Westward Promises (9 page)

“We usually get together and make jam,” Ruth looked at Hannah.  “You will have to join us this year.” 

“I would like that,” Hannah accepted the invitation.  She had made jam many times in Texas for the doctor and would enjoy making some again.   

“Are you all right?”  Chase whispered to her.  “You look a little pale.  We can go if you would like.” 

Hannah shook her head.  “I am fine.  I don’t want to take you away from your family.” She was so relieved that she didn’t find Chase and his family drinking, that she almost felt faint.  She was starting to really see that Chase was very different from her first husband.  His touch no longer frightened her.  In fact, she was starting to feel a strange sensation throughout her body every time he did touch her.   

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, Ruth told me she would teach me a new knitting stitch that I can use for a baby blanket.” Chase leaned back against his chair, accepting her words as truth.  Hannah was starting to realize that things were changing between them and Chase was starting to become a man she wanted to get to know.    

****

 
“Did you have a good time with your brothers?” Hannah asked on the way home.   

Chase nodded as he used the reins to get Apache to go a little faster.  “How did the knitting lesson go?”   

“I really like the new stitch.  I can’t wait to try it out on my own.” 

“The next time you are at the general store, go ahead and purchase as much yarn as you need.” 

“I might.” 

“If it wasn’t Sunday, I would drive you there now, but it is closed.” He hoped she really would purchase what she needed for the baby.   

“How about if I give you your first driving lesson with the mare tomorrow?”   Chase suggested, changing the subject.  “As long as it isn’t too cold.” 

“I would like that.” Hannah smiled her agreement.   

“I have a small buggy you can use at the livery.  It is just the right size for the mare.  I will bring it home tomorrow.  You should be able to hitch it up yourself.” 

Both were quiet for a while, thinking their own thoughts.  Chase was thinking of this time next year, when there would be a little child in their home.  A son who he could teach to ride a horse, or a daughter to, well, he wasn’t sure what he could teach a daughter, but he was sure he would figure out something.   

When they arrived at their home, Chase jumped down to the ground, still holding the reins to keep Apache in check.  “I will help you inside and stir up the fire.  Then I will take care of the barn chores.” 

Hannah shook her head.  “No, go ahead and take care of Apache.  I’d like to go with you and see the horse you found for me.” 

“All right,” Chase stepped back into the buggy and snapped the reins.  Soon they were moving across the yard toward the barn.  “Have you thought of a name for the mare, yet?”   

“I have something in mind, but I would like to meet her first.” 

Chase stopped the buggy and helped her to the ground.  He opened the barn door and then unhitched Apache.  She watched as he performed this chore and she couldn’t help but notice how masculine he looked.  His shirt pulled over his muscles as he quickly led Apache into the barn and his warm stall.  Betsy greeted them with a loud moo.   

“I know, girl,” Chase called out to the cow.  “It’s a bit later than usual, but I will get to you in a minute.” 

“I can milk her,” Hannah declared and quickly found a bucket and stool.  “It was always my job at the farm and I enjoyed it.” 

“It’s not your job here,” Chase told her as he reached to take the pail from her, but Hannah pulled it away.   

“I really would like to do it, Chase,” Hannah told him quietly.  She looked up at him and he could see her sincerity.  Chase wanted to reach for the pail again, but suddenly wanted to be able to hold her hand instead.  It was getting harder and harder not to touch her as much as he wanted to.   

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal.  You can milk Betsy in the afternoons.  But I will continue to do it in the mornings and when it is too cold for you to be out in the weather.  Does that sound good?”   

Hannah nodded and smiled at him.  She turned and started to milk the cow while Chase took care of Apache.  It was quiet in the barn for a while as they each performed their chores.   

Then Chase noticed that Hannah had finished milking the cow and was standing outside of the mare’s stall looking at the horse.  She reached her hand out in invitation to come closer to her, but the horse stayed well out of reach.   

