Whisper (16 page)

I'd like to be able to fumble on. Even if I got half of what he was saying, I could be all right. But I've missed the main point so I'm not even getting that much. I stop walking.He does too, turning to look at me. We are standing face to face. Up close I see his green eyes are flecked with hazel.I take a deep breath.

‘I can't lip-read you from the side,' I say.

I'm paranoid about how I might sound. Paranoid that those eight small words might throw him, but I don't really have a choice. He'll hear me speaking sooner or later.

‘Oh, sorry!' he says. ‘I should know that. I always make sure Luke can see my face.'

He puts my bag on the ground, and then hitches his own to his back and mine to his front. Then he moves in front of me and walks backwards, so he's facing me.

‘I was asking what's in your bag,' he says. ‘It's so heavy.

I need to balance out the weight or I'll feel like a turtle.'

I feel lighter, and it's not just because he has my bag.

‘It's just homework,' I say.

‘You know,' he says, and then he pauses, like he's decided to stop himself from saying something.

‘What?' I encourage.

‘Oh, it's dumb,' he says, but his mouth and his eyes are half-smiling at something and I want to know what it is.

‘What?' I ask again. His half-smile is contagious.

‘You probably won't have any idea what I'm talking about,' he says.

‘Try me.'

‘OK, but you might think I'm weird. I'm warning you.

It's just that, the first time I saw you … swimming. You were … lane … next to me. And it was like … kind of like … in sync. Like … arms … kicking … same time …' he trails off, looking sheepish. ‘Stupid, hey?'

I shake my head. I love his words. I wish, wish, wish I could hear his voice as he uttered them.

‘Not stupid,' I say.

I probably shouldn't say anything else about it. I'm not sure I should let him into my mind this early. But maybe it's his worried face that spurs me on, because I keep talking before I've even thought about what I'm going to say.

‘I felt it too.'

His half-smile expands. It's fully grown now. It forms two dimples on his cheeks.

‘So, where do you live?' he asks me.

I tell him. He suggests we go through the botanical gardens.

Neither of us talks as we walk up a narrow pathway with rolling green hills and trees on either side. I feel unusually calm. Like the million thoughts that normally pump through my head have finally slowed and only this, being here with Ethan, really matters.

I feel his hand touch the small of my back. It's the exact spot where the needle went into my spine all that time ago, and it's strange but I almost feel like the two things are connected. It's a light touch, and it's only for a second, to get my attention, but I still feel the warmth of his hand there after he takes it away. Lingering.

He points to a turtle up ahead. We both watch as it leaves the pathway and heads down to the lake. I've been here before. I've never seen a turtle. It feels like a gift.

‘What's the sign for turtle?' Ethan asks. I show him.

‘That's so cool,' he says, copying me. ‘So cool.'

We find a spot on the rise next to the lake. Ethan dumps the bags and we sit down. After a moment Ethan lies on his back and talks up to the sky. I lie next to him and tilt my head to the side. All I get is ‘function' and ‘Saturday' and I feel like he might be asking me to something. I sigh. It's too hard, and I'm starting to feel exhausted with all the lip-reading, especially from this angle when I miss so much.

I sit up and take my laptop out of my bag. I rest it on my knees and start typing.

Too hard trying to lip-read. Can we write? What were you saying?

Ethan takes the laptop and types.

Don't worry. Was talking about boring footy stuff.

I feel myself tense up. People telling me not to worry about something I've missed is one of my pet hates. But I watch as he keeps writing. There's quite a bit of glare on the screen.

I have to lean across to read what he's written.

Wish I brought my camera. The light is really good today.

U a photographer?

Yeah, I guess so. I love playing with old cameras.Reckon I could get a really good shot of the lake today.

It makes me think of Stella.

I have a friend who wants to be a photographer."For a career. She's pretty amazing.

Would love to see her stuff. Would be cool to try and do it for a career. But mine's only a hobby. Am going to work in the family business.

???

Dad has a chain of hardware stores. Earl's Hardware?Wants me to manage the admin side.

I know the stores. They're all main-street businesses. Good locations. I imagine his family must be well-off.

U reckon you'd like that? Admin?

No. lol. What about you? What do you want to do?

I reach out to take the laptop, thinking he's finished. But his hands hover above the keyboard, and now my hands are there too. I'm about to pull them back when he puts the laptop down on the grass and holds my left hand with his right.

It's like the touch on the small of my back. Warm.Like a promise.

Still holding my hand, he leans forward and types left-handed.

I like you.

I'm deaf.

Really? No kidding?

He smiles at me, as though he really doesn't care, but I still doubt it all. I know what a big thing it is.

What about that girl at the milk bar?

Sonya? She just likes to hit me for some reason.

Maybe so she has an excuse to hug u afterwards?don't think she likes me. don't think she likes deaf girls.

She probably doesn't like hot girls, actually.

I laugh, and for once I don't worry about how I sound.

chapter 21

I own the week. I keep each text from Ethan. I don't want to erase any part of him, don't want to erase the way he makes me feel. Keisha asks me if anything's happened, but I change the subject. He still hasn't mentioned anything about Saturday night, but he'll have to bring it up again whenever we talk about our plans for the weekend. It's only Thursday.

I don't say anything to Mum either, though I know she'd be stoked to find out that I like a hearing boy, and that he seems to like me back. She doesn't deserve to know.She's gone to Flawless' house almost every night this week.I let her go. That's obviously what she cares about the most.Going over to her perfect daughter's house and leaving the faulty one behind. Dad and I hang at home.

