What He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (24 page)

A cup of coffee didn’t really help, either, but I had to get to work.

I had a new list of projects and responsibilities when I arrived at work, but I was all out of focus. The Julianne thing had hit me hard, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. The way I had dealt with it the night before certainly hadn’t worked for me.

I knew that I had to handle the situation. A shitty night’s sleep told me that I had overreacted, and I realized it as I sat at my desk, pounding my third cup of coffee of the morning. I realized that brooding on a rock for hours on end was just another example of my stupid, impulsive temper getting the best of me.

Dan came into my office a little after 10:00. “Dude, your girl came by last night. Where were you?”

I glanced up at him.

Shit.

In my overreaction to Julianne’s news, I had completely blown off Lindsay.

And suddenly I knew that she was the answer.

I had allowed my temper to overtake every other emotion, and I had blown off the answer to my problem.

She was the one beacon in the dark, the one who could fix my heart.

And I had stood her up.

I had basically forgotten about her for the night while I wallowed in my misery.

She could’ve helped me through it. I know she would have. But I failed to remember that we had made a dinner date, and I disregarded her and her feelings without even having the decency to think about her.

I was a fucking idiot. And now I had to figure out how to solve an even bigger problem.

“You look like hell,” he said.

“Julianne is engaged,” I said flatly.

“Oh. Fuck, man. I’m sorry.”

I shrugged.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. I am a goddamn idiot who needs to get my shit together and I stood up Lindsay last night.”

“Let me know what I can do to help.”

“Thanks. I’ve got to sort this out myself.”

He left and I started by looking up a florist. But then I remembered that I didn’t know where Lindsay lived, so I couldn’t even send her flowers. I had her cell phone number, but I didn’t know how to figure out her address from that. And I didn’t know her last name or her friend Pen’s last name or where she worked. My only hope was to call her and hope she would listen.

I finally looked at my phone.

The damage was worse than I thought it would be.

CHAPTER 12

I had eight missed calls from Julianne, two from my sister, four from my mother, and two from Lindsay. I checked the times on Lindsay’s calls: one was at 4:30, and the other one was at 7:00.

I also had a total of ten texts.

Julianne had sent me four of them:

1.
       
Please talk to me.

2.
      
Pick up your phone, please.

3.
      
I’m so sorry, Trav
.

4.
     
I need to talk to yo
u
.

I had two from my sister:

1.
       
Call me ASAP.

2.
      
If you’re going to ignore me, at least call J.

One from my mom:
 
T, we’re all worried. Call one of us.

And three from Lindsay:

1.
       
What time and where for dinner
?

2.
      
Where are you?

The third one from Lindsay was the one that killed me. It was sent just after 11:00 the night before:
 
Thanks for the two nights, but I can’t get into another relationship where I’m not on your list of priorities. Don’t bother calling me again.

Fuck.

How the hell was I going to get myself out of this mess?

I did the one thing she said not to do: I called her. It went to voicemail after one ring, which showed me that she had seen my call and purposely ignored it.

“Hey, it’s Travis. I am so, so sorry. I just… call me. I need to talk to you. You have to let me explain.”

I sent her a text next in case she deleted my voicemail.
 
I am so sorry. Please hear me out
.

I waited for a response, but one never came.

Shit.

My only way of getting in touch with her was shot to hell if she planned on ignoring me.

My phone started ringing, and I saw that it was Julianne again. I didn’t want to talk to her, but it wasn’t because she was engaged to Nick.

It was because she wasn’t Lindsay.

The only woman I wanted to talk to was Lindsay.

My phone rang again a little while later, and it was my sister. Her phone calls and texts told me that she was aware that I knew about Jules, and it wasn’t a topic I wanted to broach with my sister at the moment. I ignored the call but texted her.
 
I’m at work. I’ll call you soon. I’m fine.

I texted my mom, too, just to alleviate her concerns.
 
I’m fine, mom. Don’t want to talk about it. Will call soon.

I hoped that she knew that “soon” meant next week, because I really didn’t want to deal with the lengthy conversations I would spend convincing everyone that Julianne getting married wasn’t an issue for me. Because it
was
an issue for me, but Lindsay was my top priority.

I texted Dan.
I need a favor.

He appeared in my office doorway sixty seconds later. “What can I do?”

“Can you find out Lindsay’s last name for me? Or, ideally, an address or where she works? Anything that could help me find her?”

“Sure, man. Do you know anything other than her name?”

I shook my head. “Not that would help me locate her. She’s an event planner. Well, a junior event planner. And she’s going to SDSU for her Master’s Degree.”

“I’ll check around and get back to you by the end of the day.”

“Thanks, dude.”

“You got it.
You up for lunch?”

“I haven’t gotten shit done this morning and should probably work through lunch.”

“Want me to bring you something?”

“That would be fantastic if you don’t mind.” I reached in my pocket for my wallet.

“I got it,” he said.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know.” He left, and I felt a little better knowing I had a good friend on my side.

