What You Wish For (17 page)

He looked through the rest of her handbag and found a date book for the year 2011, though it was labelled 'diary'. In the front was a folded timetable for classes at the University of London and she had slipped some letters in there as well. Though he knew better, he read them.

One was a handwritten letter from her father, postmarked Spain. The next was a letter from something called the National Health Service, whatever that was, telling her that she had to attend a pap smear test for cervical cancer. He wondered why anyone would test for cancer, for surely the growth itself was enough evidence that you had the disease? He wondered if Carrie did have this cervical cancer but forced that thought out of his mind, because the idea of losing her was too painful to contemplate.

But you've already lost her, a small voice in his head reminded him. He pushed that thought aside also.

Next he pulled out a box from her handbag that said
'Mates Variety. Natural, ultra thin, endurance and strawberry.'
He was still none the wiser to what the box contained so he turned it over and read the back.
'Mates Variety offers you a great selection of our best selling condoms'
what the hell is a condom, he thought.
'Natural for ultimate comfort, Ultra Thin for sheer pleasure, Endurance for longer lasting love making and Strawberry for a fruity feeling!'

He read that last line again, just to be sure, but there was no mistaking the meaning of
'for longer lasting love making'
and he suddenly felt rather ill. She must have bought these for Mark. She and that horrible boy had...

He threw the packet away as though it had burned him. He couldn't believe that she would sleep with a man before marriage. There had been signs that she was forward, he supposed, such as when she winked at him, then hugged him, and one time she had kissed his cheek. And of course she hadn't thought ill of him when he had kissed her, but sex? No, he couldn't believe her capable of falling that low as to have relations outside of marriage. He reached out for the box, which said that there should be 12 of these condoms inside. He counted a second time to be sure but there was no mistaking the fact that only 10 condoms remained.

Chapter Thirteen

The next day was a Sunday. Although Fred was still here, Mr Hale and Margaret still went to church because not going would only cause people to worry, and possibly call at the house to see how the family was. Carrie didn't feel like going today and told Mr Hale that she was feeling unwell. She roused herself enough to get dressed and allowed Dixon to do her hair, but only because Dixon seemed to take it as a personal affront when she did her own hair.

She had left all of her belongings from her old life with Mr Thornton. She knew she would have to get them back at some point but she couldn't face him just yet. Her computer and phone would probably have run out of battery by then, but she could hardly recharge them, so it had to happen at some point.

She spent the day in a kind of dreamlike state, not quite in the present but not quite gone either. She drifted, doing as she was told and speaking only when she was spoken to.

Right now she missed her music even more than she missed her copy of North and South, for since Mr Thornton had broken her heart, she found it difficult to be quite so enamoured of that story any longer. At home, whenever she was sad or angry or frustrated, she would sit at her piano and play as loudly as she could, sometimes singing along and using it as a means to vent her feelings. Here though, she had no such outlet.

Still, she found sad music running through her head, comforting her in a small way, though it did nothing to help improve her mood.

The family ate lunch together and Carrie did her best to join in the conversation. The character of Fred had always interested her in the books and she wanted to get to know him a little better; she just didn't feel as though she had the energy to at the moment.

After lunch she sat by the window in the parlour, looking down at the street below, watching everyone as they went about their business. Since it was a Sunday, their pace was much more leisurely today than usual. It was almost four o'clock when she saw Mr Thornton striding up the street towards the house, carrying the basket that she had left at the mill the day before.

Suddenly her body flooded with adrenalin. He must not be allowed in the house in case he saw Fred, but he also couldn't be left out on the street because she feared what would happen if someone else were to discover the things that he carried in the basket! She would be kidnapped and interrogated for her knowledge of the future, or put into some insane asylum and left to rot, or her belongings stolen and used to enhance technology here early, causing Skynet to build Terminators and use them to wipe out humanity!

Okay, that probably wasn't the most objective reaction, but it was hard to keep a level head when you had so many balls in the air at once.

She didn't know what to do for the best. She ran down the stairs, oblivious to the Hale's stares as she passed them, and opened the front door before Mr Thornton could knock.

She pulled him inside and manhandled him into the study, which was just off the hallway.

“
Such a greeting,” he said, his voice as hard as iron as she closed the door behind them.

“
I did not want you to disturb the Hales. Mrs Hale is very ill now.”

“
Or rather, you do not want them to learn what kind of woman you really are.”

“
Excuse me?”

Ignoring her, he pulled her essay file out of the basket and began to look through it.

“
I don't understand it,” he said. “This work is some of the finest I have ever seen. This essay, discussing the similarities between Robert Walton and Victor Frankenstein was so insightful; and this one on the depiction of Mr Bennet is so well argued that I could hardly believe that it was the work of a woman.”

Carrie laughed at the irony.

“
Those essays were written about arguably two of the best books in the history of the world. Both books were written by women and yet you question a woman's ability to analyse them?”

Clearly he didn't like being laughed at.

“
Argue your way out of this one then.” He reached into the basket once again and threw the packet of condoms at her. “Go on,” he taunted. “Deny it!”

She caught the packet and blushed as she realised what they were.

“
I have no intention of denying anything.” This was no longer amusing and her back stiffened as he sat in judgement of her.

“
So you admit it then; that you've debased yourself with that man in the photograph?”