English class is first up today. I get there quite early and take my seat by the door. The others straggle in. Luke sits in the centre of the back row. Keisha slides in next to him. Cam shrugs and sits on Luke's other side with Erica.

Alistair arrives, looking enthusiastic as usual. He dumps his stuff on his desk then picks up a clipping and places it on the glass screen of the camera projector next to his desk.

Stella makes her entrance. I smile at her as she passes but she doesn't reciprocate. I feel like taking back my smile.Like it was too
eager
, a bit uncool. It's weird, how different she was at the expo. Here, at school, she owns the place.She looks tired, though. Her eye make-up is smudged, as though it's left over from a party last night.

Alistair, on the other hand, looks animated. He thumps his desk to get our attention. The rhythm is ‘dum dum de dum'.I think he might be trying to develop a signature method of getting our attention, like Helena's routine. I imagine them in the staff room, comparing notes. I almost feel sorry for him, trying to chase Helena's cool. He'll never catch her.

‘OK, class,' he signs, ‘today we are going to look at a newspaper article. We will discuss its content, and then I want each of you to draft a letter of response to the editor.'

He switches on the projector and gives us time to read the article, headed
Airline Deaf to Discrimination Claims.
It's about an airline refusing to take a group of deaf passengers on board without them buying a ticket for an interpreter.

I'm a quick reader. I'm already through the article. But desks are being thumped randomly all over the classroom as the others get the gist of what happened. It's a horrible thing to have happened. Sometimes it seems that the world is being run by Maggies and Horse Girls and people who have no idea what it means to be deaf.

I take a sideways look at Stella. Her jaw is clenched and her eyes are darting around the room, checking the others for their reactions. It's so, so intense it's almost scary.

‘All right,' Alistair signs when he sees that everyone has finished reading. ‘Now I want all the tables pushed to the back of the room. Bring your chairs back around in a small circle. Alistair likes the circle thing. There's a bit of mucking around as tables are pushed to the back of the room. It takes a few minutes before we are arranged in a circle. The way it happens, I'm not close to the door. I know it's crazy but it makes me feel edgy.

‘OK, let's go first to your responses,' signs Alistair.‘K-e-i-s-h-a?'

Keisha leans back in her chair, lifting up the front legs.

‘It's not fair,' she signs.

‘Why?' Alistair signs back.

‘Because we can figure things out for ourselves,' Keisha offers, looking around the circle as though Alistair should pick on someone else. She leans back further and suddenly, her chair has had enough. She goes backwards, onto the floor. She isn't hurt. She is laughing as Luke helps her up.

Alistair waits for things to settle.

‘D-e-m-i, your response?'

I take a quick look out the door and then back to him.

‘I think that airlines need to be educated about deafness,' I begin. ‘There is really no reason why deaf people can't fly without an interpreter.'

I notice that Keisha and Luke are signing in the gap between their chairs. Adam is concentrating on his hair, making a side part with his fingers and directing his hair to stick out at right angles to his scalp. Ling seems more interested in Adam's hair than whether the group should have paid for an interpreter or not.

Stella has obviously noticed. Her feet thunder the floorboards. She looks furious. ‘This is about us!' she signs, her hand movements jerky and fast. ‘Don't you all get it?' she looks around the room. ‘If we don't care about stuff like this, then who will?'

Adam stops the finger-combing. Keisha and Luke stop the secret signing. Everyone seems to be shrinking in their chairs. Ducking, as though Stella is firing bullets from her hands.

‘This is audism!' she continues. ‘It's a perfect example of discrimination from the hearing world. They think we're …
'

Here, she uses the sign for ‘silly', her thumb against her temple and her fingers waving. But there's something meaner, more violent about the way she signs it. It's more like ‘retarded'.

‘They think we have to be told what to do and how to live,' Stella continues. ‘They want to dominate us and push us down, and we just sit there and say, “OK, go ahead, I'll just chat with my friends.”'

‘The airline spokesperson says that it's a safety issue,' Alistair argues.

I understand that he's playing devil's advocate and I'm already thinking of arguments to counter this claim.Stella claps her hands over her face in disgust.

‘That's what they say,' I sign, ‘but it's actually not the truth.Deaf people can follow safety instructions. They're mostly visual anyway.'

‘That's right,' Stella signs. ‘It's not safety they're worrying about, it's about controlling us.' She looks around the circle. ‘And you all sit there calmly, and suck it up.'

Keisha is holding up her hand. Alistair points at her.

‘It really isn't fair,' Keisha signs. ‘And if the airline insists we have to have an interpreter, then they should pay for the extra seat.'

Stella jumps in. A classroom of eyes leaves Keisha and lands on Stella.

Stella stares Keisha down, which is weird because Stella is usually so supportive when it comes to Keisha.

‘As if they would,' she signs. ‘It's all about money and control. Don't you see that?'

‘I already said twice that it isn't fair,' Keisha protests.

‘Yes, that's what you said,' Stella signs, ‘but your attitude says something else. You've just been sitting there, mucking around with Luke. And Adam's more interested in his hair.It's like you guys don't even see what they do to us. Every day they do it. They oppress us.'

I'm staring at Stella. She's really revved up. I get why the article has pressed her buttons. It's pressed mine too. But I don't think hearing people are the oppressors.And it's annoying how she keeps on using ‘they' and ‘us'.Like hearing people are a different
species
or something.