I dove into work. It was a helpful distraction once I got going on a project, ultimately giving up my studying and just looking up the laws as I went. It was easier that way, and I knew I’d learn more through hands-on experience rather than reading a bunch of technical jargon.

Dan came by a little after 1:00 with a beef burrito and a Dr. Pepper. I asked him a few questions about codes for a building project I had been given, and he helped me out before returning to his own projects.

I checked my calendar and realized I had an appointment at 4:00. The week before, Spencer had offered to let me shadow him to a client meeting so I could see how things worked in San Diego. At the time, I had been grateful. At the time, I hadn’t known about his relationship with Lindsay. In fact, I hadn’t even known Lindsay’s name.

But now I did. And that was going to make my job shadowing a bit awkward, at least for me.

Although I had to wonder whether things were really that different.
I wasn’t with Lindsay any more than he was. Hell, for all I knew, she went running back to him again.

I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Lindsay.
 
G is for Greatest night of my life: You.

She had to see how sorry I was and give me another chance. She had to let me explain; she couldn’t stay mad forever. Could she? What if I had been in an accident and that was why I hadn’t answered my phone? She didn’t know the facts, and ignoring me was a bit unfair.

I glanced at the clock. I had time for one more text before I had to get going.
 
H is for Hell. My own personal hell is you not answering me.

I walked the short distance to Spencer’s office and I felt my phone buzz in my pocket just as I walked through his doorway. He looked as bad as I felt, but, then, losing Lindsay would do that to a guy. I understood how he felt even if I couldn’t tell him that.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and glanced at it.

The text was from Lindsay, and my heart started racing.
 
I is for Ignore. As in, I’m ignoring you. Leave me alone.

Her words cut deep, but I had to put on a show for Spencer’s sake. “You ready?” I asked.

He looked up at me. “For what?”

“Client meeting at 4:00?
I’m shadowing you?”

“Oh!” he exclaimed.
“Right. Give me thirty seconds.” He started gathering papers and supplies for the meeting.

“You okay, man?” I asked. It’s what a friend would’ve done, and I felt bad for Spencer that he had to be the one hurt in the end. He was a decent dude, and he deserved a happy ending.

But so did I, and at the rate things were going, it wasn’t looking good. But there was not a chance in hell that I was going to give up trying.

“No, I’m not,” he said.

“What’s going on?”

“My girlfriend and I broke up.” His voice was listless, and his usual energy was depleted.

“I’m sorry, man.” I was, but not because of who it was. It was never easy to break up with anybody, and I felt for him. “Is there anything I can do?”

“You’ve done enough,” he said.

Huh?

Did he know about Lindsay and me?

I looked at him strangely.

“
Reminding me about the meeting.”

Phew.

We headed out and drove separately because the meeting was scheduled for an hour and we could each head home afterward. I followed behind Spencer and thought about what a mess I had managed to get myself into between Lindsay not talking to me and Spencer being hurt. Not to mention the fact that I still had to find a way to deal with the whole Julianne being engaged issue. But that seemed like a minor concern compared to the much bigger things I had going on around me in San Diego.

I briefly wondered if Tracy would like Spencer. Maybe I could help him get over Lindsay by introducing him to someone new. And maybe he wouldn’t think I was such a colossal asshole once he saw
how good the two of us were together.

If Lindsay and I actually
ended up back together.

I wasn’t going to allow myself to think like that. Somehow I had managed to fuck up all of the best relationships I’d ever had with women, and I knew deep down that the one with Lindsay was the most important one of my life. I refused to see it go the way of Jules or Brooke. I had to see it through, and I would fight to get her back.
Relentlessly.

We arrived at our destination, and the client meeting started out disastrously. Spencer was obviously off his game, and he had left some important documentation and samples in his office. Luckily he had some of it on his iPad, so that helped considerably, but I found myself digging him out of more than one problematic situation. I knew my way around architecture, and I was able to salvage things before the client pulled completely from our company.

The clients left, and Spencer and I hung around for a few minutes.

“Thanks for saving me,” he said on a deep sigh.

“No problem, man.” I wanted to be done with the awkwardness of hanging around with the ex-boyfriend of the woman I needed to see more than anything, but my ingrained courtesy won out. “You want to grab a drink or something?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Sure.”

“I know a great place by my apartment if you’re interested,” I said, thinking of the possible introduction of him and Tracy.

I gave him directions and we headed to Skips.

I headed to my usual seat at the bar, and Max handed me a Miller Lite before I even had to order one. “What’re you having?” he asked Spencer.

“Bud Light.”

I inwardly rolled my eyes, but I was doing this for him. And for Lindsay. I hoped that she would respect the fact that I had taken care of Spencer when he needed someone, and if that was the way back into her good graces, then so be it.

Max placed the beer in front of Spencer, and we sat in silence for a few minutes, each sipping our beer for something to do to avoid the discomfort. I didn’t see Tracy, and when Max walked by, he told me she had the night off.