Waking Up (40 page)

She grabs the bag that I kicked in the room moments before.  Opening it there’s a pair of swim trunks and a shoebox.  I knew Preston said I could borrow his shorts, but what’s up with the shoes?  

“That’s why I was crawling around your closet,” she says quietly.  I know this voice.  Shy Adriana.  “I didn’t think you had sandals with you and I was right so I needed to know what size shoes you wore.  We always go to the beach during stay-cation.  I asked Alahna to pick them up so you’d have them for the beach.”

She’s rambling, obviously nervous I’ll be mad at her.  “Thank you, Adriana.  It’s very sweet.  How much were they so I can pay you back?”

“Tucker, no.  They’re a gift.  Get dressed and come down for breakfast.”  She runs from the room before I can argue with her.  Smart girl.

I get dressed with a smile on my face making sure I don’t forget my baseball hat and sunglasses.

Chapter Thirty Nine

Adriana

I love the ocean.  The smell of the salt, the sand between my toes, sun shining on my skin, waves crashing off the rocks, and even the annoying ass seagulls swooping over my head.  Everything about the ocean brings me peace and today I feel the serenity washing over me as soon as I step out of the car.  Standing in the open door of my Trailblazer, I take in the scents, sounds, and sights of my favorite place to unwind.

 And unwind I need to do after the hallway with Tucker.  He has me wound tighter than a spring, my insides coiling with the need for release.  My vibrator will be getting some use tonight.  

 Peeking over at the cause of my current inner tension, I catch Tucker in the exact pose I imagine I was in seconds earlier.  His face is turned to the sun, his eyes closed, a smile splayed across his face.  I wonder if he feels about the beach the same as I do.  Does he go to one often?  Does it bring him peace after dealing with his hectic life?

I find the more time I’m with him, the more curious I am about him.

 I know he’s attracted to me.  I don’t understand it.  Not for a second.  He can have any woman.  Any woman, but he’s attracted to me.  Or is he?  Am I a fill in until he goes back to Vancouver?  Someone to play with?  To amuse himself, occupy his time, his bed?  

Insecurities of being enough for the movie star a few feet away from me hit hard.  My stomach aches and the need to get sick swamps me.  Whatever it is Tucker thinks he’s getting from me, I need to stop now.

I’m no movie star’s whore.

 Slamming the door, anger vibrating through my system, all sexual tension gone, I’m angry with myself, but I’m not sure why.  Moments ago, I was basking in the warmth of the sun, the peace that the ocean brings me and now I want to jump over the roof of the car and scratch Tucker’s eyes out.  Uuuggh, this man brings emotions out of me I wasn’t aware I’m capable of.

 I grab my bag and walk toward the beach, not caring if Tucker’s following.  I know I’m being irrational.  He didn’t do anything to me, but I can’t rein my emotions in with him so close to me.  I need some separation.

Stopping when I hit the sand, I peel my flip flops off, instantly feeling better when the sand works its way between my toes.  I stand there for a second wiggling my toes like a little kid picking my toes up and digging them back in a smile breaking across my face.  Looking over my shoulder, I see Tucker still standing at the car watching me.  “You coming?” I ask, motioning for him to join me. 

The smile that spreads across his face has me fearing my knees will buckle, all anger washing away.  Dammit!  I need to find a way to be immune to him.  

I don’t wait to see if he follows me.  I don’t want him to see that he’s affecting me.

Pres and Blake already have the canopy set up and Alahna and Mick are laying out blankets.  I finally work up the courage to glance back at Tucker to make sure he has the cooler.  Thank goodness he thought to bring it without me asking.  

Guilt runs rampant through me thinking back on my little tantrum.  

“Where do you want it?” he asks me.  I find it hard to answer him, I’m so busy taking in the beauty of him.  For the first time today, I’m really taking him all in, the blue board shorts Pres let him borrow, the white wife beater that shows off his chiseled arms and the tattoos banded around his upper arms.  I’m not sure what the writing is.  It’s not like any tribal I’ve ever seen before.  He’s wearing a Patriots hat that I talked him into to make him look like a local instead of the Kansas City Chiefs one he had on and a big pair of dark sunglasses.  

He’s the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.  
And I’ve felt every part of his body pressed against mine.
 

