What to Expect the Toddler Years (56 page)

To get your toddler into a more sleep-accepting frame of mind at bedtime, set up a regular bedtime routine (as described on page 68), which will help him unwind. Be sure that naps don’t interfere with your child’s ability to fall asleep. Also try to determine if the scheduled bedtime is unrealistic. The average eighteen-month-old needs one-and-one-half to two hours of napping during the day plus eleven to twelve hours sleep at night (of course, some need more and others less). Pushing a child who’s not tired to sleep could lead to bedtime rebellion. If fears are a problem, see page 310. You can also:

Avoid using your toddler’s room or his bed as punishment; if you do, he will have a difficult time seeing bedtime as pleasant.

Explain that sleep is necessary for healthy growth, and to be able to play and run and have fun. Remind him of all the other people who sleep at night (friends at day care or preschool, cousins, grandparents, even parents).

Consider a later bedtime. Putting a toddler to bed before he’s sleepy is an exercise in futility. If he takes an hour or more to fall asleep, try pushing his bedtime back half an hour or so.

Set a timer to go off about ten minutes before you plan on beginning the nightly bedtime ritual, so that your child will be able to prepare himself. And, in the half-hour or so before bedtime, be sure he doesn’t get involved in a lengthy project that he won’t want to be dragged from.

Don’t insist on your toddler’s going to sleep immediately if he says he isn’t tired. You can lead a child to bed, but you can’t make him sleep. Allow him to listen to tapes in a darkened room, or look at some books while he gets drowsy, if he likes. But insist he stay in bed.

Offer your toddler a comfort object at bedtime. This will ease the transition from being awake and with you to being asleep without you. The object can be anything that works and is safe to leave in the crib, including a teddy or other stuffed animal (an old favorite or a new special-for-bedtime treat), a toy, an old T-shirt of yours.

Beware of becoming the comfort object yourself; resist staying with your toddler until he falls asleep. If you relent even once, he may begin to demand your presence every night.

After you tuck him in tenderly, be tough. Take your time getting him comfy and cozy, doling out hugs and kisses, and bidding good night. But once he’s tucked in, become business-like. Don’t ignore his questions and requests, but respond quickly and dispassionately, giving the same response over and over, in a monotone. Make communication with you so uncompelling that he won’t feel it’s worth eliciting. Hopefully he will get tired of the repetition, then tired
from
the repetition. When it’s possible, make your remarks from the doorway; if your toddler doesn’t get the satisfaction of bringing you back to his side, he may not bother to try. Give him two or three minutes to chatter, then say, “No more questions. I’m leaving now. I love you. Good night. Sleep tight. I’ll see you in the morning.” That said, if the bedtime rules in your home have been lax until now, don’t suddenly start a crackdown when your toddler is teething or sick, when there is another disruption in his life (such as a new caregiver, a new school, or a new sibling), or when he’s learning a new skill like using the potty.

Anticipate his special requests. Have a small cup of water waiting on his night-stand and everything else set up the way he likes it (closet door closed, night-light burning, comfort object at hand, bed covers arranged in an inviting fashion). Also be sure he isn’t too warm or too cold, too wet or too hungry. Skipping dessert at dinnertime and serving it as a bedtime snack will help avoid the last problem—but only if it’s not high in sugar (see page 502).

If your toddler cries when you leave the room, don’t return immediately. He may cry himself to sleep. If after ten minutes or so, he’s still at it, return and reassure him with a few soft words (“Shh, go to sleep”) and a pat on the back; then promptly leave again. If the crying continues, keep repeating this process at regular intervals until sleep overtakes your toddler. Once you’ve begun, persist. Don’t give in after half an hour and pick him up to rock or feed him—you will give him the message that if he cries long and hard enough he will get what he wants: You.

Retuck as necessary. If your toddler stands up in his crib or gets out of bed, tuck him back in when you return to his room—with as few words and as little contact as possible.