What Now? (13 page)

The
smell of bacon frying and something baking greeted Shari as she walked into the
kitchen. Nothing had changed except new curtains and a new mat in front of the
kitchen sink. With a pang, Shari realized that she missed home; missed being
looked after every once in a while. Raleigh, where she lived in North Carolina,
really wasn’t that far from her mum in Charlotte so she really should make a greater
effort to visit her more often and stop being so consumed by work. After all,
her mum wasn’t getting any younger.

“That
smells wonderful, Ma. What are you baking so early in the morning?”

“Cornbread.
It’ll be out in five minutes, hon. Would you like a cup of coffee now?”

“No,
thanks. I think I’ll wait for the bread to come out. Although I shouldn’t even
be eating that stuff.”

“Please,
Shari! I hope you’re not getting obsessive about your weight or anything like
that. To tell the truth, you could do with a few more pounds.”

Shari
smiled. Nothing had changed.

“Relax,
Ma. I’m not anorexic or anything. I’m just trying to eat healthier.”

Shari’s
mother looked her over, noting the slight strain on her face. Something was not
quite right, but she didn’t know what it was. She decided not to pry, but to
wait until Shari felt like telling her about it, if she did.

Instead,
she said: “I hope your room is OK after the ones you’ve been staying in. I know
that you must be accustomed to that lifestyle now,” she teased.

“Not
you too, Ma!” scolded Shari. “Nick Badley accused me of the same thing, but he
wasn’t so nice about it.” Shari scowled, remembering how horrible Nick had been
on that limo ride. She couldn’t help contrasting him with the Nick who had held
her after throwing Tim out of their suite. Why couldn’t he be like that all the
time?

“I
swear that he’s like two people. Or more. I really can’t seem to pin him down.
One minute he’s being a typical, over-indulged rock star and then in another he
seems like a normal person.”

“Isn’t
he a normal person?”

“You
know what I mean, Ma. He’s human, but when he’s on the stage, it’s as if he
becomes superhuman. He’s like a totally different person. And then you see all
these fans screaming over him and crying and pulling their hair and it’s so
weird. It’s as if he’s some kind of god to them.”

“What
about to you?”

“To me?
Definitely not! I only have one God in my life. It’s really strange, though,
and I wouldn’t admit this to anyone except you, but when I’m with him in public,
getting out of a limo or walking into a club, I feel kind of important because
I’m with Nick Badley. When I see him on stage, I feel in awe of the power he
has over his fans and then I feel special that I’ve been close to him the way
none of them has. It’s kind of pathetic and so unlike me. I hope he’s not
becoming an idol to me.”

“It’s
just that people like him seem larger than life and that makes people want to
know all about them, but I’m sure your head is still firmly in place.”

Shari
wasn’t so sure about that. “Oh, by the way, he said to tell you hello and not
to stop praying for him.”

“That
was nice of him and I haven’t stopped praying because I don’t think he’s beyond
redemption. I’d love to meet him some time and see for myself what he’s really
like.”

“Well,
I can’t see that happening. Remember, Ma, this is a job not a relationship.”

“You
never know what can happen,” said her mother, going to the oven. She removed a
pan of cornbread and put it on a rack to cool. Bending down again, she took out
another pan, humming softly to herself.

Shari
had a feeling of wellbeing and comfort as she looked at her mother with love.
Her father had suddenly died of a heart attack when she was in high school and
it had been just the two of them since then. Thankfully he had been well
insured so they had not had to struggle. Her mum must be lonely now that she
had moved to North Carolina to work. She suddenly looked at her mother with new
eyes and realized that she was an attractive woman and only fifty-two.

“Ma,
why did you never get married again?”

Her
mother looked up in surprise.

“I
guess I never met anyone after your father died that I was interested enough in
to think about marriage. I’m not lonely, if that’s what’s worrying you. I keep very
busy. What about you? Rob left four years ago and I haven’t heard you talk
about anyone seriously. You can’t let one experience sour you for life.”

“I’m
not soured; I’ve just been focusing on my career and helping out in the
community through my church. There seems to be a shortage of single guys in the
church and I haven’t come across any that I’ve found interesting. ” Until now,
she added silently.