I can’t stop the thoughts from entering my mind or the blush from my cheeks.  I only hope the sunglasses he’s wearing keep him from seeing it.

I duck my head and show him where to drop the cooler.  I hate when I get shy, but I don’t know how else to be.  He makes me feel inadequate, inexperienced.  I know he’s been with so many more people than me, has done so much more than I have.  I just don’t understand what he sees in me.

Running my hand up his arm to one of his tattoos, needing to feel him for a second before I start sharing him with my friends, I thank him for bringing the cooler.  It’s lame, but I can’t think of anything else to say.  I have no reason to touch him, no reason to be this close.

I wish I could see behind his dark glasses, see his eyes to see if he wants me to touch him.  See if he’s as affected as I am, but I can’t.  I’m frustrated and that familiar throbbing is back between my legs.  Seems it’s always there when he’s around.

He backs up a step, breaking our contact. I feel the loss immediately.  I almost whimper.  I bite the inside of my lip to stop myself.

“I’m going to go take a walk.  Be back in a bit.”  The way he says it doesn’t make it sound like he wants company and my heart plummets.  I feel my tantrum coming back to bite me on the ass.  I wonder if he thinks I’m regretting the hallway.  Did I hurt him?  Will I ever get this right?

He slips out of his sandals, pulls the brim of his hat lower, and walks away.  All I can do is watch.  I have no right to ask him to stay or ask to go with him.  

As I watch him go, I see part of his angel wings tattoo sticking out from his tank top.  I’m hit with a wave of arousal and need to strip him bare.  My new goal is to get him naked and lick my way around that tattoo.

Holy shit.  When did I turn into this girl?  

“What’s wrong with Hot Stuff?”

“Huh?”

Mickayla’s cackle drags me from Lustville, dumping buckets of cold water over my head.

“What did you do to the sexy man to have him sulking along the beach?”  My eyes go from her to Tucker’s retreating back.  I want to tell her I didn’t do anything, but I’m worried that it is my fault.

I shrug, not wanting to answer.  I don’t really know how to answer her so I stay quiet.  Thankfully, she lets it go.  I shimmy out of my dress and sit next to Alahna who still has her shorts and tank top on.    I do a double take when I read her shirt before busting out laughing.  The shit ass grin on her face makes me laugh harder.

Her shirt reads Jefferson’s New Horse.  “What?  You know I love me those boys from the Wanted series,” she says, still smiling.  “I’m willing to take one for the team.”

“How excited are you for Faithful coming out in August?”

“Oh my God!  I can’t wait to read Josh and Heather’s story.  And you know she’s going to write something good about my girl Ellie.”

“I hope so.  I love her and Gunner.  And Jeff and Ari.  I hope Josh and Heather get their happily ever after.  Poor Heather has had a hard enough life.  It’s time she gets her man and gets to enjoy him.”

“Are you saying she should be Josh’s horse?”  Alahna asks, waggling her eyebrows.

“Absolutely,” I say trying to keep a straight face, but I fail miserably.  This is why we fell in love with each other and became close friends.  We discuss fictional characters like we know them and don’t think the other is insane for it.

“Are you two going to talk books all day or can we change the subject?”  Mick is standing over us, hands on her hips, her hair blowing around her making her look unbelievably sexy in her blue and silver polka dot string bikini.  Not that she ever doesn’t ooze sex appeal, but add a bikini to her and any man in a fifty mile radius has his tongue wagging.

“Sorry, Miss Thang, didn’t realize it was all about you today,” Alahna quips sarcastically.

“Isn’t is always,” Mick fires back.  The two start teasing each other.  I ignore the banter while I search the beach for Tucker.  He’s standing up to his knees in the water, hands in his pockets.  I pull my camera from my bag and add the zoom lens.

I stand up and snap a few pictures of him from different angles.  As he moves slightly, I click away, catching the natural grace of his movements.  Everything about him intrigues me.  I probably shouldn’t be taking his picture without asking first, but he’s a work of art.  A masterpiece.  I don’t want to lose the moment.

I tell myself that I’ll destroy the images if he isn’t alright with me taking them, but I wonder if I can.

I want to go to him.  I feel like he calls to me, like his body calls to mine.  It’s animalistic.  Like I’m in heat and the only way I’ll stop this craving is to let him take me.  Let him claim me from the inside out.

