Waking Up (36 page)

King Stinky lets out a victorious scream as he sinks his sword into the dragon’s back.  The dragon staggers for a moment or two and collapses onto his stomach before taking his last breath.  All the knights clap and cheer.

“My hero,” I shout going over and kissing King Stinky on the cheek, chuckling as his cheek turns pink.

“Want to play again, Tucker?”  The boys start asking in unison.  I can’t keep the smile off my face as he bounces off the floor and helps them start building another castle.  I’m grateful now that Alex and Preston talked me into buying those blocks.

“Oh come on, Adri, you know the kids will love building with these.”  Alex pouts at me as he shows me a huge set of cardboard brick looking blocks.  “Think of the fun they can have.”

“Yeah, kid,” Preston says, wrapping his massive arms around my shoulders and kissing me on the cheek, ”think of the kids.”

I roll out of Preston’s arms giggling.  “What kids?  You two or our friends’ boys, huh?”  Raising my eyebrow at them, I can’t help another round of giggles that breaks free at their offended glares.  We came to the store to buy Kale Jr. a birthday gift and have a cart full of toys that Alex thinks we should have in our basement for when the kids come over.

I love that man and his generous heart, always thinking of everyone else.

“The kids would love them,” he pouts again, but with a hint of a smile this time.  My lips turn up, unable to stop myself.  He brings out the happy in me, my personal ray of sunshine, my Alex.

Walking over, not caring who in the store sees, I rise up on my tippy toes and kiss him.  Not a deep kiss, just enough to let him know he’s my happy place.  Pulling away, I get lost for a brief moment in his emerald eyes, lost in the smile I see in them.  He knows he’s won.

“We’re getting the blocks, right?”

“Yes, child, get the blocks.”

Alex and Pres high five each other and Pres walks off with a smile on his face.

“Where’s he going?” I ask.

“To get another cart.”  He laughs at the WTF face I must be giving him and grabs my ass at the same time he kisses my cheek, obviously humored by something I’m not comprehending.  I’m still glaring at him when Pres comes back.  He doesn’t have any cart, but a flatbed cart that you would load lumber on.  What the hell does he think we’re buying?

“Help me load ‘er up, will ya, Pres?”  Alex’s voice breaks through my confusion.  I watch as they load at least a dozen sets of the blocks on the cart.

“Wh-what the hell do you two think you’re doing?”

“Getting the blocks,” they say in unison.  I want to smack the smug smirks off their faces, but I’ll be damned if I don’t find them too adorable to hit.

“I see that.  Why are you getting so many sets?”

“Go big or go home, baby.”  Alex gives me his biggest smile, the one he knows melts my heart, the one I fell in love with back when we were six years old and never stopped loving all these years.  The one that crinkles the corners of his eyes and makes his whole face light up and makes him even more handsome than he already is.

Dammit.  He knows he has me.

Again!

“The kids will love them, baby, and one set isn’t nearly enough to build with.”

“I have to ask this again– what kids, you two or Dee and Kale’s boys?”  I say it with all the love I have in my heart, but Alex and Pres are two overgrown boys and I know they’ll be in our finished basement just as much as the kids building with these blocks.

They both laugh, giving me a hug.  It was so worth it to give in to them.  My two best friends, the two guys who make me laugh daily, watch out for me, and who I have loved since we were kids.  Not that they’ve grown up or ever will.

Shaking myself from the memory, I’m rewarded with a new one, one that makes me smile brighter than I have in longer than I can remember.  Tucker is on the floor on his back, all the boys on him, tickling him, his head thrown back in laughter– pure joy on his face.

His blue eyes so bright they remind me of a cloudless day, his smile the sunshine that’s been missing from my life.  His laughter is nothing short of a miracle.  The sound bringing me happiness like Santa’s, “Ho, Ho, Ho” does to a child.

I grab my camera from the end table and start clicking away, grateful for his earlier permission to photograph him and the boys.  I want to capture this memory, his laughter, and be able to hold it to my heart when he’s gone.

When he’s gone…

The thought is enough to stop my heart.  Haven’t I lost enough?   Is he mine to lose?  Do I want him to be mine to lose?  It’s all so confusing.