“Until
now?” Shari almost fell off her chair. Had she said that out loud? Her mother
smiled. “You don’t have to say anything, but you’ve talked about Nick Badley
enough for me to tell that you’re interested.”

Shari
groaned. “I’m not interested in him. I’m not! Oh, I don’t know, Ma. How can I
be interested in a man who slept with two women at the same time? And who knows
what else? He would laugh me out of the room if he knew that I believe in abstinence.
Now.” She added quietly.

“Two
women at the same time? Have mercy!” Her mother’s eyes opened wide.

Shari
nodded. “At least I think so because he never admitted it, but I saw them walk
out of his bedroom with my own two eyes. How could I ever trust someone like
him? Not that we would ever have that kind of relationship. After all, he’s
Nick Badley and I’m an unknown journalist. Besides, our values are poles apart.”

“Maybe
all of that is just a façade but, underneath it, he’d probably like a genuine
relationship with someone who’s not out to get him because of who he is, but
someone who will be totally honest with him and who he can be himself with.”

“Maybe,
Ma, but that doesn’t mean that someone is me. And, quite frankly, I don’t know
if I would want to live my life in the limelight. It all seems so superficial
and purposeless. Anyway, why are we talking about this? There will never be a
relationship between Nick and me.”

“Perhaps
you’re in his life for a reason. Maybe to help him to change.”

“I
don’t know what that reason could be and I’ve seen no evidence of any change
since I’ve known him.”

“Shari,
you’ve only known him for about a week! You expect to see change already?”

Shari
laughed. “You’re right. Why does it feel as if I’ve known him for so much
longer?”

“You
don’t always have to know someone a long time to know them.”

“True,” Shari mused. She knew a lot more
about Nick than she knew about some of her colleagues whom she’d worked with
for years. He had openly shared his life with her and she’d had the opportunity
to see many aspects of his character. Some she liked and some she could do
without.

“Has anyone told you lately that you’re
a very wise woman?” Shari teased her.

Her mother smiled.

“So your Nick may seem like he’s a lost
cause, but there’s always hope. His music no doubt brings enjoyment to
thousands of people so he is doing good in some way. Perhaps one day he’ll
write music that will encourage and uplift people, rather than songs like “Moving
On”.”

“He’s not
my
Nick, Ma. And what
do you know about “Moving On”?”

“I’ve done my research on YouTube.” They
laughed together. “So maybe that’s what you’re in his life for; to help him to
know that he doesn’t have to sing those kinds of songs.”

“Maybe he’s chosen to, Ma.”

Shari mused over what her mother said as
she went to the cupboard to take down a plate while her mother made her a cup
of coffee. She was in Nick’s life for a few more weeks. Was she in fact there
to help him find himself in some way? She wondered how he was doing and how he
was handling the tragedy now.

“Oh,
Nick, that was awesome! You’re the best.” Lexi Craven draped her still sweaty
body across his chest as he lay back on her bed, recovering from their marathon
lovemaking session. OK, call a spade a spade, Nick thought. Make that marathon
sex
session.

“I’ve
always wanted to make it with you, Nick. Even when you were married to Jo, but
she was my best friend so I had to be satisfied with fantasies. I do have some
scruples, you know. So I couldn’t believe my luck when I ran into you in the
bar last night. I didn’t even know you were back in town. I didn’t plan to go
to the bar, but fate must have guided me there.”

Nick
wished she would quit talking. If he wasn’t so exhausted he would offer to put
her mouth to better use.

He’d
gotten to his parents’ house the day before and was glad to see them, but his
mother was convinced that talking about what happened at the concert would make
him feel better. He, on the other hand, didn’t agree. In fact, he wanted to
forget about it for a while, if that was possible. In the end, his dad
intervened and managed to persuade his mother not to miss her women’s group
meeting at church just because Nick was home and offered to take her.

Nick
could have hugged his dad, who winked at him as soon as his mother’s back was
turned. It was good to be with them, but what he really needed was to relax and
not think about the concert for a while. He was failing miserably at that as it
was, so, as soon as his parents left, he hit the road and headed for one of his
old hangouts. It hadn’t changed much since his last visit a year ago and he’d
been glad to see some of his old friends. Some of them weren’t comfortable
around him anymore, but he was glad for the ones who treated him like the same
Nick Badley.

