Wholehearted (14 page)

Lucas nodded, giving his silent consent.

Declan stared at the beautiful prick standing proudly in front of him. He couldn’t believe it had only been days since he had met this man. Despite the underlying anxiety he felt about being intimate with someone again, he was already addicted, and they hadn’t even had sex yet. Declan touched Lucas, running his hands up Lucas’s legs and planting them on his hips, rubbing gently with his thumbs. Lucas smiled and ran his hand through Declan’s hair, brushing it back from his forehead.

Declan wanted to touch him, to taste him, to hear the sounds he made as he came. It was almost all he had been able to think about. He worried about the implications of becoming physical with Lucas being so badly injured, but he trusted Lucas to let him know if he was hurting. Declan knelt, carefully wrapped his hand around Lucas’s cock, stroking it lightly before guiding it between his lips.

At the feeling of the hot mouth sucking him, Lucas cried out and let his head fall forward to watch what was being done to him.

“Oh God. Declan, fuck. Holy fuck. Don’t stop. Just. Don’t. Stop.”

Declan hummed around him, pulling a keening cry from between Lucas’s lips. If he could make Lucas make those noises, there was nothing that would stop him from doing this for the other man every day for the rest of his life.

Lucas whimpered and thrust his hips forward. Declan would have choked if he hadn’t been ready for it. He swallowed Lucas down as far as he could, burying his face in the thatch of hair at the base of his cock. He swallowed around the hard length, massaging it with his throat. Lucas’s mouth fell open, a string of incoherent sounds falling from him. Sweet, porno sounds that made Declan harden again in his pants. What he wouldn’t have given to turn Lucas around and thrust into him, bury himself inside his willing body.

He held back, though. This was about Lucas, not him. He needed to remember that. Focusing on bringing Lucas pleasure, he bobbed his head up and down, giving the underside of the head a little flick of his tongue with each upstroke. The movement of Lucas’s hips became erratic, the steady rhythm faltering.

Declan knew he was close. He reached up, cupping Lucas’s balls gently in his hand, rolling them a little before sliding a finger behind and pressing against the tender flesh there. He massaged, until moments later Lucas threw his head back and came with a wailing cry.

Lucas sank to the floor, completely spent.

Declan pulled him into his arms, stroking his hair and feeling the heaving of his chest as Lucas tried to catch his breath.

“You okay?” Declan asked, the smile evident in his tone.

“Better than okay. Goddamn, that was good.”

“Good,” Declan said.

“’S been a while. I tried….” Lucas trailed off.

“You tried?” Declan encouraged.

“Yeah. The first night I was here. I tried, but I’m not so good with my left hand. Between the aching in my ribs, the soreness of my stomach muscles, and the incoordination of my left hand, it was just more frustrating than anything else. And I was plenty frustrated to begin with.”

“Why?”

“I wanted you. Bad. Want. But I didn’t think I could have you, and I sure as fuck wasn’t going to ask.”

“Why not?”

Lucas smiled. “I had no idea if you were gay. I wasn’t about to find out by doing something stupid like dropping to my knees and sucking your cock.”

Declan groaned and dragged his lips across Lucas’s shoulder, biting gently at the perfect curve.

“But you did. You kissed me.” He pointed out.

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean to. Fuck, that was scary. After what happened….” Lucas snapped his mouth shut. Declan fought back his cop instincts to press for details, and claimed it as a small victory instead. It was something worth celebrating. He was closer to getting Lucas to open up to him and put the whole horrible situation behind them. He wanted so badly to move forward, as long as they were moving together. Declan thought there were a lot of things they could do together that they would both enjoy. Declan decided to follow his gut and play ignorant to Lucas’s little slipup.

“I’m glad you did,” he said, cupping Lucas’s head and bringing their eyes level.

“If I hadn’t, would you have?”

“I dunno,” Declan answered honestly. “I wanted to. Fuck, did I ever. But you were hurt. I wasn’t totally sure you were gay, and more than that, you seemed to pretty much hate me. I wanted to jump you, but I didn’t want to get punched. If you’d made me wait long enough, I might have snapped. To be honest, it was coming close to that a few times in the last two days.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh.” Declan shifted. “The floor is pretty uncomfortable. You wanna move this to some place a little cushier?” he asked mischievously.

“Sounds perfect,” Lucas responded, nipping at Declan’s chest as he rose.

C
LEAN
,
PLASTIC
wrap removed, and fresh bandages applied, they walked together into Lucas’s bedroom. The blankets on the bed were still askew from the night before. The room was warm, and it felt like a sanctuary they had created to stay hidden together from the world, as if nothing could touch them. The world was outside, and they could worry about it later. For now, they had each other, and they just wanted to wrap around each other.

Declan got in first, pulling Lucas after him. Lucas rolled onto his side, throwing his arm across Declan’s bare stomach. The cast scratched along his skin.

Declan cuddled him closer, nuzzling his nose into Lucas’s still-damp hair. “You smell good.”

Lucas laughed. “I smell like you.”

“Yeah, good.”

“Yup. Fucking edible,” Lucas said before pressing a kiss to his neck. Declan could feel his pulse jump against Lucas’s lips.

“Can I ask you a question?” Lucas said quietly, the words vibrating against Declan’s skin.

“Anything.”

“If I tell you what happened, would you be listening as a cop, or as the guy who just had his mouth wrapped around my dick?”

Declan bristled momentarily at the crudeness of the question, but realized what Lucas was asking. He wanted to know if Declan was going to treat him like a victim of assault, or like the man who was naked and vulnerable, curled up in his bed.

“It’s just you and me. Nothing leaves this room unless you give me the okay.”

