When I Forget You (14 page)

Chapter 34
: Watch Her Heal -->

             
So I didn’t try to kiss Becca and then chickened out. NO. No, no, no, that is absolutely not what happened. SHE was leaning towards ME. Not the opposite. Anyways, I haven’t talked to her in over a week, which is kind of impossible since we live together, but I haven’t said one word to her and it doesn’t seem to bother her, which bugs the fucking shit out of me. It’s like she’s silently yelling at me. Good thing is, Lindsey and David haven’t noticed. The only time they see Becca and I together is at night when we are all watching TV, which doesn’t require talking so they have no idea we aren’t talking. This is a good thing. The bad thing is, my mom comes today and I’m kind of freaking out. I am definitely going to have to talk to Becca now, which sucks and will definitely be awkward. When you almost kiss, you can be assured that it’s going to be awkward with that person, especially if you have known her your whole life and now live with her.

             
Anyways, so my mom’s coming in three hours and I’m kind of freaked out. Is it going to be awkward? No, what the hell Kade? It’s your own mom. Chill the fuck out. But seriously, is it going to be different? Now that I know where everything is in this house, because I live here, and don’t have to ask my mom where everything goes? Plus is she going to know that I tried to kiss Becca but then chickened out? Wait. Fuck. No she tried to kiss me and I ran away. Yeah, that’s how it went. Lie, lie, and lie. Will she know that the days she’s been gone, I’ve really been trying to take care of Becca and care about her feelings? Which is true. But will she be able to tell that now I just care about Becca’s feelings because I care about Becca in general? Not in the “love” or “like” like kind of way. Shit, I’m losing it. My mom probably won’t even notice that anything has changed. Which, nothing has changed. So of course she won’t notice anything. Oh my gosh I just need to shut my brain off.

             
Becca already went upstairs and started getting ready. She’s doing her hair in braids, my mom’s favorite on Becca, and she’s putting on a cute outfit. How do I know this? Because sadly, we share bathrooms. I kind of just wish I wouldn’t even have to see Becca, but I drive her to school every day, so that’s practically impossible. It would just be easier to not even see her so I don’t have to think about how my ignoring her doesn’t even bother her. Things would be so much easier. My thoughts wouldn’t get in my fucking way all the time and my life wouldn’t be so damn complicated.

             
Anyways, so David and Lindsey say we are going to take my mom out to dinner tonight. Then tomorrow, is Halloween so Becca is going to make her famous Jello, and I am going to do our little tradition. Ever since Becca and I were little, I would put a mask on and sneak up behind her and scare her. She would always be in her princess outfits and pretend she ruled the world.

             
The doorbell rings and Becca comes down the stairs as I walk from the kitchen. She’s wearing jeans that hug her butt perfectly and a red V-neck t-shirt. I try not to stare too long. She looks gorgeous. Her hair is in two braids and her makeup is perfect.

             
She opens the door and throws herself in my mom’s hands. They both immediately start balling their eyes out, which is quite annoying considering I hear Becca cry almost every day. Although, I admit, I like when she cries on my shoulder. I like being the one to comfort her. I like being her hero.

             
My mom lets go of Becca with one hand and grabs me. She is hugging Becca and I in each hand and Becca and I are touching. I can’t breathe. She looks at me from the corner of her eye and then quickly looks away when her eyes meet mine. I put one hand around my mom and the other one around Becca’s waist. Basically just to get to her. She’s bugging me, so I might as well bug her. My mom takes our hands and drags us to the living room. We sit on the couch together; Becca is sitting next to my mom. I swear, ever since Becca was two she was attached to my mom. See? Nothing has really changed during the three months she has been gone. The shitty thing is when you actually start lying to yourself.

             
“So tell me about school,” Cynthia says to Becca and me.

             
“It’s awful,” Becca and I respond at the same time. We look at each other, finding that we said the same thing – very creepy.

             
“And painful,” she adds.

             
“How’s you know who?” My mom asks Becca. By the way Becca’s body language changes completely, I know my mom is talking about Henry. Her good posture is now gone and there is no longer that sparkle in her eyes. I never see that precious sparkle anymore. Does everyone know about Henry except for me? What the hell did this kid do that was so bad that the whole family knows? It’s starting to make me nervous. Becca is a strong person. Did the guy like rape her or physically abuse her?

**

              Dinner at the steak house is probably the most awkward dinner I have ever been to. And the dinner is with my own mother. And practically my second set of parents. I have known Lindsey and David since the day I was born. I remember Lindsey picking Becca and me up from preschool for goodness sake. And it’s awkward? How is that possible? Becca has been acting so weird. Okay, so I’ve been acting weird too. Whatever, it’s not like I like her and it’s not like she likes me. No, I have never heard of something called denial.

Cha
pter 35: Healing -->

             
I wake up the next morning after the awkward dinner, and realize that Cynthia is here for one more day. I jump out of bed, and see that Kade is already out of his room and most likely downstairs. I walk downstairs and almost turn the corner until I hear Cynthia and Kade talking in the kitchen. I stay behind the corner so they don’t see me and listen. Okay, I’m spying but whatever.

             
“Have you talked to your sister?”