He’d
already had several drinks when Lexi came in. When she spotted him in the bar,
she practically jumped on him in glee. She and his ex-wife had been best
friends so, although she was hot, he’d always done the honorable thing and
looked the other way. It was weird, but he’d still had a twinge of guilt, as if
he was somehow betraying Jo, as he followed Lexi to her place. Fortunately, it
disappeared as fast as it took her to peel off her camisole.

Now
he just wanted to leave. She’d served her purpose and he’d served his. At least
he hadn’t thought about the tragedy in the last few hours, but he really didn’t
want to be there anymore. He liked Lexi all right, but she was no challenge to
him at any level. Not intellectually, not sexually and definitely not morally.
Not like Shari. He was developing this annoying habit of thinking about her at
unexpected times.

He
could picture her shaking her head in disgust if she could see him now and she
would no doubt lecture him on the girlfriend code where you should never sleep
with your ex-girlfriend’s friends, far less your ex-wife’s best friend. He
smiled as he pictured her shocked face when she’d asked him about the two girls
in Vegas. She didn’t know half of what people in the business got up to or
she’d be really shocked. He certainly wasn’t the worst. 

“What
are you smiling at?” asked Lexi.

“You
wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he hedged, getting up and reaching for his
clothes on the floor.

“You’re
leaving?” She sounded disappointed.

“Yes,
I need to get home before my parents wake up or they’ll be wondering where I
am.” Did that really sound as lame as I think it did? Still, he hoped that it
would be good enough to get by Lexi.

“Oh,
all right. How long will you be in town?”

“Just
a few days. I have a concert in Miami on the ninth.”

“It’s
funny, Nick, but I forgot that you’re a big superstar. Emphasis on ‘big’,” she
giggled.

Nick
smiled at her and pulled on his T-shirt. “That’s what I like about you, Lexi.
I’m the same Nick to you. Thanks for last night and this morning.” He leaned
over and kissed her on the lips. “See you.”

His
body was sated, but he felt as empty as a deflated balloon. He and Lexi had
spent the night getting intimately acquainted, but he felt absolutely no
connection with her. He couldn’t remember the last time that he’d felt a
connection with anyone, apart from when he’d held Shari in his arms a couple of
nights ago.

The
opening bars of David Guetta’s “Titanium” filtered into the kitchen from
another room. Shari scrambled up from her chair, tracking the sound since she
couldn’t remember where she had left her phone. She must really be in holiday
mode because it was usually joined to her hip, sometimes literally, in a belt
clip.

By
the time she found it, Sia was already singing, “You shout it out, but I can’t
hear a word you say”. Although the song was several years old it had helped her
to get through the days and months after Rob left. It had become her anthem,
encouraging her to be bulletproof, resilient. It was an unknown caller. She
debated whether or not to answer it for a second, but at the last moment hit
the answer button.

“Hello?”
she said, walking back to the kitchen.

“Hello
yourself, Shari Goodwin.”

Her
heart leaped and started racing. What on earth was Nick Badley doing calling
her and how did he get her number? Stupid question. Nick could get anything he
wanted.

“Nick?
What on earth…?”

“Have
I succeeded in making you speechless?”

“You’ve
managed to do that on more than one occasion.” She hoped he didn’t notice how
breathless she sounded.

“You
sound breathless. Do I take your breath away?”

She
cringed at how accurate he was. She would never let him know how he was
beginning to affect her.

“I’m
just stunned that you’re up before seven in the morning.” She ignored his
question.

“It’s
actually close to four. I’m at my parents’ in California.”

“And
you didn’t think that I’d be in bed at four o’clock in the morning? Fortunately,
I’m in South Carolina at my mum’s.” He was so thoughtless sometimes. Whatever
Nick Badley wanted to do he just did and too bad for everyone else.

“Sorry,
Shari, I didn’t think. I missed you so I just called.”

She
mentally put on her bulletproofing against his charm. “How did you even get my
number?”

“Lily,
of course.” Of course.

“So
why is it that she gave you mine but didn’t give me yours? Was she afraid I
would sell it to the highest bidder?”

