What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (18 page)

All I really knew about her was that we had some sort of elemental connection that was totally
spectacular and addictive, and I couldn’t get enough of her.

And then inspiration struck me.

I headed to the toy store, where I found a plush stuffed Tiger, and then I headed to the jewelry store, where I found the perfect silver heart-shaped locket with a single diamond in the center of the heart. I emailed the self-portrait I had taken the night before to myself from my phone, and then I went to Walgreens and sized it so it would fit into the locket. I waited while it was developed, and then I headed home. For being a guy that didn’t know how to shop, I was pretty proud of my trip.

I signed the card to Tracy first.

Tracy,

Thanks for being there for me. You’re my first new friend in San Diego, and I’ll be forever grateful for your words and for just being you. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Travis

Then I signed the card to Lindsay.

Gorgeous,

Fate stepped in to bring us back to each other. I couldn’t stop thinking about you after I met you, and now I know it was because we are meant for each other.

You’ll always be Gorgeous to me, and I’ll always remember the most perfect image of you tangled in my sheets when you woke up that morning. I hope to see that image again.
Soon. 

I look forward to whatever fate has in store for us. He’s been good to us so far, and I am so grateful that I found you not once, but twice.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Yours,

Tiger

I couldn’t seem to get the locket together. The picture wouldn’t just slide in like it was supposed to. I felt like a giant with huge, clumsy fingers, so I dropped the locket in my pocket with the picture and headed over to Tracy’s to deliver her flowers.

She threw the door open when she presumably looked through her peephole and saw a mass of flowers.

I lowered them so she could see who stood behind them.

“Travis, you shouldn’t have.
Really.”

“It’s my pleasure,” I said, handing them to her and kissing her cheek.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do. Sorry about the whole just friends, no benefits thing,” I teased.

“Yeah.
I had to take care of myself last night.”

Okay. That was hot. But then again, any image of a girl touching herself was hot. “What do you think I did when I got home?”

“Damn. Had I known…”

I laughed.

“Still wouldn’t have happened,” she said.

“Correct.”

She giggled. “You’re really hung up on that Lindsay girl, huh?”

I nodded. “Actually, I could use your help with something.”

She raised her eyebrows at me and I pulled the locket and picture out of my pocket.

“I feel like a goddamn giant trying to put this fucking thing together.”

“Give it to me.” She slid the picture in effortlessly and snapped the locket shut. Then she opened it again and gazed at the picture. “This is the most adorable picture I’ve ever seen.”

“She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?”

“You’re a beautiful couple, actually. If I didn’t know your story, I’d look at that picture and see two people very much in love.”

I hugged her. “Trace, you’ve been a lifesaver. Thanks for everything.”

“Thanks for the flowers.”

I kissed her once more on the cheek and then I left so I could get back and wrap my gift.

I put the locket around the tiger’s neck, and then I found a box to place it in. I wrapped my gift in the red paper I’d picked up on my shopping excursion. She said she was going to call me, and I had to find a way to see her so I could give her the present. I felt nervous and anxious and excited all at once.

I finally did get a text just after lunchtime, but it wasn’t from Lindsay. It was from Dan. 
Spending Valentine’s Day at Melanie’s. Text if you need me. See you tomorrow.

And that’s when I realized that he had no idea what had happened the night before. I had to tell him eventually, and eventually Spencer would know that Lindsay had broken up with him to be with me. Well, once she actually did break up with him.

But I couldn’t worry about any of that. I had to focus on what was in front of me.

It was
a little after 5:00 when my phone rang. The picture I had taken of her flashed on my screen, and I smiled at my phone.

“Hey, Gorgeous,” I answered, my voice low and husky.

“Tiger,” she breathed.

“I need to see you.” I don’t think I’d needed anything more in my entire life than to see her again. Even breathing seemed less important than seeing her.

“I need to see you, too,” she whispered.

“Tonight,” I demanded.

“I need an excuse to ditch my boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.”

“Break up with him.”

“It’s complicated.”

“More than you realize,” I muttered, thinking of the friendship I had formed with Spencer since I’d started my job in San Diego.

“Where are you?” she asked.

“My place.”

“Are you alone?”

“Yeah.
My roommate works with us, too, but he’s out until tomorrow.”

“Text me your address.
I’ll figure something out and I’ll be over before six.”

“I can’t wait to see you.”

“Soon, Tiger.”

She hung up and I texted
her my address as instructed. I brushed my teeth for good measure and paced my apartment as I glanced at the clock approximately every twenty seconds.

I needed a drink.
Preferably a strong one.

I found some whiskey in the panty and poured myself a few ounces. I resumed my pacing, but now I had a tumbler of alcohol to try to calm my nerves. It wasn’t really working.

At 5:57, there was a knock at my door. My heart sped up as I ran to the door to open it, and there she was.

Her beauty took my breath away.

She stood in front of me in a simple pair of khaki shorts and a sweatshirt. Her sweatshirt hung off her shoulder, and the slice of bare skin spoke directly to TJ. He was awake once again in her presence, trying to escape my pants in an effort to touch her.

Everything about her was gorgeous elegance, and I couldn’t stop staring.

Apparently I had the same effect on her, because she stood in the doorway staring back at me with those big, exotic brown eyes.

