When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (22 page)

Setting of the dialogue: Andy is at his desk, the phone rings, and he picks it up to speak to a customer complaining about an appliance delivery.

ANDY
: Service department.

CUSTOMER
: This is Mrs. Grandiose. You delivered my new refrigerator this afternoon and it doesn’t work. I want someone to come out right now and fix it, or bring me another one.

ANDY
:
I’d really like to help you
, but all the servicemen are out in the field right now on assignments and we probably won’t be able to service your refrigerator until tomorrow. [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

CUSTOMER
: That makes me really mad. When I ordered the refrigerator from you people, the salesman promised that he would deliver it on time this morning for my buffet dinner party tonight. First you deliver it at 3:00
P.M
. and now it doesn’t work.

ANDY
:
Something like that would make you mad. If I were in your shoes, I’d be mad too
. [FOGGING and SELF-DISCLOSURE]

CUSTOMER
: You have to get someone out here. I was promised it would be delivered on time and you would have it working in time for my dinner party.

ANDY
: After promising you to deliver it on time and then falling down on the job,
we obviously fouled up. That was dumb of us
. [NEGATIVE ASSERTION]

CUSTOMER
: Well, you have to get someone out here to fix it.

ANDY
:
I’d really like to help you
out, ma’am, but
there is no one here but me at this time of the day
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]

CUSTOMER
: Can you come out?

ANDY
: I’m not a service man,
I wouldn’t know what to do to fix it
. Are you sure it’s plugged into the wall? [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

CUSTOMER
: Yes, I checked that already.

ANDY
: It doesn’t run at all? Doesn’t even make a sound?

CUSTOMER
: Not a thing.

ANDY
:
Then I don’t know what to tell you
. Didn’t the delivery man get it running for you? [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

CUSTOMER
: They fiddled with it when they moved it against the wall. I just checked it now to put food in and it’s dead.

ANDY
:
I’d like to help you out
, but
there isn’t much I can do until tomorrow morning
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]

CUSTOMER
: That’s no way to run a business. How can people count on you?

ANDY
:
It sure isn’t! We really goofed this time
. Tell you what I can do.
I will personally see to it that the serviceman calls you first thing in the morning
. [FOGGING, NEGATIVE ASSERTION, and WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

CUSTOMER
: Can’t you get one out tonight?

ANDY
:
I’d really like to help you out
, but
there is nothing I can do about it this late in the afternoon. I’ll take care of it first thing tomorrow morning myself
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE, BROKEN RECORD, and WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

CUSTOMER
: I think I shall speak to your superior.

ANDY
:
That’s a good idea
, but he’s not here now. [FOGGING]

CUSTOMER
: Where can I reach him?

ANDY
:
I don’t know
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

CUSTOMER
: Will you call and let me know when the serviceman is due tomorrow?

ANDY
:
I’ll do that personally, or you can call me in the morning before 9:00
A.M
. [WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

CUSTOMER
: Who shall I ask for?

ANDY
: Just ask for Andy in the service office.

After successfully handling an angry customer without coming unglued as he had in the past, Andy felt he needed very little more assertive therapy, and I agreed
with him. At the time of the interaction with this customer, Andy reported that he felt a little bit nervous during the entire dialogue and wondered if eventually he would be able to cope with situations like this one and also feel comfortable at the same time. I assured him that most learners still feel a bit nervous on their first assertive success because, up until then, they have a history of failure and still anticipate some trouble, no matter how much they practice outside of the real situation. With repeated successful exposures to conflict between people, there is no anticipation of a disaster, and consequently no anxiety. As predicted, Andy reported no nervousness in coping with customers thereafter.

Let’s look now at another situation where the customer has to cope assertively on the phone with store employees and then the owner of the store to get what he wants.

Dialogue #11
Mr. and Mrs. Heath assertively
cope with an evasive
furniture store
owner.

Mark Heath’s wife, Edith, recently purchased a couch after exhaustively looking for one she liked for more than six months. Originally delighted with her selection, she was dismayed to find that the seams of the cushions were separating after only eight months of light use. She promptly complained about this defect to the store where she purchased the couch. They picked up the cushions, repaired them, and returned them to her. Six months after the repair job, the same seams began to unravel again. Edith again phoned the furniture store and told the secretary of the owner that she wanted the cushions reupholstered and that a patch-up sewing job was unacceptable. Edith was told that while the owner was out of town on a buying trip, the man at the factory would be happy to pick up the cushions and do what was necessary. After speaking to the factory representative and specifically stating that nothing
but reupholstery was acceptable, she was amazed to have the secretary from the furniture store call two weeks later and tell her that the cushions had been repaired. After she told the secretary again that nothing less then reupholstered cushions would satisfy her, the secretary responded that she could do nothing about it. The factory would only repair the cushions since the manufacturer would not guarantee the original fabric. Edith responded that she did not care about the factory’s problems, she was only interested in what the furniture store was going to do; the store could keep the repaired cushions, and she wanted the owner to call her or her husband when he got back in town.

Setting of the first dialogue: the owner Mr. Grimson calls up Mark at work.

MARK
: Mr. Grimson. Have you been informed of the situation about my couch?

OWNER
: Yes. I’m just calling to let you know that the cushions are sitting right here in my office ready for you to pick up.