He
laughed.

“I
know you would never do that, Shar. I’ll send it to you. Call me any time you
want to.” Shar? Please!

“I
can’t imagine I’ll need to call you since I’ll be seeing you in Miami in a few
days. So what did you call me about?”

Her
mum discreetly left the kitchen with a slight smile on her face.

“I
don’t know. Nothing in particular. I just came home, but I couldn’t sleep.
Every now and then the concert comes back to haunt me.”

Shari
felt her defenses falling. “I try to do things to forget about it, but when I’m
done…”

“What
have you been doing?”

He
laughed mirthlessly. “You don’t really want to know.”

Shari
rolled her eyes. She could just imagine. She was right to steel herself against
Nick.

“What
have
you
been doing?” he asked her

“Not
a lot. I only got here last night and I was about to sit down to a breakfast of
bacon, eggs and cornbread with my mum who is intent on fattening me up.”

“Tell
her you’re perfect as you are.” 

“You
are full of it, Nick Badley.”

He
couldn’t help flirting. He’d probably come straight from some woman’s bed to
call her. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? What was she thinking? Of
course it was a bad thing!

“I
meant your body. I certainly didn’t mean your personality. I don’t think I’ve
ever come across a harder woman.” He didn’t really mean that.  She could be
soft and vulnerable, he thought, remembering how she had cried in his arms.

“I’m
hard? Just because I’m not falling all over you? I have no desire to be listed
as a home run in the Nick Badley score book.”

“What
are you talking about? Do you think I keep score of how many women I’ve had
relationships with?”

“Of
course you don’t keep score. That would be impossible! Anyway, I hardly think
that sleeping with someone constitutes a relationship.”

“I’ve
definitely missed you going for my jugular. I must be masochistic.”

“I
wouldn’t be surprised to hear that you’re into that as well,” she scoffed.

He
laughed.

“What
would a good girl like you know about masochism?”

“I
wasn’t always good,” she replied. “I had my BC days.”

“Oh,
I’m sorry that I didn’t know you then. I’d love to hear more about your BC
days. Does BC mean what I think it means?”

“Depends
on what you think it means. I’m glad I’ve managed to divert your thoughts for a
few minutes, but my breakfast is going cold. I really have to go. See you in
Miami.”

She disconnected
the call before he could say anything else. Her conscience tapped her on the
shoulder. OK, that may have been a bit rude, but Nick Badley seemed to know
exactly which buttons to push. He thought she was hard? Well good, because she
didn’t want him to know exactly how soft she was becoming when it came to him.

Nick
looked at the phone in disbelief. Shari Goodwin had just ended the call on him.
He was shocked. He, Nick Badley, had called a woman, told her that he missed
her, told her that she was perfect and meant it and she hung up on him. Who
would do that but Shari Goodwin? A reluctant smile tugged at his lips and then
spread to his whole face. She was definitely not boring. She was the perfect person
to keep his ego in check. What was this thing about BC?

The
bacon was now stone cold and Shari frowned at it as she debated whether to put
it in the microwave or not, in case it turned soggy. Thanks to Nick Badley. 
Who was she kidding? She couldn’t care less about the bacon. Nick had gone to the
trouble of getting her number and had called her. He said he missed her. Don’t
go there, Shari. Remember the two women who walked out of his room in Vegas?
What about the one in Denver? And there was probably one that he slept with
last night. That is not someone you want to get involved with. You said you
don’t want to be another home run in his book and having a serious relationship
with Nick is as unlikely as you making a number one record.

Her
mother came back into the kitchen looking quite pleased with herself. “I take
it that was Nick?”

“Yes.
He’s in California. It’s four o’clock in the morning there and he picked up the
phone and called me not even knowing where I was. What did I tell you about him
being the typical rock star? If Nick Badley is up, everyone must be up because the
world revolves around him!”

“Trouble
in paradise?”

“Really,
Ma. You need to stop with this. There is no paradise and never will be with
Nick Badley. I know you want me to find someone and get married but, believe me,
it will not be him.”

“OK. I’m
sorry. But you just seemed to light up when you were on the phone.”

