When We Collide (17 page)

Most people didn’t want to believe it. I figured
that was why they accepted the lies so easily. The few times the
cops had shown up at our door after Mom had been screaming, they’d
just swallowed the ridiculous stories she stuffed down their
throats. It seemed easier to believe them than to deal with the
truth.

Besides for William, I could remember only one time
when someone had really cared to know. I was in third grade, and
I’d been called to the office. I was shaking, petrified I’d done
something wrong and I was about to get into trouble as I made my
way to the front office with the pink slip in my hand. But instead
of the principle being in his office, a woman was there, her voice
soft as she asked me questions. I realized now she was a social
worker, though I hadn’t understood at the time she was there to
help me. The one chance I had, and I’d blown it. I’d been too
scared to even open my mouth and had shaken my head vehemently with
every question she asked. Had I just nodded once, maybe our lives
would have been different. Maybe I’d have saved my sister, my mom,
myself.

Of course, that was when the rumors started and the
girls at school began to look at me like I was different.

And the other was William. He had asked, and somehow
he made me brave enough to tell. Maybe it wouldn’t change our
lives, save my mom and my sister from the secrets that happened
within the walls of our house, but somehow I felt changed. I didn’t
know...relieved? And right then, I felt...safe. No other man had
ever made me feel that way. But William did.

I focused on the spot where his hand met my skin. I
couldn’t comprehend the connection we shared, and I couldn’t
understand why this felt so right. Some of the thoughts I had about
him terrified me. They were so foreign. I gulped for the air his
caress seemed to have stolen and whispered toward the forest, “I,
I’ve never had a friend before.”

I risked a glance in his direction.

His eyes overflowed with emotion, so much I had to
look away. He squeezed my knee, and I knew he understood.

Because I did
feel
it, too. I was just too
scared to give myself over to it.

“Come here,” he said, and he pulled me against his
chest and rested me between his knees.

I twisted and buried my face in his shirt, allowing
myself to cry. But this time it wasn’t for fear or pain. It was in
release. His hold was soft but secure. He kissed the top of my head
and mumbled, “I’ll be whatever you need me to be.”

He held me for what seemed forever, but when he
released me, it hadn’t been nearly long enough.

~

Maggie ~ July, Six years earlier

I crept below the midnight sky. My movements
quickened in anticipation. Ghosting along the line of trees, I
checked over my shoulder to be sure I remained unseen, before I
slipped into the darkened forest. Twigs snapped below my feet and
bushes brushed across my bare legs.

My heart beat fast. Too fast for what I’d convinced
myself
this
was.

Moonlight leaked between the twisted branches and
struck as a radiant glow over William’s face when I stepped out
into our spot.

My thrumming heart fluttered.

“Hey you,” he said into the muted light. A smile
spread over his beautiful face. He was propped up against the tree
trunk, and his legs were stretched out in a V front of him.

“Hey,” I exhaled in a whispered breath.

For the better part of a month, we had been meeting
here, stealing away every chance we got. Each day, while Troy and
my father worked, we were here, and each night, long after our
families were asleep, we would lie beneath the cover of trees and
talk for hours.

It’d become all I looked forward to. My nerves raced
as I waited for the moment to arrive, and those same nerves were
soothed with just one look from William.

As I walked toward him, he raised both arms up to
me. I didn’t hesitate to climb down in the refuge I found in them.
I exhaled in what sounded like relief when I was nestled in his
arms. Tingles spread and butterflies tumbled in my stomach when our
skin met.

“How was the rest of your day?” he asked.

“Good,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could
find, sensing the little tic of worry that came with his
question—his worry that I’d been hurt in some way since we’d seen
each other earlier that day. I didn’t mention Troy had shown up at
my doorstep at six, insisting on taking me to dinner. I couldn’t
stand the look on William’s face whenever he knew I’d been out with
Troy.

