When We Collide (27 page)

I squeezed out the words. “I think I have a
son.”

“What?”

I exhaled and the truth dropped from my mouth. “I
have a son…I need you to help me prove it.”

“Are you kidding me, Will?” He sounded irritated,
maybe skeptical. “You know I don’t deal in that shit. What do you
expect me to do?”

I rubbed my forehead.

“I don’t know, something…Tom, I need you.” There was
no one else I could trust, no one else who wouldn’t write me off as
completely insane. I was sure I was going to sound it. I closed my
eyes and let the past six years of my life pour out in a plea for
help. I told him about Maggie, how I’d lost her, how I still didn’t
know why, but I was sure it was because of Troy. How I’d known the
second I saw Jonathan that he belonged to me. “I know they’re in
danger, Tom, I just don’t know how to prove it.”

The entire time, Tom remained silent.

“I
have
to get them out of that house. Tell
me you can help me.”

I didn’t try to hide my desperation. Tom probably
viewed me the callused man I’d been all those years, and there was
no chance he would fully understand. I could only hope he
considered me a good enough friend to put a little faith in my
intentions.

“Please, Tom. Just this once. I don’t have anyone
else I can trust.”

Tom released a strained breath into the phone.

“Damn it...this is...” He didn’t need to complete
the thought. We both knew how messed up it was.

“I know it is. But I can’t sit here and do
nothing.”

“Let me see what I can dig up on the guy. I’m not
promising anything. Without the mom asking for help, you don’t have
much of anything to go on. If the mom isn’t cooperating, your best
bet will probably be pursuing a paternity test.”

I fidgeted, not wanting to go that route, knowing to
Maggie it would feel like a threat. But if Tom couldn’t come up
with anything else, then I’d do whatever I had to do.

He scribbled down the information I gave him.

“Hang tight for a few days, and I’ll see what I can
do. You need to stay away from them until we figure something out.
That kid isn’t yours until the State says he is.” He hesitated.
“You’re sure you want to get into this mess?” His tone filled with
a warning that told me I was crossing a line.

“I’m already in it.”

~

Heat rose to my cheeks. I’d grown so unaccustomed to
this type of attention. The voices were off key and loud, echoing
around the tiny room. The dining table that was normally pushed
into the corner nook of the kitchen at Blake and Grace’s house had
been pulled out and extended with a leaf. In front of me sat a cake
with what looked like an uncountable number of candles blazing on
it. Icing of most every color was spread over its top in a jumbled
mess of decorations, random swirls and mounds, created at the hand
of my nieces. I thought it was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. My
family finished off the last line of
The Birthday Song
by
drawing it out in a deafening roar. They were all laughing by the
time they finished.

“Happy Birthday, Will. It’s great we finally get to
spend one with you.” Dad sat next to me with Olivia on his lap, his
face tired, but relaxed and happy as he held onto his youngest
granddaughter.

From behind, Mom squeezed my shoulders and leaned
down to murmur near my ear. “Make a wish, William.”

This was the first birthday I’d been home for since
I was a senior in high school. In my college years, my birthdays
had been spent partying with my friends and the last handful had
been spent with Kristina over expensive dinners in low-lit
restaurants with few words spoken. There’d been no laughter or
joy.

As I looked around now at the caring faces of my
family grinning back at me, I felt it. Joy. It came with a sadness
at its incompletion, but I finally felt as if I belonged.

Sucking in a deep breath, I swept in close to the
table and blew out the twenty-seven candles, and with it, made a
wish. It would have been easy to have made it selfish, the way I
wanted it to be, but it came out simple.
Please just let them be
safe
.

Everyone clapped and cheered the snuffed out flames,
shouting, “Happy Birthday.”

Mom squeezed me in a fierce hug from behind. “Happy
Birthday, Will. I’m so glad you stayed.”

I glanced back. “Thanks, Ma.”

Emma tugged at my arm to get my attention then
crawled onto my lap. Blake smiled at me from across the table,
pushing his chair back and stretching out in a more comfortable
position as he blew out a contented sigh.