“Come in,” I eventually found my voice, holding the door open. She brushed past me, dropping her purse by the door, and TJ strained even harder. Jesus, what she did to me. I shut the door behind me and watched her as she walked over to the family room. She looked around for a moment.

“Nice place,” she said, her voice sounding as nervous as I felt.

“Thanks.”

“You like the area?”

“You didn’t come here for small talk.”

“No,” she pursed her lips. “I didn’t.”

“You look beautiful.” She looked down at her sweatshirt doubtfully, and then she looked back up at me. She shook her head, and I saw tears fill her eyes from where I stood. Unable to take not touching her any longer, I
rushed across the room and crushed her body to mine, my lips assaulting hers in that way that I couldn’t control. She stilled, and then she gave into me. Her tongue found mine first, and she sucked and licked and bit and everything she did only built on the desire I already felt for her. She thrust her hands into my hair, and one of my hands found her hip while the other trailed down her arm and then behind her, inching up under her sweatshirt to feel the bare skin of her lower back. Fuck, those dimples. That perfect ass.

I just wanted to touch her and feel her skin against mine.

She moaned, and then she pulled back.

“I can’t keep doing this.” She was breathless.

“Doing what?” I asked, chest heaving. At least we had the same effect on one another.

“I’m still with Spencer.”

“Right,” I said. “And you came to tell me what that’s all about.”

She took both of my hands in hers. “Travis, I have to tell you something.”

Panic spiraled through me. It was the first time she’d ever called me “Travis” apart from when Spencer had introduced us.

She glanced up and our eyes locked.

“Spencer proposed to me last night.”

I felt my blood run cold as my jaw clenched. I dropped her hands, and suddenly all I could see was red everywhere. I stared at her in some mixture of alarm and hurt and humiliation.

“Don’t,” she whispered, grabbing my hands in hers again. “Don’t you dare pull away from me.”

“What was your answer?” I asked through my clenched jaw. I could feel the vein in my neck pulsing. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d reacted so violently on the inside. 

“My answer was no. Obviously. How could I say yes to him when all I’ve thought about since I left your apartment is you?”

I relaxed at her words. “Why are you still with him?”

“I can’t just dump him and move on to the next guy, Tiger. I’m trying to be delicate.”

I pulled her into me. “Tell me everything.”

“After I came back down from our, um, hotel room meeting, he found me walking back to the table. He said he had a surprise for me, and he led me out to the back patio of the hotel. Then he said some things and he asked me to marry him.” I tightened my grasp on her, and she rested her cheek on my chest, right over my heart.

While I had been inside dancing with Tracy, she had been outside with Spencer talking about marriage. Was that why she had the key? Had he somehow prearranged a room that he could take her to after she accepted his proposal?

It was all wrong.

“I said that I wasn’t ready. Tiger, I said some really mean things to him. I told him that I thought his proposal was a desperate plea to keep me. It wasn't from a place of
love, it was from a place of possession. He wanted everyone to know that I was his, but once you came into my life, I wasn't his anymore. I was yours. I am yours.”

I kissed the top of her head, my arms tightening around her.

“And then I ran.”

“You ran?”

She nodded. “I wanted you to call me. I wanted you to hold me. But I couldn’t go back into the party, not once I found out that you and Spencer knew one another. I had to get out of there. So I caught a cab and headed home. I was stupid to think that he wouldn’t follow me. We live together for Christ’s sake. He got home and we talked for awhile. I told him I wasn’t ready for that kind of step, and I started trying to plant seeds of doubt about my future with him.”

“Can I ask you something?” I said, leading her over to the couch. I sat, and she settled in next to me, throwing her legs over my lap as she leaned against the armrest. I stroked her legs absentmindedly while we continued our conversation. They were soft and smooth and perfect. I gazed at her, and she looked so comfortable there on the couch. I wanted to hold her like that forever. I wanted to stare at her beauty forever.

“Anything.”

“Why did you and Spencer break up in the first place?”

“I was at a point where I needed him to choose me. He didn’t, and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“What does that mean?”

“You know what a good guy he is. He always puts everybody else first, before himself. And that’s one of the things I love… um, loved about him. But there came a time when he started putting everyone else first, before me, too. He had chosen his job time and again over me. I didn’t care when he wanted to spend time with his friends or his family, but when it came down to it, I was always second place to everyone and everything else in his life. I just wanted to be first for once.” She paused and cleared her throat. “I was fed up already, and then one night I had a work function that he promised he would attend, and he never showed. I found out it was because he had stayed late at work helping someone else on a project that wasn’t even his own. He couldn’t put me first, and I couldn’t remain in a relationship where I wasn’t a priority.”

I thought about that, and I thought how fucking stupid Spencer was. If this girl was mine, she would come first.
Always. I wanted to tell her that, but I didn’t want to interrupt her story. I squeezed her knee and she jerked under me. Apparently I’d found a ticklish spot, but this wasn’t the time to focus on that.

“I was so angry, but more than that, I was hurt. I broke up with him that night. He begged me to stay, but I couldn’t. I wanted to get away from him for a few days, so I headed off to Arizona to visit my best friend from college. And that’s where I met you.”

She paused and looked over at me. Something sexy glazed her eyes, and I wanted to touch so much more than her legs. But I couldn’t do that, not while she was involved with another man.