Wanted by Her Lost Love (5 page)

“Ryan?” His mom's voice bled through his dour mood.

“Sorry, Mom, didn't mean to snap.” He opened the door and slid into the seat, settling back, not bothering to start the engine yet.

“Ryan, what's wrong?”

“Nothing, Mom, just a busy day. What's up?”

“I was hoping you and Jarrod would have dinner with me tomorrow night.”

Ryan closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers. There was no easy way to say this and his mom would know soon enough now that Jarrod had been over. Best she know now so she could get used to it. “Mom, you should know…Kelly is with me…and she's pregnant.”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end followed by thick silence. “I see,” she finally said. “I guess inviting Roberta is out of the question.”

Ryan blew out his breath at his mother's snippy tone. Roberta Maxwell was a woman his mom had been shoving at him ever since Kelly had disappeared.

Though his mother had never come out and said I told you so, she didn't have to. It was there as plain as if she'd hung a banner.

She'd never approved of Kelly. Never liked that Ryan was marrying her. She'd been polite, though. Ryan had demanded it of her. He wouldn't allow any of his family to disrespect the woman he'd chosen to be his wife.

After what had happened with Jarrod and Kelly, he'd expected his mother to be more smug; but she'd been oddly sympathetic. The last thing he wanted at the moment, though, was to bring Kelly to an awkward dinner where his mom would sit with that pinched look on her face and Jarrod would say God knows what.

He'd wondered what would happen when the inevitable confrontation with Jarrod occurred. Now he knew, and it hadn't gone at all as he'd imagined.

“I think we'll do dinner another time. Kelly and I aren't up to it at the moment.”

He said his goodbyes and hung up, starting the car and
slamming it into Reverse. He needed some distance before he went off the deep end.

He drove aimlessly and ended up at his office building before he even realized that he was heading in that direction. He didn't often drive, and usually only when he was leaving the city. He kept his car parked and used his car service. But today he hadn't been in any mood to wait for pickup.

He parked and went up to his office, acknowledging Jansen's look of surprise since he'd just told his assistant that morning that he wouldn't be in for several days.

He waved off Jansen's question of whether or not he needed anything and shut the door to his office. Then he flopped into his chair and swiveled around to stare out the window.

The weather had turned cold and gray, much more suited to his mood. After spending several days in Texas, where it was a good deal warmer, even in winter, coming back to the cold of the Northeast was a bit of an adjustment.

His cell phone rang, and he almost didn't answer. It was Cam, and Cam would want to know what had prompted his departure from Moon Island. Ryan was supposed to fly back to New York with Cam and Devon but he'd left in a hurry with a flimsily uttered excuse.

Deciding not to delay the inevitable, he put the phone to his ear.

“You and Dev make it back?”

“There you are. Been trying to call you for the past twenty-four hours. Where the hell did you go in such a hurry?” Cam demanded.

Ryan sighed. “My investigator called. He found Kelly.” There was dead silence and then he heard Cam murmuring to someone else. Probably Dev.

“And?” Cam finally said.

“She was in Houston. I left the island to go and see if it was her.”

“And?” Cam asked again.

“It was. I brought her back to New York with me.”

“You did
what?
Why the hell did you do that?”

Ryan sighed at the incredulity in Cam's voice. And then because he needed to unload on someone, he said, “She's pregnant, Cam.”

“Oh, Christ. What is with all the pregnant women showing up? I'll ask you the same question I asked Rafael when Bryony appeared out of nowhere. How do you know it's yours?”

“I don't believe I said it was mine,” Ryan said mildly. “What I said was that she's pregnant.”

“Uh-huh, and you'd just bring your ex-fiancée back to New York with you because she's pregnant with someone else's baby?”

“Don't be a smart-ass. The thing is, it
could
be my baby. Or it could be my brother's. Are you seeing my problem now?”

“Man, I'd say you have a whole hell of a lot of problems that I'm glad I don't have. What does she say about all of this?”

“That's just it. She's pissed. At me. She acts like I've wronged her. I don't get it. She hasn't said whose baby it is. She hasn't denied that it's my child but neither has she confirmed that it's mine.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that she doesn't know?” Cam asked dryly.

Ryan scowled and then pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

“Sorry, man, it had to be said. If she was sleeping with you and your brother plus God knows who else, she probably doesn't have a clue who the baby daddy is.”

“God, stop with the snark. You're giving me a headache. Kelly isn't some whore.”

“I never said she was.”

“You implied it.”

“Look, you're getting pissed at the wrong person here. I'm just asking—as a friend—whether you've lost your everloving mind. But then again, I thought you were insane for hiring an investigator to find her. Well, you found her and now you have to deal with the fallout. I'll tell you just what I told Rafael when he was faced with similar issues. Call your lawyer. Get paternity testing done.”

