What to Expect the Toddler Years (95 page)

“My toddler fusses and clamps his mouth shut when I try to brush his teeth.”

It’s
his
mouth, and he’s letting you know that he doesn’t appreciate your intrusion into it. The tussle of the toothbrush is just another skirmish in your toddler’s valiant struggle for self-determination. Since surrender on his side is unlikely, and surrender on yours isn’t wise (even baby teeth need to be protected from cavities; see page 490), a little creative compromise is called for:

Enlist an ally
. As you may have noticed, an authoritative third voice always has more impact than a parent’s. So turn to the doctor or dentist to explain the importance of brushing to your toddler. When your child gives you an argument, remind him: “The doctor (or dentist) said we have to brush your teeth so they’ll stay healthy.”

Brush in style
. Let your toddler choose two or three colorful child-size toothbrushes at the drugstore (be sure the bristles are soft and of good quality). Then, each morning and evening, let him select the one he wants to use. This diminishes the control issue and may distract him enough so that he’ll forget to protest.

Let him do it himself, Mom
. Give your toddler his own brush to do some preliminary brushing. Don’t worry about his technique or the condition of his toothbrush (the bristles will soon become flattened and misshapen); just let him get the job done the best way he knows how. Heap praise on his efforts, even if they’re feeble. As he becomes more proficient, you may be able to let him take over the morning brushing completely, while you continue to help out at bedtime. But don’t expect really proficient, independent brushing until somewhere around age seven.

Letting your toddler “brush the teeth” of a stuffed animal or doll (using a toothbrush reserved for play) at brushing
time may make him more amenable to having someone else take a brush to his mouth.

Toddlers may be more amenable to toothbrushing when they are allowed to brush a parent’s teeth first.

Then do it yourself
. After you’ve told your toddler what a great job he’s done on his teeth, take your turn—using a different brush (see page 491 for toothbrushing tips). Let him sit in front of the mirror, where he can watch you work, so he feels he’s still participating. Approaching him from behind, tilting his head back slightly, may give you the best visibility and maneuverability. Or you can sit on the floor, seat him in your lap, and have him lean back against you. Letting him hold the toothbrush along with you will let him maintain some control over the process (while giving him some experience in the proper technique), as will giving him a complete brush-by-brush as you go (“These two teeth look nice and clean, let’s try the next two.”). Or try the tooth for a tooth approach: have him brush your teeth after you brush his. Injecting a little levity—“accidentally” brushing his nose or his cheek (with plain water) before moving on to his teeth—may also loosen your toddler up a bit.

Check each other
. When he’s done his brushing, have him open his mouth so you can check to be sure he got all the visible bits of food. When you’ve done your share, allow him to check your work in the mirror. You can also have him check after you’ve brushed your own teeth. For tips on good dental care, see page 490.

“My daughter would eat a whole tube of toothpaste if I let her. Of course, I don’t, but she screams for more every time she sees the tube.”

Swallowing an occasional glob of toothpaste (most toddlers do at one time or another) won’t hurt your child, but chronic overindulgence can be toxic and it’s unwise to allow a toddler to ingest it in large quantity. Fluoride, it is now known, is one of those good things you
can
get too much of. Although a tiny amount helps strengthen a child’s teeth and reduces the risk of decay, large amounts can actually mottle or stain teeth permanently (a condition called “fluorosis”). And, in fact, the FDA recommends not using fluoride toothpaste at all on a child under two. Since a child between two and five can also swallow enough fluoride to harm teeth, it’s important to keep your toddler from indulging in toothpaste binges. Remember:

A little dab’ll do
. It really isn’t the toothpaste that cleans your toddler’s teeth, it’s the elbow grease. Most dentists agree that water does the job just as well for toddlers, if not better (without all the foam in the way, you can see
what you’re doing). Nor is toothpaste necessary for its fluoride content; most children of this age get their fluoride from other sources (see page 492). Still many toddlers won’t brush without the flavor kick of toothpaste. If yours is one of them, use just a pea-size dab of toothpaste on her brush. Spread it out and press it into the bristles so that she can’t lick it off. And make it clear to her that the toothpaste is for cleaning teeth like soap is for cleaning hands; it’s not for eating.

Rinsing is critical
. Rinsing the toothpaste, as well as loosened bits of food, out of the mouth is an integral part of the brushing process. Teach your toddler how to swish the water around in her mouth, then spit it out. Most toddlers can manage this at around two years of age. A child who isn’t yet able to rinse should not use fluoride toothpaste at all.

Out of sight, out of mind—and mouth.
A toothpaste tube left on the bathroom counter is too great a temptation for your toddler to resist. Instead, keep the toothpaste hidden—even locked away, if necessary—in the medicine cabinet. Apply the toothpaste to her brush, then quickly stash the tube before you invite her into the bathroom, to help avoid cries for second helpings.

Even if you take the precaution of spreading the toothpaste into the brush, your toddler may still manage to suck it off the bristles. If she does this, or if she continues to scream for more, eliminate the toothpaste from the brushing ritual completely for now. Explain that as long as she tries to eat the toothpaste or keeps crying for more, she can’t have any on her brush. Or switch to a “baby” gum and tooth cleaner, which does not contain fluorides and is safe if swallowed. Tell her that when she can brush without swallowing and rinse well she can use the family toothpaste again.

“My son can’t stand the taste of toothpaste, and resists brushing because of it. Doesn’t he need the fluoride in it?”

