Waking Up (51 page)

We fell into a routine.  I would see her off to work every morning, kiss her crazy, and try to talk her into staying and getting naked with me.  Her glorious smile would nearly drop me to my knees.  If she worked at the studio next door, she would come home for lunch and a nooner.  I started making meals some of the nights for something to do because you can only play so many video games and watch so much TV before you want to rip your eyes out.  I did use the gym and the pool too, but it’s not the same as being at your own house.  You feel like an interloper and I didn’t want to move around too much or mess up any of her stuff.   After dinner, we’d watch movies or I’d play games while she lies in my lap reading her Kindle.  I liked those nights the best.  I like watching the emotions play across her face as she’s reading, see her get lost in her head in the world she’s imagining.  Even the times I see her fighting not to cry because the book has gotten to her that much.  Her sniffles always give her away. 

Almost every night we make love, but not in her bed since that first night we were together.  And she never stays the night with me either.  It hurts to know she sleeps with me then goes to her room to talk to Alex.  I know she does because I hear her.  Some nights I tiptoe down the hall and eavesdrop.  I know I shouldn’t, but I have to know if I’m wasting my time.  I never thought I’d be in a three way relationship with myself, a girl I’m crazy for, and a dead guy.

I won’t lie and say I don’t want to bust through the door when I hear her tell him she still loves him.  I want to slam through her door and demand to know how she can say that when she had my dick in her only minutes before, but then I remember that she’s
trying.
I asked her to try and that’s what she’s doing.  She’s not perfect and what we have isn’t perfect, but she is trying.   

There are moments of greatness like when she asked to photograph me.  I thought it would be a terrible idea.  The paparazzi are here, I can’t relax, but she knocked me in her pool fully dressed.  She snapped a bunch of pictures at all different angles before telling me to lose my shirt and then started snapping again.  She is a machine when she works.  I started cracking up when she blew up a bunch of beach balls and threw them in the pool and told me to have fun.  That is what I did, hitting and throwing them around, splashing the water.  All the while she snapped picture after picture.  I’ve never felt so at ease at a shoot before.  I should have known it would be effortless with her.  She has a way of putting me at ease.

When I climbed out of the pool, she helped me out of my wet clothes, stripped off her clothes, and showed me how much she enjoyed our session.  I enjoyed naughty photographer.

Throughout the rest of my stay we found other opportunities for different photo shoots and I was thinking I needed her to do all my shoots.  They were amazing.  I couldn’t find a shot I disliked.  Even when she had me put on a cowboy hat, barefoot with jeans.  She really seemed to like that because of some books she had read and I went along for the ride.  Whoever this Kelly Elliott lady is, I want to meet her someday to thank her because that night was one of the best of my life.

Her friends came over several times for dinners and movie nights where I was mostly confined to Adriana’s house.  We did sneak me out a time or two, but most times the paparassholes caught us.  4
^th
of July was the best, not only because I got to see the famous stars and stripes bikini Mickayla wore in the calendar shoot, but because we effectively fooled the paparazzi and I was able to hang out with everyone the whole night having fun, drinking beer, eating great food, and watching fireworks next to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.  I stopped trying to sneak out a couple days later when they took pictures of Deidre and Kale’s kids because they were in the car behind us.  We ended up back at Adriana’s ordering pizza, but the kids had been scared by it.  More proof for me as to why I could never have kids. 

All of us guys built castles with the boys, but they didn’t have poop names this time.  Guessing that’s because mom and dad were there.  I was relieved that Deidre and Kale didn’t feel that they should go home and keep the boys away from me.  I was finding I loved those boys as if they were my own nephews— not that I could have any being an only child, but they had found a place in my heart.  I think all of Adriana’s friends have found a place in my heart.

We told them that I was planning to keep in touch, that we were going to try the long distance thing.  I waited for the lectures.  I figured I would get the whole “yeah right, you’ll be real faithful when you’re surrounded by hoards of women comments”, but none came.  In fact, they all seemed happy by the idea.