“I don't want it to come to that,” Ryan said quietly. “Damn it, I just want to know what went wrong.” He broke off and shook his head. This was a pointless conversation to be having. Cam was an unforgiving bastard on his best day. As soon as he heard what Kelly had done, he'd basically written her off. Cam might be a hard-ass but he was a loyal hard-ass.

Cam was silent for a moment. “Look man, I'm sorry. I get that this has you tied in knots. Personally, I think you ought to go out, have a few drinks and get laid. Come off that self-imposed celibacy stint you've been on since you threw her out. But I know you won't so I won't go there.”

Ryan laughed and shook his head.

“Dev wants to talk to you a minute so hang on.”

“See ya,” Ryan muttered to empty air.

A second later, Dev came on the phone.

“I won't repeat all Cam has said other than to ditto everything. What I wanted to tell you is that I'll be out of pocket for a while.”

“Oh? Eloping with Ashley?”

Dev muttered a not-so-nice directive and Ryan chuckled.

“No, there's an issue with the construction and we've already suffered so many delays on this project that I don't
want to risk any more. I'm going down there myself. It'll be quicker than conference calls and playing phone tag.”

Ryan frowned and then leaned back in his chair. “How soon were you planning to leave?”

“Day after tomorrow. I'd go sooner, but I can't. And Cam is going to be out of the country starting tomorrow and I can't very well ask Rafe to leave his honeymoon.”

“Ah. So really you and Cam were calling to see if I'd do it.”

“Well, yeah, but after hearing what's on your plate, I'll go. I can break away after tomorrow.”

Ryan thought a moment and then made a split-second decision. “No, I'll go.”

“Whoa. Wait a minute. I thought you had Kelly with you. A pregnant Kelly.”

“Yeah, I do. I'll take her with me. It'll be perfect. It'll give us time away from… It'll give us some time alone to sort things out.”

Ryan could hear Dev sigh all the way through the phone.

“You honestly want her back? After everything that's happened?”

Ryan gripped the phone and stared out his window. “I don't know yet. I need some answers before I make that kind of decision. But if she's pregnant with my baby, I'm not letting her go again.”

“Okay, you go. I'll email you all the issues. Just keep me posted and let me know if you have problems. I can be there at a moment's notice.”

“Will do. Look, I know you and Cam think I'm nuts, but I appreciate you having my back.”

Dev's dry response was immediate. “Yeah, you're nuts. But whatever makes you happy, man.”

Ryan hung up and stared at the phone for a long
moment before summoning Jansen. He gave him a list of instructions, starting with the need for Kelly to see an obstetrician immediately. She'd need a doctor's clearance to travel, but if the doctor gave the okay, he planned for them to spend a few days alone. And maybe they could start putting the pieces back together.

Then he started a shopping list, ignoring Jansen's grimace. Kelly needed outfitting from head to toe.

K
elly sat cross-legged on her bed, staring into empty space. She couldn't stay here. She'd been stupid to think that she could exist in an environment where she was exposed to Jarrod.

It had been all she could do to keep it together. She was furious that she'd sat there while that bastard stood in the doorway with his bewildered look of innocence, but she'd been paralyzed the moment he'd walked into Ryan's apartment.

She hated the feeling of helplessness and she'd never,
never
allow herself to be such a passive respondent again. Going forward, if she saw the bastard, she'd kick his ass, pregnant or not. And then she'd tell Ryan precisely what he could do with his precious brother.

She hated Jarrod with a passion she reserved for few things in her life. And she
hated
Ryan for turning his back on her when she absolutely needed him the most.

No, she couldn't stay here. Not a minute longer.

She forced herself to consider her alternatives. This time she wasn't fleeing on ragged impulse without caring which way the wind blew her. No, she would come up with a solid plan of action. She'd go someplace quiet and safe—a good place to raise her son or daughter.

“You're leaving, aren't you?”

Ryan's voice came from the door. She started guiltily and finally raised her eyes to his. Angry because she allowed herself to feel guilt even for a second, she hardened her gaze as she stared back at him.

“There's no reason for me to stay.”

“Come with me into the living room,” he said, holding his hand out to her. For a long moment she simply stared at his outstretched hand. She should refuse, but something in his voice made her comply and she slipped her hand into his much larger one. He pulled her up from the bed and led her into the living room.

Sitting on the couch, he pulled her down beside him. He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “I've been an ass and I'm sorry. You're in no condition to bear this stress and pressure and I've only added to your burden.”

She opened her mouth to speak and he placed a finger over her lips. “Let me finish. I've been in the office all morning and I've got some problems arising with an extremely important project that my partners are unable to attend to. Problems that require my immediate attention and presence. I want you to come with me.”

