What You Wish For (23 page)

“
I suppose you and Miss Hale will return to London now?” Mr Helman asked. Even though he was old enough to be their grandfather, he was still sorry to see two beautiful young women leave Milton. There was not enough beauty in this northern mill town and anything, or anyone, who helped brighten it up a little would be missed.

“
I hadn't thought,” Carrie confessed. “But yes, I suppose.”

“
You will be sorely missed, the both of you,” Mr Helman said, clasping her hand in both of his. “And once again, I'm sorry for your loss.”

“
Thank you.”

Margaret turned to leave and Mr Thornton accompanied her. He was unable to speak for a long while as he contemplated her leaving Milton. It hadn't even occurred to him that she might leave and if she did... Well, then his chance of ever being with her was well and truly over.

Carrie hadn't considered returning to London until Mr Helman had mentioned it, but she supposed she and Margaret could akso now go and live in Spain with Fred, if they wanted. That idea might cheer Margaret up, she thought. She also wondered if it might not be easier to live without Mr Thornton if she were living somewhere else, without the daily reminders and mentions of his name. Would that make it easier to forget him?

She looked over at him. His features were stern as he frowned and she found herself reaching out to take his elbow again. He looked down at her hand and his his frown melted away.

“
Do you really dislike this town so very much?” He finally managed to ask her.

“
No,” she assured him. “But Margaret and I are two single women now; it would be very unseemly for us to live alone together.”

“
Nonsense,” he assured her. “Widows often live alone, and you aren't alone, you have three servants living with you. There is nothing unseemly about that. Besides, I thought you enjoyed flouting convention.”

“
I wouldn't say I enjoy it,” she answered. “But it is necessary sometimes. Still, I wouldn't like to live up here on my own.”

“
Then stay with us, we have more than enough room, especially now that Fanny has married.”

“
Thank you, but I wouldn't want to be a burden.”

“
You could never be a burden,” he assured her.

“
But Margaret is the closest thing I have to family and if she will have me, I would like to stay with her.”

Mr Thornton stopped and nodded curtly.

“
Message received and understood, Miss Preston,” he said, carefully removing her hand from his elbow. “You are nearly home now, so I think it best if I take my leave. Good day, Miss Preston, please extend my regards to Miss Hale.”

Before Carrie had time to process his words, he was already striding away. What had she said that was so awful?

She reviewed the conversation and realised that she had rejected him once again. Somehow he had found the courage to offer for her again, though in a very different way, and once again she had turned him down. No wonder he was upset.

Carrie trudged back to her home and with a leaden heart, went to join Margaret in the back parlour. Somehow in one day she had lost the closest thing she had to a father and any chance she might have had for marriage, for despite her harsh words, there was still a tiny part of her that craved Mr Thornton's attentions and wanted him to find his way back to her. Somehow though, and without even meaning to, she had offended him again and judging by how hurt he had looked, he might never forgive her.

She tried to remember exactly why she had sent him away, but in her grief she was unable to recall anything but the longing she felt for his presence, and the comfort it gave her.

Chapter Eighteen

Mr Bell arrived the next day, having caught the next train from Oxford as soon as he received Mr Thornton's letter.

He was a great comfort to Margaret, and the two of them talked for hours about Mr Hale, his eccentricities and their memories of him. Carrie listened to these conversations but she didn't often partake.

Mr Bell helped Carrie with the funeral arrangements and generally helped everyone in the house in whatever way he could.

As Mr Thornton's landlord at Marlborough Mill, Mr Bell went to visit him a few times and even dined there one evening. He was an astute old fellow and in next to no time, he was able to ascertain that Carrie had feelings for Mr Thornton, though he was unsure why they were not together, and that Margaret had feelings for the MP, Mr Southard.

As such, when Margaret's aunt, Mrs Shaw came to take her back to London, Mr Bell informed Mrs Shaw that as her Godfather, Mr Bell was taking responsibility for Margaret's care and, for the time being at least, he intended to move to Milton, which was after all his home town, and live with the young women.

Mrs Shaw bristled but given that Mr Bell was a reputable man and at the end of the day, a man, she relented, staying only one day in Milton.

Although Margaret didn't question him while they had their altercation, once Mrs Shaw had left, Margaret had to know what he was up to.

“
Mr Bell?”

“
I'm sorry my dear, I know I should have discussed this with you first, but I think it perhaps best if you don't make any life-changing decisions right now. I'm willing to stay with you for a few months at least, and if you do decide that you would like to live with your Aunt Shaw, then you can leave with my blessing. However, something tells me that your future lies up here rather than down in London, am I right?”

Margaret blushed.

“
I don't know. Mr Southard and I have become very friendly and I do like him very much but... well, I am not sure if I should trust my judgement at the moment.”

“
Quite right,” Mr Bell said, taking her hand. “Which is why you should stay until your grief is less raw, then decide where your future lies.”

Carrie listened to their conversation from the hallway. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop but she hadn't wanted to interrupt them either. Mr Bell really was a very sensible man, she thought, and he was right about Margaret not making any firm decisions now.

However, the thought of staying in Milton brought her both immense joy and heartache, and a part of her longed to run away and leave her problems behind.

Mr Hale's funeral was a very subdued affair and despite the pain she caused him, Mr Thornton was sorry not to see Carrie. She enjoyed defying the societal norms and he had fully expected to see her here.

When the service was over, in the course of conversation he asked Mr Bell about Miss Preston's absence.