“Get, Auntie Adriana.”  I hear Tucker’s words, but don’t hear them I’m so lost in my thoughts.  It’s too late to protect myself.  He pulls my camera from my hands, placing it gently on the couch, and tugs me to the floor with a smirk on his face.  I can’t stop staring into his eyes.  I can’t think of a time I’ve ever seen such blue eyes.  Does he wear contacts?  They seem so unreal.

The boys attack and I’m snorting and squealing before I know it, so un-lady like.  They’re relentless and I’m powerless against the group of them.  I swear, Tucker has to be helping them, but when I look around through the blurriness of my laugh induced, tear filled eyes, I see him snapping pictures of the boys and me.

I wonder if he caught this moment just now.  

The moment that I realized I want more with him.

What does that look like?

His face slowly emerges from behind my camera, my breath hitches– not from my laughing, but from the beauty of him.  It should be illegal to be that gorgeous, to have a smile that stops hearts, eyes that are bluer than any Caribbean waters, those dimples, and chiseled jaw.   But, here he is, in my living room, smiling at me. 

I don’t get it.

There are so many women who want him.  Why is he wasting his time with me?  

He just got cheated on and you’re available,
my subconscious screams at me.  I don’t want to believe that, want to tell myself that Tucker isn’t that type of man.  But, he can get any woman out there.  I’m one fish in a sea of a million who would be lucky to have him pay her attention. 

I only wish I didn’t want him to pay me attention, that I could stop thinking of him in a towel, where the water droplets were running to.

The phone ringing makes me jump and squeak which has the boys cracking up.  I need to get it together.  Tucker is watching me, curiosity flashing in his eyes.  I send a smile his way, snap up from the floor, and run for the phone.

Panting as I answer it, I know my heavy breathing isn’t from exertion, it’s from the effects of Tucker Stavros.  I’m happy to hear Dee’s voice until I realize something’s wrong.  I can tell she’s trying to cover it up, but her voice cracks.  I let her know I’ll walk the boys home in a few minutes and hang up.

Tucker watched me the entire conversation, not that it lasted long, but I felt his eyes on me.  I can’t lie, it was hot.  If the boys weren’t here, I’m not sure what I would have done.  Thank goodness they are.  It allowed me to keep a level head for the first time since Tucker walked into my life.

“Hey, guys.  Mom’s home.  Let’s clean up and I’ll walk you home.”

“Go ahead and get them ready. I’ll clean this up,” Tucker says, looking at me.  He knows I’m worried.  I can tell by the way he’s staring at me.

“Okay.  Thanks, Tucker.  Boys, get your shoes on, but say thank you and bye to Tucker first.”

I want to cry when they start high-fiving and hugging Tucker, showing they’ve accepted him into their group.  It’s irrational, but part of me feels like they replaced Alex.  The happiness on Tucker and the boys’ faces should sing to my heart, but I have a hole in mine that I don’t think will ever mend.

They’re asking if they’ll get to see Tucker again, if they can play castle again, does he want to be a dragon or a knight next time?  He looks to me for direction, but I don’t know what to say.  In my mind, he’s temporary.  His answer is honest and feels heartfelt when he tells them he hopes his parents bring them by before he goes back home.

Grabbing Kaleb’s little hand, we head for the door.  I glance back at Tucker before we leave.  He’s already on his hands and knees putting the blocks into containers.  I sigh, admiring his perfect ass for just one second.  

It should be illegal to be that attractive…

Chapter Thirty Two

Deidre

This can’t be happening.  Not again.  Adri’s going to be here in a minute and she’s going to want to know what the doctor said.  Should I tell her before talking to Kale?  Oh, God.  What am I going to do?  This wasn’t supposed to be the answer.  It was supposed to be a virus.  A virus I can handle, but this… this is too much.  I can’t handle this right now.

And Kale, he’s trying to make partner.  He’s been working so hard.  How will this affect him?

How will this affect the kids?

Taking several deep breaths, I try to calm myself, my shot nerves zinging, muscles tense and sore.  What I wouldn’t give for a massage right now and a stiff drink.

Irony is a bitch.