She stared blankly at him. Why? She didn't get it. Why torture themselves? Why was he so persistent in flogging the dead horse that was their relationship? He'd been the one to end it. He had rendered judgment and tossed her aside like she'd never meant anything to him.

She opened her mouth to ask him just that, but again, he silenced her with his finger.

“Let me take care of you, Kelly. Let's forget for the time being all the problems in the past and just concentrate on the present.”

“You can't be serious.”

“I'm very serious. I've never been more serious in my life. We have a lot to work out. We can't do that if we aren't willing to spend the time together and talk.”

She'd never wanted to break down and cry more in her entire life. If only he'd been willing to listen
before.
If only he'd been willing to talk, to understand
then.
The one person she should have been able to count on above all others had coldly looked through her and called her a liar. And now he wanted to kiss and make up?

He touched her face with his fingers, and she was surprised that they trembled against her skin. His eyes were imploring her and she wavered on the edge of indecision. God, was she actually contemplating this farce? Even as she posed the question to herself she was shaking her head in automatic refusal.

He stopped the negative sway of her head by cupping her cheek and stroking his thumb lightly over her lips.

“No pressure, no promises, no obligations. Just you and me and a restful week on the beach. It's a start. It's all I'm asking for. I'll only ask for what you're willing to give.”

“But the baby—”

“I would never do anything to endanger the baby,” he said quietly. “Or you. You'll have to see the doctor here and get his okay to travel. It's the only way I would consider taking you on this trip.”

Her eyes dropped to her hands knotted in her lap. It was tempting, so very tempting. He was asking, not demanding, and for a moment she was transported back
to their time together—to the wonderfully tender and caring Ryan she had been engaged to. Could she leave him again after spending a week with him? Because she had no future with a man who could so coldly discard their relationship over the word of another.

The silence stretched out between them as she grappled with the decision. Yes, she would do it. She wasn't sure why. Nothing could come of it, but she wanted this time with him before she left to get on with her life. She nodded her assent and relief was stark in Ryan's eyes. It was so easy to pretend he cared when he put on such a good act. But clearly he didn't. If he had, they would still be together, married, awaiting the birth of their first child.

“We have to get you to the doctor this afternoon for a checkup. If he gives the thumbs-up we'll fly out tomorrow, so it's important you get plenty of rest today and tonight. Once we get there, the most strenuous thing you'll have to do is walk from the hotel room to the beach.”

“I want separate rooms,” she said.

“I've reserved us a suite.”

She frowned but didn't argue.

“You won't regret this, Kell,” he said, reverting to his pet name for her. She had the strangest urge to weep. How had they gotten so far away from the plans they had made just months earlier?

“We can do this. We can work it out.”

She closed her eyes. The thing was, it was easy to be seduced by the intensity in those words. But going forward would be impossible until they'd addressed their past. And she never ever wanted to go back to that horrible day when her world had been so brutally upended.

 

The doctor was very approving of a week of rest and relaxation for Kelly and cautioned her to seek medical
attention if the swelling got worse or she developed other symptoms.

Ryan had hung on to every word the doctor said and had acted just like a concerned husband and father. Instead of making her feel good, it depressed the hell out of her because it drew attention to the fact that their situation was hopeless.

When they arrived back at the apartment there were several department store bags stacked just inside the door. She eyed them curiously because they were decidedly feminine-looking, and if she wasn't mistaken, there was even a bag from a well-known lingerie store.

She glanced at Ryan, one eyebrow arched in question.

“Oh good, Jansen's been by,” Ryan said as he walked over to the assortment of bags. “They're for you. For our trip.” He gathered the handles and brought everything over to the couch, gesturing for her to have a look.

A little befuddled, she opened the packages, finding several maternity sundresses and sleek designer outfits, as well as beach attire all the way to a pair of sandals. As suspected, there were even all the girlie accoutrements in the lingerie bag.

“You shouldn't have done this,” she murmured. How quickly they had fallen back into their old routine, and her discomfort level was off the charts. “
I
didn't,” he replied. “Jansen went shopping for me.”

Despite herself, she smiled at the image of Ryan's hunky assistant traipsing through the maternity department in search of clothes and—even more hilarious—going into the lingerie store to buy panties and bras.

“How is Jansen?”

“Fine,” Ryan replied. “Same as ever.”

“Thank you for this,” she added, swallowing her all-important pride for the moment.

His smile was genuine. “You're quite welcome. Why don't you go lie down for a while and I'll pack our suitcases. Then we can have dinner. We'll call it an early night since we're leaving tomorrow morning.”

She left the clothes on the couch and slowly rose. It was stupid of her to soften toward him. It was stupid to wish even for a moment that things were back to the way they'd been before.

