What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (20 page)

“Isn’t staying with him only giving him hope?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. But she’s trying to get him to see that they aren’t right for each other. She keeps telling me she just needs time, that she doesn’t want to hurt him.”

“Playing games doesn’t work, Trav. Tell her to get it over with.”

“She’s made up her mind. I can’t stop her, and I don’t want to. I think she’s doing the right thing.”

We both heard the sound of a bell from the kitchen. “Hold that thought,” she said, and she headed to the kitchen to get food to deliver to one of her tables.

A group of men came in to play pool, so Tracy was fairly occupied after that. I hung out for awhile and had a couple of beers, watching my favorite sports network and shooting the shit with Max since it was a fairly slow night. I decided to head home after awhile, so I paid my bill and kissed Tracy on the cheek as she walked by me on my way out.

I found being home alone
on Valentine’s Day to be a terrible idea. First I had loved Julianne with my whole heart, and she was now with another man. And now I loved Lindsay with my whole heart, and she was with another man when she should’ve been with me. I thought about Tracy’s words, that by staying with Spencer, Lindsay would only be giving him hope, and then I had the awful thought that she was with him at that moment, in his arms, maybe in his bed.

I couldn’t think like that. It wasn’t healthy and it probably wasn’t true.

But just to be sure, I sent her a text.
 
I miss you.

I waited for a reply that didn’t come for twenty minutes. Enough time for her and Spencer to finish their sexual encounter. I convinced myself that I was being stupid.

I miss you, too. This night is hell.

What are you doing?

S took me to dinner. Now I’m faking a headache.

That helped alleviate my fears a little.
 
Come over here.

You know I can’t.

I did know that, but I suddenly wasn’t sure why. Tracy’s words replayed in my head: “Tell her to get it over with.”

Was she right? I didn’t want to fuck things up with Lindsay, but I also didn’t want to give her the time she claimed she needed. I didn’t want her to need time. I wanted her to end things with Spencer immediately, even though it contradicted everything I’d thought earlier about how she was handling things. I wanted her to be next to me; no, I
needed
her to be next to me.

I wasn’t sure when she had become such an important part of my life, but she had.

And the moment I had the thought that I wanted her to leave Spencer for me was the moment I truly understood Julianne’s motivations. She hadn’t meant to hurt me, even though that had been the end result. I still wasn’t past what she had done. I was still hurt by being jerked around and dumped by my best friend. I would’ve thought she’d have more class than to fuck and then abruptly end things with someone who had been such a big part of her life for so long.

But I got it. Now that I had Lindsay in my life, I knew what it felt like when you felt so deeply for someone that you couldn’t breathe without that person. And while I’d always thought that was what I felt for Jules, I realized that I’d been breathing just fine since I had cut her out of my life.

But ever since the morning Lindsay had left my apartment in Arizona, I’d had a damn hard time breathing.

I typed out a text and stared at it for a full minute before I sent it.

I was ready to battle for her.

I needed her to know where I stood because I needed to breathe again.

My heart raced as I pressed the send button.
 
Get it over with, G. End it with him. Be with me.

I waited for a reply, but one didn’t come.

Being alone was making me miserable. Not that I would’ve shared my pain with anyone, my roommate included, but I still felt like having someone else there would’ve at least been a distraction. Dan and I could’ve headed to Skips to play pool, or we could’ve played video games. Anything would have been better than spending the evening by myself.

The waiting was pure hell, and knowing that Lindsay was in her own hell only made me feel worse.

I headed to the kitchen and cracked open another beer, draining it in about ten seconds flat, and then I grabbed another one to drink at a more reasonable pace.

I sat on the couch and flicked on the television, but I couldn’t focus on anything. Basketball was suddenly boring as I thought of Lindsay’s perfect lips. I stared blankly at the screen, thinking of her and what she was doing at that very moment. I had never been so consumed by a woman before in my life, and the depth of what I felt for her scared the hell out of me. Shit, I couldn’t think of a single time in history when I’d favored merely thinking about a woman over watching a basketball game.

I considered a run, but I was several beers into the evening, and I’d already gone for one earlier that day. I thought about calling my family, but it was Valentine’s Day. They’d all be out. My dad would take my mom to the same Italian restaurant they’d gone to every year for Valentine’s Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. Liz and Wes would hire a babysitter so that they could have a date night away from the kids. I wondered what Bill and Mike were up to, but I felt stupid calling them to check in and say hi on a Saturday night when I was in a new town. They’d think I was a loser who hadn’t made any friends. I thought about calling Craig, but we weren’t close enough yet for me to dial him up without Dan there as a buffer. So I stared blankly at the television, feeling lonely as I pondered how much I missed Lindsay.

There was a knock at my door just as I finished my beer. I glanced at the clock; it wouldn’t be Tracy because she was still at work. Maybe Dan forgot his keys?

I headed over to the door and threw it open.

I was stunned to find Lindsay standing in front of me in black sweatpants and that same sweatshirt that hung off of her shoulder. She was, as ever, absolutely gorgeous.

“Hey,” I said softly, pulling her into my arms when I saw her tear-stained face. I kicked the door shut behind her.

“Hey,” she whispered into my chest, dropping her purse by the door. I held her while she cried, stroking her hair and rubbing her back as sobs racked her flawless body.

I didn’t say a word for fear that I would speak and find that she was just a dream. I just held her against me.

A deep breath made her body shudder beneath me, and then she spoke. “I did it,” she said.

“You did what?” I asked, totally confused.

She pulled back and wiped her eyes, and then she looked up into my eyes. Hers were a mixture of sadness and optimism. “I ended it.
With Spencer. Once and for all.”

