Wanted by Her Lost Love (9 page)

R
yan lay there, Kelly in his arms, trying to sort out what had just happened. On the surface it had been a very quick, very hot sexual interlude. One of the best he'd ever had.

But it went deeper. It wasn't just sex. If it was just sex, his heart wouldn't feel as though it was going to burst out of his chest. He wouldn't be so overwhelmed that he had no idea how to process what he felt.

It was… It was more intense than sex had ever been between them. They had been a study in hot, flirty, fun in bed. He teased. She teased.

But this had been almost…heartbreaking, and he couldn't shake the heaviness that pervaded his chest even now.

He rubbed his hand up and down her back and pressed a kiss to her hair in an effort to soothe some of the tightness in his throat.

He put a hand between them to touch her cheek and
then he carefully pulled her away until he looked down into her eyes.

The stark emotion there. The devastation. It was like a knife to the gut. She looked so very vulnerable. Fragile. And scared. She looked scared to death.

Was she afraid of him? Of what had happened? He couldn't bear it if she hated herself for giving in to the overwhelming tension that had been building ever since he'd taken her back to New York.

“What are you thinking?” he asked hoarsely. “Tell me you don't regret this, Kell. Anything but regret.”

Slowly she shook her head and he felt something loosen inside him. Relief. But it was only the first step.

He caressed her cheek, enjoying the feel of her satiny skin. No matter how much he'd told himself that he was better off without her, that he was well rid of her, he could no longer lie to himself.

He wanted her. He wanted her back, no matter what she'd done in the past. He'd been forced to examine their relationship after he'd broken their engagement and ordered her out of his apartment—and his life. Maybe he'd been partially to blame. Maybe he'd worked too many hours. Maybe he'd neglected her.

Whatever the case, something had gone horribly wrong and he was determined to find the cause so that it didn't happen again.

Unable to resist, he kissed her forehead and then each eyelid. He gently kissed each cheekbone and then her mouth before nibbling a path to her ear.

Amazingly, his groin tightened and he swelled inside the clasp of her satiny flesh. He flexed his hips against her eliciting a low whimper as her fingers curled into his shoulder.

He slid easily in and out and he nudged her leg up with his own so that he had easier access.

“Do you like it here on your side?” he murmured. “Are you comfortable? Or would you prefer to be on top?”

She flushed and he smiled, delighted by this suddenly shy side of her. She'd never been bashful about taking the initiative in the past and suddenly he wanted to coax that out of her again.

Without waiting for her to respond, he gathered her in his arms and rolled so she was astride him, her hands planted on his chest for balance.

She was hot and tight around him and he clenched his teeth, closing his eyes as he sucked in steadying breaths. He'd already lost every ounce of control the first time. He wanted to make it last this time.

Her knees locked at his sides and she lifted her hips the tiniest bit before lowering her weight once more to surround him with silky, heated sweetness that had sweat beading his forehead.

She seemed inhibited and a little unsure and this new shyness from her continued to be endearing as hell. He reached for her, wanting to offer reassurance, but as his hands stroked up her lush body, over her swollen belly to her gorgeous breasts, he forgot all about offering her anything except the pleasure of his touch.

He stroked the swell of her breasts, enjoying the new fullness. Her nipples were darker, more pronounced, and his mouth watered with wanting to taste them again.

He pulled ever so gently at the tips, just enough to make them harden and pucker. She sucked in her breath and fluttered around his erection until he groaned and gritted his teeth to keep from orgasming.

“I love your body. You're beautiful pregnant, Kelly.
I can't keep my hands or mouth off you. You make me crazy.”

She smiled then, a brilliant smile that he felt all the way to his soul. Her eyes lit up and sparkled and he felt as if he'd been handed the world in the palm of her hand.

Hell, if that was all it took to make her smile like that, he'd gladly tell her every single day how gorgeous she was.

She reached for his hands, laced her fingers in his and then used his hands for leverage as she raised her hips just enough so he slid through her sweetness all over again.

His breath escaped in a long hiss and then she slid down, resheathing him all over again.

“You drive me crazy,” he muttered.

She smiled, clearly satisfied with his admission.

He savored the feel of her much smaller hands engulfed by his. They held on tightly as she began a slow, rhythmic ride.

Their gazes locked. They never looked away, never broke eye contact as she made love to him, driving him closer and closer to ultimate release.

Her breaths grew more rapid and erratic. Her face became flushed and she tightened around him. She was close. He was closer. But he was determined to take care of her first.

It took every ounce of his concentration. His body strained. He was rigid, painfully rigid, and then she pulsed and went wet around him. Her body shuddered.

He pulled her down, holding her as he took control of their movements. He stroked and caressed her, kissing her hair, murmuring to her how beautiful she was.

