What to Expect the Toddler Years (58 page)

Clearly, in this battle of wills, you must come out the winner. But try to make it as easy as possible for your little one. These strategies should help:

Make her comfortable.
If the car-seat straps are too tight over her snowsuit, if the plastic is sticky or the metal buckle hot against her bare skin on a summer’s day, if the padding is inadequate or the seat is too cramped, discomfort may intensify her protests. And if she’s a large tot, be sure the car seat she’s in is large enough for her size. Some car seats accommodate bigger children better than others do. Correcting these problems may help change her tune.

Approach the issue indirectly
. Instead of commencing each trip with, “Now we have to buckle you into your car seat,” which is likely to elicit an immediate protest, distract your toddler with casual chatter (“Look at the snow—see how pretty it is,” “Let’s go see Grandma and Grandpa this afternoon,” “We’re going to have such a yummy lunch when we get home”). Or challenge her with questions (“What does the doggy say? The cow? Where’s Mommy’s nose?”) as you carry out the dastardly deed quickly. Try a silly made-up song or rhyme that your toddler can begin to associate with being strapped in: “Let’s buckle our belly and eat all our jelly!” Or have a favorite toy or two ready to distract your child and occupy both her head and her hands. Whether these ploys actually make her forget what’s happening, or simply allow her a graceful way out of having to make a fuss, doesn’t matter. As long as they work.

Add some music, maestro.
Always have a supply of engaging children’s tunes ready to soothe your toddler once
she’s been strapped in. Play them on the car stereo, if you have one, or use a portable device.

Strap in some entertainment
. Diversion doesn’t always work, but it’s always worth a try. Keep a rotating selection of toys that can be snapped, Velcroed, or tied (with plastic rings or a ribbon or cord no longer than 6 inches) to her car seat. Unattached toys are potentially dangerous, since they can be thrown into the driver’s line of vision and hurled through the air if the car stops suddenly. They can also cause an uproar if they slip out of a toddler’s reach. Avoid, too, musical instruments or other noisy toys that might distract the driver. The last thing you need is some electronic toy that blasts a loud (and annoyingly endless) noise when you’re trying to concentrate on the road.

Buckle up together.
The buckle-up rule should apply to everyone in your car, including the driver (if the driver is unbuckled, the chance of surviving a crash is greatly diminished)—in the interest not only of fairness but of safety.

Let her buckle up her “baby.”
If there are enough seat belts to go around, let your toddler buckle in a teddy bear, a doll, or a favorite toy before she gets into her car seat. Or use a makeshift “belt” to tie the doll to your toddler’s seat. Explain that safety belts are meant to keep her toys from falling out or getting hurt; that’s why people need to buckle up, too.

Put her in charge.
When your toddler is old enough to understand the idea, appoint her the safety-belt monitor, responsible for reminding anyone who enters the car to “buckle up.” Once in a while, “forget” to buckle yourself in so she can have the thrill of scolding you (but don’t start driving until she’s “jogged” your memory).

Allow no exceptions.
Even one “Okay, no belt, today” could be a fatal mistake. A simple trip down the street could be deadly for a small child who isn’t safely confined in a car seat. And, surrendering once could undermine your authority on the issue, raising the hope in your child’s mind that you can be persuaded to surrender again, and again. As every experienced parent knows this is a tactical error.

“I can’t get my daughter into the stroller without a fuss, and since I live in the city, sometimes a stroller is absolutely necessary in order to get from one place to another in a hurry.”

Toddlerhood is full of catch-22’s. Typically, toddlers won’t let you put on their shoes, even though they can’t yet do the job themselves. They won’t nap, even though they’re tired and cranky. They won’t ride in the stroller, even though they can’t walk fast enough to get you where you want to go when you need to get there.

Nobody said it was going to be easy (if anybody did, they probably never had a toddler). Toddlers and convenience are often incompatible, and since you’re obviously not going to give up the former, you’ll need to make concessions in regard to the latter. Though it’s worth trying the following tips, it’s also worth accepting one of the realities of life with a toddler: Getting there is rarely twice the fun, but it does generally take twice the time.

Empathize.
When your toddler starts grumbling, “No stroller!” or once in yells, “Get out!” be understanding:
“I know you don’t want to ride in the stroller, but we don’t have time for you to walk right now. You can walk when we get near the house (or the store, or the playground).”

Many toddlers resist the confinement of riding in a stroller—that is, unless Mom or Dad has asked them to walk instead.

Don’t make the stroller a source of conflict.
It’s a law of toddler nature: The more an issue appears to mean to parents, the more the child will fight you on it. So come across as cool as you can, unperturbed by your toddler’s attempts to resist the stroller, unruffled by her pleas to be released.

Switch positions.
If your toddler’s stroller is reversible and she’s riding in the forward position, switch her around so she’s facing you—and vice versa. If she’s been facing you, switch the other way and give her a chance to view the wide world.

Stock up on diversions.
Attach a number of little playthings to your toddler’s stroller (if you use a ribbon or cord, make sure it’s no more than 6 inches long; better still, use plastic links). Miniature musical instruments make for an entertaining ride—if you’re not headed to the library, a museum, or another place where quiet is mandatory. Rotate the diversions often; that way, they’re more likely to remain pleasant pastimes.

