Waking Up (33 page)

How do I tell him I feel my dead husband’s presence in my room and that’s why I thought he was him?  He’ll think I’m crazy.

Maybe I am.

I want to run after him, but I still feel Alex’s presence and I can’t hurt him like that.  Instead, I climb out of my bed, close the door that Tucker left open, and slide down it, letting tears slide down my face as I go.  

I thought it was supposed to get better each day.  That’s what everyone keeps telling me, but it isn’t.  I can’t say this out loud because I don’t want Tucker to hear.  So, I try to smile because I know he loved my smile and I whisper.

“Good morning, baby.”

Chapter Twenty Eight

Tucker

My heart turned to stone and shattered when Adriana mistook me for Alex a second time, begging me not to leave.  I couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t hurt me.  There was no way to stand there and act like I was okay with being her fill in.  The shock wave that hit my body hearing her call me Alex as she was wrapped in my arms was enough to crush all my bones.  It hurt that badly.

Then she did it a second time.

Did she really not know it was me?  Could she not tell the difference?  Was she not fully awake?  The questions roll threw my head in a dizzying speed as I beat the shit out of my body in the gym.  I escaped there as soon as I left her room.  

I heard her moving around in her room before I got to the bottom of her stairs, heard her close the door, heard her start to cry.  Every part of me wanted to run back to her, to comfort her, but I knew she was crying for them– her and Alex.  Not for me.  I broke into a run, needing as much distance from her as I could get, needing to not hear her sobs that were begging me to go back and pull her into my arms.

I hate that I’m my own enemy.  She doesn’t want me.  She wants me to be him.  To be Alex.  I’ve never been enough before and I’ve had to accept that, but I’ve never had to be someone I’m not.  Not being enough on my own I can handle.  I refuse to be someone else.  Accept me or don’t, but don’t ask me to be a fill in.

Body spent, muscles burning, I head back for a shower.  Walking into the main part of the house, I’m hit with the warm smell of home cooking.  I can smell cinnamon.  My mouth waters.  Damn this woman and her food.

Walking into the kitchen, I have to stop because she’s bent over pulling something from the oven and I’m frozen staring at that perfect ass that put me in this mess.  I have the urge to go back to my original plan of having my way with her and getting the hell outta Dodge.  I know I’d hate myself for it after, but I want to taste her so bad.  The kiss from yesterday has wet my appetite and I want so much more now.

“Going to just stand there or are you going to shower?  No offense, but you stink.  You’re not sitting at my table like that,” she chuckles out.

I want to laugh with her, but I can’t.  I would have had to work out for weeks to be ready for that.  “Sorry, needed to work out some frustrations.  I’ll shower and come back smelling better.”  There’s no joking to my voice.  Actually, I sound downright hostile.  I see her step back and feel like a total ass, but I don’t apologize.  I walk away. 

“Tucker, stop,” she says with more force than I thought her capable of.  I do as she asks, but I don’t look at her.  I know it’s rude, but I don’t feel I owe her anything at this point and I don’t trust myself to keep the hurt off my face.

I hear her sigh and slap something off the counter.  It makes me smile knowing I’m getting to her.  It’s childish of me.  I know that, but I want her affected.  I’m affected and I want her to be just as riled up.  Hell, I want her even more riled up if I’m being truthful.

“Can’t you look at me?  I don’t like talking to your back.”  Well, now that’s she’s asked, I guess I have to.  Yeah, yeah—childish.

I turn around and fold my arms over my chest.  I want her to know I’m not happy.  She steps back again.  What the fuck is her problem?  Taking a mental assessment of myself I realize I’m scowling at her, legs spread, arms over my chest.  I probably look intimidating as hell especially considering I’m well over a foot taller than her and outweigh her exponentially.  Dammit.  I’m not supposed to be softening toward her.

Dropping my arms, I try to loosen my scowl a little, but my face is tense.  “What do you want, Adriana?”  My voice is still hostile.  Not much I can do about that right now.

“What is your problem, Tucker?”

Oh no she didn’t.  What is my problem?  

“Do you want me to answer that honestly or sugar coat it for you?”

“Honestly, of course,” she says, putting her hands on her hips.  Ooh, I like her feisty.

“You sure you can handle it, little girl?”  I know I’m taunting her, but I’m pissed and I want a fight.

