What to Expect the Toddler Years (92 page)

For the toddler in training pants, tuck in two or three extra pair, just in case. With the happy excitement and upset schedules of travel, there may be more accidents than usual. If your toddler’s going to be doing a lot of sleeping while traveling, and he or she ordinarily wears a diaper during naps, consider such protection en route.

Wipes, wipes, and more wipes.
For dirty hands, grimy faces, stained clothes, soiled car upholstery. When there’s no bathroom nearby, or when the bathroom is dirtier than the hands you want to wash, wipes are an excellent stand-in for soap and water.

A change of clothes.
Keep at least one full extra set of clothing (including socks, underwear, and shoes) with you whenever you travel. To minimize the mess of food spills, carry a wipe-clean plastic bib, if your toddler will wear one.

Sustenance.
By land, by air, by sea, by rail, even by stroller—traveling with a toddler requires traveling with food and drink, or living to regret it. If you don’t have a cooler, take along such neat, nonperishables as quartered peanut-butter sandwiches; whole-grain crackers, pretzels, and bite-size cereals in plastic containers (cereals can also be toted in single-serve boxes); fruit-juice sweetened whole-grain cookies and dried fruit (but only if teeth can be brushed or rinsed right after eating); whole-grain rolls and bagels. Cheese sticks, hard-boiled eggs, fruit-sweetened yogurt, and containers of cut fruit are fine when they’re kept cool (in an insulated bag with a frozen ice pack) or when they’re going to be eaten within two hours. To wash it all down, bring along a thermos with a twist-out straw and refill it as you go with milk, juice, or water. Also carry your toddler’s favorite cup, several plastic spoons, a plastic knife, and a small can opener.

A mini-medicine chest.
Keep in a zippered (or better still, locked) bag tucked into your carryall any medication your child must take (don’t risk leaving it in checked-through luggage); any other travel medications recommended by your child’s doctor (see page 250); your toddler’s toothpaste and brush; acetaminophen; first-aid supplies (tape, sterile gauze pads, bandage strips, alcohol wipes, and an antibiotic ointment or a first-aid spray); a moisturizer for chapped skin (air travel is dehydrating); diaper rash ointment (an altered diet and irregular diapering increases the risk of diaper rash); sunscreen; and insect repellent (see page 650). It’s also a good idea to carry health information about each family member (age, weight, immunization history, regular medicines, allergies, and blood type) with your travel documents.

Some surprises.
Though old favorites are important to a toddler on the road, magically producing a brand new toy or book when boredom starts to set in can
buy you some extra time behind the wheel or buoy your toddler’s spirits in flight. Invest in a supply of trinkets, and pace yourself giving them out.

Also take along if needed:

A travel potty seat.
A light-weight, foldable, portable seat will make it easier for your toddler to use strange toilets, especially if it’s a seat he or she is already accustomed to using. Or take along a disinfectant spray to use on public toilets or line the seats with toilet tissue or paper seat covers, if available.

Most toddlers can’t yet be counted on to “hold it in” just because the rest stop is still miles away. Some will also refuse to use a restroom that isn’t clean or is simply “strange.” So, if you are planning an auto trip, consider taking a portable potty (and a roll of toilet tissue) for your toddler to use at the side of the road when rest stops are far apart.

A backpack for your toddler.
Wearing a backpack makes a toddler feel important, and also gives him or her easy access to important personal possessions. Let your toddler pack the pack with favorite toys, books (lightweight paperbacks are best), a pad of paper and crayons. For the little navigator, a map (provide an old one you no longer need) and a child’s compass (make sure it’s safe) are great diversions. A wallet full of play money and your pretend credit card (expired library cards, health insurance cards, etc.) will also entertain. Avoid pencils, pens, and any other pointed things that could be dangerous at a sudden stop or when a train or plane lurches sharply. Also avoid toy guns or metal toys (especially when traveling by plane—unless they are checked through, they will be confiscated by security); noisy toys; toys or games with numerous pieces; toys that can easily roll away, annoying other passengers; and balloons.

A “lovey” or comfort object.
If your toddler has a favorite blanket, teddy, or other object, be sure to take it along. On planes or trains, keep it with the carry-on luggage.
Music and stories to go.
A sturdy, children’s cassette player with headphones will keep an older toddler busy for miles on the road (though you may have to help change the tapes). Bring along an assortment of musical favorites and stories on tape (with or without accompanying books). If your toddler won’t use the headphones, you’ll have to listen to his or her selection, too—it’s either that or whining. Your toddler can also listen to tapes on the train—but, unless you’re in a private compartment, should use earphones so as not to disturb others. Though you may not be able to use your own tape player on a plane, many airlines supply earphones and have special children’s channels for young passengers.

