What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (19 page)

“That was the night that I knew my life would be forever changed. I was a little drunk when we started dancing, but by the time we got back to your place, I knew what I was doing. I had never wanted anybody like I wanted you. Sex with you… my God, sex with you is the most erotic, romantic, fantastic thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. No man can hold a candle to your talent.”

I grinned and squeezed her knee, and her body jerked again. “You weren’t so bad yourself.”

She smiled, but it was weak. “When I got back home, Spencer was waiting for me. He told me how much he had missed me, and he was all apologies and telling me how he was going to change. But you know something? I was the one who had changed. In that one night we had spent together, everything changed. I realized what I needed in a relationship, and deep down I knew it wasn’t Spence, but I was weak. I was destroyed over you. And Spence was familiar. He was comfortable in a time when I just needed some comfort. So I agreed to try it again. It took a lot of convincing on his part, and we had just gotten back together when you walked back into my life.”

I understood where she was coming from. She was torn, and I had to compare it once again to my own situation. Where Julianne hadn’t thought twice about breaking my heart to find her own happiness, Lindsay had. She was denying herself what she really wanted, maybe what she really needed, so that she could let Spencer down easily.

And in that moment, thinking about my own recent history and realizing the sacrifice Lindsay was making, I knew for sure that I was in love with her.

I would wait for her. Because waiting would be worth it.

“So what’s your next move?” I asked.

“I’m just trying to handle everything with care. I need time. Can you give me time?”

I nodded. “I would wait forever for you.”

Tears filled her eyes, and I pulled her over to me so that she was sitting on my lap and I cradled her in my arms. One tear escaped, and then more followed in its wake until tears were tumbling down her cheeks.

“Baby, don’t cry,” I comforted her, kissing her tears away and smoothing her hair back from her face. My heart broke for her sadness, but I knew that eventually we were going to be together, and that was enough for me to hold onto. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were rimmed in red and her lips were soft and plump, and all I could think was that even when she was crying, she was still the most gorgeous woman I’d ever laid eyes on. 

I held her in my arms until her tears subsided.

She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’m just… I’m such a mess right now. I don’t want to waste what little precious time we have together with crying. And we can’t even…”

“Stop,” I said. “You’re not a mess. You’re beautiful. And we will. We’ll get there.” As much as it pained me that I couldn’t take her to my bed and fuck those tears right out of her system until there was a smile on her face, I was happy just to be holding her. I was still in utter shock that she was back in my life. I gazed down at her.

“That look in your eyes…” she said.

I knew what she was talking about. There was no way I could possibly conceal the need I had for her, the depth of my desire, the level of my feelings.

“It’s the same way you’re looking at me,” I murmured, placing a tender kiss on her forehead and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Tiger,” she whispered.

I crushed her against my chest, and her arms curled closely around my neck.

“I know you’d always put me first,” she said so softly that I almost didn’t catch it. But I did, and she was right. She knew it without me having to say anything at all.

“Of course I would,” I whispered into her hair, breathing in her citrus scent deeply. “I already do.”

“I know you do.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss against my neck. TJ hadn’t calmed down since she had walked in the door, and that sweet, gentle kiss was almost enough to alleviate him. She had me so worked up that just the feel of her lips on my skin nearly made me spiral into an intense orgasm.

I didn’t want to ever let her go, but I couldn’t hold her in my arms and not touch her. My desire for her was too strong.

“I have something for you.” My voice was husky.

She pulled back from me, a smile playing at her lips. “Oh?”

I patted her bottom, and she stood. I grabbed her hand and led her to the kitchen, where my wrapped gift sat on the counter. I handed her the box with the card on top.

“Wait,” she said. She walked to the door, and I panicked for a second that she was going to walk out of it. Instead, she picked up her purse. “I brought something for you, too.”

She pulled a gift from her bag. There was a card sealed in an envelope on top of it.

“Cards first?” she asked, her face lit with a pretty smile.

I nodded.

“Same time?”

I nodded again.

We both took the cards and ripped them open. We pulled them out of the envelopes together, and when we each got a look at the picture on the front, our eyes met. Laughter danced in her brown eyes.

It was the same card.

We had bought each other the exact same card.

A giggle escaped her lips, and I chuckled. After the emotional conversation we’d just had on the couch, this felt good. Therapeutic. Invigorating. Our giggles turned to howling laughter, the gut-wrenching kind that left your abs hurting for two days. Tears streamed down her face, and I found myself wiping my own eyes, too. She doubled over, trying to catch her breath between her laughing, and I snorted at one point, only spurring our laughter on even more.

When we calmed down enough to actually open the cards and read each other’s messages, I found perfect penmanship inside the one addressed to me. It almost looked like a font.

Tiger,

Rawr is right. I will never forget that night with you, and I long for the time when we can recreate the magic that was our one night together. I need some time, but I also need you to know that the time you give me now is a means to an end that will finish with me in your arms. I don’t even know how to categorize what I’m feeling right now, but this thing between us is powerful and right. I thank my lucky stars every single day that I found you not once, but twice, and once I’m available, I’m never letting you go. Thank you for giving me every single thing that I need and for being everything I want.