“Dinner was awesome, babe.” He looked up at Grace
who set a stack of small plates and forks on the table. Winding an
arm around her, he hugged her to his side. She dipped down to give
him a quick kiss and draped one arm around his shoulders when she
stood back up.

It was all so easy, so casual, so
good
.

Blake and I hadn’t talked much since the revelation
about Maggie and me last Sunday evening. The week had been spent in
careful avoidance of the subject, as if we both needed time to deal
with the shock, though his eyes were filled with unspoken apologies
for the way he’d reacted.

I wasn’t angry with him. I deserved it. How could I
have expected anything different from him or Grace after the way
I’d handled things?

I hugged the little girl on my lap. “Thank you for
my beautiful cake, Emma.”

“You really like it?” she asked with a tiny grin
when she tilted her head all the way up to look at me. Ebony eyes
blinked up at me for validation. I dropped a kiss on her forehead.
“I love it.”

~

“Hey baby, why don’t you let me help with the
dishes?” Blake folded himself against Grace’s back, his hands on
her hips and his nose buried in the bob of raven hair.

She leaned back on him. “I’ve got it…almost
finished.”

I had to look away. I was struck with a familiar
feeling, so much like all those years ago, uncomfortable to witness
such intimacy, but happy for my brother and Grace all the same. Not
to mention that unavoidable stab of jealousy I’d come to accept was
just part of who I was, a reminder of what I was missing.

My mother and father had left a little over an hour
before, and the girls were tucked away in bed.

It had been a good day, and with a glance in Blake
and Grace’s direction, I figured I’d better call it a night.

“Thanks so much for dinner, Grace. Tonight was
great.”

From the sink, she turned a genuine smile on me. It
was obvious she was still feeling guilty, but we were getting close
to what we’d once been—friends. “You’re welcome, Will. We loved
doing it for you.”

“Hey, man, don’t take off yet. It’s your birthday.
Why don’t we go grab a beer?” Blake said without pulling away from
Grace.

I hesitated. “You sure?”

“Yeah, we never get to hang out without the kids.
It’ll be nice.” He pulled at Grace’s hips. “Why don’t we get a
sitter, make a night of it?”

Grace laughed, shaking her head as she turned and
hiked herself up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on Blake’s chin.
“You two go on and have a good time. I’ll stay here with the
girls.”

Blake pressed her into the counter. “You gonna wait
up for me?”

Her eyes were full of playful apologies when she
slanted them in my direction, and then she jerked them right back
to her husband who hovered above her, demanding her attention. “How
about you wake me up?”

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Blake mumbled at
her jaw and Grace actually giggled.

When Blake moved in to kiss her, I took that as my
cue and headed for the back door. “I’ll meet you out at the truck.”
Neither seemed to notice I’d said anything.

I chuckled quietly into the stillness of the
backyard. Those two had gotten much worse than I remembered—or
maybe better. No longer was their affection filled with
anticipation and hope for the future, now it was filled with
fulfillment and peace. No questions. Confident in what they
had.

Resting my back against Blake’s truck, I relished in
the starry-night sky. Insects droned. The familiar hum of this
place covered me in comfort. Closing my eyes, I saw her face, felt
her skin beneath my fingertips.

A breeze stirred, setting the trees in a gentle
sway, and I whispered, “Please.”

The back door slammed, and I jumped and
straightened. An incredulous smile pulled at my mouth at the
feigned guilty expression Blake wore as he approached.

“Sorry about that.” He smirked and I laughed.

When the locks popped, I opened the door and hopped
in. “Sure you are.”

A grin took up Blake’s entire face when he looked
over his shoulder to back out from the driveway. “Nah…you’re right.
I’m not sorry at all.”

I felt Blake sober, scratch his chin. “So, uh, I
know we haven’t gotten to talk more about it, but have you thought
any more about what you’re going to do?”

I stared out the windshield, that disturbance I felt
every time I’d seen Jonathan bubbling up in my chest.

