Read Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man? Online
Authors: Rhonda Frost Shanae Hall
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Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man?
How to Think Like a Lady and Still Get the Man
Shanae Hall and Rhonda Frost
Copyright © 2010 by Shanae Hall and Rhonda Frost. All rights reserved.
Published by Dr. Farrah Gray Publishing, Inc.
P.O. Box 33355 Las Vegas 89133, USA
eISBN13: 978-0-9827-0274-1
eISBN10: 0-9827-0274-4
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all women who are ready to ask themselves, “What could I have done differently to get what I wanted out of the relationship?” or “How do I heal now that I’m out of it?”
To my three loving kids, Nya, Iliah, and my handsome son,
Cory Jr. Thank you for being my motivation to continue to
live life to the fullest.
—Shanae Hall
To my children—Shanae, Janelle, Moriah, and Gibraun—
and to my mom Bonnie who taught me in many ways,
unbeknownst to her, how to strive for better.
—Rhonda Frost
Acknowledgments
I want to send a special thank you to all the men who took time out of their day to be interviewed (more aptly,
grilled
) by us. I must give a huge thank you to Cedric The Entertainer for being one of the most honest men that I know, and for the wonderful endorsement. Today, I am a better and wiser person because of the men that God has put in my life.
—Shanae Hall
A heartfelt thank you goes out to all the men in my life who opened my eyes to the truth about how men really think. I want to thank my daughter Shanae for her strength, courage, wisdom, humor, and blunt talks about dating standards, even when it was uncomfortable. It is because of her, in part, that I changed how I dated, raised the bar, and reaffirmed my self-worth. I want to thank “Speedy” for taking the time to sit down and talk to us, for his honesty in sharing the raw, uncut version of relationships between men and women and how most men think. I want to thank my daughter Janelle for asking the questions. I also want to thank Roderick for his impact on my life and his support of this project.
—Rhonda Frost
Contents
Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man?
Part One
What Do Men Really Want?
Chapter 1: You Can’t Change Him
Chapter 4: The Man Looking for Love
Part Two
Getting What You Need from the Man You Are With
Chapter 6: Setting Standards with a Capital “S”
Chapter 7: Why Did I Get Married?
Chapter 8: Understanding Your Baggage
Chapter 9: Differentiating Needs from Wants
Chapter 10: Knowing Your Place
Chapter 11: Goodies Have Power,
So Use Them Wisely
Chapter 13: Knowing Your Worth
Chapter 14:
Bonus Chapter
How to Make Him Want, Respect,
and Keep You
Chapter 15: What Men Need to Know
Chapter 16: At the End of the Day
Preface
Ladies, when you were born, God gave you a mind to think with and a heart to feel with. He gave you intuition to use as your personal crystal ball to see through truth and lies, as well as the good and bad in people. As you grew up, your mind and your intuition were either nurtured or stifled by events and people. If they were nurtured, they became more keen and aware. If they were stifled, they became dull and you tended not to trust them anymore. Our hearts were either well cared for and uplifted through loving connections and respect or broken by those who would look to decieve and hurt us. Too many broken hearts from lies and pain lead to a lack of trust in self and others. This renders your natural instincts helpless and places you in danger. This breakdown leads to poor choices in men and relationships and lowers self-esteem.
For too many of us, this is our truth. We have given up our power and are lost. We no longer trust our God-given instincts or intuition to provide guidance. We have forgotten who we were created to be and what our purpose is.
We wrote this book to remind you of who you are and to get you to see your greatness again.
Each of us has experienced relationship love, happiness, and pain. Some of us know what it is like to try to hold on to people that we loved who didn’t love us back. Many of us can relate to making the decision to let go of relationships and dating habits that no longer serve our greater purpose. Here you will see some of those stories.