“I’d
be lying if I said that I don’t find Nick attractive and the fact that he’s
more complex than I thought he would be is appealing. But I’d be a fool to fall
for him. He can quote scripture, but so can the devil. I’ve barely known him a
week and he may have slept with four women in that week! He also drinks way too
much and I wouldn’t be surprised if he does drugs as well. Are those enough
reasons why I should stay clear of him?” That should put her mother off.

“Oh
dear! That just confirms that he really needs a good woman in his life to help
him straighten himself out.”

Shari
laughed as she put her plate in the microwave. Trust her mother to see Nick as
someone who needed straightening out. He was probably perfectly happy with his
life as it was. Looking at the unhealthy breakfast, she threw over her
shoulder: “By the way, he says to tell you to stop trying to fatten me up
because I’m perfect as I am.”

Her
mother laughed. “At least he knows a good thing when he sees it.”

“Nick,
where were you last night?” his mother demanded.

“Mother,
I am thirty-two years old. I no longer have to report my whereabouts to you.”
He kissed her cheek as he headed for the percolator to pour himself a cup of
coffee.

“In
other words, you don’t want me to know. I was worried about you. Would you like
something to eat? I could make you some breakfast.”

“Not
right now, Ma. I’m not hungry.” 

His
mother meant well, but he definitely couldn’t live with her for any length of
time. She would drive him crazy with her stifling attention. Jo was like her
too, he suddenly realized. Maybe that’s why she and his mother got on so well.  Apparently
they were still friends.

That
was another thing he liked about Shari. She was never all over him, hovering
and trying to look after him or suck up to him. More often than not, she
ignored him and to him that was different. It kept him grounded and he knew
deep down that was what he needed. It was easy, with this lifestyle, to lose
sight of reality. 

“You’re
awfully deep in thought,” his mother prompted. “Are you all right?”

“Yes,
Ma, I’m fine. By the way, I want to bring someone with me for Christmas.”

“You
do?” Her face lit up in anticipation.

“Don’t
get too excited, Ma; it’s business. Her name is Shari Goodwin. She’s doing a
documentary about me. Lily thinks that seeing me with my family will give her
another perspective of my life. Don’t worry, you guys won’t be in the film unless
you want to be, but she may want to interview you.”

“You’re
bringing a reporter home for Christmas?” His mother sounded a little put out
and a lot disappointed. “After what happened to Jo?”

“Shari’s
not just any reporter, Ma. She’s good. You’ll like her. She’s a really nice
girl and doesn’t approve of my lifestyle. She’s also not impressed with my fame
and fortune.”

“I
like the sound of her already. I’m looking forward to meeting her. Is she
pretty?”

Nick
smiled. His mother was determined to see him married to a nice girl, although
Jo was nice and that hadn’t worked out.

“Yes,
she’s pretty. She’s an exotic mixture.”

“Mixture?”
his mother repeated.

“Race,”
was all Nick offered.

“The
plot thickens,” she said.

“There
is no plot to thicken.” At least not yet, he added in his head. “I think I’ll
go on the back deck and play my guitar. Is dad at the shop?”

“Yes.
You know how he is, probably tinkering with his latest project.” She smiled,
happy to have Nick home, even if it was for just a few days. And the fact that
he was bringing home a girl at Christmas was a bonus, even if he insisted that
it was just business.

The
sun felt good on his back as he hunched over his guitar trying out some sounds.
He’d found some manuscript paper in his room and grabbed a few sheets to bring
down. It was a truly beautiful day and, as he looked out across the pool to the
grass beyond it, he felt content for the first time in a while. He was glad
that he had bought this house for his parents. They’d had a pretty nice house
before, but this one could fit his sisters and their children and him when they
all came to visit. It would even have room for Shari. Actually, he would
probably move down to the basement and give her his room. He liked the thought
of her being in his room.

A melody
began to flow into his mind and he quickly tried it out on his guitar. It felt
right. He grabbed the paper and pen and jotted down the chords. More chords
came to him and he was amazed a few minutes later when he looked at how much he
had written down. It wasn’t like the time he’d been trying to write in Denver
and getting frustrated. This time it was as if he was just connected to the
source of music and it was pouring into his soul and out through his fingers
with ease. There was nothing like the beauty of creating something from
nothing.