A travel stroller.
A stroller is invaluable on almost any kind of vacation-with-toddler. It gives your child the option of riding (perhaps napping) when you’re walking or touring, and makes it easier for you to get around museums, amusement parks, and other attractions. Depending on your needs, select a light easy-to-fold umbrella stroller (check ahead with the airline to see if it can be carried on or if it must be checked through) or the new car-seat–air-seat stroller combo, which can serve multiple roles.

A travel wardrobe.
Pack as little as you think you can reasonably get away with. For your toddler, take only easy wash-and-wear items and plan to wash as you go. Mix and match outfits are best, so that if a shirt is covered with chocolate ice cream at lunch, another that also matches the shorts can replace it. Even in warm weather, take a light sweater for your toddler to wear on cool evenings or when the air-conditioning is chilling. Though sandals are fine for the beach (except in areas where parasites are a problem), take along sneakers or other closed shoes for walks in the country and outdoor play, especially in rural areas.

To a toddler, there is no yours, mine, and ours—there is only mine. Just beginning to grasp the concept of ownership, the toddler has not yet grasped that it can apply to others. Not only do toddlers label “mine” those things that are rightfully theirs (their toys, their bed, their chair, their family), but those things that rightfully belong to others (brother’s book, Mommy’s keys, Auntie’s wallet). Even things that are supposed to belong to everyone (the bus, the slide at the playground, the flowers in the park) may be viewed possessively. “Mine” is, for now, the toddler’s favorite word.

But possessiveness at this age in no way predicts a lifetime of selfishness. Grabbing from others and holding on to one’s own possessions is just another normal manifestation of a toddler’s need to establish autonomy and identity, to test boundaries and stand up for his or her rights.

Toddler possessiveness is not only normal, it’s a necessary, essential step on the road to sharing. Unless children are given the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate ownership, they have difficulty learning to share. “Owning” comes long before “sharing” on the toddler develop-mental
scale. Most children understand owning by the second half of the second year, but don’t learn to share until they are three or four.

Another road block to toddler sharing is the concept of lending and borrowing. They don’t grasp the idea that when you let a friend use something (whether it’s a toy or the slide you had first dibs on) you get it, or use of it, back. They equate giving with giving up.

While a toddler may offer a favorite teddy to a brother who’s crying or share a piece of cookie with Mommy when she’s having a rough day, these gestures are more an indication of empathy than generosity. The toddler is comforting, not sharing. Nevertheless, such behavior should be applauded and encouraged. Children tend to repeat acts for which they receive praise. And acts they repeat become habits.

A toddler may also seem to “offer” a toy or other belonging to a friend or family member, but then become indignant if it is actually accepted by the other party. In this situation, the child is usually just showing off the prize rather than sincerely offering it.

But as natural as it is for your toddler to object to sharing, it’s also natural for you to want your toddler to learn how to share. Here’s how to begin:

Build your toddler’s self-esteem. Insecure children have a much harder time learning to share; they often end up hoarders, who use their accumulation of possessions to bolster their feelings about themselves. See page 292 for tips on building self-esteem.

Don’t force your toddler to share. Pushing a child to share implies that you consider his or her needs less significant than those of others. But at this sensitive stage of development, when a sense of self and self-esteem are just starting to evolve, your toddler needs to feel as important as the next child. Also, toddlers crave security. Believing that their possessions are up for grabs can make them feel insecure and unsettled; they need to know that some things are theirs and theirs alone. Finally, forcing children to share teaches them nothing about generosity; when they comply, it’s only because they’re doing as they’re told.

Introduce the concept of other people’s ownership. As hard as it is for toddlers to accept, they don’t own everything in their surroundings. They need to learn that some things belong to the group or to everybody (toys at day care, equipment at the playground) and that some things belong to other people (a play-mate’s doll or truck, for example, or your books). They also need to know that children must take turns on the slide, must wait their turn for an empty swing, and can’t grab another child’s tricycle when she’s riding it. Promote these rules regularly. If you encounter resistance to them, you will have to enforce them by bodily removing your toddler from the situation. Be understanding but firm.