight.  Time to put my happy face on…

Chapter Four

Tucker

I wake up confused by my surroundings.  Where the hell am I?  Looking around, I try to orient myself.  I actually slept the night before and after a few nights of not sleeping, it’s got me in a fog.  Rubbing the palm of my hand into my eyes, I try desperately to clear the grime from my thoughts.  
Epping.  
That’s right.  I’m in some town, city, village maybe?  Wait, they have a Wal-Mart so they are… ah shit.  I don’t know where the hell I am other than Epping, New Hampshire.  I slept good last night.  This bed was comfy-whodathunkit?   Not me.  That’s for damn sure.  When I pulled in I thought I’d be getting bit my bed bugs all night, but it’s a nice little place.  Checked the bed when I got here.  Clean as a whistle.  Shame to leave so soon.  I could use the second night I paid for-too high of a chance someone will recognize me, though.  Get your ass up and get moving, Stavros.

Looking at the clock, it reads 6:04 am.  I’m impressed.  I slept a solid seven hours.  Wasn’t sure the last time I’d done that.  Dragging my ass out of bed, I head for the shower.  Thank God I remembered to close the curtains the night before.  I’m still as naked as the day I was born, walking through the room.

My image in the mirror this morning is a bit better than the night before.  The dark circles are a lot less pronounced and my coloring is brighter.  I need some healthier food today.  All this fast food is making me feel like ass.  Seeing my tats brings a smile to my face as they usually do reminding me to call Grams later.  Some of that ink was inspired by her.  Lots of it, though, was in memory of my mom.  There are pieces that I got because I just had to-for reasons I don’t think I’ll ever be able to explain to anyone else.

I shave again because I don’t know when I’ll be able to again.  I rub at my smooth face.  Much better.  Turning the water up hot again, I walk into the shower.  I’ve always loved a hot shower.  Victoria bitched that she couldn’t shower with me because the water would burn her.  That was the one place we never had sex.  Maybe I knew something was off with her, but wouldn’t admit it to myself. I was never willing to turn the water down for her.  If I loved her, wouldn’t I have been willing?   My mind races in all directions- none that are good.  I need to get Victoria out of my head.  Hopefully Eddie will have good news today.  Letting the water run down my body, I let my head fall back while I groan in frustration.  I just want that whore out of my life.  Feeling the anger start to build again, I know it’s time to get back on the road and give Grams a call.

Rinsing off the last of the soap, I turn off the water and step out of the shower grabbing the towel at the same time.  It feels like my skin is being ripped off from the harsh toweling.  Calm down, Tuck.  Just. Fucking. Breathe.  She isn’t worth getting this angry.  “Oh shit.  What the hell did I do now?”  I look down at myself.  My skin is red all over, almost raw in places from the toweling.  I need to get it together before I hurt someone.   
Myself.
 

I throw on a pair of blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt with Nike sneakers.  Normally, I’d be in work boots, but I’m all about the comfort today.  I start packing the little bit of stuff I have with me.  Either I have to find a place to wash my clothes soon or I have to chance stopping to buy some.  Both options aren’t appealing.  I hadn’t thought through packing when I left, just threw some clothes in a bag and tore out of there– as far away from Victoria as I could get.  Here I am, day five with two more days of clothing trying to figure out what the hell to do.  There is no way I’m going back to Vancouver.  No way will I let her think she has me crawling back to her.

Throwing the rest of my stuff into the two duffel bags, I grab the room key and head out.   Knowing no one will be in the office this early, I grab one of the envelopes left for early check out, place the key in it, and drop it in the drop box.  Heading back to my truck, I remember I told Grams I would find an adventure today.  What the hell kind of adventure could I possibly find in a place called
Epping?
  What kind of name is that anyways?  It doesn’t look like there’s much to do around here.  Grams did say she had always wanted to come to New Hampshire.  Said it’s supposed to be a beautiful state, but isn’t that in the Fall?  It’s the end of June.  Wait, what’s the date?  Looking at my cell, I feel my face drop.  Of course.  It would be today, wouldn’t it?  Son of a bitch.  Time to call Grams.