-G

She finished reading the same time I did, and I saw tears shining in her eyes again. I pulled her by her hips until our bodies were as close as they could be, and I leaned my head down and took her lips with mine. I knew it was wrong to kiss a
woman who had a boyfriend, but I wouldn’t allow it to go further than kissing, and she wouldn’t, either. She had class, and so did I.

Our cards had been the same, and the messages we’d each written inside had been nearly the same, too.

I loved her more and more every second.

I pulled back first because if I didn’t, I’d have a hard time stopping.

“Open your gift,” I said, trying to catch my breath from just being in the same vicinity as her.

“You, too,” she said.

We ripped the wrapping paper off our packages together, and I found myself staring at a black and silver picture frame holding the photo I had snapped of the two of us. The same photo that was in the locket she was about to open.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt that we were two halves of the same soul.

“Aww,” she crooned when she saw the stuffed animal. She hadn’t seen the necklace yet.

“For you to sleep with until you can sleep with your real Tiger.”

“I love it,” she grinned. She hugged it to her chest, and suddenly I was jealous of the stuffed animal.

She pulled it back and looked again, and that’s when she noticed the locket. “Oh,” she breathed, fingering the heart. “Oh, Travis, this is beautiful.”

She took it off of the tiger and handed the tiger to me, and then she opened the locket and saw the picture inside. Her eyes met mine. “My God,” she said. “We really are meant to be together.”

I grinned, and I set the tiger on the counter. “Let me,” I said, and she handed me the necklace and then held her hair up so I could clasp it
for her. My lips found her neck, and she leaned back into me and moaned softly as I kissed and licked the sweet skin of her neck. She tasted like the creamy filling inside of an Oreo and she smelled like a summer day. God, I couldn’t get enough of her.

She exhaled and walked out of my reach. “I have to go.”

I nodded. “Thank you for coming.”

“I don’t think I’d have been able to stay away.”

“Where does he think you are?”

“Told him I had to go shopping for a present. It wasn’t a lie.”

“I bet he never suspected it wasn’t for him.”

She shook her head.

“When can I see you again?”

“Soon.
I promise.”

“Gorgeous, I still don’t feel like I know anything about you.”

“Shh,” she commanded. “We’ll have time for that.”

“Can I text you? Does he check your phone?”

“Please text me. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle not hearing from you. He won’t check my phone.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

She walked into my arms, squeezing me tightly. My heart broke knowing she was leaving, but I had to let her go. I held her against me, memorizing the feel of her body against mine, and then she pressed a soft kiss to my lips. She turned and left.

The second the door shut behind her, I found my phone and fired off a text.
 
I miss you already.

There was a knock at my door ten seconds later. I opened it.

“God, I miss you already, too,” she said, and then she flew into my arms, her lips crashing violently to mine.

I would never, ever get enough of this woman.

We kissed in my doorway for a minute, our hands everywhere, and then she turned and left. For real this time.

CHAPTER 10

The rest of my night was an odd mixture of feelings for me. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, so I headed over to Skips. I claimed my usual stool, finding Max behind the bar. He nodded a hello. Tracy was working, and she brought me a Miller Lite before I even had the chance to order one.

The place was relatively empty for a Saturday evening, but then, I figured, most guys weren’t going to bring their Valentine’s dates to a bar like Skips.

“You talk to her?” Tracy asked, poised next to me to appear as if she was taking my order as I sat at the bar.

I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face.

“And?”

“And it’s going to work out.
Eventually.”

“She still with him?”

I nodded. “He proposed to her last night.”

“Jesus.”

“I know. She said no.”

“Why didn’t she break things off with him?”

“It’s complicated, but it boils down to her trying to be gentle with him.”

Tracy shrugged. “Why?”

“Because she doesn’t want to hurt him. And I understand that after what I went through.”

She nodded. She understood where I was coming from. “Can I get you anything to eat?”

I placed my order and she left to put it in and take care of some other tables, and then she poured herself a diet coke and sat on a barstool next to me.

“So what happened?” she asked, her eyes narrowed at me.

I took a sip of beer. “Nothing like that.”

“No?”

“No. She’s still with Spencer, and we both respect him.”

“Good for you. That’s some strong-ass willpower.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Explain to me again why she’s with him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Always is. But this is life, not a Facebook status.
Spill.”

I chuckled and drummed my fingers on the bar. “The short version is that they broke up before she went to Phoenix. She and I hooked
up, she came back from the trip heartbroken and found comfort in the ex who was begging for her to come back to him. And then a few days later she runs into me. She doesn’t want to break his heart, so she’s letting him down slowly. And,” I paused, emphasizing my next words, “I can appreciate what she’s doing.”

“Why?”

“Because I had my heart broken in a goddamn love triangle. Jules ultimately did what she had to do, and it was maybe the right move for her. It was strong and passionate and she took a stand, but she didn’t think about the fallout from that. Lindsay, on the other hand, understands what it’ll be like for him. She can’t just dump him two days after they got back together.”