Whisper (21 page)

‘It's OK, Haz,' I say. ‘Go play.'

Harry skips over to the equipment, and I feel a little pang for him. I wonder whether it's OK for him at school, skipping around like that. I wonder whether that feeds into him not having many friends – perhaps it's not boyish enough? I know how cruel kids can be to each other. But he looks happy skipping. I'm not going to be the one to take that away.

I look around to see if Ethan's here yet. He might not see us where we are. We were supposed to meet at the top of the hill. I look up there as I push Oscar on the swing, but I can't see him.

I feel a light touch on my shoulder. It's the touch of a big, careful hand. It's the touch of a hand that doesn't want to give me a fright.

I turn around, and there he is. He must have gone home after school, because he's wearing grey skinny-leg jeans, a white T-shirt and Vans. Mmmm.

‘Hi,' I say, not worrying about how my voice sounds. ‘No tutu? Very disappointing.'

His smile could melt me. Especially if he keeps his hand on my shoulder.

‘It wasn't pretty,' he says. ‘You're lucky … saved …' Ethan steps in front of me and slows down the swing.Oscar must have been calling to get off, because as soon as he can, he jumps off and runs towards the slide.

Ethan and I follow. Harry is standing inside the little house near the slide. He has gathered some tanbark in a pile.I know he's getting ready to sell me something. I'm about to explain the game when Ethan pretends to pull some money out of his pocket and hands it over to Harry. He receives a piece of tanbark in exchange and starts licking an imaginary ice-cream.

I introduce them. Harry puts his hand out for a handshake, and Ethan does it properly, without laughing.

Mmmm.

We stay at the playground for a while. Oscar is obsessed with a duck on a spring that rocks and rocks and rocks.It looks like he won't tire of it for a long time.

Harry taps my leg to get my attention. ‘Let's play the animal game,' he says up at me.Harry loves learning the signs for animals. I'm not so sure I want to do it right now, with Ethan, but Harry's already pulling me to sit under a big tree.

Harry pulls me around to the far side of the tree so Ethan can't see us for a moment.

‘Do it little so Ethan doesn't see,' Harry says.

I make my signing small and secretive, so that it's only for Harry's eyes.

I make the sign for ‘cat' and Harry copies even though he's done this sign heaps. To make sure he's got it
exactly
right. Then we re-position ourselves so that Ethan can see us properly.

The sign is basically the right hand stroking the left hand twice.

‘Cat!' Ethan says.

Harry claps his hands together. Then he pulls me aside for another go.

‘Make it harder,' he says. I give him snake.

Harry delivers the sign perfectly. It's the index finger and the middle finger flicking out like snake fangs in front of the mouth.

‘Rabbit?' Ethan guesses.

Harry grins and shakes his head.

‘Fox?' Ethan tries again. It's so cute, watching Harry crack up. It's infectious. I get the giggles as Ethan goes through a whole list of animals with big ears. He's on the wrong track totally.

‘Elephant. Beetle. Mosquito.'

Each time Ethan guesses wrong Harry is more delighted.

Oscar must have finally had enough of the rocking duck, because he comes up to us when Harry is delivering the sign for the hundredth time.

‘Snake,' says Oscar nonchalantly, pulling his brother over to the slide.

‘Beaten by a toddler,' Ethan says.

‘Yep,' I nod.

We sit down again, our backs against the tree, our legs touching. It feels good. It feels better than good.

‘I've got one more for you,' I say. I stay leaning against the tree as I make the sign. I turn my head so I can see him.

‘Turtle,' he says.

His mouth is close to mine. So close. It's like the moment is frozen. There are butterflies dancing in the pit of my stomach. We both make a tiny movement forwards. Our lips brush lightly, and it's weird, because it's the first time we've kissed, but it feels so right it's almost like we've done it before.

It's not like the kisses I used to dream about. It's better.It's Ethan. It's dreamy, for sure, but
he
is real. I can taste a trace of breath mints and I think he must have prepared for this and it makes me feel … special.

When I open my eyes, I'm a bit groggy. Like I've been asleep and dreaming, but in a good way. I can see the boys taking turns on the slide. They're OK. I can stay here, leaning against Ethan, leaning against the tree.

And then I see her. Her purposeful stride. Her blonde spiky hair.

I feel like I've been sprung.

I pull away from Ethan. I get up and walk over to meet Stella.

‘You left your biology homework at school. It's due tomorrow,' she signs, but she's looking over towards Ethan.

He's standing now, and walking towards the slide to check on the boys.

‘Chatter told me where to find you,' she continues.

‘Thanks,' I sign.

‘Who's he?' Stella asks, pointing.

‘E-t-h-a-n,' I sign.

I'm feeling nervy, because I think I know what's coming next.

‘That's who you were texting,' she signs. It's a statement, not a question. ‘He's a hearie?' she asks.

I nod. ‘Want to come and meet him?' I try.

Stella shakes her head violently. She turns and starts walking away. Then she stops and comes back. ‘You don't get to become a hearie again by hanging out with one, you know,' she signs. ‘It doesn't happen by o-s-m-o-s-i-s.'

She spins and stalks away, doesn't even wait for my response. And anyway, I'm not sure I have one.

chapter 27

My feelings stew overnight. At first I think I'm angry, but I'm not really. It's more like frustration. There are things I need to say to Stella, things I need to sort out with her. But I don't know how I'm going to do it, or what I'm going to say.

Stella sits on the far side of the room in home group, as far from the door – and me – as she can get. She doesn't even glance in my direction. Keisha isn't here. I wish she was. I could use some of her good energy today. I could use her sticking up for me and Ethan.