             
“No,” Kade responds vaguely.

             
“Have you been keeping an eye on Becca?”

             
“Yes, mom,” he says, obviously annoyed.

             
“How is she?”

             
“I think she is okay,” he says. The “I think” makes me nervous.

             
“You think?”             

             
“Yeah, but there’s been some issues with Henry,” he says.

             
“Ugh. That boy has constantly stalked and obsessed over her for almost a year now,” she says. I don’t hear Kade say anything. I decide to wait a while behind the corner. If I come around the corner right when they stop talking, it’ll be very suspicious. Right as I’m about to turn the corner and enter the kitchen, Cynthia asks another question. I back up behind my corner again.

             
“Do you have feelings for Becca?” She asks. Fuck.

             
“No, why?” HE IS SUCH A LIAR. OH MY GOSH. HE’S THE ONE THAT TRIED TO FREAKING KISS ME.

             
“Are you sure?”

             
“Yes, again, why?” He is getting frustrated. He never gets frustrated with Cynthia. I mean, he gets annoyed, but Cynthia is one of those moms that you don’t want to mess with. If you give her attitude, expect a long, boring lecture being yelled to you.

             
“I know what I see, Kade,” she responds. He sighs. Shit, why is he not denying it?! When she says this, I know we’re fucked. Well, Kade’s fucked because he’s the one that likes me, not the other way around.

             
“What do you see, mother?” Okay, Kade, lower the sass or you’re gonna get your butt beaten.

             
“Something has changed. You and Becca. I’ve been expecting it, so it’s not like it’s a surprise,” she says. Expecting what? Change? Nothing has changed Except for the living situations, driving situations, bathroom sharing, late nights, Full House, and well, my feelings about Kade. Well, basically everything has changed.

             
“Expecting what?” He yells. I jump. I hate hearing him yell.

             
“You and Becca,” she responds once again.             

             
“There is no me and Becca,” he says once again, even more stern than the last time. I hate when Kade gets mad. It scares me.

             
“But you have feelings for her,” she argues. I hear Kade get up from the bar stool, so I hide behind the fancy, fake plants in the hallway. He walks through the hall and up the stairs without seeing me. When I hear the door slam, I decide to get up from my hiding spot and go see Cynthia.

             
“What’s up with him?” I ask when I enter the kitchen, pretending like I didn’t hear that whole story.

             
“He has feelings for you,” she says simply. My eyes go wide. She shrugs like it’s a fact. Wait, is it a fact?

             
“Excuse me?” I ask, trying to act all offended.

             
“Don’t act like you don’t know, Rebecca,” Cynthia says to me. Gosh, I’ve known her since I was one, so it’s not like I can get away with hiding something from her. And I definitely know that when she calls me “Rebecca” there’s no chance of convincing her she’s wrong. She’s a stubborn old woman. Don’t tell her I called her old.

             
“Well I don’t have feelings for him,” I want this conversation to end. Now.

             
“How’s Henry?” Not exactly the subject I wanted to move to. Ugh, can a girl not catch a break?

             
“I stopped talking to him, remember?” I know she does remember, though.

             
“Yes. Kade says he has been bothering you once again,” she says politely.

             
“He threatened to commit suicide,” I respond quietly. Having the fact so out in the open makes my heart pound. I’m not much of a person that likes to put her feelings out on the table like cards. Admitting this truly happened and that it’s not a rumor is scary as hell. I don’t like talking about Henry. It’s my least favorite subject to even think about.

             
“He’s crazy, bebé,” she says. I hate how she just uses the word crazy. I know a lot of people describe things or people as “crazy” like it’s not a big deal or a real descriptive word, but it shouldn’t be used as much as it is. Henry? Henry is really crazy. Like needs meds crazy. I have no problem with people that have to be on meds for mental issues, hell, my mom is on medication for anxiety. It’s okay to be on medication. Henry really needs it. He will never change, and he will never ever get better. He will always be manipulative and abusive, and I just have to accept that. So when people just throw around the word crazy, I get annoyed. If they only knew what a real crazy person is like. No one understands. I just nod politely at Cynthia and decide I’ve had enough of this conversation, and go back upstairs.

**

Of course, it is hard to say goodbye to Cynthia. She gets in her car and drives away from the house all to quickly, waves slightly, then turns the corner. The hardest part is that I have no idea when I will see her again. Which sucks. I look at Kade, who is standing behind me on the porch step, and swear I catch him already looking at me. Our eyes meet and he comes closer to me. Mom and Dad already went inside. He takes my hand in his, and our noses are practically touching.

             
“I’m here,” he whispers. I look down at our hands, his fingers intertwined with mine, and then look back up into his eyes. A tear slips from my eyes and runs down my cheek. He rubs my tear off my cheek with his thumb then lets go of my hand and walks back into the house. I’m left here, outside, wonderstruck.