Climbing in the truck, I look around trying to think what to do next.  “
Survive the road, Tucker.”
  My mom’s voice comes back to me.  “I’ve been trying, Mom.  I’ve been trying.  I wish you were here so I could ask you what to do.”  With shaking fingers, I dial Grams number and wait for the calmness to come.

“Good morning, sweetie.  How did you sleep?”

“Actually, Grams, I slept well.  I didn’t know where I was this morning.  It was eerie.”

“Sounds like the place suits you,” she says in that wise voice I recognize; the voice she uses when she knows something I don’t.

“What are you getting at, Grams?  I can tell you have something to say, so spit it out.”  I love her, but sometimes it freaks me out how much she can tell me about how life will go.  I swear she can tell the future.

“Just seems to me if you slept so good you forgot where you were then maybe you should forget where you are and try spending some more time there.  Give the place a chance, my boy.”  Ah, Grams logic.  If the shoe fits…  

“I’m trying to stick to my word and find an adventure here, Grams, but it doesn’t seem like there’s really anything here.  I don’t know what to do or where to go.  Give me a clue as to what to do.  I’m floundering.”  I know I sound like a petulant child, but I really want her opinion.  Grams has always been my comfort, my rock.  She’s the best person I know.

“What are you doing right now, sweetie?”

Looking around, I hate answering her because I feel pathetic.  I answer anyway because I know she’s the one person who will never judge me.  “Sitting in my truck in the motel parking lot trying to figure out where I’m going.”

A soft chuckle comes through the phone bringing a smile to my lips.  Grams’ smile is like sunshine.  She lights up a room when she smiles and I’m picturing that.  Missing her and wishing more than anything I was in Kansas with her giving her a big hug, I shake my head.  I’m bad company and I just can’t bring myself to show up on her door like this.  “How about you take a left out of that parking lot and start taking some random turns?  Look at the scenery, the houses, people watch.  You’re so used to people watching you, sweetie.  I think it’s time you see how people… real people live.  Outside of the lights and cameras.  You need to see families and friends—people, Tucker.”  I know it’s serious when Grams calls me Tucker.  She must really be worried about me.

“Ok, Grams.  I’ll take a left out of here and a bunch of random roads from there.  I’ll take time to look at the scenery and the houses.  I’ll people watch.  I’ll even take pictures on my cell phone to show you.  How does that sound?”  I mean every word, too.  There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

“It would sound fantastic if I thought you were doing this for you and not for me, sweetie.  Do this old lady one more favor.”

“Anything, Grams.”

“Leave yourself open to possibilities.  You never know what you may find there.”  I didn’t know what she was talking about, but she had that wise sound to her voice again.

“Ok.  Hey, Grams, you know what today is, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, sweetie.  She’s still watching over you.  Always.  She would have loved you going out for this adventure.  She had such spirit to her.  I wish you had had more time to know her.”

“Me, too.  Thanks for remembering, Grams.  Love you.  Call you again later and fill you in on my adventure.”  After hearing an I love you and bye from Grams, I hang up and drop my cell in the drink holder.  Off I go.  I still have two waters from last night.  Although I’m hungry, I’m not in the mood for fast food just yet.  I’ll drive around for a bit and then come back.  Taking a left out of the motel, I found out from GPS the main road I’m on is Route 125.  Now, I know. When I’m ready to come back, I’m all set.  Adventure time, here I come…

                               *******************

At the next light I take a right. See, I can do this adventure, be spontaneous thing, I think to myself.  It’s a residential area.  I do as Grams asked and look at the houses.  The houses are quaint, nice family homes.  Grams would like them.  I take pictures of a couple I think she would really like and hope no one sees me.  That’s all I need is someone thinking I’m some creep taking pictures of their house or kid.  The paparazzi would have a field day with that.

