When We Collide (28 page)

Frowning, I regarded my brother. “That’s ridiculous,
Blake.”

Blake shrugged. “Well, I do.”

I turned to watch the small town I knew so well pass
by, catching faint glimpses of my reflection through the window.
“It’s crazy that after all this time, nothing has changed—I still
want the messed-up girl you warned me to stay away from.”

A heaviness filled the cab, Blake’s tone regretful.
“Did you ever think I might have been wrong?”

Closing my eyes, I thought of how I’d spent the last
six years trying to convince myself that my brother had been right.
I lifted my face to Blake, wishing someone could understand my
torment. I was so close to completely opening up to him about the
dreams I’d been having about Jonathan, but it wouldn’t form as
words in my mouth.

Blake turned right into one of the three bars in
town and eased into a spot toward the back of the nearly filled
lot. “It’ll work out, Will…it has to.”

It didn’t slide past my attention that Blake didn’t
sound so certain.

“Two Buds, please.” Blake leaned in close to the
bartender so she could hear him over the din of the bar.

I rested my back up against the bar with my elbows
on top, looking out over the crowded room where I was sure I sorely
stuck out. Country music blared from the speakers. Girls who barely
appeared to have passed the mark to make them women paraded around
in cowboy boots, wearing cut-offs so short they were almost
obscene. Men in trucker’s caps and Wranglers appreciated them from
the stools or from the chairs they’d turned backwards to straddle
or flirted with them from across the pool tables.

I took the beer Blake offered. He patted me on the
back and lifted his bottle in the air.

“To better times, little brother.”

I tipped my bottle Blake’s direction. “To better
times.”

With all of the oppressive questions of the last
years put behind us, Blake and I settled into the indulgent
atmosphere. We fell back into the easy way we used to be, partook
in friendly jeers and unrestrained laughter. Familiar faces stopped
by to say hello and joke. Blake filled me in on all the town
gossip, telling me who was with who and introducing me to the few
who were new to town.

I relaxed into the buzz I felt coming on, welcomed
the dulling of the sharp edge that continually cut through my
spirit. Blake laughed, chatting with one of the guys who worked for
him, and dodged the attention of a few girls who didn’t seem
surprised when he balked at their advances.

I sat back, forced myself to relax, to hang tight
like Tom had told me to do, until Troy and Kurt walked through the
door.

I wasn’t even really surprised.

The foul presence seemed expected, as if it were
something I could not escape.

Still, hatred slammed into me so hard it sucked all
of my air from the room, streaked my vision in reds and blacks.
That same hatred raged back through the brown eyes piercing me
through when I finally raised my face to meet the contention. It
was so thick, I wondered if Troy was really as oblivious to mine
and Maggie’s relationship as I’d believed him to be. No question,
Troy had reasons to hate me, the blow to his pride so severe it was
doubtful an asshole like him could ever have recovered.

Defensive intuition told me it went deeper than
that. He suspected something, I just didn’t know what.

Turning my attention back to our small circle of
friends, I battled to ignore the man who claimed Maggie, the man
who claimed my son, the one who stole. I had to keep it together. I
couldn’t risk forever with the slip I was heading for tonight. I
squeezed my eyes shut, fighting to keep it at bay. All I saw was
the loss that deadened her eyes, heard only the words she had
spoken
. I didn’t
. Trapped in her sea of pain, I couldn’t
breathe. I gripped my beer bottle, steadied myself with a hand on
the bar.

Blake nudged me with his elbow. I opened my eyes to
see him toss me a tensed look, gesturing with his chin toward the
door where Troy had just entered.

I tilted my head in silent conversation.
I
already know
.

Three beers later, the feeling never faded. It had
only wound me in obliterated anger. Dizziness crowded at the edges
of my sight, slurring my thoughts and mind. I set my beer on the
bar and pressed my fingers to my temples in an attempt to chase it
away. I leaned in close to Blake’s ear, shouting above the
deafening noise.

“Hey, man…I’m going to get some fresh air. I’m not
feeling so great.”

Concern distorted the relaxed expression on Blake’s
face. “You okay?”

