When We Collide (33 page)

Jonathan tilted his head up. The tiny dimple above
his lip deepened, piqued interest and timid excitement. “Where we
gonna go? On a trip? Do we get to stay in a hotel?”

“No, baby. He wants us to move with him…to a new
house…to a
good
house.” I continued on, painting the picture
I had in my mind for my son. I wanted him to see the promise in it
all, to understand it was big, and our lives were getting ready to
change. “William is going to take care of us...love us.”

Confusion stole the excitement.

“Forever?” It was asked in a whispered secret as he
struggled to sit up, anxious eyes cast around the dimly lit
room.

I
felt
it, recognized his fear. I knew
exactly where his thoughts had raced.

“Yes, Jonathan…forever.” Hugging him a little
closer, I murmured at his head, “William wants to be your daddy
now. What would you think of that?”

I had no idea what I would say if he said no, if the
fear of the unknown, the fear of Troy, and the small comfort of
familiarity would tie him to this place, because today I was taking
my son from this life. I just hoped if he thought he were making
the choice and was a part of the decision, the sudden upheaval
wouldn’t be so hard on him.

“I like William,” he quietly admitted, as if he were
afraid to speak it aloud. Wide brown eyes blinked up at me,
silently asking if that was okay.

I ran a hand through his hair, unable to process
everything I felt. The joy was too great, the fear too strong. I
pushed it aside and focused on the purpose. I knew our journey
would be long, and, for a time, confusion would reign, that the
three of us would have to learn to be a family. But for now, we
just needed to get out.

“Let’s get your things.”

With the excitement back, Jonathan scrambled from my
lap and ran down the hall to the kids’ room. By then, his cousins
had awoken, and the kitchen was filled with the sounds and smells
of breakfast. Amber’s voice was soft as she called her children to
the table.

I followed Jonathan into the bedroom and knelt
beside him as he crammed his few belongings we’d brought here into
his backpack, mostly small toys and stuffed animals. A grin was on
his face.

“I have to pack my things. I’ll be in the
guestroom.”

“‘
Kay, Mommy.”

Crossing the hall, I entered the small room where
I’d been staying. On my knees, I pulled out the suitcase I stored
under the bed and began throwing the few belongings I brought with
me inside.

With every item, the more this became real.

My heartbeat escalated, pounding a discordant
rhythm. Panic beaded up as sweat at the nape of my neck. I fought
for some semblance of calm, trying to keep my nerves quiet. With
each passing second, that control became harder to maintain. In the
bathroom, I swept everything into my overnight bag. The bottles and
tubes clattered into a haphazard pile. I shrugged the bag over my
shoulder, grabbed the suitcase, and went back across the hall.

“Are you ready, Jonathan?”

“Yep.” He zipped his backpack and took my hand.

Terror chained me to the ground when I rounded the
corner to the entryway. I stared at the door as if a fire raged
behind it. Jonathan kept stealing worried glances my way.

I’d dreamed of this for so long, an imaginary world
that had always been unobtainable because I didn’t know how to
cross the line. I’d never been able to reconcile the true threat
holding me prisoner to this place with the knowledge that it was
worth taking that risk for a chance at freedom.

Now that chance was right outside the door.

Amber appeared behind me. “Is it time?” she
asked.

I nodded, drew in breath, and pushed forward.

With each step, memories warned and scars wept,
I’ll kill you
a whispered voice in my ear. And I knew Troy
wouldn’t hesitate. For Jonathan, for William, for
myself,
I
shunned it all, waded through the dread that floated out in front
of me like an indeterminable bog.

Daylight blinded me when I swung the door open. I
blinked, and my eyes adjusted to the bright light.

This was it.

I looked down at my son. “Are you ready?”

He smiled.

As casually as I could, I led my son to the van,
though a fury of nerves pummeled my gut. Spiked and crashed. I
couldn’t breathe. I dropped the suitcase at my side. Clenched my
fist.

I could do this.