Lucas exhaled and pulled Declan’s arms tighter around him.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to,” Declan reassured him, surprised to discover that he actually meant it. He wasn’t sure when his priorities had shifted, but Lucas’s happiness meant more to him than finding the person who had hurt him.

He was still furious, and if he ever found the person responsible, he would do his best to even the score, but he cared more about how Lucas felt emotionally than exacting revenge.

“I want to. Want to tell you, I mean. I don’t want you going all fucking superhero on my ass, but if you promise to keep your cop-mode to a minimum, I’ll tell you.”

“Cross my heart.”

“I wasn’t lying when I told you I didn’t remember what had happened.”

Declan didn’t say anything. He just waited for Lucas to continue.

“Everything was all fucked up in my head when I woke up in that hospital. The last thing I remember was taking inventory of the traps on the boat the day before you found me. The rest of the day was missing. A few hours after I woke up, though, things started coming back to me. It was fucking patchy, like watching a movie with the scene order scrambled. It was confusing and disorienting and it pissed me off.”

“You remember everything now?” Declan asked gently.

“Pretty sure. I don’t know how I would know for sure, but this is all I got. You know I was on the boat,
The Orion
. I was counting the traps on deck, making sure we had picked up all the ones we were supposed to get before we headed back to port. Everything looked good. Our captain, Pete, is anal about charting and marking where we dropped the traps. I’d worked with him before. A few times. We’d never lost a trap.

“It was our last day out before coming back to port. Most of us were planning on sailing with Pete again the next time he went out, which will be at the end of November.”

Declan tried to suppress a shiver. He didn’t want to think about Lucas leaving, heading back out onto that boat at the end of all this. He pushed it from his mind, concentrating on Lucas’s words.

“Anyways, all the traps were accounted for, the tanks were full of lobster, everyone was happy. It was a good season. Pete, and all the guys that work for him, stand to make quite a bit of money from this month’s haul.

“I went back down to the bunkroom to pack my stuff. We were set to dock the next day, and I wanted to get off the boat as soon as possible. I don’t mind fishing, but being cooped up on a boat deck with nowhere to go gets a little old after a couple of weeks. I was planning on finding the closest bar I could and just letting loose. Pete doesn’t allow alcohol on the boat, and obviously sucking cock in the engine room wasn’t exactly allowed.

“There was this guy, though, Victor. We’d sailed together before a couple of times. He was fucking hot. So fucking hot, all blond hair and smooth, tight abs. A fucking wet dream in rain gear. We’d been bunking in the same room for nearly a year on and off, and it was everything I could do to keep my hands to myself at night.”

Declan tried not to notice the way his stomach fell when Lucas described the other guy. He was falling for him, and it was hard to hear about his attraction to someone else, especially when the fantasy man looked so much different from Declan. Declan was the farthest thing from blond, with dark brown hair that appeared black unless the sunlight hit it just right. His chest and abs weren’t well defined and smooth. He was lightly furred, and although he did his best to keep in shape, his abs weren’t as impressive as he would like them to be. They were lean and defined, but you couldn’t exactly grate cheese on them.

Lucas’s voice pulled him out of the jealous fog. He reminded himself that this was difficult for Lucas and he should do his best to be sympathetic and nonjudgmental.

“Jerking off wasn’t much of an option either. Even the bathrooms on that fucking boat weren’t private.”

“You went two months without jerking off?”

“Oh fuck no. My balls would have fallen off. I didn’t say I didn’t do it, just that it wasn’t easy. Privacy wasn’t common, but I managed. Most of the fantasies revolved around this guy, though.”

“So what happened?”

“I was in the bunk room getting my stuff all packed up. I had mostly stripped down to change into dry clothes when the guy walked in. I turned around and he was just standing there. We’d seen each other naked before—fuck, we’d all pretty much seen every inch there was to see—but this time was different. I felt like it was different anyway. You know what I mean? The room just felt… heavier… or something. Anyway, I’m not a fucking idiot, so I kept my hands to myself, waiting to see what this guy would do. He looked me up and down, like
really
looked. I’ve been checked out before, but this time was more than that even. Eye fucking maybe would be a better description.”

“So you guys got caught messing around.”

“Fuck no. If we had, I might be a little less pissed off about what happened next. The guy finally finished his perusal before he looked me in the face and asked me point-blank if I was a ‘fucking queer.’ I didn’t actually answer him because I was a little shocked. After the way he looked at me, I could have sworn he was gay too, but the way he sounded when he said it ‘fucking queer,’ something was off, you know?

“So he backed out of the room and I didn’t think anything of it. I got dressed, packed my shit, and went to the galley to get dinner. When I got back to my bunk, the guy was waiting for me with five other guys.”

Declan shuddered, not really wanting the details of what happened next, but not able to stop Lucas from telling him. He needed to know, and Lucas needed to tell. The broken bones would fuse back together, the bruises would fade, but the emotional shit would fester and grow if he kept it bottled up.

“One of the smaller guys grabbed me and held my arms behind my back. I tried to struggle, but Victor punched me in the gut and knocked the wind out of me. After that it’s a little blurry, but I remember the guys lining up to take punches at me. Most of them hit my ribs, but a couple guys went for the face. I remember the taste of blood when my lip split open, and then I guess I blacked out, because I remember waking up, and I was hanging by my arm from the ceiling. The ropes were tight around it and pain shot down my body.

“The guys didn’t stop though; they just kept hitting. At one point a couple of them spat in my face and throughout the whole thing, they were yelling at me.

“That was almost worse than the punches. Punches I can take. I’m not a fucking wimp. I’ve been in fights. Six on one was a little bit lopsided, but if they hadn’t strung me up, I might have been able to fight back. The things they were saying, though, it was bad. I’d spent so long hiding who I was, trying to avoid ever hearing those things, and here I was bombarded with them, over and over and over.”