What You Wish For (20 page)

As autumn finally gave way to winter, Carrie was surprised to learn from Mr Hale that Christmas was a relatively new celebration. Christmas had always been on the 25
^th
of December, of course, but the pomp and circumstance surrounding the day owed its recent revival to Prince Albert popularising some of his German traditions, such as decorating Christmas trees, and to Charles Dickens book, A Christmas Carol.

Carrie threw herself into decorating the house, making wreathes, buying ornaments for the tree and decorating the mantelpiece with pine tree branches, holly and mistletoe berries. The tree was placed in the family room, where they could all enjoy it in the evenings. When Mr Hale heard that Mr Southard's parents were travelling, and that his elder brother was already married with his own family, he extended an invitation to spend Christmas day with them and Mr Southard accepted.

Dixon ordered the turkey, though she was puzzled by Carrie's insistence on serving the expensive bird, and the family exchanged small presents on Christmas Eve. Carrie had put a limit on the cost of presents so that no one bought anything too expensive; she was worried that the Hales would feel that they owed her, when the truth was she still felt she owed them for taking her in. Dixon refused to join them as they exchanged gifts, which Margaret informed Carrie had always been her way, so they left her presents under the servants' tree, in her sitting room next to the kitchen.

Margaret gave Carrie a set of hand-made roses as hair ornaments. Seeing how much Carrie had liked the pink one she had made for Mrs Thornton's dinner party, Margaret had made her a variety of similar decorations in various colours.

Mr Hale had bought her a collection of Jane Austin books. Though all seemed second hand, Carrie didn't care, for she enjoyed Austin almost as much as she used to enjoy Gaskell.

In turn Carrie bought Margaret a new pair of kid gloves similar to ones she had once admired on Mr Slickson's wife, while Mr Hale received a set of personalised stationary, a new quill and selection of nibs for his correspondence. Indeed it seemed to Carrie that rarely a day passed when he did not have some old friend or acquaintance to reply to.

For Dixon, Carrie purchased a set of glass bottles and pots of various sizes that were housed in a leather case, for her to store the lotions and potions that she made for the young women. Dixon was surprised by the gift but very pleased.

Mr Thornton had heard of Carrie's good fortune, for surely no one in Milton hadn't, but unlike them he got his information direct from her banker, Mr Latimer, who coincidentally happened to be his banker also.

He was pleased to hear that she was making solid investments and not spending wildly, because although he couldn't have her, all he really wanted was for her to be happy and secure.

Though he longed to see her again, even if only for a moment, she had kept to her word and was never around when he went to see Mr Hale. Every time he journeyed through the town, his eyes roamed around him, seeking her out, though so far he had not been successful.

That was about to change though, for he had been invited to the Waverley's annual Christmas dinner party this evening and after casually enquiring, had been informed that the Hales and Miss Preston would be attending also.

Carrie might have said that he felt 'as nervous as a virgin on prom night' but though it was true, such crude though evocative language was beyond him. He wondered if she would rescind her acceptance if she knew he was coming and for that reason, he hadn't confirmed his own attendance until the last acceptable moment.

As he approached the Waverley's house he began to feel slightly sick, but he forced himself to ignore the sensation; then as he stepped into the parlour, his breath literally caught in his throat, for there she was in all her glory and he found that his memory of her had been sadly lacking when compared to the reality.

She laughed at something her companion said and his heart sank, for he knew when she was being polite and when she was genuinely enjoying someone's company, and this time it was the latter. To make things even worse, he even respected her companion, the M.P. Bernard Southard.

“
Thornton, my dear fellow, how are you?”

And with those words the spell was broken. Carrie turned to him, looking almost frightened. Had he really scared her so? He didn't think so but the reality was unavoidable. It didn't take her long to smooth her features into perfect serenity again and turn away. Thornton turned his attention to Mr Waverley, who had uttered the earlier greeting.

He couldn't help but notice how many men surrounded Carrie all evening, and he was forced to remember his dinner party, when hardly anyone had spoken to her. He supposed her fortune made her a much more attractive proposition now.

Thankfully, every time he looked over she seemed as if she was trying to stifle her boredom and Mr Southard had now moved on and was speaking with Miss Hale, whom he seemed most taken with. Those facts combined to give him hope that at least he would not lose Carrie to anyone present this evening.

It was a most agreeable surprise to find that when dinner was called, he had been seated next to her; a most delightful place to be, though it had not been his scheme.

“
Mr Thornton.” She flashed him a sickly sweet smile. “How lovely it is to see you again.” Each word dripped with sarcasm.

“
And you,” he smiled warmly, not rising to the bait.

“
I suppose this is your idea?”

“
Why would Mrs Waverley consult me over her seating plan?”

Carrie was forced to agree that she wouldn't, not that she would admit it.

They ignored each other for the rest of the first course, only talking with others at the table until the plates were cleared.

“
You look lovely this evening,” Mr Thornton said quietly.

Caught off guard, Carrie could only reply. “Thank you.”

“
How are you?” he asked.

“
I'm fine.”

He smiled and turned away again, content with a polite, if somewhat simple, exchange for now.

The main course and dessert were served without any further conversation between them but Carrie was on tenterhooks the whole time, wondering what he was going to do next, but in the end it was their hostess who put Carrie on the spot, not Mr Thornton.

“
I say, Mr Thornton, have you heard Miss Preston play yet?” Mrs Waverley asked from where she sat at the end of the table.