The only thing I hated worse was his reaction when
he actually saw Troy and me together, the cloud that would gather
over him, that cloud that crowded out his warmth. I knew it was my
weakness to completely end things with Troy that put it there, but
the further I tried to push Troy away, the more possessive he
became. I kept trying to end it, but my mouth didn’t know how. I
knew he was going to be angry, and when he stood in front of me,
the words I rehearsed at home died on my tongue. Confronting him
with what I wanted was what scared me the most. But I knew I had to
do something. I couldn’t continue on like this...feeling like this
about William and having Troy my boyfriend.

For my sake, William and I had labeled ourselves
friends, but I knew what we shared was so much greater than
friendship, and that the sanctuary I found in this quiet place had
slowly become him. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone taking
this away from me, so I kept it inside and hid the one thing I had
in my life that was of any importance.
William
.

Shifting, William pulled me down to lay beside him.
Dampness seeped through my shirt and shorts from the cool grass
below, and I burrowed into William’s side, somehow completed in his
comfort.

“What did you do tonight?” I asked, gravitating
toward his warmth.

He somehow managed to pull me closer. His mouth
tickled the skin just below my ear, and he had his hand splayed
across the small of my back.

I tried to hide the way my body trembled. I wondered
if he noticed the effect he had on me.

“Hung out with my family, mostly. My Aunt Lara was
over, and my dad’s changing shifts, so he didn’t have to get to bed
early, so we ended up having a little barbeque out front. Grace was
there. It was pretty cool.” He nuzzled his nose in that sensitive
spot at my jaw. Goosebumps sprung up along my arms. “It would have
been better if you were there,” he murmured.

What I wouldn’t give to have something like Blake
and Grace, to be normal and free. Free and with William.

“Yeah, I would have really liked that. You have a
good family, William.” I threaded my fingers through his hair and
played with the ends, thankful someone I cared about this much had
the things he deserved.

He leaned up to look at my face. His expression was
soft, like he was aware of the things that made the two of us so
different. “I know I do. I’ll never take them for granted.”

I felt a wistful smile tremor at the edge of my
mouth, and William drew me close again.

He told me about the rest of his evening, the show
he’d watched while he waited for our time to arrive and the
magazine he’d read. Every word he spoke, even the most trivial,
seemed like the most important thing. I listened to his voice, got
lost in him—lost in his light.

“Tell me about L.A.,” I said. We’d spoken of so many
things, but never about the future. Summer had begun to speed away,
each day shorter than the last, and the cruel reality that I was
going to lose the first joy I’d ever had was slowly creeping into
my consciousness. I couldn’t begin to imagine what my life was
going to be like once he was gone.

William propped himself on his elbow, and I rolled
onto my back. He looked down at me as he ran his fingers through my
hair with his free hand. The gesture warmed me all the way
through.

“It’s…huge. Crowded, but kind of open at the same
time.” He smiled, and with the tilt of his head, an errant lock of
hair fell over just one eye.

I brushed my fingers through it to push it back.

“The people out there are so different…you can have
a table of men in business suits and a guy completely tattooed and
pierced sitting with them and nobody seems to notice. There’s
always something to do.” He chuckled and caressed his knuckles down
my jaw. “You would never get bored there.”

I grinned and leaned into his touch, trying to
imagine a place where nobody cared about another’s business. It
sounded pretty amazing. Somehow the thought also made me incredibly
sad.

“Are you going to stay there?” I asked, knowing in
the way my voice faltered I’d given myself away.

“I…” He hesitated as he glanced askew before he
looked back down at me. “I used to think so, now I’m not so
sure.”

He placed his palm flat across my stomach. The
contact scorched all the way through my shirt. Weeks ago, when Troy
had kissed me and slid his hand under my shirt, I’d nearly had a
panic attack. It’d felt too familiar and wrong. Now I couldn’t help
but wonder what it’d feel like if William did the same.

I shivered, scared that I wanted him to try.

I closed my eyes and found my voice. “Is
there…someone…out there?”