“I don’t think it will take long for you to get her to trust you,” Chase commented.  “She’s skittish, but she is gentle and once she knows you, I think she will come right to you.” He picked up a bucket and poured some oats into it.  “Here.  Go ahead and see if she will take this from you.” 

Hannah accepted the bucket and scooped up a handful of oats.  She held her hand out to the mare who still refused to come nearer, but Chase could tell she wanted the oats.  Hannah was very patient and after a few minutes, the mare did come a few feet closer, but she still wouldn’t eat the oats from Hannah’s hand.   

****

Hannah watched as the mare’s coat flickered with fear.  “Is she all right?”  she asked Chase.  She felt disappointed that the mare wouldn’t eat the oats she had in her hand.   

“She just needs to get used to you.” Chase closed Apache’s stall door as the large horse helped himself to his dinner.  He walked closer to Hannah and her body tingled with awareness as he neared her.   

“I think she was a beautiful horse at one time.  Once she gets some good meals into her and she fills out, she will be beautiful again.” 

“I think she’s already beautiful,” Hannah told him loyally.  She tried to push the excitement of having a horse of her own down deep inside her.  Something could happen.  Chase could decide he couldn’t afford to feed her after all, or be afraid she wouldn’t be a good driving horse.  She remembered that Chase had found the horse on the side of the road.  What if her previous owner found her and wanted her back?  She knew that good things never lasted long and it was best if she didn’t count on them.   

After a few more minutes, Chase opened the stall and quickly cleaned up the dirty straw and spread new straw on the floor.  He measured grain and added the small bucket of oats to her trough.   

“We’d better get inside before it gets too much colder,” he told Hannah as he closed the stall door.  Hannah sighed in disappointment and turned to follow him.  She would come out again tomorrow when it was warmer and see if she could get the mare to trust her then.   

When they entered the little cabin, Chase immediately got the fire going in the wood stove.  After the large dinner they had eaten with Chase’s family, they had spent the entire afternoon together.  They had eaten a small meal with Chase’s family before they left, so Hannah knew she wasn't expected to make them a meal now, but she put on a pot of water for tea. 

She turned and almost ran right into Chase’s chest; he had been standing so close to her.  She placed her hands on his chest to catch herself and found herself looking into his eyes.  What she saw confused her and at the same time, thrilled her.  He was looking into her eyes, and then at her lips.  She knew he wanted to kiss her and she inadvertently leaned closer, suddenly wanting to feel his lips against her own.  He gently gathered her closer to him and carefully kissed her.  He pulled a short distance from her for a moment as if to give her time to push him away and when she didn’t, he kissed her again.   

What were these feelings she was having towards Chase?  A strange sensation swept over her, emotion filled her so completely she almost couldn’t breathe.  She quickly stepped away from him.  She could see the disappointment on Chase’s face, but he allowed her to move away.   

“Chase?” she asked him, wondering what just happened.   

“I guess you could say I am easily distracted by a pretty face,” he cleared his throat, using humor to let her know he wasn’t upset with her.   

She smiled and for a moment she thought about inviting him to kiss her again, but Chase started to leave the room.  “I have something I need to do before bedtime.” And then she was alone in the chilly kitchen.    

****

Over the next few days, Hannah felt slightly uncomfortable around Chase.  She wasn’t sure what to think about the emotions she was starting to feel for him and she continually pushed them away.  She constantly felt tired and there were some days where it was all she could do to get the simple chores and meals completed.  She couldn’t believe that pregnancy could make her so drained.   

When Chase was home, he made sure she rested and did not over do.  The day after the dinner with his family, he hitched the mare to the small buggy he had brought home from the livery and gave her some driving lessons.  Hannah was looking forward to when Chase felt she could handle the mare well enough to go to town on her own.  She was looking forward to the freedom she would have.   

One evening, when Chase arrived home after a long work day, he handed her a package.   Inside were many skeins of yarn of green, yellow, blue, and pink.

