When We Collide (18 page)

Blake hadn’t been joking. The guesthouse was small,
basically encompassed in one room except for a tiny bathroom in the
back. The head of a large bed was pushed up in the middle of the
right wall, and an oversized cushioned chair sat in the corner
beside it, angled to face the built-in fireplace by the door. What
could barely be construed as a kitchen was tucked in the far left
front corner, and an armoire closet ran along the back wall.

But Blake was right. It was better than being cooped
up in my old bedroom at my parents’, and it felt like paradise
compared to the house I’d lived in for the last six years. I knew I
was unhappy there, but distancing myself from that world made it
clear just how miserable I’d been.

There was a small rap on the front door.

“Come in,” I called as I pulled a hanger from the
closet and slipped a shirt on it.

All afternoon the girls had run in and out without
knocking, and Blake had waltzed in unannounced several times, so I
already expected it to be Grace. From the sound of the cautious
footsteps on the old hardwood floors, I knew I was right. I glanced
over my shoulder at my sister-in-law.

“These just came out of the dryer,” she said when
her wary eyes flicked up to meet mine. She set a pile of folded
towels on the bed. “Sorry I didn’t get them out to you sooner.
There’s no laundry out here, so you’re going to have to do it
inside.” She scooted back toward the door. “Let me know if you need
anything else.”

That was something I’d always liked about Grace. She
was genuine, never fake. That honesty was still apparent, though
now it filled the room with her distrust. I could tell she was
struggling to overcome it, to accept me back, the same way Blake
had.

“Thank you, Grace,” I called quietly from across the
room. I glanced around. “The place is great. I hope you know how
much I appreciate all of this.”

She paused in the doorway and looked back at me as
if she still couldn’t understand, though she offered a small nod.
“You’re welcome, Will.”

After I unpacked, I lit a fire and closed the door
to shut out the slight chill that filled the air as night
approached. I stood at the window, staring out over Blake’s
backyard and to the rear of his house. Sound traveled from within,
Emma crying, the clatter of pots in the kitchen, an echoed
voice.

I was incredibly thankful for what Blake had done
for me, the way he’d welcomed me in and given me a place to stay.
Still, I felt utterly alone.

I wished for a way to ease the isolation, a way to
ease the fear. Wished for an answer.

I dropped down into the chair with my elbows on my
knees, held my head in my hands.

My first instinct was to go to the police, but what
would I say? That I believed someone was in danger? Someone I
hadn’t spoken to in years? Someone I was certain would deny it if I
did try to report it?

When I left for California that final time, my goal
had been to put as many miles between Maggie and me as possible. To
separate myself from the life she had chosen. I’d been so angry.
After everything, how could she have picked Troy over me? But at
the heart of it had always been my worry for her, the fear she’d
traded her father’s savage hand in favor of a brutal one.

Her reaction in front of my parent’s house had
proven it.

God. I was so stuck.

Blowing the air from my lungs, I slumped back in the
chair. I knew something had to give. I couldn’t just stand by—stay
here and do nothing.

Flames flickered and cast shadows across the tiny
room, warmed my face. I closed my eyes. The fire danced and played
behind my lids. There I saw Maggie as I did the first time I’d seen
her, when the fire had lit her face and kissed her cheeks. The
night my life was permanently changed.

I missed her.

Wanted her.

As the fire jumped and crackled, my breaths slowed
and evened.

And I fell.

“Bet you can’t find me.”

A flash of blond streaked in the moonlight,
disappeared in the shadows.

William tried to scream, to warn him to stay. He
pushed himself harder than he ever had. The child remained just out
of reach, his laughter taunting William’s fear.

“Wait,” William called. His voice carried on the
wind, bled into nothing.

“Jonathan!” he screamed.

The wind shifted and stilled, the roving life of the
forest floor stalling under his feet.

The small boy peeked out from behind a large tree
trunk and stared back at William with huge brown eyes.

An emotion William had never felt pounded against
his ribs, bound with his soul.