Chapter 36
: Watch Her Heal -->

             
Two weeks later, I’m sitting in AP Statistics, waiting to take my second to last test before the semester finals. It is a month before Christmas, and three days before Thanksgiving. We’re going out to Becca’s Aunts for Thanksgiving. Becca’s family is weird. They make tamales for Thanksgiving. Like what the hell is this? I thought that was a Christmas or Easter thing, but whatever. I like tamales but I also like sticking to tradition. Apparently, they do not. Thanksgiving is Sunday, so we are going out to her Aunt’s Saturday to help make the tamales. Lindsey, though, makes the masa of the tamales at home before going out to her Aunt’s. I guess it’s a very long process. It’s Friday morning at school and I’m in math class. I wish Becca was here. Not because I miss her, but because I need her math skills. That girl has such natural talent when it comes to figuring out math. And she enjoys it. Who the hell enjoys math?

             
I’m taking a test for Statistics. The only reason I think I am going to semi-pass this test is because Lindsey tutored me. She’s really good at statistics. So I’m on problem ten out of thirty. And I have an hour left. I’m doing pretty well. Until I feel my phone buzz in my pocket twice. I have a text. I look over at my clueless teacher reading the paper and decide to be brave and just check it. Maybe it’s Lindsey giving me pointers. I slide my phone slightly out of my pocket and see Becca’s name blinking. I open the text up, thankful right now for the fact that I don’t have a password on my phone that would just take up more time. I open the text and read.

             
Need you now. Bathroom; back of the school.

What the hell is she thinking? Telling me to come to her just whenever she needs me. I’m taking a test. She will just have to wait. It isn’t fair to me to leave my test just because she demanded me to. I put my phone back in my pocket and pick up my pencil and work on problem eleven.

              But, Becca usually doesn’t demand things, and she never asks for my help. What if she needs something really important? No, Kade. She doesn’t need anything. If she did, she would call her mom or the office. But, I’m getting up from my seat, telling my teacher I’m going to the bathroom, take the hall pass, and walk to meet her at the bathrooms behind the school. What the hell am I doing? Like honestly, if Becca REALLY needed something she would call someone else. Why me? Unless it has something to do with us, or the non-existent us.

             
When I reach the bathrooms, I see Becca sitting against the outside wall of the girl’s bathroom, pale, hyperventilating, and sobbing. Her cell phone is in her hand and when she looks up and finds me running toward her, she cries even harder. I rush to her side and crouch down in front of her.

             
“Becca! Becca, what’s wrong?”

             
“I don’t know,” she manages to say between short breaths. “I was in Spanish and then all of a sudden my heart started beating really fast and I got all clammy and sweaty and I felt like I turned pale,” she tries to take in another huge breath, but she can’t. She can barely get any breath in her lungs. Instantly, I speed dial Lindsey. She picks up on the second ring.

             
“Hey Kade, what’s going on? Aren’t you in class?”              

             
I skip the details. “Becca is hyperventilating and sobbing and she’s pale as a ghost and she looks like she’s gonna pass out,” I say into the phone. She sobs some more.

             
“What happened?” She’s now on mom alert.

             
“She says she doesn’t know. She said she was in class fine and then her heart started beating super-fast and she got all clammy,” I say again. “I’m kind of freaking out. Lindsey I really think she’s going to pass out.”

             
“Where are you?”

             
“She texted me asking to come. We are at the bathrooms behind the school,” I say. I’m shaking from the fear and Becca is shaking even more in my arms.

             
“Is there a paper bag anywhere?”

             
“Becca, do you have a paper bag?” I turn to Becca, who is soaking my shirt with tears (once again, I might add.) Becca unzips her purse and throws out her lunch, which is always carried in a paper bag. I should have known.

             
“Okay. What do I do with it?” I ask as I throw out her lunch onto the concrete so the paper bag is empty.

             
“Have her breath into it, Kade. Nice, long, steady breaths,” Lindsey says into the phone. She sounds pretty calm considering her daughter can barely breathe. I put the paper bag up to Becca’s lips and have her breathe into it. I rub her back in a circular motion as an effort to relax her.

             
“Is that working?” Lindsey asks.

             
“Yeah,” I say. Becca’s breath is slowing down, but there is still no color in her face.

             
“It was just a panic attack, Kade,” She says. A what? “I’ll explain it to you when I get there. I should have seen this coming with all that has been happening. Once Becca is well enough to walk, both of you go to the office. I am leaving the house right now to come get you both.”

             
“Okay,” I say, not even giving one shit about that statistics test.

             
“And Kade?” She asks as I almost hang up.

             
“Yeah?”

             
“Thank you for being there for her,” she says. The thing that worries me, though, is that I’m no longer here for Becca because my mom wants me to be, I’m here for her because I want to be.              

             
“Always,” I say then hang up. Ignoring the thing Lindsey says about Becca walking to the office, I sweep Becca off her feet and into a baby cradle and walk her slowly to the office. I don’t want her walking at all right now. She swings her arms around my neck and my body goes on fire. She’s scratching the spot where my hairline meets my neck. I want to close my eyes and hold her forever. Her droopy eyes just look straight into mine, and for the first time in a while, I finally see some of Becca’s feelings showing on the outside. Her body feels good wrapped in my arms, but I realize, this is not good. I cannot get close to this girl. If the girl I knew when I was in Elementary school is still deep down inside of her, I’m screwed. She was the love of my life in the fifth grade.