“You can use this yarn to start the blanket you wanted to knit,” Chase told her as she fingered the soft strands.  

Hannah felt very overwhelmed that Chase had done such a thing.   He had remembered that she had learned a new stitch and had provided her with the yarn to make the blanket she had talked about.  

“Thank you,” Hannah told him sincerely.   This gift he had given her meant more to her than the clothes he had purchased for her.   She spent the evening working on the blanket, picturing what it would look like wrapped around a new little baby.

A few days later, she was so tired that Chase insisted she sit while he did the evening dishes.  Hannah tried to argue with him, but she felt so fatigued, she finally sat at the table and watched him do her work.  She knew his concern was valid, but she promised herself she would make sure she got enough rest that night so she would be able to get all of her work done tomorrow.   

They spent a quiet evening together.  Chase read a chapter of a book out loud to her while she continued to knit the blanket.   

****

“Why don’t you go to bed early?”  Chase suggested.  He felt very concerned about how tired she seemed.  He had asked Lucy about it and she had told him it was normal to be very tired on some days when a woman is pregnant.   

He felt even more concern when Hannah nodded her agreement and quietly left the room.  He heard her movements in their bedroom as she readied herself for bed.  He knew she had climbed into bed when he heard the creaks of the bed as she settled herself for the night.   

He tried to focus on his book, but soon set it aside, and started to think of “the kiss.” That was how he thought of it, in quotes.  He had been thrilled when she had allowed him to hold her close and even more thrilled when he could tell she wanted him to kiss her.  A woman always had a certain look on her face when she desired a man, even though she might not be aware of it.   

It had started to snow again, and he could hear the wind blow against the snug cabin.  He finally decided to go to bed himself and walked into the dark room.  When his eyes had adjusted to the dark, he could see her sleeping form.  She looked cold to him since she shivered a few times under the covers, so he pulled out an extra blanket and draped it over her.   

He knew the deep concern he felt for her was slowly turning into the first seeds of love, and try as he might, he couldn’t stop himself from these feelings.  He knew she didn’t want his love and she had been pretty adamant about it.   

He tugged off his boots and readied himself for bed, and then slipped in beside her.  In her sleep, Hannah snuggled closer to his warmth, and he welcomed her in his arms.  As he laid there with her sleeping in his arms, he made an instant decision.  Maybe she wouldn’t let herself love him, but something had happened between them a few nights ago during “the kiss.” It made him think that there was something between them, something she wasn’t ready to recognize yet.  He would continue to show her that he cared and if that meant he was developing a love for her, then so be it.   

Hannah woke feeling as if something wasn’t quite right.  She laid in the dark and realized that Chase’s arms were around her.  She carefully eased herself away from him and he rolled over onto his side in his sleep.   

What was wrong?  Was it time to get up already?  Then she felt a sharp cramp, a deep ache that spread across her belly.  She noticed that she felt wet around her legs.  She reached her hand down to investigate and then the sharp cramp came again, causing her to cry out in pain.   

Her cry woke Chase.  “Is something wrong?” he asked groggily.   

The cramp was so hard, Hannah couldn’t speak, but could only cry out again.  Chase quickly lit a lamp and pushed the blankets back.  What she saw caused tears to fill her eyes.  There was lots of blood.  She was losing the baby.   

“I need to get you to the doctor.” Chase quickly pulled on some pants and his boots while Hannah shivered in the middle of their bed.   

“I’m so sorry, Chase,” she sobbed, her tears falling onto her pillow.  “Something is wrong with the baby.” Then pain streaked through her again, making it hard to breathe.   

“Come on, I’m taking you to the doctor.” He scooped her up, blankets and all, and started to run toward the barn.   

“It’s too late,” Hannah cried, but Chase continued to the barn, doing his best to keep her out of the cold wind.  She buried her face in his shoulder as she held onto him.  Then suddenly, everything went black.   