As the last of her orgasm rolled through her body, his began. Through it all, their fingers remained entwined, their hands clasped.

He brought their hands to rest between them, against
their chests, over their hearts, as he surged upward, his mind numb, his body awash with the sweetest of pleasure.

She collapsed over him, going limp as she nuzzled against his neck. She kissed him just below the ear and he smiled at the sweetness of the gesture.

He missed her affection. Missed the way she had always seemed to be touching him or kissing him or just offering him a smile.

He'd missed
her.

And now he had to find a way to make sure she didn't leave again. He didn't think for a minute that sex was a fix-all for a relationship. It wasn't even a good bandage.

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. There was too much mistrust and hurt between them, but somehow they had to find their way back. He wouldn't allow himself to think any differently.

She was his. She carried his child. To him, that made things simple. She belonged with him. She needed him to take care of her. He wanted to take care of her.

If he was willing to forget the past, then shouldn't she be willing to try their relationship again? It wasn't as if he'd betrayed her.

But she carried so much hurt and anger. Something inside her had been broken. Had he done it when he'd tossed her out of his apartment? What had she expected?

He stroked her hair and willed himself not to become embroiled in the past. He'd promised himself—and her—that he'd put everything behind him.

And if he was willing to do that, then he saw no reason she shouldn't be willing to let the past rest as well.

“How about breakfast in bed?” he asked.

“Mmm, that sounds nice. I don't think I can move and I'm suddenly feeling lazy.”

He smiled because he couldn't imagine anything better
than the two of them sharing an intimate meal in bed. Hell, if he had his way they wouldn't leave the bedroom for the rest of the day.

“Let me go order room service. You stay here and get comfortable. I'll be right back.”

He kissed her nose and then carefully disentangled himself from the warm clasp of her body. He eased her onto her side, pulled the rumpled sheet over her and rolled toward the nightstand, sitting up and putting his legs over the edge of the bed.

He glanced back to see that she'd immediately commandeered his pillow, which made him chuckle, because it was exactly what she'd done in the past.

He picked up the phone, ordered breakfast for them both and then rolled back over to face her.

“You can't have your pillow back,” she mumbled.

He smiled and propped his head in his palm. “Never let it be said I interfered with the comfort of my woman.”

One eyebrow went up and she studied him for a long moment. He could see her mind swirling with something and so he simply waited to see if she'd say what was on her mind.

“Am I?” she finally asked.

His brow furrowed. “Are you what?”

“Yours,” she said simply. “I need to know what this was, Ryan. Are we back together? I don't know what I'm supposed to do here and I'm not about to assume anything.”

He took a deep breath because it was important to handle this just right. The last thing he wanted to do was screw everything up when he felt as if he was this close to having her where he wanted her.

“I think that's up to you,” he said carefully. “I think I've been up front about what I want, about where I'd like
to see our relationship. It's time for you to decide if this is where you want to be. With me. I'm not saying we have to take a huge leap, but we can at least decide to be together so we can work things out.”

She visibly swallowed and he could see fear in her gaze again. It ate at his gut because he honestly didn't know what scared her so bad. Was he such an ogre? Could she really blame him or hold against him the reaction he'd had to her being unfaithful?

“My mind tells me I'm an idiot for even considering this,” she muttered.

“What does your heart tell you?” he asked softly.

She sighed and stared helplessly back at him, her blue eyes churning with emotion.

“My heart tells me that I want this. No matter how much I think I
shouldn't
want it, I do. Maybe this is a bad time to have a discussion about our relationship when our minds are mush after sex.”

He touched his finger to her lips. “I think it's the perfect time to have it because our guards are down. It's just us. No barriers. No walls. Just us and how we feel.”

“How
do
you feel, Ryan? Do you really want this?”

“Yeah, I do, Kell. I want it so damn much that the thought of you walking away has my gut in knots.”

Her eyes widened. “But I never walked away from you.”

He blew out his breath. “Let's not talk about that, okay? Whatever happened in the past, the point is, I don't want you to walk away
now.
I can't stand the thought of it.”

“Okay,” she said so quietly he almost didn't hear.

He reached out and nudged her chin up. “Okay?”

“I want to stay. I have no idea how we'll work all this out, but I want to try.”

Satisfaction ripped through him, so savage that for a moment he couldn't breathe. He had to temper his reaction
because he wanted nothing more than to grab her, haul her into his arms and hold her so damn tight that she could never escape.

“We'll do more than try,” he vowed. “We're going to fix this, Kell. We're going to make it work this time.”

“S
he doesn't give up, does she?” Kelly murmured as she watched Roberta approach their table, a determined expression on her face.