“
She wanted to stay home with Margaret. Lovely girl, that one, very caring.”

“
Indeed,” Mr Thornton said, though his tone was sharp.

“
I can't help noticing, Thornton, that, well, perhaps there is something between you and Miss Preston.”

“
No,” he answered curtly.

“
Are you quite sure?” he pressed.

“
Quite,” Mr Thornton snapped. “But believe me, it is not for want of trying on my part. If you'll excuse me, Mr Bell.”

“
Oh, yes, of course.” Mr Bell let him go, easily recognising the signs of a broken heart.

Although he was unmarried, Mr Bell was no stranger to love. Unfortunately his beloved had chosen to marry the man her parents thought best for her, someone who had both money and a title. He was no longer bitter about the experience, but he had also never loved anyone else to the same degree, and so he remained a bachelor; content to spend his days studying and teaching.

Still, that didn't mean he wanted anyone else to endure what he had gone through and whilst he was here, he vowed to do whatever it took to make Miss Preston see sense. Or at the very least, present him a reasonable argument for why she and Mr Thornton should not be together.

“
Carrie, my dear?” Mr Bell said as he helped Carrie to pack up some of Mr Hale's books. Margaret had put those she wanted to keep aside, and the rest were being boxed up and donated to Mr Thornton's and Mr Higgins's recent school project. Mr Thornton had offered the use of one of his sheds for use as a school room and the workers between them paid for the teacher.

They couldn't afford a proper teacher, of course, so Mr Thornton had asked the reverend if his eldest daughter might like the job, since she was educated though still unmarried, and this was surely charitable work. What the children learned was basic; just reading, writing and arithmetic but it was better than nothing. Perhaps with time the school might evolve into something that could truly change lives.

The teacher was outnumbered by over thirty to one and the school was still growing, so some of the mothers who were unable to work had begun helping out. Though they could do little in the way of teaching, they too were learning and some of the more able parents could now teach the basics to the new pupils enrolling at the school.

These books were well out of the school's league but Carrie and Margaret were hopeful that one day they might be of use to the students.

“
Yes, Mr Bell?”

“
I hope you don't think me impertinent but I wanted to speak to you about Mr Thornton.”

“
What about him?”

“
Well, was there something between the two of you?”

Carrie looked down at the books in her hands.

“
There was,” she admitted in a small voice.

“
And might I ask what happened?” he asked, abandoning his books and approaching her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“
Too much,” she said. “First I turned him down, then he discovered something about me that displeased him and I turned him away. Now... I don't know, Mr Bell. I feel so confused. I do care for him, still, but he also scares me and... well I am afraid I rejected him again soon after Mr Hale died. The truth is I didn't mean to on that occasion, but nevertheless I have offended him once again. I fear it is hopeless.”

“
Don't say that,” he encouraged.

“
How can I not? I... I am very different from most women in this time, Mr Bell, and I'm afraid my expectations are higher than many women.”

“
He is not rich enough for you?” Mr Bell asked, confused by her statement.

“
Oh no,” she smiled. “Money is nice but not important. No, when I say I have high expectations, I mean in how my partner treats me. I want to be an equal, not a subordinate. I want to be respected for my mind as much as my looks, and I want to be able to trust my partner implicitly.”

While he had never heard such demands of a man before, he thought that Mr Thornton fit the bill she described more than any other man of his acquaintance.

“
And you are sure that Thornton is not the man for you?”

“
Even if I could excuse his previous behaviour, Mr Bell, I honestly don't think that he would give me another chance. I have well and truly blotted my copy book, just as he has with me.” She looked up into his eyes. “I fear it is hopeless.”

Chapter Nineteen

For once Mr Thornton found himself listening to his sister's mindless chatter, though only because it was preferable to thinking of other matters, like how to break it to his workers that he had to close the mill. He did not much like the idea but he had few options left and if he continued running the mill, he would go into serious debt. It was better to close while he could still pay his workers rather than see them starve. He hoped that his good reputation would also help him to find a position at another mill.

It was a double tragedy really, since the measures he and Higgins had put into place were making a real difference to the worker's lives. To have to give that up now was not only a shame, the other masters would see it as the reason for the mill's failure and be even more set against implementing such measures themselves.

He constantly questioned himself over his decision not to join in with Watson's speculation but he could not fault his desire to protect his workers wages, for if he had lost money they too would have suffered for his gamble.

If only those who owed him money would pay up, then he might be able to stay open for another month or two, and there was always the slim possibility of a miracle in that time. Alas, the bank refused to increase his loan, and the buyers grew slower and slower at paying their bills. The gap between the two was growing forever wider and Mr Thornton couldn't blame the bank for wanting to limit its losses.

Between his personal finances, the sale of his machinery and the outstanding monies owed to him, he would be able to clear that loan but it would leave him with little extra. Though they would not be reduced to living in the slums, the next few years would be very hard on him and his mother. He knew she could handle it, for she was a strong woman and had already coped with everything life had thrown at her but still, he desperately wished that she did not have to cope.

He and his mother were not openly affectionate but the bond between them was unbreakable and more than anything, he wanted to repay her for her faith in him over the years. Without her drive and her belief in him, he would likely still be working as a shop boy.

Wanting to put off the inevitable for as long as possible, he continued to listen to Fanny chatter about the latest gossip and how she was redecorating her rooms in Watson's home. With the wedding less than a month ago, she seemed to be settling into married life with surprising ease.