Hope permeated my blood. “You… you did?” I was shocked.

She nodded, and then she wrapped her arms around me, clasping her hands behind my back. “I couldn’t stay away from you for another second.”

I was literally shocked for a moment. “I thought… I thought you needed time.”

“I thought I did, too. But I suffered through dinner, and then he wanted to get intimate, and I couldn’t take it another second.”

“So you faked a headache?”

She nodded. “And then I got your text, and it destroyed me.”

“I didn’t mean for it to hurt you.”

“The thought of holding back from you while I was with someone else… it tore at me. It clawed at me. I know it’s only been one day, but I literally couldn’t be away from you any longer.”

My lips hurtled down to hers, and this time, she didn’t freeze. She opened her mouth to mine, and our tongues clashed violently together, all of the need and the craving and the lust pouring into our connection. My arms tightened around her, and I felt her breasts crushed to my chest. Her hands tightened around me, and TJ woke from his slumber as he tried his best to push past the restraint of my jeans to find his way to where he belonged: inside the woman whose mouth was pressed to mine.

She jumped up onto me so her legs were wrapped around my waist, and I held her under her perfect ass with one hand and around her waist with the other as her hands tangled into my hair, her lips never leaving mine. I suddenly had the feeling that everything was right in my world.

We stood in my entryway kissing for an eternity.

I wanted to kiss her for the rest of my life.

With her body wrapped around mine and our lips still connected, I started making my way toward my bedroom. I kissed my way down her neck, stumbling over the shoes I had left laying out as I blindly made our way to my bedroom. I tossed her onto my bed and tumbled down on top of her.

She lifted my shirt over my head and then scratched her nails down my back. Fuck, that was hot.

I tore her sweatshirt off over her head and fumbled with her bra, anxious and excited and ready for this moment all at the same time. I got her bra off (feeling like whoever invented those fucking clasps had to have been a woman), and she pulled me down on top of her so that her beautiful breasts were pressed against my bare chest. Somehow my erection became even harder, stiff as steel, and I needed to be inside of her like I needed to take my next breath.

Her hand grasped me through my jeans, and she moaned loudly when she felt how hard she made me.

“That’s what you do to me,” I murmured. I groaned into her and kissed her neck as her hand moved up and down.

“I want you to fuck me until I scream.”

Good fucking gracious, I nearly came at her words.

“Your wish is my command,” I grinned, and I took off my jeans and boxer briefs in one smooth motion as she shimmied out of her sweatpants and panties, throwing them on the floor beside her until she was wearing only the locket I’d given her.

She lay back on my bed, and I took in her sheer perfection for one moment. And then I moved over her, hovering for a moment, my dick hard at the juncture between her legs as I supported myself with my arms on either side of her, and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

She gazed up at me, and I was filled with love for this woman beneath me, love so much stronger than I had ever felt before in my life. I slowly eased my way into her body, and her eyes became heavy at our contact as she threw her head back in utter pleasure. Seeing her face like that, with her eyes half-closed and her lips parted and a sheen of bliss infusing her cheeks, and feeling her body from the inside as her hands tightened on my body, her nails digging into my skin, was nearly my undoing.

I pulled back, almost all the way out, before driving back into her. She moaned as she took me to the hilt, and I stayed there for a moment, loving the feeling of being inside of her again. I circled, and then I eased back and surged forward again. And then her hands found my ass, and she dug her nails into me, urging me to move faster.

And faster I moved.

I slammed into her, fast and hard, with long, deep, driving strokes. She squeezed around me, her muscles contracting and pulling me in, like her body was made for mine.

Her moans became louder, and those sounds escaping her lips sent shots of desire through my system. “Tiger,” she moaned, and the sweet and sexy nickname she had given me drove me closer to ecstasy.

I flipped over, never breaking our bodily connection, so that she was riding on top of me. I loved the view of her breasts moving in time with my deep drives into her body, and her fingers found my chest as she dug her nails into me.

“I’m close,” she murmured, and then she threw her head back and groaned loudly, riding on top of me as I panted and groaned beneath her.

My hands found her breasts, and I tugged at her nipples. “Me, too,” I said. I pumped up hard into her, and she screamed.

Mission accomplished.

I felt my body tense up and then my release came just as hers did. “Oh fuck,” I groaned as I erupted into her, and she screamed out again, yelling “Tiger” over and over as she collapsed down onto my chest.

Making love to her was even better than I had remembered. The feel of her body on both the inside and the outside was sublime, otherworldly.

I stroked her back absentmindedly as we both came down from our orgasm-induced highs, our bodies still connected as I remained hard inside of her.

I was overcome with emotion for this woman. I had never known the feelings that I associated with her even though I spent half of my life believing that I knew what love was. This was something new and different and addictive, and I would never have enough of her.

Eventually I lifted her just slightly to pull out, and she groaned and then settled back into her position on my chest sleepily as her legs tangled with mine.

“Can I get you anything?” I asked, tightening my grasp around her.

“No,” she mumbled, and then her breathing evened out and I knew she was asleep. I gazed down at her lying on top of me, her hair spread out over part of my chest and my arm, her face just over my heart as she cuddled into me.

“I think I love you,” I whispered.

We slept like that for the entire night. I hadn’t even realized that I had fallen asleep until the room was brightly lit by the morning sunshine. Lindsay was still wrapped around me, sleeping soundly. I didn’t want to wake her, but I had to get up and use the restroom. The two beers I drank before she had shown up on my doorstep were ready to make their exit.