What You Wish For (18 page)

“
What do we tell him when he wakes up?” Fred asked.

“
I don't see that we have any alternative but to tell him the truth,” Mr Hale said sounding resigned.

“
But he's a magistrate,” Margaret argued.

“
He's an honourable man,” Mr Hale said, ignoring Carrie's derisive snort. “I doubt that once he knows the whole story, he will betray us.”

“
I don't suppose we have much choice,” Margaret agreed. “Why were you two fighting?” she asked Fred.

“
It's not Fred's fault,” Carrie hastened to defend him. “I was upset after Mr Thornton left and Fred was comforting me. I forgot to lock the door so when Mr Thornton returned for his gloves, he saw us and became jealous. This is all my fault. I'm sorry.”

“
It's hardly your fault he walked in without knocking first,” Mr Hale said kindly, for she certainly felt like she was to blame. “You cannot be held accountable for the actions of another.”

“
He must really like you,” Fred said, trying to cheer Carrie up.

“
He's got a funny way of showing it,” she muttered.

“
I'd best go and check on your mother,” Mr Hale said, getting to his feet, although he looked very tired. “Make sure she wasn't disturbed.”

“
Do you want me to come?” Carrie asked.

“
No, you stay here and referee in case things heat up again.”

No sooner had Mr Hale left the room than Mr Thornton showed signs of waking up. Carrie dipped her fingers in the bowl of water Margaret was using for Fred, and flicked them at Mr Thornton's face. He shook his head as the cold droplets hit him and opened his eyes.

“
Are you ready to behave like a grown up now?” she asked.

Mr Thornton sat up, looking over to where Margaret was tending to Fred, but he didn't look as if he was about to renew the fight, so Carrie went and stood by the window, her back to the rest of the room as she looked down onto the street.

“
Mr Thornton,” Margaret said. “I'd like you to meet my brother, Frederick.”

“
You have a brother?” he sounded surprised.

“
Yes. Fred doesn't live in England. He is visiting because my mother is so unwell.”

Mr Thornton had the good grace to look ashamed, not that Carrie could see his expression from where she stood. He looked over to her, but her back and shoulders were rigid and it seemed clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. He couldn't say that he blamed her.

“
I'm sorry. I have behaved shamefully and I apologise.”

“
No harm done,” Fred said. He wasn't the type to bear grudges. “Not to me at least,” he said, looking pointedly to where Carrie stood.

Mr Thornton looked over at her and sighed. The things he had said... he hadn't meant them, not really. He just hated the idea of her being with anyone else, it made him feel physically sick even though, in all honesty, he couldn't claim to have waited for her. She was right, he was a hypocrite.

He wondered if her stance was softening a little.

“
There.” Margaret declared when she had finished bathing Fred's face. “All done.”

“
Thank you.” Fred smiled at his sister.

“
And we can't send you home looking like that,” Margaret told Mr Thornton.

“
I'm fine, honestly.”

“
What would your mother think?”

“
That I'm a foolish man who got into a fight.”

“
Please, Mr Thornton, let me at least wash away the blood.”

“
Honestly, Miss Hale, I am all right.”

“
Typical bloody man, refusing help when he needs it,” Carrie said under her breath, though the others could clearly hear her. She stomped back to them and took the bowl from Margaret. “Stay!” she ordered as she sat down next to Mr Thornton on the sofa. Her fierce expression was belied by the gentleness of her touch, as she dipped the cloth into the water and began to clean his abrasions. She took care not to look in to his eyes, because she was certain that she'd see contrition in them and that would surely make her want to forgive him.

She heard Fred and Margaret leave the room, gently closing the door behind them.

“
Carrie,” Mr Thornton said her name with such tenderness that it was almost her undoing. She bit down hard on her lower lip and focused on the cut on his cheek.

“
Look at me,” he pleaded.

“
I can't.”

He sagged slightly but didn't speak again for a few moments. Margaret rinsed the cloth out then dampened it again. She was just about to dab at his cheek when he spoke, drawing her attention to his eyes.

“
Three,” he said softly. “That's... what did you call it, my magic number?”

Carrie nodded, lost, as she suspected she would be, in his eyes.

“
The first time it was paid for by friends of mine. I can't even remember her name. I'm not sure I ever asked. I felt so ashamed afterwards but at the time, I didn't know how to say no. I didn't want to be the only virgin. The second was Sarah, a girl who regularly came into the drapers I used to work in. She was so bonny but awfully shy. I tried to draw her out every time she came in and gradually she opened up to me. When her parents found out about us they tried to put a stop to it, so we would meet up in secret. Somehow they found out and sent her off to finishing school in Switzerland. She came back a few years later, married to a London banker.”

He looked very sad as he confessed that and Carrie realised that he'd had real feelings for the girl.

“
Since then there's only been Anna, a woman who works at my club. She's not exactly a prostitute but she doesn't exactly play hard to get either. She picks and chooses who she wants to sleep with though. I said no for a long time, then I began to talk to her and slowly I grew to like her. It didn't seem so wrong after that.”

“
How often?” Carrie asked.

“
Every month or so.”

“
And since you met me?”

“
I haven't slept with her for the past three months or more and I have always used a prophylactic. My friends at school knew all about it and made sure I had something to wear even back then. I've used it ever since.”

Carrie nodded with relief and went back to cleaning his cuts. She supposed she could understand him needing relief sometimes but if he hadn't used protection that would have been it. There was no way she would risk catching an STD in this backwards time.

He didn't question her further but she felt compelled to confess all the same.