The boy cocked his head and grinned, sweet and
small. Blood filled his mouth and covered his teeth. The grin
faded, and he sniffled, wiped his nose with the back of his
hand.

I lurched, body and soul, cried out as I lunged for
the boy.

I was on my feet, panting, eyes darting around the
small room. Embers smoldered in the fireplace, the fire quelled and
lulled to a muted glow, the boy still floundering through my mind.
I tasted his fear, felt his spirit needling through my skin,
weaving a child’s pattern of despair.

I roared—a manifestation of desperate, helpless
rage—and hurled the lamp sitting on the small table across the
room. It smashed against the opposite wall.

I was losing my fucking mind.

~

“Want another beer?” Blake handed me a bottle from
the cooler sitting on his front porch.

“Sure. Thanks,” I said. I twisted off the cap and
took a drink, looking back over the peace of Blake’s front
yard.

Late afternoon sun warmed the air, and the girls
squealed where they chased each other on the grass. Olivia fell
down about every ten steps or so. She’d giggle and get herself back
up on her feet without seeming to miss a beat.

Blake wandered out into his yard, smiling as he
watched his girls play.

“Whoa…,” he said as the girls did a loop around him,
their laughter carrying across the neighborhood when he loped after
them, not
quite
able to catch them.

Grace was on the porch, one knee drawn to her chest,
the other foot swaying her gently on the porch swing.

I found it ironic that everything felt right, just
as it should be, except for the one thing holding me in this
place—the same thing that had chased me away years before.

For the last two nights, I had called the guesthouse
home, though I’d spent most of the weekend hanging out with Blake’s
family, making bonds I should have made years ago. Grace seemed to
be slowly warming up to me. Her smile was a little less tense each
time I walked through their door.

“Catch us, Uncle Will,” Emma called as she flew in
close to the porch steps where I stood.

So unaccustomed to child’s play, I felt completely
out of sorts, but I found myself powerless to this little girl who
had attached herself to me so quickly. Laughing in spite of myself,
I chased her across the lawn, two steps behind, before I drew in
near enough to sweep her off her feet with one arm wrapped around
her belly. I swung her around, and Emma shrieked with laughter.

I hugged her back close to my chest before I set her
back on her feet, smiling when she grinned back up at me as she ran
away.

Blake’s face was soft when I joined him near the
fence.

“It’s really good to have you here, Will,” he said
then took a swig from his beer, turned away to rest his arms over
the top of the wooden fence. He dangled his bottle over the other
side, looked down at his feet.

Drawing in a breath of the crisp evening air, I
draped my arms over the fence and gazed out over the quiet
street.

“I’m glad to be here.” I took a drink and looked
over at my brother. “Your girls are...great.” I had no other way to
explain it. I was really happy for Blake. Almost envious. I guess
I’d spent my entire life being
almost
envious of my brother.
Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

Blake glanced over his shoulder at his girls, then
back at me. “Yeah. I couldn’t imagine life without them.” He shook
his head. “It’s crazy how you can live for years without them, but
the moment they’re born, they become your entire life.”

Focusing on the toe of my shoe I dug into a bare
spot of the grass, I thought maybe I understood what my brother
meant.

Blake cut an eye in my direction. “You know, we’re
all really glad you’re back, but I wanted you to know I’m sorry
about Kristina. I know that’s gotta be hard. You doing okay with
it?”

I rubbed my chin and took another sip, releasing a
humorless chuckle after I swallowed. “That was over before it
started.”

Blake frowned. “You were with her six years. How can
you say that? Are you telling me you didn’t love her?”

I shook my head and looked my brother in the eye.
“No…not at all.”

Blake stared at me, the air rushing from his nose in
disbelief. “I don’t get you at all.” Disappointment darkened his
face. “You disappear for all this time, and now you tell me it
didn’t mean anything? What was it? The
money
?” he asked.

“Of course not.”

“Then what?”

The only thing I could do was allow the heaviness in
my presence to speak for me. I had no excuse, my reason a secret
I’d never told anyone.