Keep talking, keep singing.
Point out dogs, pretty flowers, displays in store windows, cement mixers, and tow trucks. Chat about where you’re going and what you’re going to be doing. Break into a rousing chorus of “The wheels of the stroller go round and round.” Nonstop talking and singing may succeed (at least, sometimes) in distracting your toddler—and keep her from complaining. Once she starts recognizing colors, letters, and numbers, you can play the “spotting game”: The first one to spot the color red, the letter “A,” the number “2,” wins.

Let her walk.
Put yourself in your toddler’s shoes: She’s only just learned to get around on two feet and she’s being denied the pleasure of practicing and exploring. So when it’s feasible (even if it means leaving a little earlier or arriving a little later), let your toddler walk. Having her “help” you push the stroller (assuming she’ll let you share the task; see below) can keep her in step with you, as will holding hands. Let her walk as long as her little legs hold out; if she gets tired enough, she may even ask longingly for that stroller.

“My son doesn’t want to ride in the stroller anymore—now, he only wants to push it. This wouldn’t be so bad, except that he pushes it into everyone and everything. When I try to take it away from
him, he has a screaming fit. What can I do?”

The drive to gain control propels a toddler—whether it’s control over what’s served for breakfast, over bedtime, or over the steering of his stroller. In the latter case, this drive can propel him (and the stroller) into the heels of a pedestrian, the trunk of a tree, the dairy case at the supermarket, the papers stacked neatly at the newsstand, the flower bed in the park—annoying, destroy ing, and possibly putting himself in danger.

Although in some areas where toddlers crave control, it’s possible (even desirable) to hand it over, it clearly isn’t appropriate in the case of the runaway stroller. Instead:

Leave the source of conflict at home.
Getting around without a stroller may not be easy, but it may be easier than trying to get around with a toddler pushing his own stroller. If necessary, put off walking trips that can’t be accomplished without a stroller, or make them car or public-transportation trips.

Help him sit it out.
If you make
riding
in the stroller attractive enough (see the previous question for how), he may not press so hard to
push
it.

Lend a helping hand.
Try to sneak a guiding hand onto the stroller (without your toddler noticing, of course), allowing him to “push” without pushing himself into trouble. Distract him from your surreptitious interference with a song or by pointing out interesting sights as you go. If he catches you helping him and protests (as toddlers who want to do it themselves are wont to do), don’t make a control issue out of it. Instead of saying “I need to help you push because you’re not big enough,” which will only irk him more, try something like, “Oh, I’m just resting my hand because it’s tired. You’re giving it a nice ride.” Maybe he’ll buy it, maybe he won’t—but it’s worth a try. Or tell him he can push, but only with your help.

Let him push on something his own size.
A child-size stroller or shopping cart is much easier for a toddler to keep on course than a full-size one (and is wonderful for imaginative play at home, too). And since toy strollers are lighter, they’re less likely to inflict damage when pushed into someone’s heels or a store display. (Remember that he’ll still need a hand pushing it across the street, for safety’s sake.) Bring the pint-size stroller along only on short trips; otherwise you could end up carrying him and his stroller when his legs give out.

“We dread washing our daughter’s hair and all the kicking and screaming that goes along with it. Is there any way to get around this struggle?”

“If only,” many a parent has mused, “a child’s hair could be slipped off for washing and combing, and then replaced.” That being impossible, hair-washing-scarred parents have to resort to other techniques for surviving shampoos. For example:

Keep it short.
The shorter the hair, the shorter the shampoo. If your toddler’s hair is long or hard to deal with, seriously consider an easy-care short cut. (For tips on handling the trip to the barber, see page 308.)

Make a gentle choice.
Always choose a shampoo that is fragrance-free, and non-irritating to the eyes.

A shampoo visor keeps water and suds out of the eyes.

Start off tangle free.
Baby-fine hair tangles when wet, so comb your child’s hair before shampooing to minimize the post-shampoo struggles with tangles. There’ll be less tangling, too, if you “pat” the shampoo through the wet hair gently, rather than working up a lather fiercely.

Streamline.
Make sure at the outset that everything is in readiness (water at the perfect temperature, shampoo and a towel nearby) so that neither of you need to endure the shampooing ordeal any longer than necessary. To reduce the number of hair-washing steps, use a one-step conditioning shampoo instead of shampoo plus conditioner. Or spray on a no-rinse detangler after you’ve rinsed out the shampoo.

Keep those eyes covered.
Even a “no-tear” shampoo (even plain water, for that matter) can produce tears. Protect your toddler’s eyes with a shampoo visor (it looks like a topless sun hat and is available in many children’s speciality stores, as well as through some mail-order catalogs). Or, have your toddler hold a washcloth across her forehead to protect her eyes or try a child-size snorkeling mask or swimming goggles to keep the eyes dry.

Control the rinse.
A hand-held spray nozzle offers more control, and less risk of a misdirection mishap. If you don’t have a hand-held shower nozzle, use a child’s plastic watering can. After shampooing, your toddler can play with the watering can in the tub.