“
One,” she admitted. “I met Mark when I was sixteen and he was twenty, he's been my only serious boyfriend. I think that's why it took me so long to end it, because... I guess I was used to him and being on my own again was scary.”

“
Can I ask you something?” he sounded hesitant.

“
Only if you're sure you want to hear the answer.”

He smiled slightly, acknowledging her point.

“
How come you can fight so well?” He had noticed the scratches on her arm and had enough sense to realise that it was he who had made them before she had knocked him out.

“
I was mugged,” she said. “I was walking home from school when I was fourteen and these two men attacked me. They took my money, my watch, my phone, my laptop and left me with bruised ribs. I lay there waiting for someone to find me and I just decided, never again. As soon as I was healed, I started taking karate lessons. It's safe to say I was obsessed for a while but the good thing was that the instructor would spend about six weeks on technique for those who were taking an exam, then the six weeks after the exams teaching us street fighting and survival techniques. The kind of dirty fighting that isn't in any book but that saves your life. I got pretty good at one point, but I don't have much time to devote to it now.”

Mr Thornton brought his hands up and caught hers, stopping her from continuing her work.

“
I'm sorry. And I don't just mean for you being attacked.”

Carrie blinked back the tears that were stinging her eyes.

“
I was an idiot,” he continued. “I was hurt and jealous and angry, and I took it out on the one person I shouldn't have; you. When I returned and saw you in someone else's arms, I realised that I can't lose you, Carrie. It wouldn't matter to me what you did because without you, I'm nothing.”

Carrie felt her lip tremble as her tears threatened to overwhelm her.

“
Please say you can forgive me?”

Carrie's tears spilled over and John gently reached over with one hand and wiped them away.

“
I can forgive what you said, John, but not what you did.”

“
What did I do?”

“
In your office, you shoved me.”

“
I was angry, I wasn't thinking straight.”

“
I know, but then you attacked Fred.”

“
He has forgiven me, why can't you?”

“
Because I won't live my life in fear. My father had a temper; we never knew how he was going to react.”

“
Carrie, my love, it won't happen again. You have my word.”

“
No, it won't... because this is goodbye, John.”

She made a move to stand up and he tightened his hold on her hands, keeping her in place.

“
No! No this can't be it, I won't accept that.”

“
If only life were that easy. Unfortunately, I am my own person and I have my own mind... and this is it, John. The way you came at me, not just physically but verbally, you were trying to wound me in whatever way you could.”

“
I'm sorry.” He felt hot tears stinging his eyes, mirroring her own.

“
I know.”

“
It will never happen again.”

“
Until the next time.”

“
Carrie!” He couldn't believe that this was it, that in one moment of jealousy and he had driven her away.

“
No. Effective immediately, I resign my position at Marlborough Mills and in future, when you visit Mr Hale, I will not be present,” Carrie said, keeping her voice as steady as she could, though tears continued to stream down her cheeks. “Now, please let go of me.”

Seeing his tears was almost her undoing, but then she remembered all the times her father would plead for forgiveness and somehow, though he was not the injured party, her mother always ended up comforting him.

Finally he accepted the inevitable and released her wrists. Carrie ran from the room and fled to her bedroom, throwing herself down on the bed and sobbing her heart out.

Margaret watched as Carrie rushed passed her to their room, clearly very upset, and Margaret went back into the sitting room, fully intending to give Mr Thornton a piece of her mind. He might be a manufacturer but Carrie deserved much better than the way he was treating her and she was sure that he had it in him to be better behaved towards her friend.

What she saw as she entered stopped her diatribe cold, for Mr Thornton looked just as upset as Carrie had.

“
Mr Thornton?”

He hastily wiped his eyes before turning to her but it was clear that he had been crying.

“
What has happened?” she asked.

“
Nothing just... Miss Preston has ended any possibility of our involvement.”

“
But why? I thought that she cared a great deal about you. She has been most upset since you fell out with each other.”

“
I think that she does care for me,” he admitted. “But I have been very foolish, and now I fear I have driven her away forever.”

“
Surely not. If she truly loves you, I do not see how she could stay away.”

“
Well I did not believe true love could be jealous or petty or vengeful, and yet I have found myself to be capable of all three.”

“
Surely not.”

“
If you don't mind, Miss Hale, I would really rather not discuss it any further at the moment.”

“
Of course. Let me make you some tea, then I shall continue cleaning your abrasions.”

“
That is not necessary.”

“
But is is, Mr Thornton, for there is something very important that we must ask of you.” She turned and left, giving him a few moments to compose himself before she returned with a tray of tea. She poured two cups then she continued where Carrie had left off, bathing his face.

As she worked, she explained to Mr Thornton about Frederick. When she had finished her tale, she said a silent prayer that her father was right and that Mr Thornton could be trusted.

Despite her low opinion of him and his own confession of his character defects, Margaret found it hard to picture Mr Thornton as petty, jealous or vengeful. He just did not seem the type.

To her great relief, Mr Thornton gave his word that he would keep Fred's presence a secret, out of respect for Mr Hale if nothing else.

“
Thank you, Mr Thornton,” Margaret smiled, possibly the first genuine smile she had ever bestowed on him. “You are a good man.”

Chapter Fourteen

Sadly Mrs Hale died on the Monday evening, adding one more woe to Carrie's burden. She tried not to get too down but at times it was hard. The Hales didn't try to cheer her, which she was glad of and although they made a pretty depressing little family, somehow they each drew strength from the other. Carrie had never been part of a family like that before; her family usually sought to attack each other in times of trouble, taking their misery out on others.