Raising the latch, I maneuvered the heavy suitcase
up and pushed it inside, glancing behind me to the quiet street.
Even though I knew Troy was at work, I couldn’t help but fear the
invisible hold he had on me. I tossed the little overnight bag from
my shoulder into the rear. Jonathan wanted to keep his backpack
with him so he could watch over his treasures.

I slammed the tailgate shut.

Jonathan yanked at the sliding door and climbed
inside, his backpack clutched to his chest as if a shield. I
fumbled with his buckle, forcing a smile as I resituated his
bag.

I hated that I was confusing him. My demeanor kept
shifting from one extreme to the other, a contention between the
girl I’d been forced to be and the woman I chose to be now.

I turned back to Amber who fidgeted in apprehension
a few feet away.

“Please be careful, Maggie,” she said.

I chewed at my lip and nodded once. “You, too.”

We both knew Troy would show up at her door when he
found out I was gone. With Amber and Ken, he’d always played it
cool, acted the good guy, just another one of the family. I wasn’t
sure what he’d do when he learned we had run.

“Don’t worry about us,” she said.

I stretched my fingers out to her.

Amber took them in a light grip, her smile both sad
and sweet. “Love you,” she almost sang as she swung our hands back
and forth in front of us.

“Love you back.” I could barely get the words
out.

With a tilt of my head and an expression that told
Amber how much leaving her hurt, I let her go and climbed in the
van.

The old engine stuttered to life. I backed out and
headed down the street.

I fought the panic when I saw William’s car wasn’t
in the drive. I knew he would still be at his parents’.

I left the van running while I jumped out, mounted
the porch steps, and knocked on the door. Grace answered, not
appearing surprised to see me.

“Maggie, hi. William isn’t here, but he should be
back soon.”

“Can I leave him a note?”

“Of course.”

Grace left the door open as she went further into
the house and was back seconds later. “Here.” She smoothed her
palms down her shirt as if she was nervous.

I sprawled a note, whispered
thank you
, and
ran back to the van before I lost my nerve.

At the end of the street, I turned right. I held my
breath as I passed the street to the house where I’d been held
prisoner for the last six years. That unassuming house had harbored
so many of my nightmares. It had also been the one thing I had ever
truly thanked Troy for—a real house to raise my son in. To me, the
cracks were visible, the house crooked, slanting to the side,
bleeding out a silent cry for help I had always turned away.

On Main Street, I forced myself to stay within the
twenty-five miles per hour speed limit as I drove through town. Now
that I was free, all I wanted to do was run, to push my van as fast
as it would go so I could see William’s face again. So I could
finally be completely his. So I could watch father and son unite.
My heart fluttered and goose bumps popped up on the flesh of my
arms.

I passed the street I normally turned down every
day. I couldn’t face my mom or that past right now. One day I
would, when the wounds from today weren’t so prominent, when I
could see past them to the ones etched so deep. Amber promised to
take my place and take care of the woman who’d allowed a man to
damage her so badly she could no longer take care of herself.

At the edge of town, I glanced in the rearview
mirror. A few cars trailed behind. Instead of taking the freeway, I
headed south to loop around the backside of town.

Troy had to work until four, which would put a state
between us. I knew when he discovered I was gone, he would search
the town, ask everyone the last time they’d seen me, demand answers
from my sister and mother, and report me missing. If anyone
happened to notice me now, I was headed in the opposite direction
of Jackson. Not that it mattered much. By the time he realized I
was no longer at Amber’s, I would have filed every report I could
and pressed every charge they’d let me. I wouldn’t be a missing
wife, but a fleeing victim.

The town disappeared behind us. We flew by the
intermittent houses set back and buried in the shelter of trees. I
coaxed the old van near its limit. Jonathan remained quiet in the
backseat, watching the trees pass out the side window. Silence
hovered between us as knowledge, a conversation unspoken.

The two-lane road stretched ahead, and the random
cars dropped behind. I settled into the pace, sped around the
curves and twists in the road, and passed the chance car we
happened upon. At the junction to Jackson, I turned and wound my
way north.

The van lurched and the back window shattered. I
screamed. The van fishtailed and screeched as it skidded over the
pavement.

I struggled with the steering wheel to regain
control. My eyes darted up to the rearview mirror to see Troy’s
truck barreling down on us again.