MARK
: You’ve had them reupholstered then?

OWNER
: No, that wasn’t necessary. The factory technicians looked at the problem and decided that a nylon-latex reinforcement under the corners would do the trick. They are as good as new.

MARK
:
I’m sure the factory techs feel that way
, but
I don’t
. Your people assured us six months ago that the cushions were repaired properly and that was not true.
I wouldn’t know what to do when they come apart six months from now
. There’s hardly any fabric left on the corners right now.
I want those cushions reupholstered
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE, and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: Mr. Heath. You can take my word for it, these cushions will be okay.

MARK
:
I’m sure you believe that, Mr. Grimson
, but
I don’t
. [FOGGING and SELF-DISCLOSURE]

OWNER
: But the problem is with the factory. They won’t authorize reupholstering.

MARK
: Mr. Grimson,
I don’t feel I have a problem
with the factory. I feel I have a problem with you. And I’m not concerned about your problem with the factory. I just want my cushions reupholstered
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: Let me think about how to work this out and I’ll call you back.

MARK
: When will you call back?

OWNER
: I’m having lunch with the people from the factory Friday. I’ll call that afternoon or Monday.

MARK
: Okay, I’ll be expecting your call.

Setting of the second dialogue: Wednesday of the following week, Mark calls the owner since he has received no word from him.

MARK
: Mr. Grimson.
Have you arranged to have my cushions reupholstered yet?
[BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: I couldn’t get in contact with the factory people last Friday.

MARK
:
I don’t understand
. What has the factory got to do with this whole business? [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

OWNER
: I’m trying to work out a deal for you with the factory and I’ll do the best I can for you with them.

MARK
: Mr. Grimson,
I’m really not interested in any deal you want to work out with the factory
. I purchased the couch from you, not the factory. You can make any arrangements you want to get the cushions reupholstered.
I just want them reupholstered, not repaired
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: I’ve arranged a meeting with the factory manager again this Friday and I’ll need some more time to work things out.

MARK
:
Will you get the cushions reupholstered?
[BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: I’m trying to see if I can get you a brand-new couch.

MARK
:
I think that’s very nice of you, Mr. Grimson
, but a new couch really isn’t necessary.
I just want my
cushions reupholstered
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: Let me try it my way first. I’m sure you will be satisfied. In the meantime, why don’t you pick up your cushions so you can use your couch?

MARK
:
I’m sure I will be satisfied
, but in the meantime I’ll leave the cushions with you
until they are reupholstered
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: Give me another week or two to see what I can do.

MARK
: Okay.
If I don’t hear from you within two weeks, I’ll call you back
. [WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

OWNER
: I’m sure I’ll call you before then.

MARK
:
If you don’t for any reason, I’ll call you so we keep in touch to resolve this
. [WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

OWNER
: Fine. I’ll do my best.

MARK
:
I’m sure you will
. [FOGGING]

Setting of the third dialogue: Mark calls Mr. Grimson two weeks later.

MARK
: Mr. Grimson, I haven’t heard from you for two weeks.
Have the cushions been reupholstered?
[BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: I had a meeting with the factory manager and they won’t do anything. I did my best for you with them.

MARK
: Mr. Grimson,
I’m sure you did your best
, but
I’m really not interested in what the factory can do or can’t do. I’m only concerned with what you are going to do. I want those cushions reupholstered
. [FOGGING, SELF-DISCLOSURE, and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: (Silent for a few minutes)

MARK
: Mr. Grimson. Are you there? Have we been cut off?

OWNER
: I was just thinking. There may be another way I can work this out. Give me another few days to see what I can do.

MARK
:
I’m sure there may be another way to work this out
, but if you can’t pull it off,
I still want my cushions reupholstered
. [FOGGING and BROKEN RECORD]

OWNER
: (Showing some irritation in his voice) Mr. Heath, I’m going to do everything possible I can for you. Please be patient a little longer.

MARK
:
When can I expect your call?
[WORKABLE COMPROMISE]

OWNER
: I promise I’ll contact you Friday.

MARK
: Okay, I’ll expect you to call me then.

Setting of the fourth dialogue: Mark has called Mr. Grimson’s office at 3:00
P.M
. on Friday and the secretary informed him that Mr. Grimson was out of the office. Mark told the secretary that he wanted to speak to Mr. Grimson that afternoon, or he could call Mark at home that evening. At 4:45
P.M
., Mr. Grimson calls back.

OWNER
: (In a jovial mood) Mr. Heath. Some days there aren’t enough hours even with time and a half.

MARK
:
I don’t understand what you’re saying
, Mr. Grimson. [SELF-DISCLOSURE]

OWNER
: (Slightly embarrassed) I just meant that some times there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to get everything done.

MARK
:
That’s true. If I had a spare day myself, Mr. Grimson, I’d give it to you, but I don’t
. [FOGGING and SELF-DISCLOSURE]

OWNER
: (Sobered) Yes, well, here’s what I want to do about your couch. I’ve ordered another one that will be delivered next month on the first. I’ll send a van out to your house then and swap the new couch for yours.

MARK
:
I think that’s very good of you, Mr. Grimson
, but it’s really not necessary.
All I want is my cushions reupholstered
. [SELF-DISCLOSURE and BROKEN RECORD]