A flurry of chaos comes pummeling through my front door, the quiet taken over by a familiar array of boys’ voices.  Most people would feel stress from all the noise, but it brings me peace, calms me to have them with me.  It’s the normalcy that I know.

I walk out to the hallway to be surrounded in hugs, my heart swelling with love.  It happens every time my kids hug me.  The boys all start talking at once and I can’t help but chuckle.  Sounds like Tucker was a hit.  I think he played blocks and may have been a dragon, but I’m not completely sure I heard that correctly with all of them talking over the other.

Adri stands there with a smile on her face and I’m wondering if the smile is for my actively talking children or the man they’re talking about.  I’m worried about him hurting her, but it seems that Kale was right about Tucker.  There’s more to him than I first thought.  Doesn’t mean he won’t rip my friend’s heart out and I won’t want to kill him for it, but he made my kids happy today and I want to give him a chance for that reason alone.

I happily listen to the boys talk about their adventures at Adri’s house, only catching a few things they’ve said because they’re still all talking at the same time.  Adri and I laugh as they try to out talk one another and make the story bigger, but I can see she’s waiting to hear how my appointment went.

Nervousness floods me.  I don’t know that I’m ready to talk about this, with Adri or anyone else.  I put my finger up to her, motioning for her to wait a minute and she nods with a smile. Patient Adri, always there for me.    Am I ready to tell her what I found out today?

“Kale, can you bring your brothers upstairs to play while I talk grown up stuff with Auntie Adri please?”  I kneel down in front of my little man.  He is so grown up sometimes, looking out for his little brothers.

“Okay, Mom.  Come one guys.  Let’s go play.”  My eyes mist over when he takes Kaleb by the hand, knowing he’s still unsteady on the stairs.  He may only be eight, but he has learned so much helping me.  He makes me proud every day with the little things he does, he’s growing up in so many ways and I hope I never miss any of his moments.

I wait till the boys are all the way up stairs and I hear one of the bedroom doors shut before motioning Adri toward the living room.  “You want anything to drink?” I ask her, trying to buy a few moments more before she asks the inevitable.  She shakes her head no and all hope of getting out of this easy die with that gesture.  She can tell I’m upset.  She knows me too well.

Sitting on the loveseat opposite me, Adri tucks her legs up underneath her, getting comfortable.  She doesn’t ask me what happened, what the doctor said or if I’m alright.  She’s letting me come to her.

My palms feel sweaty and I feel nauseous again.  It shouldn’t be so hard to tell her this.  She’s one of my best friends, but I don’t know how I feel about this.  Will she judge me when she knows that?  Can I tell her the truth?  

She’s so calm sitting there.  I can almost believe her world never crashed down on her, she looks so peaceful until I look in her eyes.  They’re still so sad.  They didn’t look so sad when she first got here, when the boys talked about Tucker.  But sitting here now, the hollowness is back, the void is there.  That part of Adri that checks out and goes where no one can touch her is back.  It saddens my soul to see my once vibrant friend lose her sunshine.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out, needing to say something to stop thinking about Adri being a lost soul.  Her eyes light up, she jumps from the love seat bounding over to me, and envelopes me in a hug.

“Congratulations, Dee!  Does Kale know yet?  Is he excited?  Oh my gosh, he must be over the moon.”  

I want to share in her excitement, but I can’t.  Kale doesn’t know yet.  I didn’t want to tell him this over the phone.  I’m glad he’s still in his meeting and hasn’t called yet because he’ll know I’m not excited.  

I feel guilty for not being over the moon when I heard the news.  Maybe I’m in shock.  Maybe I need a minute to absorb that I’m having another baby.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but right now, I’m numb.  The happy I felt the other four times hasn’t hit and it’s making me want to cry.

That’s just what I do.  I break down in Adri’s arms.  I don’t mean to, but my emotions swamp me and I can’t hold them back.  Her arms tighten around me and she whispers it will be alright in my ear as she gently rocks me.  I don’t understand how she can be so comforting when she can find no comfort in her own life, but she’s the only thing holding me together right now.

I can’t explain why I’m so upset.  It was only a month ago I told Kale I wanted another baby, but did I really want that?  We saw a couple at dinner with a baby and I got that longing, but was it because I was already pregnant and didn’t know that I said that?