Ryan looked up and to his credit heaved a sigh and appeared to be extremely irritated with the impending interruption. After a morning and most of the afternoon in bed, they'd ventured out for dinner and now here was Roberta, circling like a hawk.

And it wasn't that Kelly was jealous. Honestly, Roberta wasn't Ryan's type, though she supposed his type could have changed after he'd broken their engagement.

What bothered her was the seemingly public knowledge of their relationship. It just proved Kelly's assertion that his family and friends alike loathed her. Something Ryan was finally coming to accept. But acceptance didn't make anything easier.

While love was supposed to be “everything,” she wasn't naive enough to think that relatives hating you didn't put
an unbearable strain on a relationship. Who could be happy when, at every turn, your lover's family did everything they could to make their disapproval known?

Maybe they'd both been too naive the first time. Maybe now they could be stronger together. But then what would happen if and when Ryan finally knew the truth about Jarrod? And his mother's part in the whole affair?

Once again, Kelly would be the wedge between him and his family. Their relationship might not survive a second time.

Roberta stopped at the table and bent to kiss Ryan on either cheek, but when he turned away, she caught him full on the lips, leaving a smear of lipstick.

Kelly sighed and sat back, resigned to another uncomfortable scene.

Ryan looked…pissed.

“Roberta, what the hell?”

He didn't even try to be polite this time.

“Oh, I just came around to say goodbye. My flight leaves in the morning and I hoped we could set up a time to get together when you return to New York. Your mother would like us all to have dinner.”

She flicked a sideways look of disdain—and challenge—in Kelly's direction, but Kelly purposely yawned and sent a bored look in return.

Roberta frowned but turned eagerly back to Ryan. “Shall we say this weekend perhaps? I'm sure Kelly wouldn't mind. After all, you and I are old friends.”

“I mind,” Ryan said in a clipped voice. “Now if that's all, we'd appreciate being left to our meal.”

“I'll call you,” Roberta murmured. “We'll talk…later.” The inference being they'd talk when Kelly wasn't around. Was the woman stupid?

It was tempting to put her firmly in her place, but
frankly it would take too much effort and Kelly was quite content to remain in her seat and watch Roberta stew in her own ignorance.

Roberta touched Ryan's face in a gesture that repulsed Kelly then slid one long nail down his jaw before fluttering her fingers at him as she walked away.

Ryan turned, his lips tight. “God, I'm sorry, Kell. You have to know I haven't encouraged her.”

Kelly smiled and handed him a napkin to wipe the lipstick off his mouth. “Yeah, I figured that much out. She's…she's interesting. And awfully dense. You were pretty blatant with the brush-off. It makes me wonder what your mother promised her.”

Ryan frowned as he swiped at his lips. He pulled the napkin away, frowning even harder at the red smear on the material. Then he reached across the table and took her hand. “Let's not let her ruin what has otherwise been a spectacular day.”

Kelly rolled her eyes. “You're just saying that because of the sex. Give a man sex and it's the most amazing day ever.”

He grinned. “Well, there is that, but it's not just sex with you, Kell. It's…more.”

She flushed in pleasure at the sincerity in his voice. He made her believe all sorts of crazy things, like they could actually work through the serious issues facing them.

“So what do you want to do after dinner?” she asked lightly.

“How about another walk on the beach? Maybe we'll stop in the cabana down the way for some dancing.”

“I liked how we danced last night,” she said in a dreamy voice. “Just you and me. No one else around. It was an amazing night.”

He studied her for a long moment, his fingers idly
caressing hers. “Yeah, it was.” He lifted her hand and brought it to his mouth where he proceeded to kiss each fingertip before turning her hand over and nuzzling into her palm. “I thought maybe tomorrow we could get out and see some of the sights as long as you're feeling up to it. I don't want you walking, but I've arranged for a convertible so we can drive where we like. Top down, wind-in-our-hair sort of thing.”

“It sounds fun.” And it had been a long time since she'd simply had fun. She smiled, feeling her chest grow lighter with each passing second.

Impulsively she squeezed his hand.

“I love that you're smiling again,” he said. “You're beautiful when you smile. I want you to be happy, Kell. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

With that statement, she felt some of her hurt and anger recede. For the first time she began to believe that maybe they could get beyond the past and forge ahead.

He seemed so sincere. Whatever he thought of her in the past, he seemed willing to push aside those feelings and start over. Why would he go to such lengths if he didn't care about her?

“I want this to work,” she said earnestly. And for the first time she really believed wholeheartedly that she did. That they could find their way back to each other seemed an impossible dream. It would take forgiveness and sacrifice, but she wanted it more than anything.

 

“Let me see your feet,” Ryan said as he lowered himself onto the couch next to her.