“Little girl,” she sputters.  “Did you just call me little girl?  Seriously, what the fuck is your problem?”

Game on.  “My problem is you, Adriana!”

“Me?”  She throws her hand up in front of her chest like she’s offended and oh so innocent and that fuels me on even more.

“Yes, you and the way you keep using me.”  She tries to say something, but I don’t give her the chance.  I’m pissed and I know I’m going to regret this, but I’ve never been one to walk away when I should.  “My problem is you using me to feel like your husband is still with you.  I’m not him and never will be.  No matter how much you kiss me or climb in my lap or call out his name, it won’t change the facts.  I’m Tucker, not Alex.”  I’m yelling by the time I finish.  I expect her to give up, to run away crying, but she’s standing there with balled fists.  Her tiny frame vibrating with anger.

“Then why did you let me do it, huh?”  Her balled fists and screaming is turning me on.  It shouldn’t, but I find myself walking toward her.  Damn she’s sexy and I want to get my hands on her.

“Because,” I shout.  “Unlike you, I wanted to kiss you, to touch you, feel your legs wrapped around me.  Since the second I met you, I have thought of nothing but that.  It’s driving me fucking crazy.”  Two steps more and I can pull her against me.

“I’m sure that’s how you are with all women, Tucker,” she belts out at me.  What the fuck did she just say to me?

“Why, Adriana?  Because I’m a movie star?  What happened to me being just like everybody else?  Only applies when you want it to, I see.  At least I’m not asking you to be someone else so I can feel something for a few minutes.”  It’s a low blow, but I don’t care.  I’m hurting and I’m turned on.  I can’t think.

“Fuck you, Tucker!”

“Fuck me?  Great!  Right now?”  Forgetting my promise to be better I grab her and slam our lips together.  I wait for her to push me away, but she doesn’t.  She grabs my hair and pulls me tighter to her with a moan escaping her lips.

It’s all the encouragement I need.  Grabbing her by her ass, the ass I’ve wanted to get my hands on since the moment I laid eyes on it, I pick her up, stepping forward as I do and place her on the counter.  Much easier to get to her tantalizing lips now.  She wraps her legs around me and I’m lost.  

My hands find her hips.  I’m still trying to restrain myself in some way, afraid of the rejection that may come later. But, in this moment, I’m taking what I can.

Her feet dig into my ass, pulling me closer to her warm middle, her tongue darting in and out of my mouth, spurring me on.  If there had been a time for her to pull away it’s gone now.  My animal instincts have taken over.  

Wrapping my hands in her hair, I growl when she moans and pull her head back, exposing her neck.  I attack it like a starved man, licking, sucking, kissing, nipping.  Her fingers are scratching my back through my t-shirt leaving trails of fire wherever they touch.

Little moans keep escaping her lips and I’m not sure I can keep myself from tearing her clothes off if she keeps it up.  My dick is throbbing, begging me to be let out.  Like a heat seeking missile it’ll find its target.

Her head still held back in my hands, my mouth on her neck, her legs around me and sexy noises falling from her lips isn’t enough.  I need more.  I need to feel her skin, bury myself in her.  I need to make her scream my name, beg me for more, claim her as mine.

Breaking contact and dropping her hair, I pull her t-shirt off never stopping to notice what color it is.  In the back of my mind, I’m constantly waiting for her to stop me, but she doesn’t.  I spare a second to look into her eyes that are glossed over with arousal.  She’s as turned on as I am and that’s what I need to see. 

Her black lace bra is begging me to reach out and touch something.  How do I say no to that? Bringing my lips back to her, I take her bottom lip into my mouth and bite down on it gently, catching her gasp in my mouth.  Running my tongue across her lip, I dive into the kiss with all the energy I have.  Her moans and whimpers increase, making it impossible to not explore her body.

Slipping the lace down, exposing her perfect pink nipple, I flick it.  My dick swells more at the sight of her throwing her head back, her hands gripping my forearms.  I do it again, adding a little nip.  Her small jump makes me smile against her breast.  She may not be a virgin, but she is more innocent than I’m used to.

Palming her other breast, getting to know the weight and feel of it, I continue my assault on the other one as she wiggles beneath me.  The more she moves, the more turned on I get.  