This time, I braced myself for impact. Metal ground
and tires squealed as our bumpers met.

“Mommy,” Jonathan cried out.

“Don’t cry, baby,” I begged as I fought against the
fear that clogged my throat. Every muscle in my body tensed as I
pushed the pedal to the floor and silently pled for a way out.
Ahead, the road curved to the left. I forced the van as fast as it
would go. It rattled as it approached eighty.

Troy slammed us again.

The back wheel caught the shoulder—too fast—too
much. Through the rearview mirror, Jonathan’s terrified face filled
my vision. He screamed. “Mommy!”

And I tried…oh God…I tried, but there was nothing I
could do.

William ~ Present Day

Ten thirty-five mocked me from the ticking dashboard
clock. I kneaded my hands on the steering wheel, my palms damp. The
excitement from earlier had thinned to a quickly dissipating mist.
In its place, fear had taken hold.

Something was wrong.

I felt it in my gut and sensed it in my spirit.

I tried her cell phone again. Another four rings and
another click to voicemail. The sweetness of Maggie’s voice sounded
too much like an ominous warning.

I scrubbed my palms over my face.
Shit
.
Finally I broke down and dialed my brother. Blake answered almost
immediately. In the background, men shouted and a hammer pounded.
Blake raised his voice. “Hey, you guys on the road?”

I could hardly speak, my tongue tied in dread. “No,
Blake…Maggie isn’t here, and she’s not answering her phone.”

I wrenched a trembling hand through my hair again
and dug my fingers into the back of my neck as if it could distract
me from the growing worry. I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t control
the agitation bouncing my knee.

“What?”

“She left thirty minutes ahead of me. Can you drive
around town and see if you can find her?”

“Yeah. Give me a few minutes and I’ll give you a
call back. I’m sure she’s fine, Will,” he said, a simple
reassurance as his truck rumbled to life, though I couldn’t stop
the thought that I was sure she was not.

After ten agonizing minutes, my phone finally rang.
I jumped to answer it, a small dash of hope infiltrating my heart
when I thought it might be Maggie, then swore when I saw it was
Blake. “Did you find her?”

Blake hesitated, clearing this throat. “No, I drove
by her sister’s and her mom’s.” He hesitated. “Went by her house,
too, but there were no cars there. Grace is the last person who saw
her.”

“Fuck.” I pressed the heel of my hand against my
forehead.

“Just give her a few minutes, Will. Maybe she had to
make a stop,” he contended, though he couldn’t hide the
undercurrent of worry in his words. Blake was clearly trying to
waylay my instincts when it was obvious he was thinking the
same.

“No, Blake. She would have called.”
She would
have
. I clenched my jaw. In that instant, panic hit me full
force, a full-body blow that stopped my heart. “Oh God,” wheezed
from my mouth.

“Come on, Will. Calm down.”

I shook my head silently against the phone.

Gunning the engine, I backed out and sped from the
lot. “I’m coming back to look for her.”

The SUV bounced as I hit the road, skidding around
the corner as I took the ramp to the freeway. I wove a path back
toward home, in and out of cars, driving on intuition alone. In my
mind’s eye, I recognized nothing, not the cars or road, not the
glare the sun splashed across the windshield or the whipping
shadows of the trees. All I saw was Maggie—Jonathan—my
family
. Pressure filled my head to the extremes, a pounding
ache that stretched taut and pinged in my ears as the miles
disappeared below.

Behind every scenario sprinting through my mind,
there was Troy.

The trip back from Jackson felt like the longest of
my life, even though I made it faster than I ever had. I flew down
Main, heading straight for Maggie’s house. Troy’s house. I skid to
a stop in front and jumped from the car. I ran up the walk and
pounded on the front door.

“Maggie?” I yelled, my mouth pressed to the peeling
wood. I pounded again, the impact radiating up my arm.
“Maggie!”

I jerked at the knob. Locked metal rattled back
beneath my hand. At the window beside the door, I peered through a
slit in the drapes into the darkened house. There was no movement,
just the suffocating presence of silence.