He reached down, took her feet and maneuvered them until they rested on his lap. He examined them with the precision of a physician, testing for swelling. Then he
settled into a gentle massage until she all but wilted in pleasure.

“They're looking better. The swelling's down quite a bit.” He paused for a moment, his hands still moving over her arches, and stared at her. “You look better, Kell.”

“Thanks. I think,” she said in amusement.

His expression grew serious. “You looked tired and worn down when I found you in Houston.”

“I was,” she admitted. “But I'd rather not talk about it.”

“Yet another thing that's off-limits?”

She shrugged. “Nothing good can come of it.”

“I worried I kept you on your feet too much this evening,” he said as he continued to rub. “But I enjoyed dancing with you on the beach. It was an excuse to hold you.”

She smiled and leaned back, allowing the pleasure of his touch to wash through her body. “I feel fine. Really. Not so tired anymore. I have more energy now than I've had since early in my pregnancy. Being on my feet all the time eventually wore me down.”

He went silent and he looked brooding, his expression intense. He massaged her soles and then worked up to her toes.

He seemed to battle whether or not he wanted to speak, but finally he locked his gaze with hers and said, “Why didn't you cash the check, Kelly? I gave it to you so you'd be provided for. No matter what you did, how angry I was or how things were between us, I intended you to be cared for. Do you have any idea what it did to me to find you working in that god-awful place and living in a dive, barely making it? Hell, you didn't even have food in your apartment.”

“I ate at the diner,” she said.

He made a sound of exasperation. “Like that's supposed
to make me feel any better? Why didn't you use the money? You could have finished college. You could have lived for a long time to come without ever having to work.”

“I have pride. It took a beating but it's still intact. I guess if I hadn't been able to find a job and the choice was between starving or taking money that made me feel dirty, I would have sucked it up and done it anyway.”

“Did you hate me so much?” he asked hoarsely. “That you would rather work in such deplorable conditions than accept anything from me?”

She leveled a stare at him. “Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to hear the answers to.”

He closed his eyes. “That's answer enough, I suppose.”

She shrugged. “You hated me, too.”

He shook his head and her eyes widened. “No? Ryan, you said and did some terrible things. Not the least of which was tossing that check at me with so much disdain that I can still remember the way I felt.”

“What did you expect?” he asked. “For God's sake, Kelly, I'd just found out you slept with my brother. You had my ring on your finger, we were planning our wedding and you slept with my
brother.
”

“And of course he's blameless in the whole thing,” she said scornfully. “Tell me, Ryan, how long did it take you to forgive him? How long before he was coming back over and you were having family dinners at your mother's?”

His face flushed a dull red and then he dragged a hand raggedly through his hair. “It took a while, all right? I was furious with him—and you. I had to decide whether to allow what happened to ruin our relationship. He's family. He's my brother.”

She leaned forward, forgetting their vow not to dredge up the past. “And I was the woman you were supposed to
marry, Ryan. Didn't I deserve anything from you? Besides a payoff and a get-the-hell-out-of-my-life?”

“I'm here now,” he said quietly. “I was angry. I had a right to be. I won't apologize for that. But I'm here now and I want us to try again. We both made mistakes.”

She had to let go of the resentment and anger that still bubbled up every time they spoke of the past. She had to put it away because there was no way for her to win.

She leaned back again and wiggled her foot in his hand to hint for him to continue his massage.

“So where are we going to drive tomorrow? Should I wear one of those scarves and huge sunglasses so I look chic?”

He relaxed, relief stark in his eyes that she was letting the matter drop.

“Wear that very sexy sundress that Jansen bought you.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Which one? He bought several.”

“Clearly you haven't seen the one then. Or you'd know what I was talking about. It's red. Perfect with your coloring. Strapless, clingy in all the right places. Just make sure to bring something to protect your head from the sun.”

“It sounds fun. Carefree,” she said wistfully. It had been far too long since she'd done anything remotely resembling carefree.

“I intend for us to have a lot of fun together again, Kell. We used to. We were happy.”

She had to acknowledge that they had been. Once. So she nodded and he smiled.

“Are you ready for bed yet?” he asked.

“Depends on what you have in mind,” she murmured.

A gleam entered his eyes and he slid his hands up her legs, stroking and caressing.

“Well, I sure wasn't planning to go to sleep. Not for a good long while.”

“In that case, definitely take me to bed.”

He rose and then unexpectedly he reached down, slid his arms beneath her and lifted her up, cradling her against his chest.

“Ryan, put me down. I'm too heavy!”

He silenced her with a kiss. “A—you're still a little bit of a thing. And B—are you suggesting I'm not manly enough to carry my woman around?”

She laughed. “Forget I said anything. Carry on then.”