“Yeah…I just need to get out of here.”

Brows drawn, Blake nodded once in understanding.
“I’ll be right behind you. Let me pay the tab and tell the guys
goodbye.”

I slithered through the bodies writhing on the
makeshift dance floor, desperate for a reprieve. I had to get out
of here before I lost all coherency, before I did something so
fucking stupid I would ruin every chance I had in getting Maggie
and Jonathan back. Face to the ground, I fought the crushing need
to take out whatever or whoever had hurt her. Couples jumped out of
my way as I cut a direct path through the middle of the bar, their
expressions ranging from irritated to frightened by the near
derangement I felt tipping me over the edge.

Pushing open the heavy door, I gasped for the cool
night air, sucked it in, willing my nerves to subside. Hands fisted
in my hair, I inhaled as deeply as I could, filled my lungs, and
released it in a whispered, “It will be okay, it will be okay.”

The parking lot was oddly quiet, my senses jerked
from one extreme to the other. Strains of distant music still
thrummed through my veins, while the pulse of the sleeping night
seeped into my bones. I squinted into the darkened distance. In the
stupor of too many beers and harbored hatred, I tried to focus in
on where Blake had parked his truck among the thirty others. I
swayed to the left.
Shit
. I ran a hand over my face to
orient myself then staggered out into the maze of trucks, wishing
I’d not allowed myself this slip of control.

There it is
. I eyed the distinct tail of
Blake’s work truck.

Footsteps quickened over the loose-graveled pavement
behind me, faster than I could make sense of them. A blinding crack
echoed too close to my ears, then staggering pain tore through my
skull and split my vision. Nausea welled and my head spun. I rocked
forward, and the ground rushed up to meet my face before I had time
to break my fall. Blackness crawled over my consciousness.

Lights flashed, flickers of the softest grays,
blacks, and whites. Images played as on a reel, pictures of
perfection. Maggie danced, red lips stretched into the freest of
smiles. She spun, the sun a bursting halo behind her head. There
are my boys, she sang, stopped to stretch out her hand.

Pain seared, shocked through the foggy haze. Oil and
dirt clogged my senses as I struggled for a shattered breath,
muscles twitching. Blood streamed from the gash on the side of my
head and pooled in my ear, cut as a web of scattered trails down my
face and neck. They dripped onto the pitted, rocky pavement from my
chin. A metal pipe pinged to the ground, tipping back and forth in
a slow roll an inch from my face.

He panted near my cheek. Chills skittered across my
bloodied flesh and raised the hairs at the back of my neck.

“I’ll kill you,” came as a low threat near my ear,
my words repeated from so long ago.

And just like then, I knew I’d die for her if I
could somehow set her free.

Maggie ~ Present Day

I lay adrift, swimming at the edge of sleep and
consciousness. I floated on William’s inescapable light. Blackened
waters lapped at my skin as I dipped my mind into dreams that were
almost a reality. Fingertips ghosted down my cheeks, sent me
tripping through desire and stumbling into fear. Heart pounding,
anxiety laced its tendrils around me as I found myself on a bluff,
standing at the edge where I was left with no choice but to
jump.

Snatched back, pain shot through my scalp as I was
lifted from sleep by a handful of my hair. Too disoriented, I had
no time to block the fist that landed at the right side of my face,
just below my cheek. I cried out and crossed both arms over my face
to shield the next blow that connected with my forearm. Troy jerked
me around to straddle my stomach. He wheezed through frantic
breaths. The stench of beer and vileness spread over me in a
blanket of derangement. Fists fell in a constant storm. I did my
best to protect myself as Troy lost himself in a madness he’d never
shown before. His attacks had always been perfectly calculated to
exert his control, and I had always done my best to give him the
least amount of satisfaction when he enacted it.

But this…this whipped through the room as a violent
explosion and rained down in incoherent rage. Gasping, I begged
through a sob for him to stop. It was the first time I’d pled with
him for any sense of compassion since that night.

My pleas only inflamed him more.