Thinking about him in such a primal way has goose bumps breaking out on my skin.  I’m not going to be able to stop if we start again and I don’t know that I want to.  I should want to.  I can’t offer him anything past the next couple weeks and I’m not that kind of girl.  I keep telling myself to back off, but then I see him and all rational thought flies out the window.

How can I not want him?  He’s a god among men.  With his unnatural good looks and that black hair I’ve gripped in my fingers.  And those eyes, more cerulean than any sea I’ve ever seen in a picture.  I can’t even think about his lips without getting damp because it brings on thoughts of his tongue.  Now that I’ve kissed him, my imagination has been running wild with what that tongue is capable of.  I’m a goner.  Lost to the power that is Tucker Stavros.

I lick my suddenly dry lips, the only part of me left dry from my errant thoughts.  Focusing through the lens, I almost drop the camera when I see Tucker staring back at me.  He’s standing completely still, watching me watch him through my camera.

Even not smiling, he is beyond gorgeous.  His sex appeal flows across the sand and slaps me in the face.  I hold my ground and take a couple pictures, testing my boundaries.  I know I probably shouldn’t, but I’m tired of him making me so uneasy, putting me on edge.  I see one corner of his mouth raise so I continue to click away.  

I can’t believe he’s goading me.

I hand off my camera to Alahna.  Her raised eyebrow is all the question she needs to ask.

“I’m going to check on Tucker.”  Her and Mick both give me knowing glances.  I think my friends can tell he’s gotten under my skin, but I’m not about to admit that to them.  They can think what they want.

I turn to walk down to the person currently taking up most of my brain space and collide with a wall of chest muscle.  If two hands didn’t wrap around my arms I would have fallen flat onto my ass.  

“Where you in such a rush to head off to, Kid?”  Relief floods my system as I hear Preston’s nickname for me.

“Going to check on, Tucker.  Think something’s up with him.”

“You need an escort?”  I want to laugh, but I know it will hurt his feelings so I wait a second to answer, get myself composed.  I love that after all these years he still looks out for me.

“Na, I’m all set, Pres.  You and B all done body surfing?”  Deflection is key.  I need him to stop thinking about Tucker so he gets out of protector mode.

“For now.  He couldn’t stay away from his old lady for too long.  Pussy whipped little fucker.”  

“I heard that, Preston.  Don’t make me get up from this comfy ass spot I got here in the sun to beat you down for insulting my man.”

“Bring it, Shrink!”  

I sneak off while they go at it.  Their laughter follows behind me.  I hold onto it, onto them, as my strength as I get closer to Tucker.  His back is to me and he has no warning that I’m going to invade his private time.

Maybe I shouldn’t.  Maybe I should go back to my friends.  Lay out in the sun with the girls.  Watch Pres and B throw the football around.  He didn’t ask me to come down here with him.

But he looks so lonely.

That thought keeps my feet moving, one foot in front of the other.  I want so badly to wrap my arms around him, place my cheek against his back, offer him comfort if that’s what he needs.  I wish I knew what he needs.

Instead, I walk up beside him, relishing the feel of the cold water on my legs, wrap my fingers in his, and say nothing as I stare out over the ocean.

Chapter Forty

Victoria

My nerves are shot as I walk up to ring the doorbell.  I’m not sure how Tucker will take my showing up without calling, but he needs to know about Grant.  I can take him yelling at me if it means I can save him from Grant humiliating him any further.  I’ve put up with so much worse than being yelled at.

I wonder how he found this place.  Is it a bed & breakfast?  It’s beautiful.  But, why New Hampshire?  It’s so far away.  Surely I didn’t mean enough to send him running this far from home.

A maelstrom of thoughts swirl through my mind.  My stomach’s churning.  I know there’s a chance he won’t listen to what I have to say, but I force my hand to raise, my finger to press the doorbell.  I stand, surrounded by the sounds of the birds and the light breeze blowing, awaiting my fate.

I want to run, not let Tucker see me, but my feet are cemented in place.  This was a bad idea.  He’s never going to believe I came here to warn him about Grant.  He’ll think I came to win him back.

Did I?  Is that why I’m really here?  I do hate to be alone and some of the best memories of my life have been with Tucker.  He isn’t my soul mate, but I could make a happy life with him.  I could settle for what he’s able to give me.