I spent the two weeks I had with Adriana, letting her get to know me, leaving little notes with facts about me all over.  I made the mistake of sneaking in her room to leave a note on her pillow once and never again when I saw her snuggled up to a t-shirt that I can only assume was Alex’s.  As much as I know she cares about me, I felt that day that I would never fully win over her heart and that crushed mine.  I didn’t leave the note there.  Instead I walked out, softly closed her door, and slipped the note under it.

The notes ranged in messages from happy notes like ‘I know how to do most ballroom dances because my Grams started teaching me when I was nine’ to ‘I made the mistake of having a relationship with a member of the paparazzi.  It didn’t end well’.  I figured her knowing me meant I needed to let her know all sides of me, not just the good sides.   

I called Grams and Eddie several times to check in and to get advice.  I did not want to screw this up.  Grams kept telling me she wants to meet this girl who has me sounding so happy and Eddie… well, Eddie is skeptical of everything, but if I’m happy then he’s happy for me.  He arranged for my truck to be shipped back to Vancouver so I’d get a couple extra days with Adriana.  The paparazzi didn’t know that.  We had them thinking I was leaving on a different day in hopes they would leave her alone.

It didn’t work.  Apparently, a country girl taking in a movie star is big news in paparasshole land.  Even though they thought I was gone, they stuck around so I had Eddie continue the security team.  As long as the bloodsuckers were going to stay, I was going to make sure there was a security team here to protect my angel.

As it got closer to my time to head home, I felt the tightness in my chest getting worse.  I didn’t want to leave her.  I couldn’t picture my days without her, without her smile to greet me every morning.  We had talked about how we would make this work.  Three thousand miles is a long way and our schedules are hectic, but I want her in my life.  My nerves started kicking in though.  I couldn’t help but wonder if phone calls, texts, and Skype would be enough to tide her over between seeing me.  Having no physical contact for weeks, maybe months.  Will it be enough?  Am I enough for her?

My last night there everyone came over for a “see you later” dinner.  They all said there wouldn’t be any goodbyes because they’d see me soon.  Mickayla of course told me I had to see her soon because we had to make plans to get me fitted for a tux.  Thinking about being in her wedding always made me feel like a part of me was mending, like the child in me who was too afraid to let anyone in had finally let go of that fear.  And I had Adriana to thank for that.  Alahna no longer looked at me with ice shooting from her eyes.  I think I may even be able to start calling us friends soon.  All of the guys considered me one of them and I’m still not sure what to think of that.  I’ve never been part of a group.  Each of the boys, even little Kaleb, gave me hugs before Deidre and Kale brought them home to bed.  It’s nice to see her feeling a little better.  Adriana tells me she has to take nausea meds all day, but at least she’s able to get out a bit more now.   

My nerves get the best of me after everyone is gone and Adriana and I are alone.  There’s something I’ve wanted to ask her all day and I don’t know how she’ll react.  I watch her finish picking up the kitchen from the couch where she banned me to.  She told me that for tonight I’m to relax and act like a guest.  Something has been off about her all night.  She’s dodged my kisses and slipped her hand out of mine.  She’s avoided my touches.  I wonder if she’s dreading tomorrow as much as I am.

“Will you stay with me tonight, sweetness?  In my room, that is?”  Her arm stops in mid swipe of cleaning the counter.  I can see her breathing, her shoulders moving up and down with her breaths.  The indecision is clear in the set of her body and I hate that I asked.  Staying with me means she can’t go to Alex.  I should have never asked her to choose.  “Never mind,” I whisper and start to stand from the couch needing to separate myself from her.

I walk up the stairs and close myself in my room.  A few minutes later, I hear her go to her room and I hear her voice.  I know she’s talking to Alex and I can’t stop the tears that fall down my cheeks.  I prepare for bed, strip down, and climb in for a night I know will involve very little sleep.  My nerves are too shot for that.

Will I survive without her beside me?