Mr Thornton knew about her giving piano lessons, obviously, for it was hard not to know the details of her life these days. Indeed since coming into her fortune, Miss Preston had been the topic of conversation at many dining tables throughout Milton.

“
I regret to say that I have not had that pleasure yet,” he told Mrs Waverley.

“
Oh, you simply must, she is a beautiful pianist, isn't she?”

There was a general consensus of 'yes' from the table, even from those who had never heard her and Carrie blushed.

“
And she has done wonders for Emily's playing,” Mrs Waverley continued. “Why, she has come on in leaps and bounds since Miss Preston began teaching her. Perhaps we can convince Miss Preston to grace us with a tune after dessert.”

“
But the gentlemen will remain at the table, surely,” Carrie smiled sweetly, though it was a little tight after having been thrust into the spotlight like this.

“
Then let them stay. I'm sure once they hear your playing, they will be drawn through to hear you better anyway.”

“
We'll see,” Carrie smiled, hoping that was the end of it.

After dessert the ladies retired to the drawing room while the men stayed at the table, drinking brandy and smoking cigars. Nothing more was said about Carrie playing and she breathed a sigh of relief, until the gentlemen joined them.

“
Now Miss Preston, I hope you have not forgotten your promise,” Mrs Waverley called from across the room.

Carrie had promised no such thing, but she could hardly embarrass her hostess by causing a scene. Besides, the Waverley's had been very good about recommending her to other local families.

“
Of course not.” She smiled as graciously as she could and made her way over to the grand piano in the corner of the room. She didn't have any music with her, obviously, so she opted to play Memory from Cats since she knew it by heart.

She could feel his eyes on her as she played and though she didn't have any music to focus on, she kept her eyes downcast, looking at her hands so that she didn't have to look at him.

When she finished everyone clapped, and she wondered what they would think if they could actually see the musical that song came from; the cast dressed in cat costumes and makeup!

Mrs Waverley called for a second song, and though Carrie protested she was pressed into it. She played Exogenesis Symphony by Muse.

When she was done, they applauded politely again and she stood up to make it clear that she was finished. Thankfully Mrs Waverely didn't press her any further.

However, in not looking at the people around her while she played, she had made a fatal mistake because Mr Thornton was suddenly in front of her.

“
That was exquisite,” he told her, his voice full of warmth and love.

Carrie swallowed and wondered where her glass of wine had gone.

“
Thank you,” she kept her head bowed because she knew that if she looked at him, it would be her undoing.

“
Perhaps you might like to teach Fanny. She has been having lessons for years but has never really mastered the instrument.”

“
I believe I am full at the moment, but perhaps after the New Year.”

“
Do I really frighten you that much?”

Carrie looked up, shocked by such a statement. Then she remembered why she had refused him. He might be sweetness and light now but she had seen another side of him.

Mr Thornton noticed the hesitation in her eyes and how her resolve suddenly hardened once again and he began to wonder; was she really afraid of him or was that an excuse?

His behaviour had been inexcusable that day, but she didn't seem afraid of him. Mr Southard and Margaret interrupted them then and Mr Thornton drifted off to speak to someone else, realising that he must not press her too hard or too quickly.

As he lay in bed that night, his mind kept drifting back over her actions and reactions earlier that evening, and while he was sure he had seen genuine fear in her eyes, he didn't think that she was frightened of him, per se. He began to ponder what kind of threat he actually posed to her because he was certain, with all her karate skills, that there was very little that frightened Miss Preston.

Then he remembered the first time he met her. He had thought her shy back then, noting the blush on her cheeks as she thanked him for his help in getting the wallpapers changed.

He had put her reticence down to her not knowing the customs here in the north and later, after he discovered where she was really from, being unfamiliar with 19
^th
century customs at all. Now though, he saw that she actually was shy; she was just rather practised at overcoming it.

He had everything backwards, he realised. Everything frightened the girl and she just showed incredible bravery in fighting back.

He began to realise that his judgement of her was flawed and had always been flawed.

When she had spoken about being attacked when she was 14, she had said how helpless she felt as she lay waiting for help. Of course she had felt powerless, he had reasoned, having been overcome by two men, but perhaps it was her disposition to feel powerless, perhaps that is how she had been raised.

He remembered Fanny attacking her behaviour for fighting and how initially Carrie had not defended herself; only Fanny's continued taunts had finally goaded her enough to defend her actions.

He remembered her saying that her father had a temper and that she would never live her life in fear again. Had he been violent? And yet she still carried a photograph of him in her purse and had more on her laptop. Clearly she still loved him.

He groaned and wiped a hand over his face, as though washing without water. Of course!

She had loved her father and he had betrayed her trust in him and broken her heart, possibly because he was violent but certainly because he had a temper.

Mr Thornton could see now that the power he had to wound her far exceeded any black eye, for he had the power to break her heart again.

He wouldn't, of course, he had just been half crazed that day. Who wouldn't be after hearing such an outlandish tale and finding out that their perfect vision of a woman was impure? It wasn't in his nature to react violently, he was a calm and rational man usually. He had examined his behaviour closely since she had sent him away, and truly that had been an aberration.

Now the question became, how could he prove that to her?

Chapter Sixteen

When news of Mr Watson's speculation reached Carrie, she found herself with something of a quandary. She knew that Mr Thornton would not invest in such a risky venture, but she also knew from the book that it was his only hope for saving the mill. Though he was trying his best to keep the business afloat, the strike had hit him hard, both in lost revenue and fines on late orders.