What to Expect the Toddler Years (188 page)

Do
watch the clock closely. Most children—like most adults—have regular patterns of elimination: They urinate on waking (from a night’s sleep or nap), for instance, or have a bowel movement after breakfast. Determine if your toddler has a pattern and try to take advantage of it. Encourage, but never force,
your toddler to sit on the potty at the times of day when success is a good bet.

Do
let your toddler come and go as he or she pleases. If your toddler senses that he or she is being held prisoner on the potty, resistance and rebellion are inevitable. Some children will sit longer if they’re read to (again, potty books can be particularly inspirational), others become so distracted by the reading that they forget why they’re there. Keep in mind, too, that “command performances” are still difficult for toddlers, and that just because they’re sitting doesn’t mean they’re going to be able to produce. Until they’re able to relax the muscles that control bowel and bladder at will, they may be just as likely to go (all over the floor) after they get up as when sitting down.

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have your toddler take turns on the toilet with a drink-and-wet doll. At this age, going to the potty is more fun when you have a partner.

Do
try a trickle to start the flow. Turn on the bathroom or kitchen faucet while your toddler sits on the potty; it’s an old trick but a good one.

Do
appreciate your child’s reporting after the fact as a step in the right direction. Even recognition of body signals that comes belatedly should be considered a success worth crowing about. It takes plenty of practice before young children are able to recognize impending bladder or bowel activity while there’s still time to get to a potty. Don’t make the mistake of attributing such accidents to spitefulness or insurgence; it’s simply inexperience.

Do
be an enthusiastic audience. Success at the potty should be cheered and widely admired. But don’t get so carried away with your accolades that your toddler starts to question the sincerity of your praise. Overdoing the applause for your toddler’s successes can also prompt feelings of failure when he or she has an accident.

Do
spark motivation. Learning is always more successful when the student is motivated. How you choose to motivate will depend on your toddler, as well as on your own philosophies of child-rearing. For some toddlers, being reminded that using the potty is “grownup” and will make them “just like” their parents, siblings, and older friends is motivation enough. Some eager-to-please toddlers will be motivated simply by parental praise; some eager-to-control toddlers will be motivated by discovering that they wield the power over their bodily functions when they use the potty. For still other toddlers, a tangible incentive works best. Most experts agree that rewards can work for one-time developmental achievements such as toilet learning (the child will ultimately continue using the toilet even when the incentives stop). But keep the rewards small—stickers on a calendar (the toddler gets to apply one for each success on the potty), a penny in the piggy bank, a call to Grandma and Grandpa to brag, a pair of fancy or favorite-character underwear—and plan to phase them out as toileting starts coming naturally to your toddler. (See page 422 for more on the pros and cons of rewards.)

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have your toddler check for dryness. Teaching your toddler how to check his or her pants or diaper for dryness will give an added measure of control over the process. Praise dry pants, but don’t criticize wet ones.

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bridge the gap between potty and toilet. Illustrate the connection between the potty chair (if that’s what you’re using) and the toilet your toddler will eventually graduate to by emptying potty contents into the toilet with your toddler’s help. Adding some water to the potty bowl will help a bowel movement slide out more easily. (Don’t, however,
leave water in the potty itself.) If your toddler enjoys flushing the potty’s contents away, assign him or her that honor. If not, flush after your child’s left the room.

Do
be patient with relapses. Remember that learning to use the toilet is a big job for little toddlers, but it’s not their only job—it’s natural for them to “forget” occasionally, even after they’ve caught on.

Do
teach about hygiene (see page 551).