Chapter Fifty Five

Adriana

Something changed in me the night Tucker asked me to try.  I don’t know if it was good or bad, but it changed.  I opened up a small piece of my heart and let him walk in.  Only a small piece because I knew letting him have too much would be the end of me.  That night, oh, that night was one of the most amazing of my life.  He gave me more orgasms than I can remember and we had sex in more places that didn’t involve a bed—Mick would be so proud of me—geesh Dee would probably ask me if all the areas were sterilized.  He said some of the most romantic things, things I never pictured coming from him.  He’s normally so gruff, but I saw a whole new side of Tucker.  This tender, sweet guy broke through that night and my heart didn’t stand a chance.

I wasn’t ready for the paparazzi to show up the next day.  I don’t think he was either.  The anger that emanated from him had me frightened for whoever it was directed at.  I stayed away from him as much of that day as I could.  It was hard because I wanted to touch him so bad, even though I was sore from our sexcapades from the night before.  It was a good sore, a sore that made me want to strip naked and let him lick his way across my entire body.  Or I could lick his—I’m not picky.  But, I was afraid of him and the hatred that was burning in his eyes.  It was like nothing I had ever seen before and I prayed he would never look at me like that.

Tucker started leaving me little notes.  He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted me to get to know him and I loved that.  
Not loved– no love yet– just really liked—a lot.
  My favorite, even though it was painful for me, was the night he snuck in my room.  I knew the second he came in.  I’m a light sleeper.  My heart clenched because I knew he saw me clutching Alex’s t-shirt in my sleep like I always do.  I heard his soft gasp and felt him stand there staring at me a few seconds.  I could feel his hurt hanging heavy in the room.  I wanted to say something, but what could I really say to him knowing a few hours earlier, I had been in his bed and now I was snuggled up to my husband’s shirt.  He tiptoed out of my room and I heard him slip the note under my door.  I listened for his door to close before I turned on my lamp and went to get the note.  His note made me laugh and cry. 

Adriana,

I have a confession.  The day I first met you, my GPS didn’t crap out.  I thought you had such an amazing ass that I had to meet you.  Then, you turned around and smiled at me and I thought I was meeting a real life angel.  Your beauty has the power to bring me to my knees.  

Tucker

I saved every note he wrote to me in the short time we had together.  I want to be able to reread them after he’s gone.  Nothing in life is a surety and I want to have those to hold close to me always.

We fell into a routine, but the more we did, the more I worried.  It was easy, comfortable, but I found myself comparing him to Alex.  A lot.  It was scaring me.

In the mornings he would be up and showered ready to have breakfast with me.  Alex always had breakfast with me.  Then he would kiss me stupid and try everything in his power to get me naked and try to convince me to stay in bed with him for the day.  It brought back so many memories of Alex doing the same thing.  He started pitching in making dinners which Alex did too on the nights he beat me home.  It was like we were playing house and he had filled in the spot Alex vacated.  But what got to me most was him playing video games while I lay in his lap reading.  He would stop every now and again to run his fingers through my hair or touch my face or kiss me.  These are all things Alex did and Alex and I used to do.  He would play his games while I laid in his lap reading.  This was our thing.  The first night Tucker pulled me into his lap I should have stopped him, but I didn’t.  I didn’t because I wanted to feel closer to Alex.  I used Tucker and that was so wrong of me.

I started taking pictures of him here and there to take up some time, not make him feel like such a prisoner in my house—damn paparazzi.  I can’t believe his ex really called them.  I thought she was spouting because I jumped in Tucker’s lap and attacked his face.  She pissed me off.  Guess the bitch got the last laugh.

The pictures were fun and I was able to see sides of Tucker through my lens that he didn’t show the public.  He turned the table on me when he asked me to get in front of the lens with him.  Those pictures will forever be my favorites.

Staging my bathroom while he had his hands roaming my body was nearly impossible.  I’m surprised we ever made it into the tub to take the pictures.  The look on his face was priceless when I told him he had to wait ten minutes before he could do anything sexual because that’s how long the camera would snap shots.  The pictures were romantic, sexy and playful, everything I could have wanted them to be.  I taught Tucker how to process photos in my dark room with me.  He was like a child learning something new.  The excitement lighting up his blue eyes as the images came to life before him.