My hand that was exploring her breast, a breast that seems to have been made just for my hands to play with, starts roaming downward.  I trace a slow path down her rib cage and laugh after she lets out a giggle and a snort or two.  How I find that sexy, I still can’t figure out.

I lay my hand palm open on her flat stomach and revel in the warmth.  I want to bring my other hand into the action, but since she started wiggling so much I’ve had to use it to keep her from falling off the counter.  I’m not opposed to taking her on the floor, but I do want to avoid any injuries if at all possible.  Can’t say that I’m minding my hand planted on her hip or the feel of my fingers rubbing across her skin.

How is her skin so soft?  

Only momentarily stopped by the thought, my hand resumes its path toward the treasure.  I need to get part of my body inside of hers.  I’m starting to feel frantic with this need.

Never letting up, I keep nipping and licking her nipples.  I don’t want her to come down off her high.  I want to push her higher.  Watch her tense up with need, squirm from desire, break apart under my touch.  Her soft moans and tightening legs continually driving me on.

Brushing the top of her pants with my fingertips, I can feel my heartbeat increase, blood pound harder.  My dick swells to a painful tightness in my jeans.  If I don’t get into her soon, my damn dick is going to spontaneously combust.  

I’ve never needed to touch a woman, had the desire to be inside a woman the way I do with Adriana.  I’ve been trying all morning to stay away from her, but it’s been like gutting myself with a dull blade with no painkillers.

She’s panting as my fingers find their way into her pants.  Thank God for yoga pants– easy entrance.  Seeing and hearing her so aroused makes me worry if I’ll last more than a couple minutes.  I can’t remember a time I was ever this worked up.  I’m ready to come in my pants already just rubbing up against her.

Jackpot.

My fingers run over lace.  I assume her panties match her bra.  The image of her lying before me in her bra and panties is almost my undoing.  I trace my finger along her middle.  Fuck.  Her panties are damp.  I have to work a little harder to steady myself.  Knowing I have her that turned on has Tucker Junior doing jumping jacks.  He’s ready to come out and say hello.

I’m ready to get her pants off.  See just how beautiful she truly is.  Pulling my hand from her pants, I bring both my hands to her waist.  I make sure I have her braced so she won’t fall and start pulling her pants off.  

Her hazel eyes are a golden color, they look like pure fire right now and they’re locked on me.  She’s watching my every move as she bites her bottom lip.  Holy fuck, she’s sexy.  

The black lace of her panties is in my view.  I lick my lips in anticipation of what I plan to lick in a few moments.  I’m so ready to taste her, have her in my mouth, on my tongue.  I give her a final glance before I go back to pulling her pants off.

I don’t move too quickly, enjoying the seduction of it all.  The gasps she lets out when my fingers run along her skin are hard to ignore, but going slow is so worth it in the end.  Anticipation makes the orgasm that much more explosive.  And I plan to completely rock her world.

I’ve almost got her ass out of the pants, another shimmy and these pants will come right off.  One more little…

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

What the fuck is that?

Beep.  Beep.  Beep.

Are you fucking kidding me right now?  I hate that Goddamn oven!

“Oh God, Tucker.”

Here we go.  The guilt is already setting in.  
Harden up, Stavros.
 

Pulling her pants up, I put her back on the floor and hand her her t-shirt.  It’s purple.  Don’t know why I didn’t notice that before.

“I’ll go shower now.  Take my stinky ass out of your kitchen.”  I’m surprised I can get the words out.  I’m surprised I can say anything.  She just did it again, but this time is so much worse.  I don’t know if I can come back from this.

“Good,” she laughs– actually laughs at me.  “Kale and the boys will be here soon.  I was hoping we could have breakfast together before all hell breaks loose.”

“Sure.  I’ll make it quick.”  I want to turn and smile, assure her everything is okay, but I can’t.  Everything is not okay.  She crushed me.  How many times will I let her do this to me before it’s too much and I walk away?

Chapter Twenty Nine

Adriana

I watch Tucker walk away from me again and I know I’ve upset him, but I don’t know what I’ve done.  Kale and the boys will be here soon.  I had forgotten all about them.  Thank God for the oven timer or I would have been having sex in my kitchen when they got here.  Dee and Kale would have been having a fun talk with the boys tonight.