Carrie stayed quiet, she had no intention of justifying herself to him.

“
How many others have there been? How many others have you debauched yourself with? How many!”

“
Fine, I'll tell you,” she answered, her cool and calm attitude belying the rage she felt at his accusations.

“
You will?” He seemed taken aback.

“
Yes. I have done nothing that I am ashamed of.”

“
Go on then, tell me.”

“
I will. Just as soon as you tell me how many women you have slept with.”

“
What?”

“
You heard me. You are a red blooded, thirty-something man, I hardly think it likely that you're still a virgin”

“
That has got nothing to do with this.”

“
I think it has. If you want to sit in judgement of my behaviour, then I think I have a perfect right to sit in judgement of yours.”

“
That's different.”

“
Why? Because you're a man and I'm a woman?”

“
Exactly.”

“
So I am expected to be pure and virginal on my wedding night, but I don't have the right to expect that from my husband?”

Mr Thornton looked uncomfortable.

“
Well I'm sorry but I don't hold with double standards like that and where I come from, men and women are treated equally. So, if it really is that important for you to know exactly how many men I've slept with, then you'll have to tell me your magic number first.”

Mr Thornton seemed to have been rendered speechless.

“
Did you care about those women?” Carrie asked, taking advantage of his silence. “What were they, easy conquests? Innocent maids that you could take advantage of? Prostitutes? Did you even considering using protection to prevent pregnancy and infections?”

“
You don't know what you're talking about.” He was barely able to contain his anger but Carrie wasn't about to back down.

“
On the contrary, I rather think I know a lot more about sex than you do. My culture has studied all aspects of sex, attraction and relationships. Where I come, from most sexually transmitted diseases are easily curable and schools offer sex education classes, teaching teenagers what they need to know and how best to protect themselves against disease and unwanted pregnancy. Rather than examine sex, like my society, what has yours done? Told you that sex is bad, that sex is sinful, that you should only have sex after you're married. How's that working out, because it sure as hell doesn't look like that last one had any impact on you, did it, John?”

“
Don't call me that.”

“
I'll call you whatever the hell I like. I opened my heart to you,
John
. I told you my biggest secret, something I haven't told anyone else since I arrived in this horrific, backwards time, and you not only shove my gesture back in my face, you rip my heart out, stamp on it and now you think that you can come into my home and sit in judgement on me for a crime you are equally guilty of? Well I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood for hypocrisy today.”

She opened the study door for him to see himself out and although he hesitated for a moment, he finally left. The front door slammed a few moments later and Carrie sagged against the study door frame, as though her strings had been cut.

She looked over to the basket of possessions that had caused this mess and saw his gloves lying on the table beside it. Without thinking she picked them up and made to follow him out, but stopped just short of the front door. What was she thinking? He didn't deserve her thoughtfulness. In fact, he could rot in hell for all she cared.

“
Are you all right?” She looked over to the bottom of the stairs, where Fred now stood. “We heard arguing. I wanted to come down but Father wouldn't let me until he was gone.”

How was it that Fred, a virtual stranger, could be so kind while Mr Thornton, a man she would have done almost anything for, could be so cruel.

That thought was her undoing and she began to weep again.

“
Oh, hey, it's all right.”

Frederick came up to her and wrapped her in his embrace. There had never been a lot of tenderness in her life and she found herself unable to reject the comfort he offered. He tucked her head under his chin and stroked her back.

“
Everything will work out for the best, you'll see,” he told her.

But everything didn't work out for the best because at that precise moment, Mr Thornton returned for his gloves. She had meant to bolt the front door again but as she turned to look at him, she realised that she had forgotten. Less than a second later, she also realised that he had completely misread the situation that he had walked in on.

Mr Thornton took one look at Carrie in another man's arms and a red mist seemed to descend over him.

Carrie looked on in horror as he charged at Fred, knocking the younger man to the ground. They wrestled around on the floor, rolling over each other, both of them gaining the upper hand for a moment only to lose it again.

Mr Hale, Margaret and Dixon all came to see what the commotion was, but they were too shocked to make any move to break up the fight. Carrie was also shocked for a while, until she realised that if she didn't do something soon, one of these men was going to end up killing the other.

Mr Thornton gained the upper hand again and Carrie took the opportunity to pounce on his back. She wrapped her right arm around his neck, holding onto her left forearm with her other hand as she placed her left hand behind his head, pressing it forward.

He clawed at her arm, his nails raking painfully into her skin, but he couldn't hold out for long against the wave of darkness that enveloped him and he soon became limp in her arms.

Knowing that she could cause brain damage if she held on for too long, she released him and with Fred's help, rolled him off the younger man. She offered Fred her hand and helped him up.

“
What the hell did you do?” Fred asked.

“
It's called a sleeper hold, it cuts off the blood flow to the brain. Hopefully he'll wake up in a few minutes.”

“
Help me get him up to the sitting room” Margaret said, coming down the stairs now that the danger had passed.

“
Leave him there,” Carrie said, for she was in no mood to be charitable.

She was ignored however and between them, Fred, Dixon, Mr Hale and Margaret managed to get Mr Thornton upstairs and lay him out on the sofa there.

Dixon fetched some water and Margaret set about bathing Fred's injuries.