Toothpaste adds color, flavor, fresh taste, and suds to the toothbrushing process but brushing with plain water works just as well. And as far as the fluoride is concerned, your toddler probably gets enough right now from drinking water, topical applications at the dentist, and/or his vitamin/mineral supplement (see page 492).

If the taste of the toothpaste you use is turning your toddler off to brushing, try other brands; there are some that come in child-friendly flavors (and packaging). If none appeals, just skip the stuff entirely for the time being.

“My daughter screams and struggles whenever I try to brush her hair. But when I don’t brush it, the tangles just get worse and worse.”

Spine-tingling screams. Wild thrashing. A savage struggle. Is it a scene from an Alfred Hitchcock movie? No, it’s even worse: It’s a toddler having her hair brushed.

No blood is shed, true, but a fair amount of tears fall—on both sides of the brush—as the chilling drama is played out. That it must be played out, usually at least twice a day, every day, makes the prospect of hairbrushing even more hair raising.

To take some of the terror out of taking out the tangles:

Open a salon.
Set your toddler up on a chair or highchair in front of a mirror (use a booster seat or pillow if she needs a better view), and play “hair salon.” While you’re primping your client, allow her to primp one of her own: Supply her with a favorite long-haired doll or stuffed animal, and a hairbrush or comb to style with.

Take two to untangle
. Your toddler will be less likely to resist hairbrushing if she’s participating in it. When she tires of brushing her doll’s hair, let her brush her own. You take the left side, and let her take the right. Then switch sides so you can go over what she’s done. Or simply take turns brushing (“Now it’s my turn to brush”). Just be sure
you
get last licks.

Tackle tangles gently
. Use a wide-tooth comb or a brush that has bristles with plastic-coated tips; fine-tooth combs can tear and pull. Work upward on one section of hair at a time: Untangle the ends first and work your way up. To reduce pulling, hold the hair at the roots while you work on the ends. Try spray-on, no-rinse cream rinse or untangler to help untangle between shampoos.

Curtail tangling
. One way to do this is to get your toddler a short, low-maintenance haircut, which should be easier to untangle and require much less attention than long hair. (Of course, this is often easier said than done; see page 309 for tips on getting a toddler to tolerate a haircut.) Another is braiding or tying long hair back into a ponytail or a pair of braids. Hair that’s worn loose isn’t just vulnerable to tangles, but to sticky globs of food, mud, paint (or anything else your toddler gets into), all of which can dry into major stumbling blocks for the comb and brush. If you choose to braid or tie back your toddler’s hair, however, don’t pull it tightly from the scalp; this can cause temporary bald spots. Secure these hairstyles with barrettes, clips, or coated rubber bands specially designed for children. (Don’t use ordinary rubber bands, which can break and pull the hair—painful for the child and unhealthy for her hair—when they are removed.) Yet another strategy is to braid your toddler’s hair before bedtime—assuming she doesn’t protest and her hair is long enough—to help ensure trouble-free brushing in the morning.

No matter what your child’s hair-style, combing out tangles before the shampoo will make combing out after the shampoo less of a trial. So will smoothing suds through the hair (instead of vigorously working hair up into a snarl when lathering), and using a tangle-reducing conditioner (or a conditioner-shampoo).

Take bows (or barrettes) when it’s over
. Do her hair up with pretty accessories (let her choose them) as the reward for sitting through the brushing. And don’t forget to reward your toddler’s “client” the same way.

“Every time we try to get shoes on our son, he has a tantrum—he kicks and struggles so that we have to pin him down to get them on.”

Having his shoes put on represents just about everything a toddler resents and resists: being confined, being controlled, having done for him what he’d rather do himself, and, if he is touch-sensitive, being encumbered by uncomfortable clothing. Add a dose of normal toddler negativity and it’s not surprising that, for many young children,
putting on shoes is one of the most distressing parts of dressing.

Whatever the factors or combination of factors that cause your toddler to buck like a bronco every time you approach him with a pair of shoes, the daily rodeo routine can be debilitating—and can make everyone dread getting ready to leave the house. Though the passage of time will be the ultimate solution to your problem (this phase, like the rest, will eventually be outgrown), the following tips may help get those shoes on your toddler’s feet with a minimum of difficulty right now:

Stay away from laces
. And high tops. And buckles. And any shoe that’s tricky to put on. Opt instead for slip-ons, Velcro closures, and other easy-on styles. The exception to this rule: If you have a toddler who likes to take his shoes off anywhere and everywhere, stay away from easy-on styles—they are also easy-off.

Put his foot in a zebra
. Or a monkey. Or an elephant. Shoes that are designed to look like a favorite animal or that have intriguing colors or patterns are shoo-ins for toddlers. Since your child is much more likely to cooperate when the shoes are those he’s chosen, involve him in the selection of his next pair.

Let him put himself in his own shoes
. With easy-on shoes, even young toddlers can often manage their shoes solo (lay them out for him with the corresponding shoe in front of each foot). Even if your toddler can’t (yet), you can let him secure the Velcro strap, which makes putting shoes on into a participatory sport, greatly increasing the odds of cooperation.

Be sensitive to the sensitive
. For touch-sensitive children, certain types of clothing—turtlenecks, snug crew-neck sweaters, snowsuits, and shoes and socks—can feel unbearably uncomfortable and confining. Be patient with this sensitivity; it will lessen with time, though it probably will never disappear entirely (see page 202). To minimize the problem in the interim, make sure shoes fit properly, avoid overly tight closures, rough inner seams, and linings that aren’t perfectly smooth. Favor footwear your toddler can get into himself and smooth-fitting socks that meet the requirements outlined in the question that follows.