English class is next. Alistair has given us a practice exam to work on. I do it for a while, but Stella's comments keep jumping into my head, interrupting my concentration. I find myself making dot points, as though I'm preparing for a debate.

When I'm done, I think about emailing them to Stella there and then. We have wireless at school. But there's something that stops me. I need to do this face-to-face. No electronics to deliver my argument.

When English finishes, I wait for her to go past me and out the door. I follow her outside.

I ghost her for a while. I'm sure she knows I'm behind her, and doesn't turn around on purpose. But eventually she does, hands on hips. It's not the most comforting of gestures, but I make myself start anyway.

‘I need to talk to you,' I sign.

Stella raises her eyebrows. She drops one hand by her side but the other is still planted on her hip.

‘I am not trying to become a hearie by o-s-m-o-s-i-s,' I begin. ‘I like E-t-h-a-n and he likes me. Simple.'

There's a ‘yeah right' look on her face, but I push on. It's funny because Stella is the person who reminded me that I can stand up for myself even if I'm deaf. Now I'm standing up to her.

‘I know you have strong feelings about sticking with the deaf community. I admire that. I think you're going to be able to really make a difference because of that strength.'

I wait for Stella to respond. She doesn't give me much.Perhaps the arched eyebrows lower just a little.

‘Thanks for taking me to your party. I had a great time.And it felt good talking to you about what happened at Northfield. I'd held that in for ages.'

Stella's hip hand drops down. I have to take it as encouragement, because that's all I get.

‘I think I get how you feel. But I hope you can get me too.

I've been deaf for less than two years. My whole family is hearing, and so are my oldest friends. These people are part of me. They're my history and they're my future. It's different for you. Not better or worse, just different. You don't have to ditch your family or friends to live entirely within the deaf community. I need to find my own way. My own balance.Do you understand?'

Stella crosses her arms. I can read her face pretty well by now. I can see that what I've signed is getting through to her on some level. I can also see her batting it away.

‘Finished?' she asks.

I nod and watch Stella walk away.

The next morning, I am walking down the hallway past the staff room. The door is open and I see Helena in there with Keisha. They are sitting down. Helena has her arm around Keisha. I can tell there's something wrong.

Keisha gets up. She walks past me without even seeing me. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot and she heads towards the bathroom.

Helena sees me standing in the hallway and comes over just as Stella walks past. She stops and joins us.

‘What's wrong with Chatter?' I ask.

‘You girls need to be extra nice to her today,' Helena signs.‘She always gets stressed when the holidays are coming up.

It's hard for her to be the only deaf person in her little town.

She feels very isolated, especially since her mum works two jobs. Keisha's home alone a lot.'

I can feel myself frowning. I can't imagine being stressed about going on holidays. I'm so looking forward to them.I wish they started this Friday instead of next Friday. Stella is standing close to me, like she's forgotten that she's avoiding me.

‘It's worse this time,' Helena continues, ‘because she's just lost her job.'

My hand goes to my heart without even thinking. So does Stella's. I can see she's noticed our mirrored reaction. She pulls her hand away.

Keisha comes out of the bathroom. Stella and I both follow her into the quadrangle. Luke, Erica and Cam all come over to join us, obviously sensing something's wrong.

Keisha sits on the bench and the rest of us gather around her.

‘What happened with your job?' Stella signs.

Keisha lets out a deep breath, looking up at the flashing light that we're all ignoring. It's like the world is on pause because Keisha, who's normally so happy, is sad.

‘The cafe has a new owner,' Keisha signs. ‘He's had it closed for a week, because he's turning it into a posh restaurant.But we were all told we would keep our jobs. Then on the weekend I got a text asking me to come in and see him.When I went in he told me that he's got too many waitresses, that he has to let me go.'

‘That's terrible,' Stella signs.

But Keisha's not finished with her story.

‘After that I went home and I looked in the local paper.There were waitressing jobs advertised for the restaurant.

I texted the other girls I used to work with. All of them have kept their jobs. Except me.'

Luke sits beside Keisha. He puts his arms around her and kisses her on the cheek. And it's so tender, so real, that I feel like I'm going to cry.

‘I don't know what to do.' Keisha's signing is small and flat, like there's nothing left inside her to fuel the movements.‘It's not just the money, it's …'

She can't finish, but I get what she wants to say. I remember how animated she looked when she told me about her job the day she and Erica went to Northfield. How she loved it.

I remember, also, Helena telling me that Keisha and her mum lived alone together, and that her mum hardly signed.

It's easy to see that it was more than just a job for Keisha.

It was her link to the world back home. It gave her a sense of belonging somewhere. And it gave her something to do while her mum was working. The new restaurant owner has taken all that away from her. Not because she's no good at her job, but because she's deaf.

I look at Stella, and she's looking straight back at me.There's a hard look in her eyes, a challenge. But I don't need Stella to challenge me right now. I'm already fired up.My sadness for Keisha has morphed into anger.

‘He can't get away with that,' I sign. ‘No way!' Everyone nods in agreement.

Stella looks at Keisha and then back at me. There's a look in her eyes, like she's pleased that I'm as furious as she is.

She walks away a few steps, leaving the rest of the gang to comfort Keisha. Then she beckons me over.

‘Do you have any ideas?' she asks.

It comes to me in an instant, what I can do about this.

What I can
try
to do, at least. I just need to figure out the details.

‘I'll tell you after school,' I sign.

chapter 28