If you are a reader of self-help or relationship books, you have undoubtedly heard of Dr. John Gray, the author of seventeen relationship books, that have sold 50 million books worldwide, including
Men Are from Mars, Women
Are from Venus
(New York: HarperCollins, 1992), the book that told us that men and women think differently. Perhaps you have heard of George Gilder, who authored
Men and Marriage
(Gretna: Pelican, 1986), the man who stated in no uncertain terms, “In virtually every known society, sex is regarded either as a grant by the woman to the man or as an object of male seizure. In most societies, the man has to pay for it with gifts or service.” His book goes on to say, “The male role in marriage . . . in every known human society, is to provide for women and children. In order to marry, in fact, . . . almost every human society first requires the man to prove his capacity to maintain the woman.” Or how about Hill Harper, the Harvard-educated actor turned author who wrote the popular dating book
The Conversation
(Penguin, 2009), who gave us a peek into dialogue about many subjects from black men dating white women to sistas and their attitudes. Each of these men humbly offers a peek into a male perspective on relationships. Then we have Steve Harvey who gave us
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
(New York: HarperCollins, 2009) who told us many of the same things found in the earlier books, as well as how to think and how many days to wait before sex. He has promised us that if we play our cards right, we can learn how to find a man, get a man, and keep a man by following just a few crucial steps, straight from the handbook of the original player himself. His book got many of us talking and thinking a whole lot about these ideas, relationships, and dating. We’ll talk more about this book later.
Ladies, to keep it all the way real, no one book has all the answers. If it did, there wouldn’t be a need for a new book, and there wouldn’t be news specials or forums on why women can’t find a husband or keep a man, even with all the knowledge and great advice that is out there. So why us, why now? Because it is time—it is time for some real girlfriend talk about the BS and about the state of our situation.
This book is not written by a guru or self-proclaimed expert. The reason this book is relevant is because it is “straight talk, no chaser” (as Gena Pitts named it while discussing her article about the book in
Pro-Sports Wives
Magazine,
December 2009) complete with dating revelations from women who look, think, and act like you; who have been through what you have been through and have decided enough is enough and that we can do better. No, we are not a man, so we don’t think like one, nor will we ever. We are emotional, strong, loving creators of this earth. Without whom nothing comes to life.
This book of personal stories, interviews, quotes, and revelations will reinforce for you that our views resemble yours. Our walk, hurt, and pain will look and feel exactly like what you have been through. Our recovery and change is something palpable. Something you can feel, believe, and perhaps have experienced.
If what you are currently doing, reading, and saying is working for you, great! Keep doing it. If not, and you want to see a moving picture of relationship lessons from women as well as hear men’s comments and witness revolutionary advice that will work if you use it, then turn the page and let’s get this change started. As Brahma the king of the gods so eloquently stated to Siddhartha the enlightened one,
“some of us perhaps
have only a little dirt in our eyes and could awaken if we
only heard ‘This’ story.”
Let’s awaken together.
Remember, information and advice should be consumed like you eat fish, eat the meat and take out the bones (my sister Carolyn gave me that one). Keep and use what works for you from all sources, spit out the rest and move on to the next source. Know that all the knowledge in the world only helps if you apply it to your situation, otherwise its just information. So open the door to
Why Do I Have to
Think Like a Man? How to Think Like a Lady and Still Get
the Man
and let’s get this party “with a purpose” started.
Shanae
W
hen I was thirteen, my mom received a job promotion that required our family to move from El Centro to Bakersfield, California. I was entering high school in a new city, but I must admit, Bakersfield was a step up from El Centro. At Stockdale High, located in a dusty town in the middle of California where only a handful of black people lived, I met the man who would help mold my current vision of what a man should and should not be. If I believed in love at first sight then, I would tell you that is what I felt when I met Cory Hall.
I clearly recall standing in the hallway my freshman year, socializing with some of my classmates, when this guy walked up on the right side of me. He was so handsome. I had never seen a man who made me stop and stare before, but this guy did. I asked around to find out who he was and if he had a girlfriend. I was told that his name was Cory, he played football, and that he was either very shy or gay because he didn’t socialize with females much. I later found out he wasn’t gay and he was asking about me, too. He was too shy to ask me for my number, so he gave his to my friend who gave it to me. We began talking on the phone a lot and spending small amounts of time together outside of class. I told my mom and everyone I knew that I was going to marry him! I didn’t know when, I just knew he would be the “one” at some point in my life.