But being stupid didn't stop the yearning deep inside her aching heart. Sadness overwhelmed her, and she hurriedly left the living room so he wouldn't see her tears.

 

The next morning Ryan gently shook her awake and she stretched languidly before getting up. After her shower, he fixed them breakfast. When they were done eating, he gathered their luggage to take down to the car.

On the drive to the airport Kelly was quiet. A part of her felt a tingle of excitement at the prospect of a week in paradise with Ryan, while the other part dreaded the forced intimacy. She had focused so much on her anger and hatred that it had come as a shock to her that she was still deeply in love with Ryan. And that frustrated her more than anything. Was she a masochist?

First of all to love a man who quite obviously did not love her in return, but to love him even after his most cutting betrayal? Pathetic.

To her surprise, they weren't taking a commercial flight. Ryan had chartered a private jet to take them nonstop to the island.

The flight was just a few hours, but halfway through she began fidgeting in her seat. She was nervous, edgy, and she was suffering a major case of cold feet.

“Why don't you recline your seat,” he said, reaching over to help her.

When she was tilted back he nudged her over. “Turn on your side and I'll rub your back.”

Too uncomfortable to turn down his touch, she faced the window and settled on her side.

Strong, tender fingers began a slow exploration of her back, rubbing and kneading. She sighed in contentment and relief as the tension faded in her muscles. Yawning widely, she snuggled deeper into the seat, enjoying the delicious sensations his touch was bringing.

For just a little while, she forced the past from her mind. She forced thoughts of the future away as well. All she focused on was the fact that she was with Ryan and he was acting as tender and loving as he had when they'd been together.

She went to sleep with a smile on her face.

As they prepared to land, Ryan shook her awake and raised her seat back up. She was so relaxed and lethargic that she sat there quietly while the plane touched down.

Fifteen minutes later, Ryan wrapped a protective arm around her as they exited the plane. He seated her in the waiting car while he saw that the luggage was loaded and then they drove away.

They checked into the lavish hotel that was situated directly on the beach, and Ryan jokingly informed her that when his partnership's resort was built, it would make the one they were staying in look like a two-star hotel instead of the five stars it boasted.

Kelly found that hard to believe when they were ushered into a sprawling suite that was many times bigger than her apartment in Houston.

She sank into the couch, that looked out the sliding patio doors to the private expanse of beach beyond. Ryan put away their luggage and then knelt in front of her, slipping her shoes off to inspect her feet for swelling. He began
massaging the souls, moving up to the instep and arch. A moan of absolute pleasure escaped her lips.

“Feel good?”

“Oh my God, does it.”

He continued his ministrations, watching her silently. Her hand crept to her rounded belly and she smiled as the baby rolled beneath her fingers.

“Is the baby moving?” Ryan asked.

She nodded and he stopped rubbing her feet.

“Can I feel?”

She brought his hand to her stomach and placed it over the spot where her hand had been. He jerked in surprise as her stomach bumped beneath his palm, and his expression was akin to awe.

“That's incredible. Doesn't it hurt?”

Chuckling, she said, “No. It isn't always comfortable, but it's certainly not painful.”

He kept his hand there a few more moments and then rose, a regretful glint in his eyes. “Would you like to have dinner on the patio or do you want to go eat in the restaurant?”

“Here, please,” she replied. “I like our view and it's private.”

He nodded his agreement and went to phone in their room service order.

Thirty minutes later the meal was wheeled in on a serving cart and the attendant set the table out on the patio. The two ate in silence, enjoying the setting sun and the sound of the waves crashing in the distance.

As they finished, Ryan suggested she go to bed; but she wasn't tired. She was quite rested actually and felt an eagerness to explore their secluded cove. When she expressed the desire to take a walk along the beach, Ryan
hesitated at first, but agreed to accompany her when she was adamant about going.

Kelly breathed deeply of the salty air as the ocean breeze whipped at her long hair, lifting it from her waist. She slipped her sandals off and bent awkwardly to pick them up. Ryan quickly gathered them for her and tucked them under his arm. Digging her toes into the damp sand, she ventured into the bubbling surf, letting the foam wash over her feet.

Ryan removed his shoes and joined her after he rolled up the cuffs of his jeans. He slipped an arm around her as they made their way down the beach, but she resisted the urge to move closer to his side.

“We shouldn't go far,” he cautioned. “You aren't supposed to be on your feet for this long. I promised the doctor this would be a restful trip for you.”

“This is a lot more restful than being on my feet twelve hours a day,” she said lightly.

He frowned and his hand tightened around her waist. “That won't happen again.”

She didn't respond, but turned back toward their suite. Ryan's hand slipped from her waist as she walked ahead of him. When they walked back inside the patio doors, Kelly sank onto the plush couch.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.