“It’s all I
can
think about.” It came out in
a flow of helplessness. “I saw him yesterday,” I admitted. Even
though the attorney had warned me to lay low, after two days, it’d
proven too much, and I’d followed them to the park after school.
Jonathan had run by me, his feet hesitating in recognition when
he’d passed by the bench I sat on. I would never forget the way I
felt when I heard his voice.

Jonathan had whispered, “Hi,” in return to the
broken one I’d given him. His innocent face held so much curiosity,
so much kindness, and so much fear.

Maggie’s spirit had surged across the space from
where she watched us across the play yard, wrapped me up with her
watchful eye, alarmed but filled with longing.

“I’m William,” I’d said. With an unsure hand, I
reached out and ran my fingertips down the boy’s cheek. My son’s
cheek.

He’d grinned and looked to his mother for approval.
Six years old, and the child had no idea who his father was.

She’d softly waved him back, holding my gaze as he
trotted back to her across the field.

I cut my attention to Blake, hoping he would
understand how much it had affected me. “I talked to him for the
first time.”

Surprise widened Blake’s eyes and then sympathy
softened them. “Oh man…that’s gotta be hard. Where?”

“At that little park over by Mom and Dad’s.”

Blake frowned as if it were the strangest place for
me to have run into the child. He had no idea what that place meant
to me. How sad no one really understood how truly important Maggie
had been to me or how she’d changed my life. I wanted Blake to
know.

In the glow of the dashboard, I distracted myself by
picking at the seam of my jeans as I exposed myself in my loss.

“You know...we were supposed to get married.” I
didn’t look up, but just as I always had been able to, I sensed
Blake’s reaction, the shock that tensed his body as he tightened
his hold on the steering wheel, the silent curse from his
mouth.

“She was supposed to leave with me that morning,” I
continued, slowly shaking my head as I lost myself in the
memory...how I’d pictured her excitement...how I’d pictured her my
wife. “I had some romantic notion of surprising her by going to Las
Vegas on the way back to California. I was going to rent the nicest
hotel room I could get with my credit card because I knew she’d
never experienced anything like that before.” Sorrow I’d held in
for so long worked its way free. It had always been there, by day,
masked in anger, and by night, manifested in my dreams. Now, it
flooded me with images of what should have been. “God…I just
wanted…” I snorted and stared out the side window. “It was
stupid.”

At the stoplight, Blake pinned me with a penetrating
stare. “You really believe that, Will? That’s
love
. It can
make us do some crazy shit, but it doesn’t make it stupid.”

I met the intensity of my brother’s face. I nodded
in doubtful acceptance. I’d spent too many years hiding it all,
blaming my naivety for the pain. I couldn’t do it anymore. I set it
free in a torrent of remorse. “I was so angry that night. She told
me she was staying and I lost it.” I swallowed. “I took it out on
you and Mom. I was jealous of you and Grace…I wanted what you had…I
wanted to be loved back. It was selfish, but I had no idea how else
to deal with it. God, Blake…I wish you knew how sorry I really am.
I didn’t consciously want to hurt you guys, but I did it
anyway.”

Blake visibly blinked back the hurt flared in my
admission then shook his head in understanding. “I get it, Will.
Yeah, you hurt me, and you hurt Mom and Dad, but it makes sense
now.” Blake accelerated through the light, glancing in my
direction. “You may have taken off, but you came back when we
really needed you. You were there for Mom when Aunt Lara passed.
You made my girls fall in love with you. You
stayed
.” His
brow knitted up in held-back emotion. “None of what happened in
between matters, Will. You’re still my best friend.”

A quiver twitched at my chin. “After everything I’ve
done, I hope you know I always felt the same.”

For a moment, Blake’s expression tightened as he
shook his head. “I just wish I would’ve noticed sooner. It makes me
sick I was so blind to something that was right there all that
time.”

“We kept it a secret, Blake. You weren’t supposed to
know.”

One eyebrow peaked in objection. “Grace knew.” A
heavy breath filtered into Blake’s truck. “You know, after
everything came out, she told me she’d known that whole summer
something was going on between you two.” Blake raked a hand over
his face. “How’d I miss that, with everything that had happened? I
feel like I failed you.”