****

Chase sat next to Hannah in the doctor’s office waiting for her to wake up and he was discovering that waiting was agony.  He was grateful he had been able to get her to the doctor in time.  She had lost the baby, but the doctor had been able to stop the bleeding.  He told Chase that, while Hannah would have a long recovery since she had lost a lot of blood, there was no reason for her not to get pregnant again.   

If he hadn’t made it in time, if anything had happened to her, he couldn’t bear to think of it.  He now knew he loved her like he had never loved another, and couldn’t bear to think that he might have lost her.   

The doctor’s wife came into the room and checked Hannah.  “She seems to be resting quietly now,” the woman whispered.  She handed Chase a cup of hot coffee.  “You can go home now if you want.  She will be fine here.” 

Chase accepted the cup of coffee as he shook his head.  He wasn’t going to go anywhere until he could take her home.  The woman accepted his decision and quietly left the room.   

Was this his fault?  He had done everything he could to keep her from doing too much.  Was it because he allowed her to milk Betsy at her insistence?   He knew she had spent the entire day polishing all the wood furniture in the house a few days ago.  Was that what caused this?  He had been angry with her for the first time when he found out what she had spent her day doing.  Didn’t she understand that he was trying to take care of her?  However, she was determined to fulfill her part of the bargain, that she was a strong worker and would be a good wife to him.  He had asked the doctor what he thought, but the doctor just shook his head.   

“These things happen, son,” he had told Chase in his gruff voice.  “Some women carry their babies to term and some don’t.  I don’t think anything causes miscarriages to happen.  It just does.  There is no point blaming yourself.” 

As the sun slowly started to light the room with its morning glow, Hannah started to stir and a strong love for her ran through him.  He promised himself he would do everything he could to teach her that love mattered, that his love for her was real.    

****

“Chase?” Hannah whispered as she turned her head to look at him.  “Where am I?  What happened?”   

“We are at the doctor’s, honey,” Chase grasped her hand in his own.  He wondered if she would remember what happened and started to tell her when her face scrunched up in a sob.   

“I’m so sorry I lost our baby,” her voice broke as she cried.   

“You don’t have to apologize.  This wasn’t your fault.” Chase wanted to gather her into his arms, but knew all he could do was hold her hand.   

“I know you wanted this child.  It was why you married me.  I let you down.” 

“I can’t lie to you.  I did want this child.  I was looking forward to being a pa, but what happened was not your fault.” 

However, Hannah knew she had disappointed him.  Would he still want her now that she wasn’t carrying a child?  She could feel his grief and anguish over the loss.  There was nothing she could do to make this up to him.   

“All that matters right now is that you rest and get better,” Chase’s voice broke through her thoughts.  She nodded and closed her eyes as if to sleep.   

Chase took her home later that day.  He carefully carried her to the waiting buggy with Apache hitched to the front.  He treated her so cautiously, as if she was made of glass, and a need for him swept through her, but she pushed the feelings away.  She couldn’t need him, reach out for him.  Not now.  Not after what she had lost, the baby he had wanted so badly that he had married her for it. 

Once they arrived at the cabin and Chase had settled her in a clean bed, he left to take care of the chores.  Hannah had learned he had closed the livery for a few days so he could care for her.  He also arranged for Ruth to come and help during the day.   

During the next few days, she refused to talk to anyone.   All she could think about was the loss of the baby.  Everything had been going so well and then this had happened.  She needed to remember that good things never lasted for her.  She should have remembered that and prepared herself.  She knew better.   

Chase had made her believe in the good things of life.  He was kind to her and had lured her into thinking she was finally safe, that the hard times were over.  And then the worst thing happened.  She lost her baby and her husband all in one night.   

After the second day, Lucy had come to spend the day and convinced Chase that it might be best that he go ahead and open the livery.  “She just needs time,” Hannah heard his sister tell him.  Hannah felt a sense of relief when she no longer heard his boots pacing on the wood floor of the cabin.  When she heard him leave on Apache, she let herself sleep.