I tried to block it from my mind, to pinch my eyes
shut and seal myself in the numbness where I’d survived my entire
life, but I couldn’t find it. It was too stark a contrast from the
adoration I’d experienced in the few short moments I’d allowed
myself to indulge in William’s touch. The chance he’d offered too
fresh and raw. The choice too bright.

I’d allowed Troy to take everything from me, my hope
and my son’s future.

And I wanted it—God I wanted it—but I had no idea
how to break free.

Above me, Troy continued with his assault,
belligerence overflowing as he swore again and again that he was
going to kill me.

It was in that moment I accepted if I stayed, one
day he would.

I glimpsed William in my mind, the need in his
words, the tender way he watched my child.

I tucked myself tighter under the protection of my
arms. My body yielded in submission to the blows, while inside the
lifelong war that had raged was finally won.

I didn’t want this.

I never had.

Troy drew in rasping breaths, and his chest heaved
as the strength left his body. Exhausted fists landed on my arms
and another glanced the side of my head, his anger spent. In one
move, he pushed me aside and stood from the bed, wiping the back of
his hand across his mouth. Then he turned and left me in a bloodied
heap, curled up on my side in the middle of the bed, like the piece
of trash he’d always wanted me to believe I was.

Maybe to him, that was what he really believed.

The back door slammed, and Troy was gone.

Hot breaths wheezed from my mouth as palpitations
jerked all the way to my core. I sucked in stale, soured air that
hung in the room and turned my face into my pillow. I wept from the
ache that throbbed over every inch of my body, for the humiliation
I could never escape for allowing this to happen, and in distinct
relief for the decision I’d made.

Maggie ~ Late November, Six Years Earlier

Huddled in the corner of the bathroom, I rocked
myself, staring at the spot where sunlight crawled in through the
gap at the bottom of the door. For so long, I’d felt nothing. I’d
walked numb through the days and had lain lifeless beneath Troy
night after night.

I’d succumbed so easily, giving up on my first
chance at joy. The next day, I had been waiting for Troy after he’d
stripped the last shred of my dignity, just like he’d warned me to
be. I had to protect my sister. She was the last thing in this
world that meant anything to me. Troy had taken everything
else.

Holed up in his squalid apartment since, I had been
nearly comatose. My days were spent on the couch, staring unseeing
at the dingy white wall, while my nights were spent lost somewhere
in the deepest recesses of my mind while Troy carried on as if we
were a normal couple. Part of me knew there were times when he
spoke to me, muddled words that things were finally how they were
supposed to be, and that he loved me. Part of me knew his hands
were on my skin. But the only real thing I had felt was the void,
the place inside where William had touched me now a burdened
reminder of what I had lost, and the only thing I could really see
was the expression on William’s face when he’d walked away. That
night, he appeared exactly as I felt—destroyed.

Troy had made it so easy to believe I had no choice
but to let William go.

Placing my hand on my stomach, I felt a glimmer of
something in my deadened heart. A purpose to go on. I should hate
it, I knew, despise what Troy had planted in me, but I
couldn’t.

I didn’t know if it’d been an hour or three since I
sank to the bathroom floor with the test in my hand. Slowly my mind
seeped back to reality. For days, a nagging somewhere in my
subconscious had told me what the test showed me now. This morning,
I’d walked to the mini-mart up the street with the twenty dollars
Troy had given me to buy groceries. While I was there, I swiped a
test and stuffed it under my shirt. Even in the daze I’d lived in,
I felt the guilt, the bundle of nerves that turned my stomach.
Never once had I stolen anything, but I couldn’t chance someone
seeing me buy that test in this town.

There was only one person I trusted enough to ask
for help.

It was unimaginable to think how much it was going
to hurt to stand in front of William and tell him what Troy had
done. It made me sick to think of him knowing the truth. The night
I’d forced him away, I was sure he’d be just as disgusted with me
as I was with myself. He’d see I was filthy and unclean.

But I would do anything to save this child.

I waited until Troy was asleep. He panted deeply
against the back of my head. His hold was no longer tense, but
loose where his arm was draped over my side. Holding my breath, I
wound myself out of his hold, keeping my feet silent on the
floor.