“What the hell, Will? You were gone for years, and
now you can’t say one damned word about it? We used to tell each
other everything.”

I rolled my jaw and looked out over the street. “Not
everything.”

Blake’s agitation seemed to subside as his
frustration doubled. “Then
tell
me.”

I dared to meet my brother’s face and clearly saw
the damage my absence had caused him.

“Blake…” I swallowed over the thickness that
gathered in my throat.

Blake frowned and inclined his head. “Come on, Will.
Anything you have to say can’t be that bad. That’s what family is
supposed to be for. It’s like I just got my brother back, but a
huge piece of him is still missing. We all have shit that happens
in our lives…you don’t have to hide it from me.”

Defeat clenched my hand around my bottle. “I just
couldn’t stay here, okay?” I wiped my brow that suddenly felt hot.
“I got wrapped up in something I shouldn’t have, and I needed to
put it behind me.”

Shouldn’t have?

For six years, that’s what I’d been telling myself.
It’d become an easy lie.

“What are you talking about?”

“It didn’t have anything to do with you, Blake.”

“When you took off, you think you didn’t make it
about us?”

“I get it, Blake. I told you I was sorry, and I’m
back. Just…forget about it.”

Blake released a sarcastic snort. “Sure looks like
you’ve forgotten about it.”

“Hey guys,” Grace called from the porch, “dinner’s
ready.”

Blake pegged me with a look that told me this wasn’t
over, before he turned, crossed the yard, and climbed the porch
steps. Grace smiled, and he dipped his head to kiss her, then took
her hand and led her inside.

Just on the verge of dusk, the mild winter sun still
held on at the brink, subtle blue and pink rays casting the day’s
goodbye.

Dinner was incredible, and after we all wandered
back out into the front yard to enjoy the last minutes of the day.
The girls settled on the grass, playing with toys, and Grace went
back to her favorite spot on the porch swing.

Grabbing another beer from the cooler, I leaned
against the fence and watched the girls play. Blake joined me, and
he popped the cap to his beer with a satisfied sigh.

“So how’s business?” I asked, sinking into the calm
of the approaching night.

“Good,” he said before he drained the rest of his
beer. “This shit-hole town is sure to keep me busy.” He grinned,
and I laughed low. Blake had been doing construction all of his
adult life, and half the houses in town were falling apart. “Every
time the wind even stirs somebody needs…”

Part of me understood Blake was still talking, but
his voice came muddied and warped against my ears. I could focus on
nothing but the van coming to a stop across the street, six houses
up.

Blake nudged me on the shoulder, jarred me into
semi-consciousness. His words were distinct only because of what he
said. “Maggie Krieger. God...that poor girl...I almost slipped up
with Mom on that the other night. Too bad you weren’t around to
protect her when she got herself knocked up and married that
asshole. I called that one, though, didn’t I?”

My eyes locked on Maggie as she emerged from her van
and went to the side to help Jonathan out. My entire being shifted
in their direction, drawn.

“Her little sister moved in about a year ago…see
Maggie over there every once in a while…little boy sure is cute.”
Blake continued to ramble, each word striking me deeper than the
last.

I held my breath when the two came to a standstill
in front of the van. The wind stirred Maggie’s hair, large chunks
thrashing around her face, the boy clinging to her as he stared in
my direction.

I was unable to look away from my heart—my life.
There was no way I could let either of them go. As if they felt it
too, they remained unmoving, frozen, as if the space between us had
dissolved.

My fingers twitched their direction.

“Oh my God.” I was knocked from the place I’d gone
by Blake’s voice, low and disgusted. “You fucking asshole.” I
turned to see Blake stumble back as if he’d been punched in the
gut. “I can’t believe you…
this
is what you shouldn’t have
gotten wrapped up in?” He gripped his head as he looked down the
road to where Maggie suddenly turned and rushed Jonathan up the
sidewalk and into her sister’s house. Blake’s face twisted up as if
just looking at me sickened him.