I opened them to find him staring down at me.

He drew his lips together and shook his head. “There
was a girl I was kind of seeing. We broke it off when I left.”

“Did you…” I trailed off, biting at my lip in
embarrassment. I didn’t even know why I felt compelled to ask, but
the thought had been plaguing me ever since I’d kissed him.

“Well, yeah,” he said, almost as if he were
surprised by my questioning, as if it were ridiculous to think
otherwise.

Of course it would be ridiculous—to everyone but me.
I suddenly felt small, naïve, sheltered inside my messed-up little
world. I screwed my face up to block out the overwhelming jealousy
I wasn’t prepared to feel.

Behind my lids, I saw visions I didn’t want to see.
In the nonchalance of his words, I knew there’d been many more than
this one girl. An agonizing pain stabbed itself somewhere deep in
my chest.

William suddenly wrenched himself away and sat up.
He swore into the distance and dragged his hands through his hair
before he cut his eyes back down to me.

“Do you think it doesn’t
kill
me to think of
you with Troy?”

Sickness at the thought clawed its way up my spine
and settled on my face as I locked my lips together and shook my
head.

“Never,” I forced out, unable to even imagine giving
that part of myself to Troy.

“What?” William jerked around to completely face to
me.

“Never.” This time I whispered the word and answered
the charged question for what it was.

Never. No one.

“Shit…Maggie.”

I startled when he lunged at me, and then I sank
into his warmth when he pulled me close and covered me with his
body.

“What have you done to me?” he said. It sounded like
a plea where he caressed his warm mouth against my jaw and mumbled
the words, desperation in the affection that wasn’t quite a
kiss.

My stomach tightened and my heart beat fast.

I couldn’t speak because it was him who had undone
me.

William ~ Present Day

The day after I asked Blake if his offer on the
guesthouse still stood, I pulled into his driveway. Here the houses
were smaller than in our parents’ neighborhood, some beginning to
appear rundown, though most were well-kept. Trees stretched from
one yard to another across the narrow road. Blake had always been a
hard-worker, and his home bore the evidence of that. The bushes
were trimmed and the grass mowed, the paint on the front porch
fresh and bright.

Emma ran down the porch steps and across the front
lawn. I couldn’t help but think how cute she was with her black
hair flying behind her. I could see her excitement with my arrival
through the wide-spaced slats of the white wooden fence.

I smiled when I stepped from my car. “Hey there,
Emma. How are you today?”

She peered at me with one eye through a slat. I
could tell she was grinning.

“Hi, Uncle Will.”

I looked down at her from over the fence.

“Guess what? I helped Mommy get the little house all
ready for you. We cleaned it
all
day, and Mommy let me use
the duster.”

I felt the tug, rubbed my hand over my chest.

“You did?” My voice lightened into a tone that
should have felt unnatural, but somehow it didn’t. “That was very
nice of you, sweetheart. Thank you.”

She released an abashed giggle as Blake crossed the
yard and unlatched the gate.

“You made it.” He still seemed a little surprised I
had carried through with my plans to stay.

Releasing a long breath through my nose, I roamed my
eyes over my brother’s home—now my home. “I’m here.”

Blake laughed and clapped me on the shoulder as he
passed, walking toward the rear of my SUV. “Why are you so serious
all the time, Will?” Blake glanced at me as he lugged the one
suitcase I had out of the tailgate. “To think Mom was worried she
was sending her youngest son off into the land of drugs and rock
and roll, and you came back the lamest person I know.”

“Shut up.” I shook my head and chuckled as I grabbed
my suitcase from him.

Blake grinned that same shit-eating grin that he’d
taunted me with since we were boys, the one that said he’d gladly
kick my ass if he needed to, the same one that said we’d always be
the closest of friends no matter what happened in between.

I smiled back.

~

I grabbed a couple of shirts from the suitcase I had
laid out on the bed and turned toward the closet.