Taking a few more turns, I see a couple other neighborhoods and go over a river that I have to admit looks like a good fishing spot.  I loved fishing before life got so hectic and I had to worry about where I went, who saw me, and who I was seen with.  There are a few fields here and there where corn and other vegetables are growing.  Grams had always grown her own vegetables.  They are so much better than what you get at the store.  She would really love it here.  I’m loving is all the trees.  They’re everywhere.  They’re behind houses, in front of them, along the roads.  They give off the illusion of…
privacy.
  The one thing I lack in my life and the one thing I crave.

Driving a few more minutes, I drive into a neighborhood that catches my eye.  It’s a bit more upscale and newer than the others I had been seeing.  Taking a left, I drive into it.  The homes are striking.  They’re all multidimensional, but also look like they blend into the scenery, like they belong somehow.  And, instead of being on top of each other like most developments, they have big yards.  Yards that were made for families to grow up in.  I find myself slowing the truck down to gawk at every house and take pictures of a few.  In a different life, this is where I could picture myself living.  Hell, in this life, if my life were different, I would like to live here.  Whoever built these houses is a genius.  Thanking God that it’s early and that I’m not disturbing anyone, I continue to drive up and down each road and cul-de-sac of the development, staring in awe at the pure beauty of the homes.  I have never been one to look at homes and use the word beauty before, but I’m stunned by it now.  Driving up to the last turn off, Monroe Circle, I feel a pang of sadness that there won’t be any more of the development to look at after this.  I soon notice this cul-de-sac is like the last one and only has one house on it.  Again, the house is striking and it’s big.  The biggest one yet.  Must be the builder’s house.  The yard is perfect.  I love how the whole front of the yard lining the road is covered in day lilies in varying shades of yellow and orange.  The lilies make me think of my mom.  Fitting for the day.  Grams needs to see this.  I’m so lost in prepping my cell phone to get a picture that I almost don’t see the person in the driveway.

I freeze, my hand half way up my window.  Holy ass.  Wow.  Not only are the homes and yards gorgeous, but I think I have just seen the most beautiful backside ever.  No more than thirty feet from me, a tiny thing with denim shorts barely covering her perfect rear is pulling groceries from her vehicle.  Now, Grams raised me to be a gentleman… not that you’d know that by the thoughts racing through my mind.  I pull into her driveway without even thinking what I’ll use for an excuse to be there and hop out of my truck.  I’m being pulled to this mystery woman… or mystery ass.  All I know is I have to go to her.

Pulling in behind her, I get an even better view of her delectable assets and I’m more than impressed.  Maybe a bored little housewife is just what I need to get my mind off Vic.  I can leave this part of my adventure out of the tale when I talk to Grams later.  No other car in the driveway, could be in the garage, but that’s easy enough to find out.  Just walk over and start talking, Stavros.

The noise from my door closing has her jumping around and I’m momentarily stupefied by her angelic beauty.  I mean, totally dumb struck.  There is no other way to explain it.  This woman is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  I’ve seen hot women before, but she isn’t just hot– she is stunning.  She looks up at me with round hazel eyes that are confused, obviously by a strange man standing in her driveway, especially one who towers her by more than a foot.  Her mouth, what a mouth, those perfectly, full, pouty lips moving, about to say something.  Kissing lips.  I’d like to kiss those lips.  She is exquisite.  I’ve never seen anyone so… so… shake it off, Stavros.  Women. Are. The. Enemy!  “Excuse me, miss.  I was wondering if you could help me.”  You
can help me alright.  Help me right out of my pants and into yours.
  “I’m not from around here.  I’ve been driving around checking out the scenery and my GPS crapped out on me.  Now I don’t know how to get out of here.  Could you give me directions back to the main road, please?  Thank goodness you were taking in groceries. I could have been driving around for a while looking for help.  It’s too early to knock on people’s doors.”  I obviously could have looked it up on my cell, but I was hoping she wouldn’t think of that.  I’d just say it was dead if asked.  I’m giving her my famous
I want in your pants
smile that normally has woman falling all over me.  Normally I’d be getting the whole, “Oh my God, you’re Tucker Stavros.  I love you so much” line by now, but she seems to care less who I am.  
Interesting.